Need help with dealing with alcoholic husband
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 196
Need help with dealing with alcoholic husband
I need a perspective from other recovering alcoholics.
My husband and I dated for 1 year. We were engaged for 9 months. We got married in March of 2007. He lost his job 4 months into the marriage. That is when the verbal abuse started. I tried to be supportive, but it took it's toll on me--the last week that I lived with him I had gag reactions like I was going to throw up but I did not throw up --the stress was too overwhelming for me. So I separated from my husband at the beginning of October. I was hoping that he would use the month of October to become sober--he relapsed and we grew further apart. I tried to discuss divorce with him, but he avoided the conversation. So I filed for divorce on 11/05/07.
So here is my question:
What is the best way to serve an alcoholic divorce papers? He has a tendency to avoid things and not answer the door. I thought about trying to find someone he knows and asking them, but I am not sure if that would work.
He emailed and said he loved me and that he would not make this difficult with the divorce. But his actions are different--like he will email and say that he will bring over my stuff , but then he does not do it. And he will not respond to some of my emails or phone calls. It is like he just wants to avoid things.
I am in a lot of pain in this marriage.
I need to move on with my life.
My husband and I dated for 1 year. We were engaged for 9 months. We got married in March of 2007. He lost his job 4 months into the marriage. That is when the verbal abuse started. I tried to be supportive, but it took it's toll on me--the last week that I lived with him I had gag reactions like I was going to throw up but I did not throw up --the stress was too overwhelming for me. So I separated from my husband at the beginning of October. I was hoping that he would use the month of October to become sober--he relapsed and we grew further apart. I tried to discuss divorce with him, but he avoided the conversation. So I filed for divorce on 11/05/07.
So here is my question:
What is the best way to serve an alcoholic divorce papers? He has a tendency to avoid things and not answer the door. I thought about trying to find someone he knows and asking them, but I am not sure if that would work.
He emailed and said he loved me and that he would not make this difficult with the divorce. But his actions are different--like he will email and say that he will bring over my stuff , but then he does not do it. And he will not respond to some of my emails or phone calls. It is like he just wants to avoid things.
I am in a lot of pain in this marriage.
I need to move on with my life.
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Hi Pretty,
I'm sorry that you are going through this.
I've had two divorces. First one, I was served. I just went to his lawyers office to get the papers myself. The second one, I served the other party. The sheriff just went to his job and just handed them to him. Is that an option for you? Embarrassing, for him yes, but do you think that he would go to your lawyers office?
Big hugs,
Karen
I'm sorry that you are going through this.
I've had two divorces. First one, I was served. I just went to his lawyers office to get the papers myself. The second one, I served the other party. The sheriff just went to his job and just handed them to him. Is that an option for you? Embarrassing, for him yes, but do you think that he would go to your lawyers office?
Big hugs,
Karen
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
Do you have an attorney yet? If so, have you explained your concerns about serving him? Have you done an internet search on legal methods of service for your state? Each state is different. I'm in Texas and I know there is an option to run an ad in the paper if you don't know any other way to locate them but since you know where he is I don't know if avoidance is an acceptable reason to post it in the paper. Worth asking though....
Hope this helps some and best of luck to you,
Kellye
Hope this helps some and best of luck to you,
Kellye
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
You need a legal opinion ...as to your laws where you live.
It also will help with getting your possessions back.
We can not qualified give legal advice.
Take care...
It also will help with getting your possessions back.
We can not qualified give legal advice.
Take care...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 56
You don't want this recovering alcoholics perspective. It comes from your husband's point of view. I hope your soon to be ex finds a solution to his drinking which overcame him as it has millions before him, and realizes what a blessing it is for these troubles to have exposed the depth of your commitment at an early stage.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 196
Thank you for the advice.
I talked to his father the day before Thanksgiving. And then I talked to him on Thanksgiving. He had been in an accident at the beginning of the month. He totaled his car--ran into a medium. He woke up in the hospital. It will be his first DUI. He finally told his family on Thanksgiving what had happened, and he called me and told me. He was trying to avoid things--avoid the truth. But I assured him that the truth was more healthy.
I am working two jobs now (my second job is a seasonal retail job), so I was trying to do the divorce cheaply through the mail. His family is going to work with me (there is a 90 waiting period), and I am going to get my stuff back. His grandfather passed away last month, so I have been trying to be considerate of what I ask of them.
He told me that he was going to move back in with his parents and go into an intensive treatment center. He said he now realizes that he cannot do this by himself. The most humble thing that he said was that he wishes he had not taken that first drink in college.
I am not sure how to feel (I feel kinda numb). I have been through so many emotions in the past couple of months. His family and I had tried so hard to keep him off the road--we did not want him to get a DUI, but it was his choice to continue to drink and to drive. We were so worried that he would hurt someone else. But luckily no one else was hurt. He was okay. And his car was totaled (guess he will be taking the bus).
Ya know, I fell in love with him because he had a good heart and a good family. I told him everything about me, and he still loved me. I realize in marriage on important it is good to have humility in a marriage--it is important to be honest with each other. Pride can really hurt a marriage.
I know that it takes two people to fail at a marriage. I really having to give this to God. I can be his friend while he is trying to recover. There is still a 90 day waiting period.
I talked to his father the day before Thanksgiving. And then I talked to him on Thanksgiving. He had been in an accident at the beginning of the month. He totaled his car--ran into a medium. He woke up in the hospital. It will be his first DUI. He finally told his family on Thanksgiving what had happened, and he called me and told me. He was trying to avoid things--avoid the truth. But I assured him that the truth was more healthy.
I am working two jobs now (my second job is a seasonal retail job), so I was trying to do the divorce cheaply through the mail. His family is going to work with me (there is a 90 waiting period), and I am going to get my stuff back. His grandfather passed away last month, so I have been trying to be considerate of what I ask of them.
He told me that he was going to move back in with his parents and go into an intensive treatment center. He said he now realizes that he cannot do this by himself. The most humble thing that he said was that he wishes he had not taken that first drink in college.
I am not sure how to feel (I feel kinda numb). I have been through so many emotions in the past couple of months. His family and I had tried so hard to keep him off the road--we did not want him to get a DUI, but it was his choice to continue to drink and to drive. We were so worried that he would hurt someone else. But luckily no one else was hurt. He was okay. And his car was totaled (guess he will be taking the bus).
Ya know, I fell in love with him because he had a good heart and a good family. I told him everything about me, and he still loved me. I realize in marriage on important it is good to have humility in a marriage--it is important to be honest with each other. Pride can really hurt a marriage.
I know that it takes two people to fail at a marriage. I really having to give this to God. I can be his friend while he is trying to recover. There is still a 90 day waiting period.
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