Slowbriety

Frowned on? That really is a shame.

Zanthos

I thought the same thing for a while, but it didn't work for me. That was me trying to keep managing my own life. And it left me insecure, stressed out, anxious and unhappy.

And that's because, try as hard as I might, I could not see the future. And I couldn't make happen all I thought I needed to make happen to feel OK.

And that's when the 3rd Step took on the meaning it has for me today: I needed to let go and trust God and Life that I would be taken care of. I had to stop planning and stop trying to make it happen. I had to "get OK" with where I was at TODAY. That meant getting OK with being broke and financially insecure and uncertain about my future. And getting OK with the fact that I still had a place to live and food to eat and people that cared about me TODAY. I had to stop focusing on what was wrong with my life and allow myself to see and be grateful for the gift of life itself. And ask God to help show me the way.

nandm

Unfortunately, there are many places where the cheapest rent that a person can find is greater than $700 per month and that is in gang infested neighborhoods. At least that is the way it is here in Portland. Rents and houses are expensive. To rent in a safer area you will easily pay $900 to $1500 per month for just the basic apartment or small home. Then you have utilities on top of that, water bills here in Portland average over $100.00. If you have children you have food and clothes for them. Vehicle insurance, payments, repairs bills, gas at over $3.00 per gallon. Then add any credit card bills, furniture bills, etc.... Add it up that is well over 3/4 of take home pay. Your math does not account for taxes. When all the everyday living expenses without extras is totalled and tax is taken out there is nothing left but possibly a negative balance. Not everyone lives beyone their means. I personally, drive an older vehicle, do not have cable tv, do not go out to eat except anymore than a couple of times a month, cook the majority of my meals and cook enough extra that I can freeze the leftovers for lunches. That was even before I lost my job. Before one judges someone elses position it is often best to walk a mile in their shoes. I don't know if Em is living beyond her means but I know from experience that even if she is not $22000 a year does not go far enough. In fact it is near poverty level especially if she has children.

Emimily

thanks for gettin my back, nandm. i don't ever eat out. i mean ever. i bring my own lunch, i make sure that i have things for lunch, i won't spend my dollar in the vending machine. the only luxury i have, really, is that on occasion i'll buy a cup of coffee before a meeting. and i try to chuck a buck in a basket every now and again. i'm no saint, but i'm also not living beyond my means.

slow, i hear ya on the frowned upon statement... if i could make some fast cash illegally and not have a conscience about it, that would be sweet. as it goes, the big guy in the sky doesn't want me living that way today, and i'm good with that.

i'm working on accepting just for today. i really am. because zan's right, who knows? not me.

nandm

Here is what the Big Book says about fear of creditors. Page 78, line 23
More on finances from the Big Book. Material gain vs. spiritual progress. Page 127, line 14
Em, these are things I have to keep in mind daily. Otherwise my financial situation would drive me insane. I have to trust that my HP will do for me what I can not do for myself as long as I do my part and keep putting one foot in front of the other and work on my spiritual progress. Take care and trust in the process. You will make it through this. One day you will look back on this and do the happy dance

CDr55

Thanks for your stories. It helps me to put my situation in perspective.

As a quick note, I live in California and rent a room from my mom (relatively inexpensive). I also go to school in addition to being self employed. When it comes time to move, I am probably going to move out of state.

To live a somewhat comfortable life here, you need more than $1864 a month.

Jfanagle

Without knowing you or your situation very well, I might suggest that in you comings and goings in AA watch for someone who may be able to sit for a moment with you and help you dissect your budget and perhaps suggest some alternate methods of both income and expenditures. Sometimes we get so close to our own situation that we can't see alternatives.

I have done this with a few sponsees as well as acquaintances in the rooms and in some cases it has helped. I will say that contrary to an earlier opinion I don't feel that approx. $27,000K per year is going to make it easy to get by. It may be that you want to START looking at the long term earning potential and see if there are other areas that you want to explore for a career. I realize that this sounds easy to say, but you write with an articulate style and therefore I have to assume that you are UNLIMITED in what you are capable of doing.

Sit with someone and have them give you feedback about your plans as well as your future. You will succeed if you continue down the path you are on.

REMEMBER; YOU ARE BEATING SOMETHING WITH ALCOHOL THAT YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU COULD! The rest is a cakewalk compared to that.

Best of luck,

Jon

Emimily

y'know jon, i'm actually thinking about that with my friend brandy... she graduated with a 3.8 and a bachelor's in economics, and she said she'd help me. i applied for the local community college to try to finish my bachelor's degree, and i figure i can attend night classes while still working and doing my AA deal.

thanks for the compliments, and the encouragement. i've been really frustrated lately, but it's like someone mentioned earlier "sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly..." lord knows i'm working for what i'm getting. plus, if i always got MY way, i'd more than likely be dead right now. i am working today to find joy in my journey, one day at a time.

like right now, i'm drinking coffee at work out of a mug that was my dad's... it says "welcome to the rat race." on it and has cartoon rats jogging around the mug. makes me smile.

leeside

Many people try to live beyond their means. I was making some sound suggestions! Sorry if I exaggerated a bit to show a point.

Which suggestion do you think is unreasonable?

There are no economy apartments in Charlotte, NC? You're just showing an upscale area to live in.

Who is judging? I am making suggestions that may help her! You are the one that is judging me!

If my suggestions are "unreasonable" she will show me "how" they are and "how" making it on about double minimum wage in Charlotte NC is not do-able and is unreasonable.

You are not showing anyone how someone can make it on $22000/yr. It looks as though you are saying they cannot!

You said and I quote: "seek out the experience of others who have dug their way out of the hole you are in right now."

What "hole" am I in? Explain your meaning of "hole".

You said and I quote: "you might wind up with the shoes of judgement in your own mouth."

Sounds like you are making a personal physical threat.

nandm

As she said she does not eat out, she cooks her meals at home.

Being a little presumptuous here assuming that she is driving some fancy expensive car. Even a basic economy car is expensive by the time you pay insurance, do maintenance, pay for gas at $3.00 and up a gallon, etc....

Lets see, she rents a room from her mother I would not consider that a condo or even as great as an economy apartment.

Where do you live that a person can live COMFORTABLY on $22000 a year before taxes? I have lived in many states and yet to find one where someone can live comfortably on that amount. Check the poverty level charts, it is very close to poverty wages. And yes you do sound brutally judgmental.

Emimily

i don't think he was threatening you, but i think you might be kidding. ha ha? the only thing about this post, lee, is that you're talking to taz. why not just PM him? also, if you read MY post, you wouldn't have made the "sound suggestion" that i was eating at expensive restaurants because i stated in my original post that i don't eat out, ever. then, just a few back, i said the same thing again. but, that's all i've got about that.

easy does it, lee. one day at a time.

Emimily

(i don't live with my mom, i used to and my mom actually charged me more for my basement room than i pay for my apt.! to be fair, i offered to pay that much, and i didn't pay utilities... )

Jfanagle

Emimily,

Good attitude! It is difficult to keep a positive approach when life looks dark, but you are capable of anything when your thinking is clear and you begin the day with gratitude. You will be just fine I am sure. Have your friend Brandy give you some help and then make a plan and stick to it. Be grateful that you have all the days ahead of you to live a victorious life and soon you will be amazed at just how far you have come.

Life is a funny old dog and sometimes the next corner is where all the magic is waiting for us.

Jon

leeside

I am very relieved! It seems as though you are not trying to live beyond your means and I can't see a problem even with the overdrafts. If you add it all up it comes to $1473 and from $1856 (from the 40 hr/wk job) leaves $383.

Just looks like a money management problem and you are working it out and everything is going to be alright.

nolonger

Emily, you have the patience of a saint. I'm full of admiration for your attitude.

Emimily

little bit of luck and a little bit of money managing and i'll be okay.

jfan, i'm going to ask brandy about a budget this week. there's still a certain amount of stress, but i've got to rely on the big guy in the sky to pull me through this. i tell me sponsee all the time that god brought her this far, he's not gonna drop her on her head now. why wouldn't that be true for me as well?

leeside

Sorry I didn't remember about you not ever eating out. It is something that a lot of people do and can't afford to that I was trying to point out in my efforts to help you find a way to live on your income.

I said it sounds like Taz is making a personal threat. If it is not he will explain what "shoes of judgement" means and "in my mouth" means.

What he said "sounds" very inflammatory. If it is not then we can all say such things here without any worry of anyone being offended by such statements.

And I will use his remarks to me as future reference as to what is considered appropriate here at SR.

It is an open post and I will respond openly.

Try looking at that statement as though it were made to you and see how you like it.

I think you have a very good attitude. I think you can see that I am not trying to inflame anyone and am trying to resolve any inflammatory remarks amicably.

Tazman53

Lee read your original post, you your self said "Sorry if I sound brutal "! It was brutal, that is not a judgement of your post, you said it was brutal and I agree with you, it was.
My reply was not really for you, it was more for emimily letting her know that most folks here are well aware that $22K a year in some areas of this country is not even a living wage.

In regards to this:

Have you ever heard the expression of putting ones foot in their own mouth? I have certainly done it, opened my yap and said some thing brutal to some one and then come to find out that what I said was totally off the mark. In your original post you made a ton of assumptions that were way off the mark and the kicker was that she had already stated in her very first post that she never ate out yet you still said in your brutal post "Maybe you need to prepare your own food instead of eating at the fanciest restaurant in town?".

Lee if I offended you I am sorry, but when some one is brutal they should be able to handle what they them selfs deal out.

I am sorry you find me offensive in this matter, but sober or drunk I never did stand idly by while some one spoke brutally to some one else who did not deserve to be spoken to in that manner.

Lee and every one else, my apologies if I was harsh.

Lee if you wish to continue, let us take it to PMs and not hijack this thread, others may come on here with suggestions that may help Emimily.

paulmh

Now y'see Em? You and I can both be grateful to Taz and Lee for showing us that there are worse things than being poor...

:mock

miss communicat

to losely and reverently quote the sage, CarolD:

I'd rather be pocketbook poor and spiritually rich than the other way around.....

That said, there is no reason we must have to live either-or. I can totally relate to your financial hardships Em. This year has been my worst in the finances dept. I sold my business, which was my cash flow, and the lawyer embezzled the proceeds then killed himself. One month later, I broke my arm, and don't have insurance, and that kept me out of work for 2 months as I am a massage therapist. The Irs levied my accounts leaving me with 11 cents.

All in one year.

I live in a nice area on way less than $22,000. and its by the grace of the same power that got me sober and keeps me sober right now.

I suggest to you to keep praying and opening your inner ears and eyes to new directions. Like others have said, creative budgeting, new lines of work for the future(except the streeets...lol) etc, and miracles will be yours.

This year, it has never been more true, that saying "don't leave before the miracle happens".

Seems like getting by sober another day is a miracle in itself and you, my friend, are shining!