Lessons from a toddler.
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,002
Lessons from a toddler.
A couple weeks ago my son and I visited my father. My father was and can sometimes still be one that is listed in my personal inventory, when I refresh my fourth step. Prior to us seeing him that day, my father has not seen either one of us in about 6 months, even though he only lives 10 minutes away. There are issues of jealously due to him spending time with his step kids, and step grand kids almost daily, yet he goes months not even calling me or my sister, not to mention my son is his only blood grandson. (Yes I know, by reading this you can sense resentment).
Anyway, I decided to bite the bullet a couple weeks ago and call him to see if he wanted to see us. He had to check with my step mom first to see if it was ok for us to come over, (yeah, I know, don't even get me started), and she gave him the go ahead for us to visit.
So when we arrived I had to say many prayers to keep nasty comments from spewing from my mouth, and force a smile. As we settled down in the living room, my son walked over and gave my father a big hug, and my father held him for quite some time throughout our visit. My dad seemed to be happy his grandson knew who he was and my sons actions were examples I needed to see.
My son reminded me that love should be unconditional, and forgiveness is the key to serenity. It also showed me that God works through all of us, even two year olds. My son wasn't mad at his grandfather, just happy to see him.
If it wasn't for AA I would never be able to see actions like this. Events like this are examples of our higher power working in our lives.
Anyway, I decided to bite the bullet a couple weeks ago and call him to see if he wanted to see us. He had to check with my step mom first to see if it was ok for us to come over, (yeah, I know, don't even get me started), and she gave him the go ahead for us to visit.
So when we arrived I had to say many prayers to keep nasty comments from spewing from my mouth, and force a smile. As we settled down in the living room, my son walked over and gave my father a big hug, and my father held him for quite some time throughout our visit. My dad seemed to be happy his grandson knew who he was and my sons actions were examples I needed to see.
My son reminded me that love should be unconditional, and forgiveness is the key to serenity. It also showed me that God works through all of us, even two year olds. My son wasn't mad at his grandfather, just happy to see him.
If it wasn't for AA I would never be able to see actions like this. Events like this are examples of our higher power working in our lives.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Been there, done that. The 6 months between visits were my boundaries to keep my space at peace. I always remembered this....
I can leave at any moment if needed to (if people started getting nasty)
Still an area I struggle with on a 4th step as well. Hard to deal with it when things repeat but a second chance in hopes that things could have worked out were always given till the kids grew old enough that they said no. Step mother in law was not liked by them.
Time will change hearts or time will guide people to a few truths.
I can leave at any moment if needed to (if people started getting nasty)
Still an area I struggle with on a 4th step as well. Hard to deal with it when things repeat but a second chance in hopes that things could have worked out were always given till the kids grew old enough that they said no. Step mother in law was not liked by them.
Time will change hearts or time will guide people to a few truths.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
A good reminder to me too. There are very few people in my life that I have a resentment toward but at present my brother isn't communicationg with me. He is back out drinking and drugging....is 65 years old and I am 67. I remember him in my prayers at night but I still have this empty spot in my heart and if I don't watch myself, I am feeling angry all over again.
I have written to him twice this past year since he lives across state from me but have not heard a word. We are trying to sell the family home and he disagrees all the way but we will lose it to foreclosure sometime this year unless he can pay some of the back taxes. I have paid three years worth so it is his turn now but he doesn't see it that way.
Life goes on and I pray for the unfortunates still out there including my brother.
kelsh
I have written to him twice this past year since he lives across state from me but have not heard a word. We are trying to sell the family home and he disagrees all the way but we will lose it to foreclosure sometime this year unless he can pay some of the back taxes. I have paid three years worth so it is his turn now but he doesn't see it that way.
Life goes on and I pray for the unfortunates still out there including my brother.
kelsh
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,002
The boy isn't short on grandparents that love him. He has my stepfather that adores him. Two grandmothers, and two grannies that absolutely spoil him. The issue is with me more than anything. My parents divorced when I was 5. For many many years I fought hard to try to win his attention and approval even following in his footsteps career wise.
AA was able to finally give me acceptance with my father. The one thing my father has done is make me a better dad. I know my son will always know that I love him and will be there for him.
Drinking is only the symptom of our alcoholism. When I first started working the steps, I realized rather quickly that the step work taps into resentments I had long before I even started drinking. It is amazing that a program with a bunch of fellow alcoholics have been able to take care of issues I have had that countless psychologists and counselors were unable to help me with. A lot of that is probably because now I am finally honest and up front about issues that are bothering me.
Tom
AA was able to finally give me acceptance with my father. The one thing my father has done is make me a better dad. I know my son will always know that I love him and will be there for him.
Drinking is only the symptom of our alcoholism. When I first started working the steps, I realized rather quickly that the step work taps into resentments I had long before I even started drinking. It is amazing that a program with a bunch of fellow alcoholics have been able to take care of issues I have had that countless psychologists and counselors were unable to help me with. A lot of that is probably because now I am finally honest and up front about issues that are bothering me.
Tom
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Thanks for sharing that Tom, it touched my soul, from the mouth and even the actions of babes.
My son reminded me that love should be unconditional, and forgiveness is the key to serenity. It also showed me that God works through all of us, even two year olds. My son wasn't mad at his grandfather, just happy to see him.
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