Sick and Tired from Drinking
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: NC
Posts: 5
Hi leg,
I just wanted to say that I am wishing you all the best. I can't say, like many folks on this board, that I have many years of sobriety under my belt...just 31 days. A couple of months ago though, I came to the realization that I was tired, lonely, and depressed…I looked terrible and often thought about suicide....and sometimes no longer cared. It was a cave in moment when I just thought "this has to end."
That's when I found this board. After reading about 50 pages worth of posts, I went out and bought three books: Under the Influence, Beyond the Influence, and Alcoholics Anonymous. I HIGHLY recommend all three, but especially the latter two. I made a list of all of the reasons I want to stop drinking; both the positives--such as, I want my self-respect back!--and the negatives--I don't want liver failure, another DUI, or to kill myself....quickly or slowly. My list hangs on the fridge next to a calendar with my days sober and daily obervations, and has been a pretty good reminder to me of how I felt. Alcohol is tricky, and I find that having a visible reminder is good for me.
I also post up a list of my goals, and am updating them as I go. So, at first my goals were: 0 alcohol for 30 days; 0 alcohol until I see a doctor; read my three books; 0 before I go to at least one AA meeting. They are changing as I go though, so here are some others that have been helpful reminders: 0 alcohol before 90 days; 90 meetings in 90 days, if possible; get an AA sponsor. Finally, and this one brings me some major relief from daily urges, I made a deal with myself that if I ever do decide to drink again I will postpone drinking form the time of the decision for 90 days, and will go to 90 AA meetings in that time and discuss it with my sponsor. My thought is that it very well may be a life or death decision for me, and should not be made lightly. It also means that I don't have to struggle quite so hard with today. Nice.
A little note about AA. I was really really skeptical about it. Reading Under the Influence and talking with my doctor though, I came to the understanding that it’s one of the best thing that alcoholics like me have going for us. It works for a lot of people, many of whom never thought that AA or anything else could make them not only stop drinking, but live a life of sobriety happily. I DO WANT THAT. So, armed with that knowledge and my own desire to quit, I went to my first meeting 8 days ago. I haven’t been long enough to give you a full scoop, but I can tell you that it is not at all what I expected, and I am really glad I decided to attend. I’ve met a lot of good people, including a really understanding man who is sponsoring me in the program—helping me work through the steps—and find that I can identify on some level with just about everyone in the room. It’s a godsend to have that kind of acceptance at times, and now is one of them.
So, I guess what I want to say is twofold: 1) I want to thank each of you on this board for your posts--I’ve been lurking here without posting for some time and have appreciated and benefited from your wisdom; 2) I wish you well leg, and wanted to share some of my own experience with you. I’ve only been sober for 31 days, but that’s longer than I’ve been without booze in the 7 years I’ve been drinking and I appreciate it for what it is…a blessing. All the best.
"strange blessings, never in paradise, fall from these beclouded skies."
I just wanted to say that I am wishing you all the best. I can't say, like many folks on this board, that I have many years of sobriety under my belt...just 31 days. A couple of months ago though, I came to the realization that I was tired, lonely, and depressed…I looked terrible and often thought about suicide....and sometimes no longer cared. It was a cave in moment when I just thought "this has to end."
That's when I found this board. After reading about 50 pages worth of posts, I went out and bought three books: Under the Influence, Beyond the Influence, and Alcoholics Anonymous. I HIGHLY recommend all three, but especially the latter two. I made a list of all of the reasons I want to stop drinking; both the positives--such as, I want my self-respect back!--and the negatives--I don't want liver failure, another DUI, or to kill myself....quickly or slowly. My list hangs on the fridge next to a calendar with my days sober and daily obervations, and has been a pretty good reminder to me of how I felt. Alcohol is tricky, and I find that having a visible reminder is good for me.
I also post up a list of my goals, and am updating them as I go. So, at first my goals were: 0 alcohol for 30 days; 0 alcohol until I see a doctor; read my three books; 0 before I go to at least one AA meeting. They are changing as I go though, so here are some others that have been helpful reminders: 0 alcohol before 90 days; 90 meetings in 90 days, if possible; get an AA sponsor. Finally, and this one brings me some major relief from daily urges, I made a deal with myself that if I ever do decide to drink again I will postpone drinking form the time of the decision for 90 days, and will go to 90 AA meetings in that time and discuss it with my sponsor. My thought is that it very well may be a life or death decision for me, and should not be made lightly. It also means that I don't have to struggle quite so hard with today. Nice.
A little note about AA. I was really really skeptical about it. Reading Under the Influence and talking with my doctor though, I came to the understanding that it’s one of the best thing that alcoholics like me have going for us. It works for a lot of people, many of whom never thought that AA or anything else could make them not only stop drinking, but live a life of sobriety happily. I DO WANT THAT. So, armed with that knowledge and my own desire to quit, I went to my first meeting 8 days ago. I haven’t been long enough to give you a full scoop, but I can tell you that it is not at all what I expected, and I am really glad I decided to attend. I’ve met a lot of good people, including a really understanding man who is sponsoring me in the program—helping me work through the steps—and find that I can identify on some level with just about everyone in the room. It’s a godsend to have that kind of acceptance at times, and now is one of them.
So, I guess what I want to say is twofold: 1) I want to thank each of you on this board for your posts--I’ve been lurking here without posting for some time and have appreciated and benefited from your wisdom; 2) I wish you well leg, and wanted to share some of my own experience with you. I’ve only been sober for 31 days, but that’s longer than I’ve been without booze in the 7 years I’ve been drinking and I appreciate it for what it is…a blessing. All the best.
"strange blessings, never in paradise, fall from these beclouded skies."
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Then it's, "Oh, I'll just have one glass!" Before I know it, the bottle's empty and I hate myself in the morning!
A little note about AA. I was really really skeptical about it. Reading Under the Influence and talking with my doctor though, I came to the understanding that it’s one of the best thing that alcoholics like me have going for us. It works for a lot of people, many of whom never thought that AA or anything else could make them not only stop drinking, but live a life of sobriety happily. I DO WANT THAT. So, armed with that knowledge and my own desire to quit, I went to my first meeting 8 days ago. I haven’t been long enough to give you a full scoop, but I can tell you that it is not at all what I expected, and I am really glad I decided to attend. I’ve met a lot of good people, including a really understanding man who is sponsoring me in the program—helping me work through the steps—and find that I can identify on some level with just about everyone in the room. It’s a godsend to have that kind of acceptance at times, and now is one of them.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi Leg...if you do quit drinking perhaps your success
will spur other family members to join you.
Leading by example is how AA works for many of us.
Blessings
will spur other family members to join you.
Leading by example is how AA works for many of us.
Blessings
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Elk Grove, CA
Posts: 9
Everyone!
All that you ALL say is true and founded and I am absorbing every word like a new babe learnng their first words! I want to get healthy and help my family get healthy. I now know that there is no medium or moderation in alcohol consumption when it is affecting our lives, whether it be careers or relationships. I'm beginning to think that alcohol is just as bad as crack and heroine. You start at a party, you consume again because it's fun, and then it's fun again, and then fun again. But eventually, it becomes a craving and then it destroys your life. So how is beer, wine, vodka, whiskey, etc., so different than crack or heroine? When we stop after extensive consumption, we go through withdrawals, albeit, they're in no comparison to the hard stuff, but I'm beginning to believe that any form of alcohol is as hard to quit as crack and heroine. It's probably the same with people who over indulge with food. I wonder why we were programmed to over-indulge, no matter the substance, i.e., food, alcohol, drugs, sex, etc. Does God expect us to be that strong? Our physiological form seems to be respondent and addicted to any/all earthly substances. Why is that? Is the test that we practice moderation in all aspects of life on Earth? If we were born to procreate and go to work and pay bills like robots, why can't we acquiesce to the fact that we must do what our good body was born to do: eat right, don't abuse substances foreign to our natural bodies, follow rules like get to work on time, deposit or cash or pay checks, pay our utilities, etc.? Our conscious and subconscous mind tells us that drugs, alcohol and bad deeds are wrong, so what gives? I'm just questioning what I know is right, but I, myself, can't seem to go with the program. Any thoughts????
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Well...
Yoour questions get no solid answers from me.
I too went thru the why stage in my quest for recovery.
And that was as futile as my half tries at sobriety.
There are countless things I will never find an answer to.
I have ceased being concerned about why I am an alcoholic.
These days I do live in serene peace with God and AA.
That is more than I expected...
Blessings
Yoour questions get no solid answers from me.
I too went thru the why stage in my quest for recovery.
And that was as futile as my half tries at sobriety.
There are countless things I will never find an answer to.
I have ceased being concerned about why I am an alcoholic.
These days I do live in serene peace with God and AA.
That is more than I expected...
Blessings
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Elk Grove, CA
Posts: 9
Hello to All
I've read each any every response to my post, and your words offer encouragement, wisdom, and experience.
Unfortunately, just as I find myself in recovery, it is short-lived and I find myself running to Longs for that bottle of white wine. Although it is no excuse, my kids and I have just realized that my husband (their natural father) is back using crack again. It's so rediculous in that we seem to be functioning addicts. We have a lot to be thankful for. We run two businesses (not sure how!) and we have five homes, nice cars, and we love each other.
I know we need some type of intevention. I've even mentioned to my husband that we should go to Church, and he agrees, but it never happens.
Even though we have "stuff" we have no medical insurance and cannot afford proper treatment.
I know AA and NA are free, but my husband won't hear of even attending. I know it's time for me to get better for myself, and that's my intention. I just need a stiff boot in the butt to get me going!
Unfortunately, just as I find myself in recovery, it is short-lived and I find myself running to Longs for that bottle of white wine. Although it is no excuse, my kids and I have just realized that my husband (their natural father) is back using crack again. It's so rediculous in that we seem to be functioning addicts. We have a lot to be thankful for. We run two businesses (not sure how!) and we have five homes, nice cars, and we love each other.
I know we need some type of intevention. I've even mentioned to my husband that we should go to Church, and he agrees, but it never happens.
Even though we have "stuff" we have no medical insurance and cannot afford proper treatment.
I know AA and NA are free, but my husband won't hear of even attending. I know it's time for me to get better for myself, and that's my intention. I just need a stiff boot in the butt to get me going!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Posts: 1
Other Ways
So I had to check that this forum wasn't explicitly sponsored by AA from the posts, but seeing nothing in the rules that this won't get immediately deleted I figured I'd post. I know this forum is old, but I found it on google, so presumably others are too.
There are alternatives to AA - not everybody fits the "alcoholic" definition of AA, and my personal views would never let me take Step 1 - the "I have no control". Why? Because I believe that I do have control, and that most people have control of their lives, and have the power to make the changes necessary. I've done some other self-help programs to work through the plethora of issues I had, and that was one of the biggest things I got out of them. I've never smoked (thankfully) and with the Michigan smoking ban I no longer need to worry about 2nd-hand smoke, either.
As for the drinking? Well it was not explicitly ruining my life yet, so I put that part off until I fixed the things that were worse. I ended up changing my career, going back to school, getting out of a bad relationship, and completely renegotiating the terms for how I interacted with my mom and sister (who had led me to depression). I worked out my panic attacks (and weaned myself from those meds that are also potentially addictive), lost about 15 pounds, got in shape, and put together a career plan.
Then on New Years Eve I was out with friends, and had to leave the bar at 12:30 when they kicked everyone out, because of bar fights and people getting sick all over. That was when it hit me the alcohol was a problem too--I didn't want to associate myself with those "bar people". I didn't get fall-over drunk much, but I drank about 4 beers a night (only at night, after getting done everything I needed to do). I thought about how it was making me feel in the morning, and how it messed up my sleep. I started taking "alcohol holidays" where I'd go a few days without, and managed 3 weeks sober (and my health improved). But I snuck back into daily drinking - this time down to only 2-3 drinks a day, which was comparatively better but still not great.
My tolerance was way down, and I was starting to wonder if that was causing bodily harm. I got sick too much, coughed all the time, had abdominal cramps, and diarrhea. I didn't sleep well, and the drinking took away sleep time anyway because work and school take up a ton of time. I felt hungover every day (the drinking holidays let me know the difference) and on May 10 I said "enough". I drank the last beer in the house and haven't touched one since - really haven't wanted to.
By the 17th I was feeling a lot better, more alert at work, no diarrheah, more energy, no coughing, feeling in general a lot healthier. This weekend I went out with friends to a bar but happily stuck to pop and snacks, with only a little temptation to get a beer that I only had to think about the next day to stop. So it's now 13 days and counting with no alcohol...
Maybe I'll allow myself to drink on special occasions (1-2x a month or so) but even that's looking pretty unlikely considering how much better I feel. If it happens I'm not going to call it a failure - as that's a pretty major reduction too. (from 120 drinks a month, to 60, to 4 is NOT a failure in my mind--that's a 96% reduction after all.)
Next I've got to get my sleep schedule under control. I sleep too little during the week and too much on weekends. Now that I'm not drinking every night I think that is going to be easier to handle. And once I've got myself under control I think I'm going to be able to handle a relationship with a top-quality woman too - I'd be lying if I didn't say that was a big motivator for me.
There are alternatives to AA - not everybody fits the "alcoholic" definition of AA, and my personal views would never let me take Step 1 - the "I have no control". Why? Because I believe that I do have control, and that most people have control of their lives, and have the power to make the changes necessary. I've done some other self-help programs to work through the plethora of issues I had, and that was one of the biggest things I got out of them. I've never smoked (thankfully) and with the Michigan smoking ban I no longer need to worry about 2nd-hand smoke, either.
As for the drinking? Well it was not explicitly ruining my life yet, so I put that part off until I fixed the things that were worse. I ended up changing my career, going back to school, getting out of a bad relationship, and completely renegotiating the terms for how I interacted with my mom and sister (who had led me to depression). I worked out my panic attacks (and weaned myself from those meds that are also potentially addictive), lost about 15 pounds, got in shape, and put together a career plan.
Then on New Years Eve I was out with friends, and had to leave the bar at 12:30 when they kicked everyone out, because of bar fights and people getting sick all over. That was when it hit me the alcohol was a problem too--I didn't want to associate myself with those "bar people". I didn't get fall-over drunk much, but I drank about 4 beers a night (only at night, after getting done everything I needed to do). I thought about how it was making me feel in the morning, and how it messed up my sleep. I started taking "alcohol holidays" where I'd go a few days without, and managed 3 weeks sober (and my health improved). But I snuck back into daily drinking - this time down to only 2-3 drinks a day, which was comparatively better but still not great.
My tolerance was way down, and I was starting to wonder if that was causing bodily harm. I got sick too much, coughed all the time, had abdominal cramps, and diarrhea. I didn't sleep well, and the drinking took away sleep time anyway because work and school take up a ton of time. I felt hungover every day (the drinking holidays let me know the difference) and on May 10 I said "enough". I drank the last beer in the house and haven't touched one since - really haven't wanted to.
By the 17th I was feeling a lot better, more alert at work, no diarrheah, more energy, no coughing, feeling in general a lot healthier. This weekend I went out with friends to a bar but happily stuck to pop and snacks, with only a little temptation to get a beer that I only had to think about the next day to stop. So it's now 13 days and counting with no alcohol...
Maybe I'll allow myself to drink on special occasions (1-2x a month or so) but even that's looking pretty unlikely considering how much better I feel. If it happens I'm not going to call it a failure - as that's a pretty major reduction too. (from 120 drinks a month, to 60, to 4 is NOT a failure in my mind--that's a 96% reduction after all.)
Next I've got to get my sleep schedule under control. I sleep too little during the week and too much on weekends. Now that I'm not drinking every night I think that is going to be easier to handle. And once I've got myself under control I think I'm going to be able to handle a relationship with a top-quality woman too - I'd be lying if I didn't say that was a big motivator for me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
Hi lightningrun
SR is a simply a peer support group for those recovering from alcohol and substance abuse addictions, or wanting to...and for family and friends whos lives have been affected by someone else's addiction...
if you find yourself in there somewhere, this is the place for you
We have a large membership base, with a variety of different recovery strategies. All we ask for is a little mutual tolerance and respect
I'm not in AA either but personally I have no problem with step 1:
that pretty much summed me up LOL
Welcome to SR!
D
SR is a simply a peer support group for those recovering from alcohol and substance abuse addictions, or wanting to...and for family and friends whos lives have been affected by someone else's addiction...
if you find yourself in there somewhere, this is the place for you
We have a large membership base, with a variety of different recovery strategies. All we ask for is a little mutual tolerance and respect
I'm not in AA either but personally I have no problem with step 1:
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
Welcome to SR!
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: "In Every Climb and Place"
Posts: 549
Leg1959 - In regards to this addiction, I am by no means an expert. I feel that everyone has their own way to keep sober. We come from all walks of life and drink in different ways. However, it all seems to lead to the same end result. My drinking has given me many problems, two are stress and anxiety. No matter how one keeps sober, that is what is most important. I believe there are some common theme's, the most important one is it is up to me to change. Iv'e heard things like "total surrender," "dont' fight," "don't just give and take, share" and "actions lead thoughts." You know if I have a beer with dinner tonight at home, I would be able to stop in this moment. But, I know from my past that I have just planted a seed for my next drunk. Which will be a two day drunk when I feel worthy. That's a crazy way to think and that's what I have to do, change my way of thinking. Why not tell your doctor, honesty is important. My hope is that you realize what all that wine is doing to you as grow older and it progresses. I know you know, take action. Thanks for sharing.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Tom.....wise words 
Leg1959 has not been here since 11/07 so I don't want you
to be disappointed when you get no reply from Leg1959.
To see the dates on threads.....please check
the header directly above the posters name.
Hope your life is running smoothly
Welcome back to SR....
Leg1959 has not been here since 11/07 so I don't want you
to be disappointed when you get no reply from Leg1959.
To see the dates on threads.....please check
the header directly above the posters name.
Hope your life is running smoothly
Welcome back to SR....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: CT
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by leg1959 
All that you ALL say is true and founded and I am absorbing every word like a new babe learnng their first words! I want to get healthy and help my family get healthy. I now know that there is no medium or moderation in alcohol consumption when it is affecting our lives, whether it be careers or relationships. I'm beginning to think that alcohol is just as bad as crack and heroine. You start at a party, you consume again because it's fun, and then it's fun again, and then fun again. But eventually, it becomes a craving and then it destroys your life. So how is beer, wine, vodka, whiskey, etc., so different than crack or heroine? When we stop after extensive consumption, we go through withdrawals, albeit, they're in no comparison to the hard stuff, but I'm beginning to believe that any form of alcohol is as hard to quit as crack and heroine. It's probably the same with people who over indulge with food. I wonder why we were programmed to over-indulge, no matter the substance, i.e., food, alcohol, drugs, sex, etc. Does God expect us to be that strong? Our physiological form seems to be respondent and addicted to any/all earthly substances. Why is that? Is the test that we practice moderation in all aspects of life on Earth? If we were born to procreate and go to work and pay bills like robots, why can't we acquiesce to the fact that we must do what our good body was born to do: eat right, don't abuse substances foreign to our natural bodies, follow rules like get to work on time, deposit or cash or pay checks, pay our utilities, etc.? Our conscious and subconscous mind tells us that drugs, alcohol and bad deeds are wrong, so what gives? I'm just questioning what I know is right, but I, myself, can't seem to go with the program. Any thoughts????
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: The Redneck South! :)
Posts: 291
@Lightningrun-
Only you can decide if you do or do not have a problem with alcohol, but a fair warning... if you are, you won't be able to drink socially... the disease is progressive and it'll only get worse with time. I hope with all of my heart that you're not burdened with alcoholism, but if you are, my unsolicited advice would be to be very aware and tuned into your habits. Don't allow yourself to get to the place I got... end stage alcoholism...
I didn't use AA, although I'm not against the method.. But I do believe that true alcoholism is something we are powerless over. There's nothing weak about that statement. It says you're accepting your vulnerability and that you're strong enough to ask for help.
Just my two cents.. I wish you the very best!
Only you can decide if you do or do not have a problem with alcohol, but a fair warning... if you are, you won't be able to drink socially... the disease is progressive and it'll only get worse with time. I hope with all of my heart that you're not burdened with alcoholism, but if you are, my unsolicited advice would be to be very aware and tuned into your habits. Don't allow yourself to get to the place I got... end stage alcoholism...
I didn't use AA, although I'm not against the method.. But I do believe that true alcoholism is something we are powerless over. There's nothing weak about that statement. It says you're accepting your vulnerability and that you're strong enough to ask for help.
Just my two cents.. I wish you the very best!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 25
Hi Leg,
I had a similar situation with hair loss, with a bald spot which had developed. I can confirm it is not alcohol related, but stress-related. (I am definitely a highly sensitive and stressed individual by nature, which is what led to my alcohol consumption to mellow out in the first place) I went to the dermatologist and he diagnosed it as Alopecia areata. He treated me with a 6-week cortisone injection (1 per week) regimen and it all grew back and has not repeated itself. Maybe making an appointment with your dermatologist to see if you are dealing with a similar situation? Hang in there, it is only Day 3 for me....
I had a similar situation with hair loss, with a bald spot which had developed. I can confirm it is not alcohol related, but stress-related. (I am definitely a highly sensitive and stressed individual by nature, which is what led to my alcohol consumption to mellow out in the first place) I went to the dermatologist and he diagnosed it as Alopecia areata. He treated me with a 6-week cortisone injection (1 per week) regimen and it all grew back and has not repeated itself. Maybe making an appointment with your dermatologist to see if you are dealing with a similar situation? Hang in there, it is only Day 3 for me....
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