Reaping what you sow
one of many
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Ellisville, FL
Posts: 200
Reaping what you sow
Well I got the nail in the coffin today. She says we'll never get back together. I knew it was coming. I had been dragging it out for 3 months with the faint hope that somehow things would work out. I don't blame her, after what I did. Relapsed, got drunk, took her mothers pain medication and nearly drank myself to death. I'm in so much pain right now. I have 3 months tomorrow. I want to be a better man. I want to embrace life for all it's worth. I have seen the path of right action. Yet there is that little voice, the one who tells me, "look see, what have we here? another failed attempt at quitting? when will you learn? just give in, why not? it's not like it'll ever be any different, you'll always fail." I hate the voice but I find myself nodding ever so slightly.
I won't give in. I won't disgrace the memory of what we had together. Perhaps she has given me a final gift, my absolute and undeniable bottom.
I won't give in. I won't disgrace the memory of what we had together. Perhaps she has given me a final gift, my absolute and undeniable bottom.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,381
For me, not giving into that thought of using made me stronger. I did not quit the first time trying either. I hit the bottom so bad, I did not think I would ever be right again. I would not wish that on my worst enemy. I was so sick, that I NEVER want to go through that again.
It sounds like you want to do this for yourself and that is what helped me.
It sounds like you want to do this for yourself and that is what helped me.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I am sorry to see you in so much pain.
Perhaps this situation is a sign that you need to take
some time away from anything that disrupts your primary
goal of solid sobriety.
I ask my sponsees to finish their Steps before they
make choices that will sidetrack them from sobriety.
Those who do seem to have a smoother life.
3 months .. Well Done!
Perhaps this situation is a sign that you need to take
some time away from anything that disrupts your primary
goal of solid sobriety.
I ask my sponsees to finish their Steps before they
make choices that will sidetrack them from sobriety.
Those who do seem to have a smoother life.
3 months .. Well Done!
one of many
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Ellisville, FL
Posts: 200
If it wasn't for AA, I know I wouldn't have the strength to make it through something like this. God bless all of you inside and outside the fellowship. Because I have your hand to hold on to and your wisdom to draw upon, and my higher power to rely upon, I know I stand a fighting chance against this sickness.. this disease..
p.s. thanks to the veterans, your service is appreciated, both for our country, and in AA.
p.s. thanks to the veterans, your service is appreciated, both for our country, and in AA.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Skunkape,
I'm sorry for your pain as well. Thank you for sharing with us. I've been touched by reading your story.
Congrats on 3 months. I think many of us had to hit rock bottom before we became teachable. I hope you are on the long road to recovery. We are sick people who need to get better.... I hope you can see your past behaviour as that of someone who is ill. Alcoholism is a disease. I'm glad you are in AA. I'm in AA, and it's helping me with my illness. I've done some shameful things when I was drinking/using. The good news is that we can make amends by not repeating the same behaviour.
I hope you'll stick with us, and I hope you can keep on the sober path. Things will get better. These things get better over time, but it takes time... The best thing to do is to go to meetings, share, get a sponsor, join a local AA group, and stay away from the first drink.
Alcohol is a predator. It will try to get you when you are down. Please share and reach out when you need it. We are here for you on SR.
peace,
chip
I'm sorry for your pain as well. Thank you for sharing with us. I've been touched by reading your story.
Congrats on 3 months. I think many of us had to hit rock bottom before we became teachable. I hope you are on the long road to recovery. We are sick people who need to get better.... I hope you can see your past behaviour as that of someone who is ill. Alcoholism is a disease. I'm glad you are in AA. I'm in AA, and it's helping me with my illness. I've done some shameful things when I was drinking/using. The good news is that we can make amends by not repeating the same behaviour.
I hope you'll stick with us, and I hope you can keep on the sober path. Things will get better. These things get better over time, but it takes time... The best thing to do is to go to meetings, share, get a sponsor, join a local AA group, and stay away from the first drink.
Alcohol is a predator. It will try to get you when you are down. Please share and reach out when you need it. We are here for you on SR.
peace,
chip
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 86
I know it is very easy to dwell on the things we have lost. I also had a relationship breakup that I considered my bottom. You definitely won't feel like this forever; time really does heal all wounds provided we exercise quality time. This means that you must look to the future and have gratitude for what you have been blessed with instead of being negative.
I can't say in your case but for me it would have been a very bad idea to get back into the same relationship, at least in early sobriety. For me it would be all too easy to repeat past behaviours and to stagnate instead of moving forward.
These things are painful but in my experience they happen for the best, it just takes time for us to realize. Work hard on the AA steps, pray for direction and you WILL NOT FAIL.
Shaneo
I can't say in your case but for me it would have been a very bad idea to get back into the same relationship, at least in early sobriety. For me it would be all too easy to repeat past behaviours and to stagnate instead of moving forward.
These things are painful but in my experience they happen for the best, it just takes time for us to realize. Work hard on the AA steps, pray for direction and you WILL NOT FAIL.
Shaneo
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: north east
Posts: 58
My husband is on pain pills and alcohol. I have chosen to let God take this where it will. He called me last night a total mess. He missed work today and came by to say hi today. He said he just slept late and called in sick.
We have not been together for a long time. He still thinks I am going to break and just let him back him in our lives. It is a game to him. He does not realize that I have been working very hard to get my own life back in order. My kids, grandkids, my life and my business are my priority and in that order.
I will tell you this, as long as he is using drugs and drinking I do not want anything to do with him. He thinks this is a waiting game but it is not. I have moved on. Yes. there is no one else in my life and there will not be for a while. I need to heal and become normal.
I would love that my husband would be totally clean for 3 months. Please keep up the good work. If your wife is there for you in your sober life great. If not you will have a great life sober. We wives have to go thru what you have to go thru. It is just as hard for us. We become addicited to your behavior and you. So we have we have to work hard to get sober from the drug and drunk life. It is hard for us too.
Things may not always work out the way you want. I have wished my husband would be clean but he just will not do this so I unhappily must move on or his addiction will ruin all of the members of this family.
I wish you best of luck!!!!
We have not been together for a long time. He still thinks I am going to break and just let him back him in our lives. It is a game to him. He does not realize that I have been working very hard to get my own life back in order. My kids, grandkids, my life and my business are my priority and in that order.
I will tell you this, as long as he is using drugs and drinking I do not want anything to do with him. He thinks this is a waiting game but it is not. I have moved on. Yes. there is no one else in my life and there will not be for a while. I need to heal and become normal.
I would love that my husband would be totally clean for 3 months. Please keep up the good work. If your wife is there for you in your sober life great. If not you will have a great life sober. We wives have to go thru what you have to go thru. It is just as hard for us. We become addicited to your behavior and you. So we have we have to work hard to get sober from the drug and drunk life. It is hard for us too.
Things may not always work out the way you want. I have wished my husband would be clean but he just will not do this so I unhappily must move on or his addiction will ruin all of the members of this family.
I wish you best of luck!!!!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Skunkape let me first say congrats on your 3 months, that is major, I know several people who hit thier REAL bottom after they got sober, you need to decide if this is your bottom, with three months sober whether or not this is your bottom is totally in your hands, drink and start digging again, or stay sober, work your program and start climbing out of that hole back into life, living life on lifes terms.
Skunkape you are at the point now where you can choose not to drink, I would suggest at this point just turn it over, work on your sobriety, work your program, what will happen will happen, but one thing for sure, you pick up a drink and nothing is going to get better.
You are at the "Turning point" mentioned in the BB , you have walked the path for 3 months, keep walking it and the pain will lessen, and eventually you will find your self like many others have, happy, joyous, & FREE!!!!!
What will come of you and your wife? No need to worry about it, if you do your part, stay sober and make the amends needed, then you have left the door open for her, but keep in mind that she may very well never step back through it, drink again and you have slammed the door.
Who knows what your HP has in store for you, just draw closer to your HP and see, he will see to it that you are taken care of if you keep turning it over.
Skunkape you are at the point now where you can choose not to drink, I would suggest at this point just turn it over, work on your sobriety, work your program, what will happen will happen, but one thing for sure, you pick up a drink and nothing is going to get better.
You are at the "Turning point" mentioned in the BB
We stood at the turning point.
What will come of you and your wife? No need to worry about it, if you do your part, stay sober and make the amends needed, then you have left the door open for her, but keep in mind that she may very well never step back through it, drink again and you have slammed the door.
Who knows what your HP has in store for you, just draw closer to your HP and see, he will see to it that you are taken care of if you keep turning it over.
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