tellus

I live in a college town where socialization=drinking. If you're going out to see friends, it's either going to be at a bar, a club, or some other place where everyone has a drink in their hand.

Mostly, if I'm invited out I just beg off, say I have work to do at home or something.

But sometimes, I really would like to go hang out with my friends. I'm not too close to most of them, so I'm not comfortable telling them why I don't drink.

How do you say "sorry, I don't drink" without coming off as a luddite or a wet blanket?

best

What I found worked for me... What they think doesn't matter.
When I would tell people I don't drink, I would get different replies..most were positive.
If you hang out with people who drink, the nature of alcohol inside us has most people want you to drink with them. "They can't have a problem because if they do that means I do." Their denial or lack of self-esteem will have them think what ever they will think. What they think doesn't matter to me...I am doing what "I" want.
I also found that some who I thought were friends...well they were only there for the free beers I would buy.
You will find that you may need to evaluate a friendship or two and in doing so, you may start to ask why you even hang around with one or two of them in the first place.
True friends are few in life. To find even one "true" friend over a life time, a person is lucky.
Do your own thing and let them worry about their own thoughts.

sugErspun

"How do you say "sorry, I don't drink" without coming off as a luddite or a wet blanket?"

This will happen in every alcoholics life..the time when someone who is drinking, or the subject of drinking will come up in conversation. It is unavoidable

Something I have found useful, and was handed to me as a tool:

Tell them your allergic.

Has worked for me, mainly with business clients. And that is only if they push after I say 'no thank you'. Those 'in the know' will understand, the others will probably just let it pass.

CarolD

When I insisted on hanging out with drinkers
while not drinking I did feel odd.

Sooo...I found an AA meeting full of single members
and we had a blast....
Better yest...we actually knew who won the game and how.


Recovery Rocks!

Rowan

In the end I was drinking alone so I didn't miss the socializing aspect of it so much - but on a couple of work-related occasions, I decided to attend even though most everyone was drinking. I was still fairly new to sobriety and learned not to tempt myself that way again. Socially awkward + available alcohol = trouble!
I prefer to hang out with sober friends today. If I don't have a legitimate reason for being around booze (family wedding, etc) then I stay away from it. I'm still too new and don't want to take the risk.
I do remember how proud I was, after attending a drinking function, and I left sober -I remember breathing a sigh of relief as I drove away, and I was so proud of myself for getting behind the wheel, sober!
And I don't bother explaining why I don't drink - just say that I don't, and order a gingerale.

jimhere

How about a simple "no thanks"?

tellus

Here, that brands you as a freak. If you don't drink in this town, you've got a damn good reason.

Pinkcuda

Is it better to be a sober freak or an accepted drunk?

jimhere

What does it matter what others think? It is not their lives that are on the line. If you're an alcoholic, your life is on the line, and that's a damn good reason not to drink.

And it is not selfish to live your life to please yourself. It is only selfish to expect others to live their lives to please you.
Jim

jimhere

Or a dead drunk.

tellus

Point.

Debaucher

My gut tells me if I put myself into a situation I don't feel comfortable telling the truth especially about my drinking then I need to really do some thinking about why.

Really for me... I don't avoid bars but I don't go to them unless I have a good reason to go in one. Many of my real friends hang out there. So I don't avoid my friends. However I have told them I am not drinking.

Everyone else... I just say no thanks if someone asks... Once I was no longer ashamed it got much easier...

One thing is that I try not to tell people I quit drinking... or that I am never drinking again. I'm just not drinking.

if someone asks me if I want a beer I wouldn't say "I don't drink"... they didn't ask me that... they asked me if I want a drink... so would simply say "no thank you"

kelsh

The only place I was around alcohol when I first sobered up was with Retreats that were job related. My co-workers knew why I didn't drink but others didn't know one way or the other. In most cases it took a simple "No thank you." if someone offered me a beer or a drink.

Sometimes I would just say: "I drank my share of alcohol & choose not to anymore." Another good one I used when asked was: "I tend to over do on anything I drink so it is better that I don't start to begin with." Usually I said one of these or the other when people were already pretty happy and were harder to convince with a simple No. People accepted this and went on about their business. We did some camping out on our Retreats since we live in such a wonderful area for this so I would always have something along that I enjoyed such as late's. I also brought a snack along to eat when I went to bed while they were still partying.

I had something I enjoyed and didn't feel left out or denied anything. Plus I didn't have a hangover like the rest of them the next morning.

I also did 90% of my drinking, even with spouse, at home so did not have the compulsion to go out to the bars or lounges.

I tried to live like the program suggested and did avoid my slippery places. Since I drank at home right after work, I changed my routine to go shopping or to visit a neighbor at the time I usually drank. This worked well....we just had dinner earlier and soon I was off to my AA Meeting.

Each one of us is different in how we manage this part of our life. I did not care what other people thought by then. What was important to me was the fact that I was sober.

kelsh

skunkape

I used to worry about such things. Then my last bottom solved all that. I don't associate with drinkers, plain and simple. If I'm at a wedding, work party whatever, I don't drink and leave as soon as possible. I won't go in bars. If I want to play pool I'll buy a friggin pool table. I don't play games with my sobriety.

Fenian_Man

Tellus,

I tell people that alcohol makes me really sick, that I'm allergic to it. If my wife and I are somewhere where there is drinking, she has a couple and I can just say "I'm driving". Most of the people at work and other places know I am an alcoholic, so they expect me not to drink.

One thing that I have found is that NOBODY pressures me to drink after I say:" Ya know, if you ever feel it's got you by the throat, don't hesitate to call."

Good Luck!

barb dwyer

"WTF's it to ya anyhow? Who're YOU??? the booze police??? Hall monitor? Since when does what I drink matter to you??? Since when does what I do affect YOU??? Where'd YOUR life go alla sudden, anyhow??? Crawl OUT of my ARSE, wouldja???"

:mock

They'll leave ya alone ...

I mean - if they're gonna call ya a freak ... BE a freak - LOL

I love when this topic comes up.

St_Kurt

Really?

I live in Urbana-Champaign IL (University of Illinois). We have the largest Greek system in the world here (close to 100 fraternities/sororities) and a larger campus than Madison. Alcohol plays a HUGE part of college social life.

That said, I regularly decline offers of alcohol both at bars or parties.

No one has ever asked me to provide a reason. What's so different about Wisconsin?

~SK

Signal30

I deal with college students for a living. Lots of changes when they are away from home and lots of growing up to still do. If you are spiritually fit, you can go anywhere. However, if your friends spend the majority of their weekend nights at bars and parties where alcohol is the theme there are two things that are likely to happen.

A) Your going to drink.

or

B) Your going to be sick of being around drunks. When your sober, your drunk friends go from being fun, to annoying.

I know it's gotta be tough to be a recovering alcoholic and in college. Most universities have programs for people like us. If they are your TRUE friends, then they will care less if you don't drink. If you are an alcoholic and start drinking, then in my opinion, you might as well take the thousands of dollars you are spending for an education, and set it on fire.

I know now I sound like a parent. I'm going to sound even more like a dad by saying, "You go to school for a degree, not a hangover". There is a big difference between most of them and you. You are an alcoholic, they are not. I don't mean to sound harsh. Where you are can be tough. If you are in AA, make your meetings, do the steps, etc...

Remember, your higher power is with you no matter where you are.


Tom

dave47

I'm not one to frequent bars much now so it's not a problem to me, but i think you should just tell them you don't drink-end of.Some will try to twist your arm but after a while people will just accept it.The difficult part is putting yourself in that position in the first place,and maintaining sobriety,best wishes.

parentrecovers

i've said this before here, but i got a friend with close to 20 years of recovery and when someone asked him if wants a drink, he always says the same thing - "no thanks. i drank all mine."

it's ok to say no thank you, tellus.