Am I in Serious Denial?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
SOBERGIRL (interesting name based on the content of your post), but I digress.
Alcoholism is a self-diagnosed disease. So, answer a few questions to yourself honestly (you don't have to discuss this with anyone else) and decide for yourself.
For me and many others (many many others) there were a couple simple questions to answer (it had to be made simple or I would go nuts):
1> Physically - When I put a certain amount of alcohol into my body, do I find it difficult to stop? Can I (you) relate to a desire to drink more, once I had a little? Did I ever experience a time when I said "I will only drink 'x' amount of (vodka, beer whatever) and ended up drinking a lot more than I planned? Has this experience of drinking more than I planned happened on one or more occassions?
2> Mentally - Having been physically separated from alcohol (I personally do not consider 10 days enough time to physically withdraw from alcohol), making a decision to not drink, honestly thinking I had stopped drinking - Did I find myself drunk and confused as to how it happened? Could I explain why my resolve to drink was set aside for a trivial issue (or maybe there was no explanation at all). This resolve was often made Monday morning, and kept until about Thursday night(before I became a continous, hard drinker). Can you relate to saying and really meaning:" I am going to quit drinking" just to cast that resolve aside once you felt mentally and physically better (no more panic, sleeping well - or just the opposite)?
It took many hard years to be able to honestly answer these questions to myself. So try to not be to hard on yourself and just ask yourself honestly.
There was a book written in 1939 called Alcoholics Anonymous. It was written to help people who thought they might have a problem with alcohol to 1> diagnose their condition 2>offer a solution to said condition.
You can get this book online, at the bookstore, at an AA meeting, or someone here can send you one.
You owe it to yourself to know the nature of your condition if you are concerned about your alcohol use. It's a good read anyhow.
Alcoholism is a self-diagnosed disease. So, answer a few questions to yourself honestly (you don't have to discuss this with anyone else) and decide for yourself.
For me and many others (many many others) there were a couple simple questions to answer (it had to be made simple or I would go nuts):
1> Physically - When I put a certain amount of alcohol into my body, do I find it difficult to stop? Can I (you) relate to a desire to drink more, once I had a little? Did I ever experience a time when I said "I will only drink 'x' amount of (vodka, beer whatever) and ended up drinking a lot more than I planned? Has this experience of drinking more than I planned happened on one or more occassions?
2> Mentally - Having been physically separated from alcohol (I personally do not consider 10 days enough time to physically withdraw from alcohol), making a decision to not drink, honestly thinking I had stopped drinking - Did I find myself drunk and confused as to how it happened? Could I explain why my resolve to drink was set aside for a trivial issue (or maybe there was no explanation at all). This resolve was often made Monday morning, and kept until about Thursday night(before I became a continous, hard drinker). Can you relate to saying and really meaning:" I am going to quit drinking" just to cast that resolve aside once you felt mentally and physically better (no more panic, sleeping well - or just the opposite)?
It took many hard years to be able to honestly answer these questions to myself. So try to not be to hard on yourself and just ask yourself honestly.
There was a book written in 1939 called Alcoholics Anonymous. It was written to help people who thought they might have a problem with alcohol to 1> diagnose their condition 2>offer a solution to said condition.
You can get this book online, at the bookstore, at an AA meeting, or someone here can send you one.
You owe it to yourself to know the nature of your condition if you are concerned about your alcohol use. It's a good read anyhow.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by sobergirl77 
If someone were to ask me why I drink/drank, I will give them these honest reasons:
1. I drink when I'm bored.
2. I drink to help me fall asleep since I'm an insomniac.
3. Occasionally I will drink when I am upset, angry or excessively happy about something.
Those are the reasons.
1. I drink when I'm bored.
2. I drink to help me fall asleep since I'm an insomniac.
3. Occasionally I will drink when I am upset, angry or excessively happy about something.
Those are the reasons.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 449
I can't thank you all enough for your responses. It has given me a lot to think about... my problem is that I just cannot admit that I have become an alcoholic. I guess that is the first step and I am afraid to admit it because then I am just like my parents were... which I so didn't want to happen.
Even being sober and not drinking, I have done little else than think of alcohol. Just because I have stopped doesn't mean I don't think about it all the time. (Does this pass?)
I am suffering from extreme depression right now. I mean EXTREME. I only want to sleep 24/7 (but I can't, unfortunately). I wish I knew what to do about this... I have no idea what to do. I don't want to go to a hospital or anything. After a few days sober I feel so lonely and depressed and miserable. Does this pass? What should I do?
Even being sober and not drinking, I have done little else than think of alcohol. Just because I have stopped doesn't mean I don't think about it all the time. (Does this pass?)
I am suffering from extreme depression right now. I mean EXTREME. I only want to sleep 24/7 (but I can't, unfortunately). I wish I knew what to do about this... I have no idea what to do. I don't want to go to a hospital or anything. After a few days sober I feel so lonely and depressed and miserable. Does this pass? What should I do?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
I used to go out drinking and talk about those "alcoholics". I'd laugh and joke about it, I guess knowing deep down that I did have a problem but not being serious. The day I realized that I had to fish or cut bait or I was in real trouble, I went to AA. I've been there ever since. You're not alone in the way you feel. Sometimes the hardest thing to do in a depression is exactly what should be done and that's to do something, anything but sit around or sleep. Get busy doing something productive to create a feeling of accomplishment so as not to be depressed. I can't think of anything that would do more for you at this point than getting to an AA meeting and talking about how you feel so you can get some support. Not everyone needs to go to a hospital, or to treatment. AA did the trick for me. I'll guarantee you that if you go to AA and follow directons you'll be amazed at the outcome.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Hi,
Deep down inside my sick self, I knew I was alcoholic...But it wasn't until I reached end stage alcoholism...
Falling down, unexplained broken bones, Dui, blackouts, legal issues, isolation, family problems, jails, mental institutions, and drinking only to pass out...I spent days in bed...
I pray you do not go down this road...I pray I don't go back to the shuffle of active addiction...I stand a good chance of not making it back to recovery and death...
Thinking of you...:comfort
Deep down inside my sick self, I knew I was alcoholic...But it wasn't until I reached end stage alcoholism...
Falling down, unexplained broken bones, Dui, blackouts, legal issues, isolation, family problems, jails, mental institutions, and drinking only to pass out...I spent days in bed...
I pray you do not go down this road...I pray I don't go back to the shuffle of active addiction...I stand a good chance of not making it back to recovery and death...
Thinking of you...:comfort
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 449
I have looked up local AA meetings in my area and will be attending one today/tonight at some point... I did go to some AA meetings where I used to live (a much smaller area than I live now) and found them to be extremely helpful and eye-opening.
I will post here once I return home from a meeting!
I will post here once I return home from a meeting!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 14
It sounds a lot like my own situation (this is my first...) but I am trying to figure out if I am an alcoholic or if I just drink in order to deal with underlying problems that I repress. Does that make it alcoholism? If it becomes a method of coping with life?
Last edited by Pick-a-name; 11-10-2007 at 09:46 AM.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
imho,there are MANY more effective ways to deal with problems (even if I could not think of any) that actual deal with them. Seems the problems are still there the next day.
Learning other problem-solving options is part of this deal,too!
Glad you are here! Keep posting and reading; I learn so much from the great people here.
Learning other problem-solving options is part of this deal,too!
Glad you are here! Keep posting and reading; I learn so much from the great people here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: NC
Posts: 5
my experience
Hi SoberGirl.
First off, sorry for the long-winded post. It is my first on SR and there are a few things I want to share.
Until very recently, I drank for some of the same reasons as you. I told myself that boredom was the primary reason, although I suspected that the feeling of dis-ease I felt in my own skin and the desire for escape masked something a bit deeper. All in all a drank for around 7 years, from 23-30. Like most, it was occasional at first, then a couple at night just for kicks, then a few, then a few more. I won't bore you with the details, but it was enough that the evening escapes ended up producing more anxiety than they relieved. The YET-moments (yet = "you're eligible too") began to happen and take their toll. this is less than a zero-sum game...it is a losing proposition all round, though it took me a while to see that.
Like you, I wondered whether I was a problem drinker, or an alcoholic. Many problem drinkers probably ask themselves that question and I suspect that all alcoholics do. About 2 months ago, I decided (again) to seriously CUT BACK on my drinking. it worked for a few weeks until I got a 4-day weekend from work...what to do with the time? I went on a 5 night bender (2/PM to 8PM, 10-12 beers) and showed up to work that Monday shakey, sweaty, red-faced, and absolutely ashamed of myself.
I logged on to Amazon.com that night and bought three books: Under the Influence, Beyond the Influence, and Alcoholics Anonymous big book, primarily to get better educated about alcoholism and to try to answer the problem drinker vs. alcoholic question. The first two were real eye openers (just started reading the third). I work in healthcare (hepatology, of all places!) so I am pretty aware of the health ramifications of alcohol abuse/ism. That said, these books, and particularly Beyond the Influence, spell it all out, and also provide some pretty useful questionnaires that have been developed to try to diagnose alcoholism. The 20-question list posted recently is one of these tools. Here are my honest answers:
1. Do you lose time from work due to drinking? I have, after a particularly rowdy night/weekend. If you count showing up late, then ABSOLUTELY yes
YES X NO __
2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy? Well, I live alone but did drinking impact my life with myself?
YES X NO __
3. Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
YES __ NO X
4. Is your drinking affecting your reputation?
YES X NO __ I don’t know, but probably yes.
5. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking? Used to wake up at 2AM after dreams of run ins with LEO and feel terrible
YES X NO __
6. Have you ever got into financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
YES __ NO X
7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking?
YES __ NO X
8. Does your drinking make you careless of your family’s welfare?
YES __ NO X
9. Has your ambition decreased since drinking? Grad school? hmmmm
YES X NO __
10. Do you crave a drink at a definite time?
YES X NO __
11. Do you want a drink the next morning?
YES __ NO X
12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping? Although I didn’t know it at the time, I used to wake up between 2-4 AM, sweats, bad dreams, anxiety. Thought it was par for the course. Sleeping much better now
YES X NO __
13. Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
YES X NO __
14. Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
YES __ NO X
15. Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?
I had a thought the other day; not too profound, especially for those who have been here before, but it came to me an a gut honest way that really hit home: I don’t like anyone enough to spend 24-7 with them….including myself. Drinking in boredom had become a way for me to cease living with myself and disengage from my own anxiety. An existential escape.
YES x NO __
16. Do you drink alone? How better to hide the quantity and frequency and keep deluding others and myself.
YES X NO __
17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking?
YES X NO __
18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?
YES __ NO X
19. Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?
YES __ NO x
20. Have you ever been to a hospital or institution because of drinking?
YES __ NO X
Ten for 20 and the other questionnaires were similar. Okay, now I know what the folks who spend their professional lives understanding and treating alcoholism would have to say, and have confirmed what I knew at a gut-level the entire time. I am an alcoholic.
It has been 26 days since my last drink and I'm reading a lot about the disease in books, on this forum, and elsewhere. I’m keeping a diary of my observations…the good and the bad…and have a 2-page list posted on my fridge of my preliminary brainstorm of reasons to stop drinking (and a calendar to add to the daily incentive/reminder to stay vigilant and try not to be overwhelmed OR cocky). Also, and I will stress this one as it came as a total surprise for me…I really recommend going to AA. As an agnostic and someone who generally eschews group-membership and ceremony, I was really, really surprised to find how at home I feel with some of these folks, and hearing the stories of people in my situation, with the same (more or less) problems has been enlightening and powerful.
I’m just starting this journey and may not have the weight of experience and long-years of sobriety to add gravity to my words, but wanted to share with you some of the thoughts and experiences I’ve had thus far.
I wish you well
First off, sorry for the long-winded post. It is my first on SR and there are a few things I want to share.
Until very recently, I drank for some of the same reasons as you. I told myself that boredom was the primary reason, although I suspected that the feeling of dis-ease I felt in my own skin and the desire for escape masked something a bit deeper. All in all a drank for around 7 years, from 23-30. Like most, it was occasional at first, then a couple at night just for kicks, then a few, then a few more. I won't bore you with the details, but it was enough that the evening escapes ended up producing more anxiety than they relieved. The YET-moments (yet = "you're eligible too") began to happen and take their toll. this is less than a zero-sum game...it is a losing proposition all round, though it took me a while to see that.
Like you, I wondered whether I was a problem drinker, or an alcoholic. Many problem drinkers probably ask themselves that question and I suspect that all alcoholics do. About 2 months ago, I decided (again) to seriously CUT BACK on my drinking. it worked for a few weeks until I got a 4-day weekend from work...what to do with the time? I went on a 5 night bender (2/PM to 8PM, 10-12 beers) and showed up to work that Monday shakey, sweaty, red-faced, and absolutely ashamed of myself.
I logged on to Amazon.com that night and bought three books: Under the Influence, Beyond the Influence, and Alcoholics Anonymous big book, primarily to get better educated about alcoholism and to try to answer the problem drinker vs. alcoholic question. The first two were real eye openers (just started reading the third). I work in healthcare (hepatology, of all places!) so I am pretty aware of the health ramifications of alcohol abuse/ism. That said, these books, and particularly Beyond the Influence, spell it all out, and also provide some pretty useful questionnaires that have been developed to try to diagnose alcoholism. The 20-question list posted recently is one of these tools. Here are my honest answers:
1. Do you lose time from work due to drinking? I have, after a particularly rowdy night/weekend. If you count showing up late, then ABSOLUTELY yes
YES X NO __
2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy? Well, I live alone but did drinking impact my life with myself?
YES X NO __
3. Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
YES __ NO X
4. Is your drinking affecting your reputation?
YES X NO __ I don’t know, but probably yes.
5. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking? Used to wake up at 2AM after dreams of run ins with LEO and feel terrible
YES X NO __
6. Have you ever got into financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
YES __ NO X
7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking?
YES __ NO X
8. Does your drinking make you careless of your family’s welfare?
YES __ NO X
9. Has your ambition decreased since drinking? Grad school? hmmmm
YES X NO __
10. Do you crave a drink at a definite time?
YES X NO __
11. Do you want a drink the next morning?
YES __ NO X
12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping? Although I didn’t know it at the time, I used to wake up between 2-4 AM, sweats, bad dreams, anxiety. Thought it was par for the course. Sleeping much better now
YES X NO __
13. Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
YES X NO __
14. Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
YES __ NO X
15. Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?
I had a thought the other day; not too profound, especially for those who have been here before, but it came to me an a gut honest way that really hit home: I don’t like anyone enough to spend 24-7 with them….including myself. Drinking in boredom had become a way for me to cease living with myself and disengage from my own anxiety. An existential escape.
YES x NO __
16. Do you drink alone? How better to hide the quantity and frequency and keep deluding others and myself.
YES X NO __
17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking?
YES X NO __
18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?
YES __ NO X
19. Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?
YES __ NO x
20. Have you ever been to a hospital or institution because of drinking?
YES __ NO X
Ten for 20 and the other questionnaires were similar. Okay, now I know what the folks who spend their professional lives understanding and treating alcoholism would have to say, and have confirmed what I knew at a gut-level the entire time. I am an alcoholic.
It has been 26 days since my last drink and I'm reading a lot about the disease in books, on this forum, and elsewhere. I’m keeping a diary of my observations…the good and the bad…and have a 2-page list posted on my fridge of my preliminary brainstorm of reasons to stop drinking (and a calendar to add to the daily incentive/reminder to stay vigilant and try not to be overwhelmed OR cocky). Also, and I will stress this one as it came as a total surprise for me…I really recommend going to AA. As an agnostic and someone who generally eschews group-membership and ceremony, I was really, really surprised to find how at home I feel with some of these folks, and hearing the stories of people in my situation, with the same (more or less) problems has been enlightening and powerful.
I’m just starting this journey and may not have the weight of experience and long-years of sobriety to add gravity to my words, but wanted to share with you some of the thoughts and experiences I’ve had thus far.
I wish you well
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 449
I wanted to update and say that I did not yet attend an AA meeting. Yesterday (Saturday) and today were actually really good days and the thought of alcohol was far from my mind. I did not drink either day.
I'm going to give this a few more days and see what happens... I know it's probably bad that I did not go to AA meetings, but at the same time, I had absolutely no desire or cravings to drink, either. If the desire (or constant thoughts) come back, I will attend.
I will continue to update this thread... and once again, thanks for caring. I'm so grateful that this forum exists.
I'm going to give this a few more days and see what happens... I know it's probably bad that I did not go to AA meetings, but at the same time, I had absolutely no desire or cravings to drink, either. If the desire (or constant thoughts) come back, I will attend.
I will continue to update this thread... and once again, thanks for caring. I'm so grateful that this forum exists.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by sobergirl77
Monday was good as well... I only thought about alcohol 2 times throughout the day.
Today is proving to be a little more difficult.
Today is proving to be a little more difficult.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
I guess that is the first step and I am afraid to admit it because then I am just like my parents were...
Even being sober and not drinking, I have done little else than think of alcohol. Just because I have stopped doesn't mean I don't think about it all the time. (Does this pass?)
After a few days sober I feel so lonely and depressed and miserable. Does this pass? What should I do?
Silly Rabbit
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 956
for me, music nailed it. i don't come to SR or go to AA "just to make sure" that i'm NOT an alcoholic.
my mom always told me (and so does patrick, and a bunch of other wiser than i AA folks) that it's not what you drink, how much you drink, or when you drink, but what happens when you drink. so if you drink, then fall into patterns of overindulgence, then have to montior yourself super carefully to make sure you're NOT an alcoholic, well...
remember, alcohol is but a symptom.
my mom always told me (and so does patrick, and a bunch of other wiser than i AA folks) that it's not what you drink, how much you drink, or when you drink, but what happens when you drink. so if you drink, then fall into patterns of overindulgence, then have to montior yourself super carefully to make sure you're NOT an alcoholic, well...
remember, alcohol is but a symptom.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Originally Posted by Emimily
it's not what you drink, how much you drink, or when you drink, but what happens when you drink. so if you drink, then fall into patterns of overindulgence, then have to montior yourself super carefully to make sure you're NOT an alcoholic, well...
remember, alcohol is but a symptom.
remember, alcohol is but a symptom.
JRock
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26
If you find you can't quit entirely or if you find that when you drink you have little or no control over the amount you take you probably are. But it still took me finding a sponsor who knew there was a solution through the steps for me to get help. I coukd always stop, but never stay stoppped. Until now that I have been working the steps.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 449
Originally Posted by Music
Question: How many non-problem drinkers go to a website and check in daily to let faceless people know how many times they've even "thought" about drinking? Now you tell me. Is there a problem with you drinking? Are you trying to not have to do anything about it? C'mon SG, regular people just don't have to think about alcohol. It's not a problem to them.
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