Please Help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 51
Please Help
I am so horrified and embarrased to be posting this.
After 2 years and 6 weeks (or so) sober, I am having a drink. I don't know why. It's like a bad dream. I've only had like 1/2 of a drink of vodka/cranberry and I don't know whether to stop or keep going or what.
I go to AA meetings - 2 a week - and I love my meetings. I've missed my Monday meeting 2 weeks in a row because of circumstances beyond my control (no childcare). I just feel sick. I know I'll have to pick up a white chip now, so I'm feeling like....do I keep drinking? Stop while I still can? Can I?
I am literally shaking while I am typing this. My heart is pounding.
I can't believe this is happening....although I know it's not happening TO me. I'm doing it.
Please, please, please tell me what to do.
After 2 years and 6 weeks (or so) sober, I am having a drink. I don't know why. It's like a bad dream. I've only had like 1/2 of a drink of vodka/cranberry and I don't know whether to stop or keep going or what.
I go to AA meetings - 2 a week - and I love my meetings. I've missed my Monday meeting 2 weeks in a row because of circumstances beyond my control (no childcare). I just feel sick. I know I'll have to pick up a white chip now, so I'm feeling like....do I keep drinking? Stop while I still can? Can I?
I am literally shaking while I am typing this. My heart is pounding.
I can't believe this is happening....although I know it's not happening TO me. I'm doing it.
Please, please, please tell me what to do.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 20
Just stop right now and throw out the rest of the vodka you have.
The fact that you posted here while drinking it shows that you really don't want to be drinking again.
You can delve into why you're doing this a little later, but right now the most important thing is don't go further with the drink.
I think the worst thing if it was me in this position, (and I've been in this spot before) is to have a few and then be fine, and think the next day; "well, that wasn't so bad". My advice don't think too hard about this, and don't beat yourself up too much either. This doesn't have to ruin your sobriety.
The fact that you posted here while drinking it shows that you really don't want to be drinking again.
You can delve into why you're doing this a little later, but right now the most important thing is don't go further with the drink.
I think the worst thing if it was me in this position, (and I've been in this spot before) is to have a few and then be fine, and think the next day; "well, that wasn't so bad". My advice don't think too hard about this, and don't beat yourself up too much either. This doesn't have to ruin your sobriety.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
I have always heard it never gets better out there for an alcoholic. I guess the choice is either to continue to drink after making a simple mistake and take the chance of winding right back up in the insanity and unmanagbility or stop now and get back into your program, call your sponsor, reach out for help (which you have already started to do by posting here), get back into the book and work on the steps. I realize that you are probably ashamed, embarrased and afraid. Those are perfectly understandable emotions under the circumstances but it would be a shame to let your pride stop you from getting help before the problem gets any worse.
Glad you posted. I will be praying for you. I believe you will be greeted with open arms if you just trust in God and put one foot in front of the other. Please keep us posted with your progress. The way I see it is "but for the grace of God, today, there go I". Your posting reminds me that I have to be viligent to keep it from being me today as it could happen to anyone at any time.
Glad you posted. I will be praying for you. I believe you will be greeted with open arms if you just trust in God and put one foot in front of the other. Please keep us posted with your progress. The way I see it is "but for the grace of God, today, there go I". Your posting reminds me that I have to be viligent to keep it from being me today as it could happen to anyone at any time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,002
1) Throw out the drink.
2) Call you sponsor.
3) If you do not have a sponsor, get one as soon as your sober, and you make it to the meeting.
4) Two out of the 5 meetings I go to have fellow members that bring there kids with them. That shouldn't be an issue.
Tom
2) Call you sponsor.
3) If you do not have a sponsor, get one as soon as your sober, and you make it to the meeting.
4) Two out of the 5 meetings I go to have fellow members that bring there kids with them. That shouldn't be an issue.
Tom
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Stop drinking and get back on track.
You know it will get worse and worse if you continue. You will not ease the pain, but make it worse.
Take a step back and ask yourself why this happened. What caused you to do this? Do you keep alcohol in your house or did you have to go buy it? I am so glad we never have alcohol in the house and it's something I don't have to think about.
Earthmama, stay focused on your recovery and move forward.
You know it will get worse and worse if you continue. You will not ease the pain, but make it worse.
Take a step back and ask yourself why this happened. What caused you to do this? Do you keep alcohol in your house or did you have to go buy it? I am so glad we never have alcohol in the house and it's something I don't have to think about.
Earthmama, stay focused on your recovery and move forward.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 86
Sobriety isn't a competition to see who has the most time up. You've had a slip and that shows that you aren't perfect and that alcohol is truly cunning, baffling and powerful. The most important thing to do is stop drinking, talk to your sponsor and get to a meeting. There is absolutely no reason to beat yourself up about it or to worry about what others will think of you.
You now have a very strong message to give to your other AA members about just how insidious alcohol is to the alcoholic and if you fall off the horse GET STRAIGHT BACK ON AGAIN. I believe we are presented with difficulties for a reason, after all a smooth sea has never made a skillful sailor.
Best wishes,
Shaneo.
You now have a very strong message to give to your other AA members about just how insidious alcohol is to the alcoholic and if you fall off the horse GET STRAIGHT BACK ON AGAIN. I believe we are presented with difficulties for a reason, after all a smooth sea has never made a skillful sailor.
Best wishes,
Shaneo.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 51
I don't know how I got here.
I "thought" I was doing the things I was supposed to do - going to meetings, helping other alcoholics, etc. But, truthfully, I had missed my home group two weeks in a row, and hadn't posted on sober recovery in a LONG time (which was what I considered my "12th step work" since my meeting are full of old-timers). I had stopped daily meditation. I guess I was resting on my laurels, really. And a bunch of things came together - there is always alcohol in the house because my husband drinks, my 7 year old with autism has been VERY challenging lately, I was having more contact than usual with my alcoholic mom, etc..... I felt like I "deserved" a "break" from everything. Which was stupid, because as soon as I took that drink, my heart started POUNDING - it was like a panic attack, or bad dream, or something. Far from a "break". But I had another drink
Now I don't know what I'm doing, or what to do.
Everyone's words are helping. But I'm really really really scared
I "thought" I was doing the things I was supposed to do - going to meetings, helping other alcoholics, etc. But, truthfully, I had missed my home group two weeks in a row, and hadn't posted on sober recovery in a LONG time (which was what I considered my "12th step work" since my meeting are full of old-timers). I had stopped daily meditation. I guess I was resting on my laurels, really. And a bunch of things came together - there is always alcohol in the house because my husband drinks, my 7 year old with autism has been VERY challenging lately, I was having more contact than usual with my alcoholic mom, etc..... I felt like I "deserved" a "break" from everything. Which was stupid, because as soon as I took that drink, my heart started POUNDING - it was like a panic attack, or bad dream, or something. Far from a "break". But I had another drink
Now I don't know what I'm doing, or what to do.Everyone's words are helping. But I'm really really really scared
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
STEP BACK AND LOOK AT THE FACTS BY THEMSELVES.
1. You have had one or two drinks, (millions of folks do that everyday).
2. You are an ALCOHOLIC; therefore you can't drink without disastrous results.
It is now a matter of realizing that the world won't stop because you had two drinks. Yours will sooner than later if YOU KEEP DRINKING! Stop now and all that happened is you HAD TWO DRINKS. Only we count days sober as earth shaking. They really are only a way of keeping score for ourselves. They don't make everyday after today any better or worse, WE DO THAT, EACH DAY, ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Don't turn this minor slip into a 50 story plunge to the concrete!! You are just as good right now as you were yesterday, like an auto in a fender bender, we don't scrap the car, we just get the dent knocked out, apply a little paint and off we go again as good as new.
I am praying for strength for you. PUT THE DRINK DOWN-GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR-and say "BOY THAT WAS DUMB!!" Now get back in the game and know you are a little wiser than before you took this detour.
AA will ruin your drinking, so there is no real reason to take it up again.
Jon
1. You have had one or two drinks, (millions of folks do that everyday).
2. You are an ALCOHOLIC; therefore you can't drink without disastrous results.
It is now a matter of realizing that the world won't stop because you had two drinks. Yours will sooner than later if YOU KEEP DRINKING! Stop now and all that happened is you HAD TWO DRINKS. Only we count days sober as earth shaking. They really are only a way of keeping score for ourselves. They don't make everyday after today any better or worse, WE DO THAT, EACH DAY, ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Don't turn this minor slip into a 50 story plunge to the concrete!! You are just as good right now as you were yesterday, like an auto in a fender bender, we don't scrap the car, we just get the dent knocked out, apply a little paint and off we go again as good as new.
I am praying for strength for you. PUT THE DRINK DOWN-GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR-and say "BOY THAT WAS DUMB!!" Now get back in the game and know you are a little wiser than before you took this detour.
AA will ruin your drinking, so there is no real reason to take it up again.
Jon
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
Hi Earthmama,
I have been where you are right now and I kept on drinking for fourteen more years before I got back on track and into AA again. This happened with my best friend too & I went to a meeting and vented about how much I hated alcohol and alcoholism. Some of the ones that really want to quit drinking somehow cannot. And it is true that some usually end up in jail, institutions, or die.
This isn't the end of the world but it could be if you continue on. That child with Autism needs you even if it is so overwheming....your family needs you.... most imporant of all, you need you.
Please keep posting here and call someone from your AA Homegroup or your Sponsor. That is what she is for...YOU!
I have been where you are right now and I kept on drinking for fourteen more years before I got back on track and into AA again. This happened with my best friend too & I went to a meeting and vented about how much I hated alcohol and alcoholism. Some of the ones that really want to quit drinking somehow cannot. And it is true that some usually end up in jail, institutions, or die.
This isn't the end of the world but it could be if you continue on. That child with Autism needs you even if it is so overwheming....your family needs you.... most imporant of all, you need you.
Please keep posting here and call someone from your AA Homegroup or your Sponsor. That is what she is for...YOU!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Baton
Posts: 24
I'm saying a prayer for you. You've come so far. Stay strong. This is only day 6 for me. Each time I think about drinking, I remind myself that my family AND my health are far more important. Yours are too.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
Put the drink down. It will get worse. Alcohol is poison for an alcoholic.
Keep reaching out. Don't keep drinking.
I had that same choice the last time I drank. I chose not to stop and I got in a lot of trouble as a result.
You can put the shovel down now and stop digging any further.
Keep reaching out. Don't keep drinking.
I had that same choice the last time I drank. I chose not to stop and I got in a lot of trouble as a result.
You can put the shovel down now and stop digging any further.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Cumming, Ga
Posts: 665
It sounds like you have a desire to stop drinking. You've been in the program, so you know what to do, put down the drink, go to a meeting. If you have a sober network of friends, call them. Now, one of the first things my sponsor told me was not to call him drunk, that he didn't talk to drunk people. So, there will be people who won't listen to someone while they are under the influence. Here's the deal, the last time I took the first drink, which was at 7 years, it put me out there for 4 years. Pride and fear kept me from coming back. That's when I learned the real meaning of hopelessness. You do not have to go in that direction. You can take action now. I'm a little over 7 months again, but my life is better today than it ever was before. A sponsor and step work has made the difference. The reason I went back out was because I had lost connection with the program, and spiritual fitness dissolved. Before I knew it, I had lost connection with the first step. When that happens, I'm gonna drink and I'm gonna die. I'm a real alcoholic and that's what happens.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Newton Iowa
Posts: 157
I hope I dont come across as cold but here goes.
Put down the drink, its not doing you any good.
Look back and see where you got off track. Do you have a sponser and if you do is she a good one? Do you have a Higher Power that you use? Do you go to step studies and work the steps as best you can? Did you clean house and clear away the wreckage of your past?
2 meetings a week does not = a sober & happy life. You can live in meetings and if your not working the program your not getting better.
I wish you luck on the work ahead.
Put down the drink, its not doing you any good.
Look back and see where you got off track. Do you have a sponser and if you do is she a good one? Do you have a Higher Power that you use? Do you go to step studies and work the steps as best you can? Did you clean house and clear away the wreckage of your past?
2 meetings a week does not = a sober & happy life. You can live in meetings and if your not working the program your not getting better.
I wish you luck on the work ahead.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 95
A friend of mine said "Practice makes better". I think many people (myself included) get so caught up in the struggle to obtain perfection that they overlook the more reasonable goal of simply improving. We veer from our paths to perfection, it happens. What really counts though is that we are always striving to at least get better.
You can't change what has happened, but you can still practice. Practice makes better, and the only way you'll get better at being sober is to practice not drinking. We're here for you, know what you are going through, and want to help you make the right decision.
As you said, you do deserve a break from everything. Its just hard to remember at those times that alcohol does not offer a break from anything, it just makes those things more difficult to handle.
Good luck and best wishes.
You can't change what has happened, but you can still practice. Practice makes better, and the only way you'll get better at being sober is to practice not drinking. We're here for you, know what you are going through, and want to help you make the right decision.
As you said, you do deserve a break from everything. Its just hard to remember at those times that alcohol does not offer a break from anything, it just makes those things more difficult to handle.
Good luck and best wishes.
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