foghead

Im just shy of 40 days sober and i am spending most of the time on my own. I know its because im mostly feeling down rather than up or balanced ( not sucicidal down just not happy}. Anyway, i just want to know is this normal behaviour at the start of recovery because i keep thinking the not drinking is making me even more lonlier and isolated, but i im also willing to hack it out till things start to change, guess i just need some inspiration.

rws177

I think this is normal. When I first got sober I remember thinking there was no way I could have fun and go out without drinking. Then I started throwing myself into my hobbies and finding people to hang out with that do not drink. The few solid friends that stuck by me threw out this will have dinners with me or hangout with out drinking which is nice too. It was all in my head that I had to be isloated and was no fun to be around due to my life style changes. Just keep working on yourself and start putting yourself out there! Congrats on your 40days of not drinking.

doggonecarl

You're are still early in recovery. But that being said, you have to be proactive in the other aspects of your life. You can't just stop drinking and wait for things to change or get better. You have to get out and do stuff, even if you don't feel like it. I bet once you are engaged in an activity, you'll forget you're supposed to be moping around, missing alcohol, which is what it seems you are doing.

Another way to look at it is to not view it as isolation, but as a time for you to gather yourself, come to grips with your new "sober" life, and make plans for the future, which hopefully will contain the people and activities you enjoy.

Good luck.

bettterlife4me

Foghead - I am 33 days sober today and feeling the same way. Down, sad, and don't know why. This has just developed in the last week or so. I have much to be grateful for - I have a house (although it needs many repairs), a car, family and friends who care about me so what's my problem?

Living alone has it's advantages, but it can also be lonely.

Lushwell

Isolation has nothing to do with recovery and everything to do with the illness of chemical dependency. Our illness thrives on it. This is where self discipline is paramount. It takes effort to force ourselves out and to interact. No different than recovering from a physical disability, there will be a long, sometimes painful, period of recuperation where we must exert ourselves. Or make no gains. Become a useless lump.

I'm not familiar with any method of recovery [that is successful] that promotes isolation. Get up. Get out. Get involved. You make no mention of any form of support network that will help you through this initial stage of recovery. And that's what it is that you are going through.... a stage of recovery. Or a holding pattern for your illness, depending on the choices you make.

Are you interested in developing a network that will support you in this recovery process?

loveon2legs

I pretty much isolated myself for the first 6 months...didn't have the desire or energy to go out and do much of anything..while I don't promote it, sometimes I feel people have to get it together before they can venture out in their "new skin" I know I did..simple things freaked me out at first...even sitting at my computer was so hard without a drink..and felt so strange...so I believe in baby steps....I started counselling,went to church,went to an AA meeting (going again) and read alot!
Don't be hard on yourself! be kind to you! getting out does make you feel better at the end of the day...just keep breathing...and be thankful for something everyday!!

LaFemme

I found that I really had to be gentle with myself in the beginning. I kept getting sick (ear infection, cold, cough, etc) which in hindsight I think was my body forcing me to slow down.

So getting used to sobriety and being alone is one thing.

That said, try and do one thing, every day (it can be really small) that gets you out of yourself and is different from what you did when you drank. Take it easy but start making changes...baby steps my friend, baby steps

jamdls

I too isolated myself during the first year of sobriety, other than going to work I rarely left the house. Initially I was afraid of social contact because I just didn't know what I might do or say, but gradually with self study and prayer I got comfortable with the new me and I gained confidence. I'm really glad I live alone because it allowed me to really focus on ME w/o having to please, report, or conform to what anyone else expected.

johndelko408

It's perfectly normal, especially in early recovery/sobriety. To me it seems like in early sobriety we're still becoming accustomed to our new way of life. Also for me I often drank to escape the loneliness and boredom of being alone. That's why I went out to bars so that I wouldn't feel so alone. But going out to bars in itself was lonely, unless I was there everyday its not like I actually knew anyone there. I assume you're working a recovery program being that you used the term recovery. Hang around the rooms for awhile and you'll meet some good people and find things to do so that you don't feel so lonely. Just reach out, there's always people that want to help. Congrats on the 40 days, you're doing a great job.

DayTrader

I had a lot of ppl tell me, "OMG.....yer isolating....get out there and enjoy life." They meant well, but that proved to be bad advice for me.......sometimes. Sometimes it's good advice, sometimes it's bad. It really just "depends."

I had a lot of alone time in early sobriety - especially in the evenings and on weekends......no license made that my reality. I was challenged by some loving mentors to try to make proper use of that time though. They warned me to avoid sitting around, doing nothing other than feeling sorry for myself.

If you're productive in that alone time, I think it's great. I've had to change my daily routine TO include some alone time, some prayer time, some meditation time, and so forth.

Too much of anything, for the typical alcoholic, is something to keep an eye on. We alkies tend to over-do a lot of stuff.

foghead

Thanks for all the comments. Im currently seeing a counseller but not in AA. AA were i live have a very bad rep. I weight train at home 3-4 times a week and have done for years and is something im really into. Also have started meditating and writing a diary each night just to fill in the gaps but the way i am at the minute is that even when i am out and around people , im still in my own wee world with this big problem in my head that im trying to overcome and most people that I know dont realise how bad my drinking was and what it really does to my head and therefore dont really take what i say seriously enough but thats fair enough, im going to starting going to the swimming pool ( thats my next goal). Hope i dont seem like im ranting on a bit and im so sick and tired of even talking about it these days even when i say it into myself im like " ffs will you give over ".

Boleo

At 1 year sober I was forced to isolate - I became an OTR truck driver. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I was forced to use prayer and meditation to keep form going back to my old ways of dealing with adversity.