wcr44

I'm such a pathetic loser. Why bother, everyone will be better off without me

Tazman53

BS!!!!!

I felt the same way, I was at my bottom, I knew I was going to die if I did not stop, but I could not stop, my disease had progressed to the point where I no longer had the mental or physical ability to not drink, I had to drink!

When I hit that point I surrendered to the fact that I could not quit on my own! I went to the doctor and told him the ENTIRE truth, I went into detox and became willing to do what ever it took to stay sober once they got me beyond the point of physical withdrawals.

I followed directions, I was beaten, I was finally convinced that Martin's way did not work, I had no idea what to do so I listened to what people who had been right where I was at told me they did to stay sober and it worked!!! Why? Because they were following a path that thousands of other alcoholics had followed before them that stayed sober! It was not thier path, it was the path of those who had sobered up before them.

Are you ready to surrender? Are you ready to say "I am powerless over alcohol!"? Are you ready to say "My life is unmanageable when I am drinking."?

Are you willing to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober?

baggervance

If you cant go a day go as long as you can.You are not hopeless if I can do this you can.Ive been where you are talk to someone even if it is here on these fourms.I am a real alcoholic and it is not easy but it is better.You can do this.

wcr44

Thanks. I know what I need to do but, quite frankly I'm not sure I WANT to. I do feel better drinking or just knowing one is coming. I don't know when I passed the point of no return, but I'm there now, I guess.

This sucks

Sara9009

:ghug

It sounds like you are in a really bad place right now. Can you call your Doctor and get seen today? Depending on what recovery route you want to take there are a lot of new and old medications that can help you get started and help with the cravings as well as with the withdrawal process. Also, because of the obvious depression you are experiencing I would highly recommend seeing a counselor ASAP.

In the very least if you are feeling suicidal please in the least call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433).

My thoughts are with you. We are all here for you and please do not give up. I know it feels like things are impossible but it really does get better. I don't think there is any alcoholic that has not felt like a "loser." Your brain has gone through a lot of changes from your drinking and depression is a huge change but the brain has a miraculous ability to heal itself.

Sara9009

I thought I felt better drinking too. Even after just a month I am less depressed, I have more energy, I didn't even realize I was constantly hungover. Your brain might be telling you that you feel better drinking but your brain is "sick" right now. It will tell you anything to get it's next drink. You really need to put yourself into the hands of the people that can help you. You are ready now so pick up the phone. Why wait? You have a life to live.

wcr44

I don't understand why I can't just say "STOP!" and actually do it. I'm depressed, so I have a drink, then I'm depressed BECAUSE I had a drink. I mean, I'm a smart, successful guy with an otherwise good life. Hell, as recently as yesterday I'm telling my adult step-son (who lives 2000 miles away) that he shouldn't mix Zanax and alcohol because it's dangerous, and he listened to me because he respects my opinion. How the hell did I end up HERE??

And Sara - thanks for the advice. Nothing to worry about, though, I'm not brave enough to commit suicide...Just feeling ridiculously sorry for myself and realizing that it is inevitable that I will have another drink later today. Whether I want to or not.

Sara9009

I can definitely say I asked myself how in the hell I got here more than once especially since I come from a family of alcoholics and knew what the outcome would be. I guess right now it doesn't matter how I got here it's where I am going from this point on.

bugsworth

There is not a soul on this board that does not understand the feelings you are having right now. They are intense and overwhelming! You can stop, the problem is it is extremely difficult with that committee screaming in your head. I remember a time I would cry and drink at the same time, pretty messed up. It was my experience that I needed to take it one day at a time, one craving at a time. Your brain views alcohol as a friend, when in fact it is the cause of your depression. You need to harness your power, you are stronger than your cravings! If you know this, I mean really know it, you will be able to dig in and push away the thing that is killing you. It will be hard, but heck most things in life worth achieving are. Support is important, faith in yourself and faith that this is not Gods plan for you will see you thru. Stay connected and remain vigilant, putting down the drink opens the door to a new life, one that is worth living!

Tazman53

Read what you posted here and tell me you do not want to quit. First you say "quite frankly I'm not sure I WANT to." then you end the post with "This sucks". If you think it sucks are you sure you do not want to quit?

wcr you need help, alcoholism is a progressive disease, some of us decide to stop before our body becomes to physically addicted to alcohol and do not have severe hang overs, others like me need medical detox to safely quit. Only a doctor can determine this, please see a doctor to start with.

The next thing you need to realize and I am sure you are seeing it already here is that you are not alone!!!! Millions of people suffer from alcoholism, millions die from it, some of us find a solution to our alcoholism and stop drinking before it kills us, there are a few that manage to stop on thier own, but the majority of people who have stopped have done so through a recovery program/support group of some sort, AA is the program that worked for me and millions of others, but there are other programs that work as well, the one thing to keep in mind is that none of the programs out there will work unless one works at them.

Nobody was ever struck drunk, we worked at getting the way we were, initially we found pleasure in it, but slowly it took us to the bowels of our own personal hell, to my knowledge no one ever got stuck sober either, we worked at getting and staying sober, however it was the opposite with sobriety, it was hell at first, but with time and work it got better, and as long as we continue to work at sobriety it gets better every day.

Zoobear

Nobody told me that quitting booze was easy, they said it was simple.
If you cant do it on your own check into treatment. Its hard to get a drink there.
If your not sure you want to quit keep drinking. Maybe you have more suffering to do before your done.

Tazman53

Zoobear sadly what you say is true, we all have to drink enough before we are able to quit or .................................................. ...................die!

Missymae737

Hi,

Please don't give up...MAKE up your mind that you are DONE on the addiction cycle before it is to late...

The end of my drinking took me to a HELL of drinking only to pass out, wake up and do it all over again...THIS is the end stage of drinking, and if I didn't stop I would have been knocking on deaths door...

Thinking of you...:praying

snowgoose

Yes, look at all of us who know just how bad you feel. Cuz we've been there. And in my case I knew a few recovering alcoholics who had been basket cases at one point, even thought to be "wet brains", who were staying sober 24hours after 24hours in AA. If they could do it, there was a chance for me, right? I'm thinking Zoobear may be right in suggesting treatment of some kind.

dave47

Great advice for you on here WCR from the people who know.If you really want to stop then take the bull by the horns and get help.It's a vicious circle and we've all tortured ourselves,break it and reclaim your life,best wishes.

Jfanagle

You Wrote: "I don't understand why I can't just say "STOP!" and actually do it."

Answer: You are an alcoholic. Next question?

All the previous posts have summed it up nicely. If you want to stop you have to dig deep down inside and MAKE A DECISION, and then stick with it.

Here is a question for you WCR44: If 3 birds are sitting on a wire and one decides to fly away, how many birds are left on the wire?

If you answered 2 you are wrong, there are still 3, the one bird just decided to fly away, and he didn't DO IT.
Same thing applies to your question as to why you can't "just say STOP" you absolutely HAVE TO DO IT. Like so many others on this post I wanted it worse than I wanted a next drink. Sometimes not a whole lot more than the next drink, but just a wee bit more. Hell, I sat under my dining room table and held on to two legs, one with each hand for almost 4 hours one time, because I couldn't drink with my hands occupied.

I spent a lot more time in AA meetings than I wanted to at first and I walked all over town during drinking urges. It does get better, but it won't if you sit and think about it and don't do anything. It is in your court now. You have plenty of good advice, question is, do you want it badly enough to heed that advice.

Best of luck, but more importantly luck really has nothing to do with it. Get into action so you can continue to "give good advice to those people in your life who need that and want it.

Jon

paulmh

I couldn't even manage a day either. Compulsion to drink was just too overwhelming to me. And the sort of alcoholic I am, I had to just carry on until the fear and pain of doing things differently became less than the pain of staying the same. And I was at a meeting last night and heard someone who had attempted suicide recently and was in the depths of despair - and still couldn't stop. It's a miserable place - but one day at a time we can travel to a better one. Honestly.

Alyce14

I hate it when Tazman weighs in, because he is always so right on.

Commit, commit, commit. (I haven't done it, by the way, but I am trying).

We are alcoholics. Nothing is going to make that go away. The startling thing to me is that there are people out there who don't live for their next drink. Weird, huh? Maybe, just maybe, there is another way to live.

Alyce

Alyce14

WCR44, you are not a pathetic loser. You just have this problem. I watch my bf bite his nails, and smoke, and chew nicorettes, and be overweight 'cause he has an awful diet. Yet I think my (one) problem is worse than his...

Still, it is my problem to deal with.

Realize that you have a genetic addiction, and there is no blame-just ways to deal.

Alyce

nandm

It is amazing how beat up most of us are by the time we find a solution to our alcohlism. They say we are our own worst critics, sometimes I think that is true. My experience is: I was to the point of I could not live with alcohol but did not know how to live without it. My insides were so miserable. I hated being in my own skin. I felt like a loser. "Why didn't I have the willpower to stop drinking? My willpower worked in every other area of my life. In other areas I felt like my willpower could move mountains. Yet, as far as alcohol went, I must be a loser because I can't control it" That is how I felt. I hated who I had become. I knew I needed to change but not only did not know how but was afraid that if I changed it might be even worse than it was already. I was so afraid that if people knew the real me they would hate me. I could not be truely honest with anyone as they might find out who I really was. I was so tired. Tired of fighting, tired of living, tired of dying, just down right tired of life.

Fortunately, I asked for help and was given help. All I had to do was put one foot in front of the other. I no longer feel those feelings. There are days when I feel bad because I have done something stupid but I don't see me as stupid. I am able to separate the action from the individual. Life is better. I am no longer tired of life.

Take care. Keep posting. There is a solution that can give you a happy life.