tellus

This popped up in one of my friend's LJ entries: "How can anything I'd say help that? Certainly I shouldn't say "I used to take huge handfulls of ibuprofen and that would make me feel a whole lot better". Sometimes I think it makes it worse to remember it so well. It makes me feel that hopelessness and then I can't think of any god damn thing to say, because I know it's all stupid and won't help anyway. It makes me want to drink again, not like I do now but the way I used to, until I've run myself into the ground and can't remember, can't feel, can't think. There's this point that's so beautiful...when your brain just stops..."

This is the girl who encouraged my alcoholism when I was just starting. The girl who, in college, everyone was concerned about but not quite enough to confront her. I know she's experimented with coke, and I know she has an alcohol dependency problem.

Is it out of place to say something, given we've had a falling-out? (We had the falling-out because she encouraged me to keep drinking when I was just starting to have a problem with it.)

Pinkcuda

It isn't your place to tell her anything. It's also not out of place either. This girl is also in no way, shape, or form responsible for your choices in life either.
Other than that, I'm having a hard time following your story.

tellus

Basically: She encouraged my alcoholism, so I resented her (and blamed her) for that. Now she's on the brink of falling back into her own alcoholism. Given that I blamed her for my own illness in the past, is it my place to tell her I'm worried about her now?

SaTiT

Sometimes, you can't. And a lot of times it didn't matter
what I did or didn't do..my gf didn't stopped on the account
of what i thought or felt.
It's a hard lesson learned I imagine for a lot of us.

I have friends that still do what they do and it effects thier lives,
and they use to take me too and it effects me even more.
it didn't work out too well for me, so i had to do what I had to do.

I don't hate them or anything, it's just that i can't live that anymore
and I can't play with them anymore.
My friends knows i still care about them. I can't play with them in
those play grounds anymore..that's all.
They know I'm in recovery and why.

I just talk to other people that an help me get through some
of the wreackage I did and try to move on as best as i can.

Ulitamately it's my responsiblities...and i guess my friends have
the same freedom.

Pinkcuda

If you aproach with tact and non-confrontational, by all means, Do it! However, the resentment is all yours. You own it.

Sara9009

From what I gathered you aren't on speaking terms so I wouldn't confront her. She will not take what you say to heart. If someone I wasn't speaking to decided to "confront" me about my drinking I wouldn't take what they said very seriously. I would consider it a further part of the falling out and that the person needed to stop "stalking" me. Not saying you are stalking her just saying that is probably what I would think if someone from my past confronted my about a post on a blog.

I really think your energy would be better used to make your life positive. Not thinking about her "role" in your alcoholism. It's not good to carry that kind of stuff around. For me personally I don't blame anyone for my drinking but myself. No one forced it down my mouth. I did that all on my own.

baggervance

I know several people that I think have drinking problems I've never said a word.It's not my place to save the world.My thinking it is just like someone who starts the church thing and wants everyone to go with them.Ive seeen it in AA.Work on your own soberity and through your actions if someone sees something they want or need they will come to you.I wanted people to drink with me the way I drink because I needed to have someone to point my finger at.

Tazman53

Tellus if the 2 of you are not talking at all, then there is no reason to say a thing to her, if the 2 of you are talking, it all depends upon what about, if she is talking about her drinking and how it affects her then that would open the door for you to say something, other wise I would just worry about my side of the street.

Sara said it pretty well, one thing I had to do was to quit trying to blame others for what I did to myself! No one forced me to drink, no one forced me to hang out with them or buy booze, I did it! I had to accept full responsibilty for all my actions and stop trying to put the balme some where else. I am an adult and capable of making my own decisions.

Family and friends begged me and threatened me about my drinking, but what they said meant nothing to me. I was the only one to decide that I had drank enough, that I hurt bad enough from my drinking and I had to accept that if I kept on drinking I was going to die.

I made the decision to drink, no one made it for me, I made the decision to stop (I did have to go to detox to do it), no one made it for me!

BP44

One of the things we have to learn early on is that we can't give away what we don't have. The fact that you think she is responsible for your alcoholism's progression reveals that you have a lot of work ahead. What are you doing to recover from alcoholism? And believe me, I understand the concern. Sometimes there are others who are better suited to help someone than we are at that particular time. If you have a sponsor, they can help you with this.

snowgoose

My former husband, an active alcoholic, browbeat me into drinking with him. It wasn't long before I discovered that booze would anesthetize the pain of my abusive marriage. (I wanted the marriage but not the abuse.) Eventually I had to face getting a divorce. I kept drinking because I felt a failure and was depressed about it. I didn't have to keep drinking, did I? And I'm convinced that I would have had an alcohol problem one way or the other, eventually. The issue of blaming him is dead for me. What I am grateful for, is the understanding of the disease of alcoholism that we obviously both have, and for a reason to work the program of AA, which I consider incredibly wise.

Best wishes to you from the Snowgoose.