augustine

Hello. My name is Dietrich.

Ive been reading here for a couple of months now, but never had the guts to sign up or post. You'er stories have been verr helpful to me and I thought maybe just reading them and applying to my own life would be enough.

But lately I ferl like I want to ask questions because I am worred that things are getting out of control.

I'm finding that eve cutting down is impossible. I wake up, look myself in the mirror and say "This is it! It HAS to stop. As of today, I am done!" And that lasts about two hours. Sometimes I think I'm hopeless and I should jsut drink what I want, when I want since it doesn't matter what I do or say anway.

If this keeps up I coul lose my position or worse. Yet, I kep doing it. I know I'm not stupid, but something abou tthis. I feel like I already loss a battle I didn't know I was fighting. There is also the prblem that I have to drink for my work.

I can't go to AA or ask for treatment becaus I knw I would be recognisd and that would be just a bad as the drinkin in my community. Right now its my secret but if people saw me theer it would be terrible.

I like this icon. :praying Because right now, that is all I cn do.

regards
Dietrich

nandm

Hi, I am glad you decided to post. Welcome to SR.

I noticed a couple of things right off from your post, please remember that when something is in written form it can be hard to tell in what spirit it is written. What I write is meant to help not hurt so if something I say causes you to feel hurt please let me know so I can clarify what I mean. Thanks

It sounds to me like you already know alcohol has kicked your a**. It did mine too. I finally came to a point where I could not face life with alcohol and could not face it without it. It is a scary and hopeless place to be. But I can assure you there is hope even if it does not feel that way now. I was in a profession where my job would have been in jeapordy if anyone had realized just how bad my problem was. I did fear for my job, but it finally came to the point I was so miserable and desperate for a solution that I jumped in and did what it took no matter what I thought I might lose. For me it gave me a better life than I could have dreamed of.

I have heard this frequently. It is not uncommon for someone to worry that their secret will get out. One thing I can assure you of is that the majority of people in A.A. respect others anomynity because they want theirs respected. I have never run into a problem with someone discussing my being at a meeting outside the rooms of A.A. When I run into someone I have seen in a meeting on the street, I do not say "hey, didn't I see you last night in the A.A. meeting?" I am polite and if they appear to recognize me I say a polite hello and let the converstation go from there. I have not had anyone yet that has started talking about A.A. when approached in that manner. I know Dr's, Lawyers, nurses, paramedics, truck drivers, retired people, there are all types of people in A.A. Each has had to face the same concern that you are facing. I believe once you let go of that fear and walk through the doors you will realize that in the rooms of A.A. you are just another alcoholic who needs help. What you do for a living is irrelevant.

I know there are people who quit drinking without A.A. but nothing else worked for me. I hope no matter what you decide to try to quit drinking you continue to post as you are welcome, wanted, and needed here.

CarolD

Glad to see you decided to share with us

I see you used Matt Talbot in your post.
That's interesting ....
are you planning to emulate his path?

As I am sure you know...he found sobriety
with Christianity and died before AA was founded.

We do have a SR Forum that you might have missed

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ians-recovery/

Welcome!

SaTiT

After all it is alcoholic anonymouse.

I belive alot of us have been there or felt the way you do.
At least i did..I thought about what people would think or say
about me.

okay since it is getting worst for you, and you feel like you don't
care or feel like giving up and you tried to quite by yourself and
that didn't worked...I've been there.

some AA members had to be direct with me.
" i didn't go to AA to save my face, i went to AA to save my ass".

What would people say if i die of liver failure or choke on my owm vommit ?
They would talk sheit anyways and forget about me.

There's a part of you in there...that didn't gave a rats ass
what anyone thought when you got drunk or wasted.

Trun that into a posistive. Use it to serve you to better your life.

Keep on reaching out no matter what.

snowgoose

Hi, Dietrich, glad you're reading and now posting on SR. You've probably read other responses to folks who have expressed doubts about going to AA because of their position and/or because they live in an area where they might be recognized and it might "get out".

After I finally did go to AA in this small town because I found I'd run out of ideas on how to stay sober, a few things happened:

1. I stayed sober, at least so far, which I had not been doing.
2. Some idiot (actually a wife who really was a dense person and who had been brought to a meeting by her husband who sought sobriety) broke my anonymity at work and the world failed to collapse.
3. I now deliberately drop the information that I go to AA in order to keep sober, in certain situations because I want people to know who to ask for help when they have The Problem.
4. I sense that I have gained a lot of respect because I sensibly tackled my problem and now am willing to help others.

Whether or not you attend AA, we here on SR care about your progress. Please continue to let us know how you are doing. Best wishes from the Snowgoose.

augustine

Hello again and thank you for your kind replies.

I had a small panic attack this morning when I realized I'd actually posted something here. There are others that share this computer and it occured to me they possibly see it. But, I made peace with the idea that I did it and decided to respond. Perhaps it was God's way to telling me to stop thinking about it and start doing something.

I am not hurt by your words nandm because I think you maybe right. There are times when I feel that things are going just fine, but I am constantly fced with the reality that they aren't. It is neither comfortable or happy. I know it is wrong to drink every day, but I do..

And yes Carol, do have a fondness for Matt Talbot. I believe that it is his intercession as well as that of St. Monica (patron of alcoholics) and of course Our Savior Jesus Christ that kept me sober for over 20 years and I pray daily for his beautification and eventual canonization.

Thank you very much for your stories about AA as well. I am very much gladd to hear that the world di not end after your participation was discovered, Snowgoose. I am sure that instead, those who love you were pleased to see you helping yourself.

The problem for me is and has been that I am not a docotr or a lawyer or a business man. I am a Roman Catholic Priest. I have never heard of a priest attending alcoholics anonymous meetins, but I fear that the discovery that I had done so would create nothing but scandal in my parish. How could people trust me to counsel them and hear their confessions if they knew?

I honestly do not know what to do.

regards,
Dietrich

nandm

You are not alone. We have at least one Catholic priest that attends meetings here in Portland, OR. We even have meetings held at the Grotto. A beautiful place, full of serenity and hope. I personally would be more comfortable and trust a priest who was able to acknowledge their imperfection and face it with a solution. I think you will find that the respect you get for working on a solution and your honesty will be amazing. I think the saying "trust in God and clean house" is very applicable here. I think it would be much worse if you were caught with your drinking out of control than if you were caught in an A.A. meeting seeking a solution and help for a problem. It is no different than going to a doctor to treat diabetes or cancer. You are seeking a solution for a medical problem. The difference is alcoholism has a spiritual component to it that has to be addressed. So an added benefit would be increasing your spirituality and connection with your God. That in and of itself is a wonderful thing. There is always room for growth.

Even if you choose not to utilize the rooms of A.A. where you are at, you might consider seeking some online A.A. groups. There are several. This site is also quite beneficial. I don't think anyone would wonder why you would have a Big Book of A.A. as you can always say it is so you can better serve the needs of your community. That is an honest answer because your being sober allows you to better meet the needs of your community.

Please keep posting.

Judith

akimmel1302

it came down to this for me....worry about what other people thought...or get down to business and get the problem takin care of...i had been through enough pain and hit a very low bottom so it wa easy for me to make that decision....i was done with it...thats when i started doing what i needed to do and i now feel extremely comfortable in AA.

-kimmel

CarolD

Glad to see you again...

One of the people in my first home group ,
very instrumental in my early recovery...
is Father Bill S.
And I am not a Catholic.
We both are alcoholics.

He makes no secret of his calling in meetings
tho he wears regular clothes to AA.
As do 2 nuns who attend there.

I understand the Catholic church has special
treatment centers for clergy.
I would imagine they have a guideline on
how to deal with your parishioners and your recovery.
However...I have no facts to share on this.

Speaking of facts...
Please read this link from the book that
convinced me to quit and stay quit.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

I do so hope you can find your way
regardless of how you choose.

snowgoose

Fr. Dietrich: My first real sponsor was a Catholic priest who made no secret of attending meetings. He both received and gave help regarding alcoholism here in this small town. It is just how it was; I have no sense of his ever having suffered for it. On the contrary, his experiences doubtless made him far more qualified to counsel others.... hope this helps.

Blessings from the Snowgoose.

GrouchoTheCat

I learned that there was an Episcopal bishop in the town where I am now living. He has retired now but when he was here he was very active in the fellowship of AA, and even started several meetings. His church was opened to AA and meetings are still held there almost every night.

The early groups of AA (before it was called AA) wanted to call themselves the James club, because they studied the book of James intently. They also studied the sermon on the mount and 1 Corinthians 13. They felt that the whole concept of AA could be found in these passages.

Look into the history of AA.

Ted W

dave47

Welcome to SR Dietrich,i'm a practising Catholic and always thought it was the perfect religion for me because everyone i knew was an alcoholic(joke).I'm sure you would be made very welcome and hope the experiences on here of others will help you in taking action.I'm certain that if our parish priest announced he was an alcoholic(not that you have to),he would receive kindness and support-you might be pleasantly surprised.

Budd

I am an alcoholic and a Catholic. I would not have a problem knowing that my parish priest had a problem and seek ed out the help he needed. After all priests are people just like the rest of us. Good luck

SaTiT

I went through a stage of fallig out with AA and i was going through
a rough time in my life.
So i started to reach out through other avenues.
I went back to church. I met a very neat minister.
The minintor was very helpful in helping me through alot of my pains
and had to translate the bible to me , in ways that i can comprehend.
In ways that it can be useful to my life.

But at the end of the day. The ministor also told me that i shouldn't
close doors, that i should try to go back to AA and continue my recovery
and stay grounded and talk and share with people that can understand me
and help me. And the chioce is ulitmately mine.

I found out later my ministor is a longtime member of AA.
A every, very loving person with so, so much wisdom and experince.

laurenlanai25

hi!!

im catholic and also there is a catholic priest who attends meetings whrere i am from too!! where there is a will there is a way!!! :o)

Sugah

Have faith in the compassion and empathy of your flock, Father, and come join us for a meeting. The coffee might not be the best, but it's hot & it's free and the sobriety is priceless.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

MadTuba

A preist is just as suseptible to disease as any other human. Alcoholism is a disease. What would you say to a parishoner who refuesed to get treatment for this disease for fear a co worker would see them?

Its ego....it needs to be smashed. You are not greater nor lesser than your fellow man. Perhaps your gaining sobriety might help those you minister to.If a member of your flock saw you getting sober might encourage them to do the same.....imagine that example of humility.

Tazman53

Father there are many avenues to sobriety, AA is not the only one, it is the way I found sobriety, it is also what led me to finding a power greater then myself, that Higher Power I choose to call God.

Father in AA we learn to turn our lifes over to a Higher Power, you have a Higher Power of your understanding all ready, take that step of faith Father and turn it over to him, trust him to lead you in your journey to sobriety.

Pray Father, trust Him, he may lead you to AA, he may lead you down another path to sobriety, but I promise you that if you turn your alcoholism over to Him & trust Him in the path he leads you on you will not be alone on that path, at a minimum you will have the Trinity and the folks here at SR holding your hand as you take those steps.

Father the first thing I would suggest you do is to see a doctor, they have to handle your privacy with the same sacredness that you practice privacy with some ones confession.

Father PM me if you wish, I would be more then happy to chat.

snowgoose

In AA we learn to "turn it over". That's something you probably already know, although learning to turn it over in the sobriety sense may give new meaning. So if you choose to follow the advice given by Tazman above, do it and see what you get....

Blessings from the Snowgoose.

augustine

Hello and thankful. I am ovewhelmedd by so many respones. You'r sotries of your experience wiht clergy in recorvery have showed me I am not as laone as I thought. It sounds like thes men were blessed indeed to haave such courage and integritty.

Sunday's are very busy for m but when the day is ovr I usully sit and have a drnk and read on the computer for a littl bit. Insteda of feelin hopefull or excited by your stories I found myself more firghtend and overwhilemed than before! It was easier whn I was stuck in a hopelss situation. I could surrender to God's wil that this is how thisngs will be for me and find acceptance there. The prospect of such a long sifficult road ahead is tryly daunting. I feel weak.

I am very fond of aying that "Just because I am a priest doesn't mean I an not also a sinner."

Rigjt now that seems more to the truth than ever.

Pax Christi,
Dietrich