Time to get moving
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Cleveland Ohio
Posts: 290
Time to get moving
Today it hit me in the face. I can't give away what I don't have.
I felt like my higher power was telling me that today. I realized for some time that my brief stint without AA was not better than my time with AA. My life is better with AA! Well, I have been dragging my feet with getting a new sponsor! It ends today.
The thing getting in the way of me attending the B.B. study is going to get removed. I very tough choice but one I know I need to make. I get alot out of that big book group and the person I would like to ask to be my sponsor has that group as his home group.
anyways what hit me in the face was a kid less than 23 or so was at the meeting and came up to me to talk to. I chatted with him but I realize that even if he wanted my help and asked me to be his sponsor I don't have a sponsor to ask about it. It was like an OH NO moment! What do I do? I never thought the day would come that I would look happy enough to be someone a new guy would think to approach.
I was given a gift. I need to remember that and be grateful for all I have.
I felt like my higher power was telling me that today. I realized for some time that my brief stint without AA was not better than my time with AA. My life is better with AA! Well, I have been dragging my feet with getting a new sponsor! It ends today.
The thing getting in the way of me attending the B.B. study is going to get removed. I very tough choice but one I know I need to make. I get alot out of that big book group and the person I would like to ask to be my sponsor has that group as his home group.
anyways what hit me in the face was a kid less than 23 or so was at the meeting and came up to me to talk to. I chatted with him but I realize that even if he wanted my help and asked me to be his sponsor I don't have a sponsor to ask about it. It was like an OH NO moment! What do I do? I never thought the day would come that I would look happy enough to be someone a new guy would think to approach.
I was given a gift. I need to remember that and be grateful for all I have.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
Since you don't have a sponsor right now, you don't have anyone to check with. Ask yourself this:
1) Have you been sober for a year or more?
2) have you had a sponsor in the past that has given you a multitude of advise you can pass on?
3) Have you been through all 12 steps at least once?
4) Do you have a thorough understanding of Chapter 7?
If you can answer yes to all of these questions without hesitation than I give my blessing.(whatever that's worth)
Remember, this is as much for your sobriety as for the sponsee. It could easily send both of you to the bar if done incorrectly.
1) Have you been sober for a year or more?
2) have you had a sponsor in the past that has given you a multitude of advise you can pass on?
3) Have you been through all 12 steps at least once?
4) Do you have a thorough understanding of Chapter 7?
If you can answer yes to all of these questions without hesitation than I give my blessing.(whatever that's worth)
Remember, this is as much for your sobriety as for the sponsee. It could easily send both of you to the bar if done incorrectly.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
In my experience it's possible to help anyone without
the formal designation of sponsor.
Being an AA friend works great!
Each one Reach one
Forward we go...side by side
the formal designation of sponsor.
Being an AA friend works great!Each one Reach one
Forward we go...side by side
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Cleveland Ohio
Posts: 290
I think the first sentence answers all your questions...
"Today it hit me in the face. I can't give away what I don't have."
was my point... it isn't enough to accept the gift of sobriety and spiritual growth...
My gut was telling me that I was in danger of getting into a situation I didn't wan't to handle without a sponsor! and in fact the situation was enought to tell me I can't go to AA regularly anymore without one. Some time and probably sooner than later somebody will reach out a hand for help and I need to be ready to the the right thing. Be it directing them to someone prepared to help them. Just listening. etc etc... actually being their sponsor. I don't think I am ready for that but then again, I don't have a sponsor to tell me that.
I just wanted to clarify that I wasn't asking what I should do if asked to sponsor. I know what I should do! I should ask my sponsor about it! or at least that is what I think I should do.
"Today it hit me in the face. I can't give away what I don't have."
was my point... it isn't enough to accept the gift of sobriety and spiritual growth...
My gut was telling me that I was in danger of getting into a situation I didn't wan't to handle without a sponsor! and in fact the situation was enought to tell me I can't go to AA regularly anymore without one. Some time and probably sooner than later somebody will reach out a hand for help and I need to be ready to the the right thing. Be it directing them to someone prepared to help them. Just listening. etc etc... actually being their sponsor. I don't think I am ready for that but then again, I don't have a sponsor to tell me that.
I just wanted to clarify that I wasn't asking what I should do if asked to sponsor. I know what I should do! I should ask my sponsor about it! or at least that is what I think I should do.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Debaucher excellent topic, I had heard early in my sobriety that one can not keep what they have without giving it away, as I worked the steps I learned what they were talking about because slowly my sobriety became less and less about me and more and more about others.
One of the most important things I have been told to look for in a potential sponsor is that they have a sponsor and I have learned that to be very true, I am thankful that I have a sponsor to call upon when I need some help with my sponsee or anything else, my sponsor has a sponsor and so does he.
My sponsor is very old school, steps the first time through are done strictly using the BB, after that then BB & 12X12, etc. Now here is where my sponsor blind sided me, I had about 7 months sober & we were getting ready to start working steps 6&7 when he pulled me aside in a meeting and asked me if I was ready to be a sponsor!
I looked at him and said "I don't have a year yet, do you think I am ready?" He said "Well I know someone looking at you as a sponsor, so it looks like you are.", well being the typical sponsee/alcoholic I started to try and disqualify myself by saying "Name I haven't finished the steps yet." He said "Looks like we better speed things up then!".................... Well I was backed into a corner, so I said sure.
Since then I have read some books on early AA, in the early years of AA most sponsors had far less then a year of sobriety, some of them less then a month, but they had what others wanted, they had a sponsor and they were working and living the steps.
Today I agree that a years sobriety is good as a general rule, but we are all individuals. My first sponsee taught me the reason that sponsees are nick named pigeons right after he hit the 6 month point, he called me and said that he no longer had the time to come to meetings and that he would call me if he decided to come back! I have no idea if he stayed sober or not, he chose not to attend meetings, I learned quickly that the only person I am responsible for is me and if he did not want what I had it was his choice, that was 6 months ago.
About a month after that my present sponsee asked me to sponsor him. Man does he remind me of myself, he wanted what my sponsor had so freely given to me, he ask for and follows suggestions, he is more then willing to do the work, I set him up in his first service position, he now has 2...... I have learned so much from him as we have worked the steps together, we will be doing 6 & 7 this week, I can see him making a great sponsor already.
Amazingly enough the more I give it away the more I seem to get back, crazy but true.
Debaucher you are heading the right way my friend, ask the guy.
One of the most important things I have been told to look for in a potential sponsor is that they have a sponsor and I have learned that to be very true, I am thankful that I have a sponsor to call upon when I need some help with my sponsee or anything else, my sponsor has a sponsor and so does he.
My sponsor is very old school, steps the first time through are done strictly using the BB, after that then BB & 12X12, etc. Now here is where my sponsor blind sided me, I had about 7 months sober & we were getting ready to start working steps 6&7 when he pulled me aside in a meeting and asked me if I was ready to be a sponsor!
I looked at him and said "I don't have a year yet, do you think I am ready?" He said "Well I know someone looking at you as a sponsor, so it looks like you are.", well being the typical sponsee/alcoholic I started to try and disqualify myself by saying "Name I haven't finished the steps yet." He said "Looks like we better speed things up then!".................... Well I was backed into a corner, so I said sure.
Since then I have read some books on early AA, in the early years of AA most sponsors had far less then a year of sobriety, some of them less then a month, but they had what others wanted, they had a sponsor and they were working and living the steps.
Today I agree that a years sobriety is good as a general rule, but we are all individuals. My first sponsee taught me the reason that sponsees are nick named pigeons right after he hit the 6 month point, he called me and said that he no longer had the time to come to meetings and that he would call me if he decided to come back! I have no idea if he stayed sober or not, he chose not to attend meetings, I learned quickly that the only person I am responsible for is me and if he did not want what I had it was his choice, that was 6 months ago.
About a month after that my present sponsee asked me to sponsor him. Man does he remind me of myself, he wanted what my sponsor had so freely given to me, he ask for and follows suggestions, he is more then willing to do the work, I set him up in his first service position, he now has 2...... I have learned so much from him as we have worked the steps together, we will be doing 6 & 7 this week, I can see him making a great sponsor already.
Amazingly enough the more I give it away the more I seem to get back, crazy but true.
Debaucher you are heading the right way my friend, ask the guy.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
This is an interesting thread. I have been questioning sponsorship in general. There seems to be no clear cut guidelines. Some say at one year you can become a sponsor, some say after one has finished the steps. My sponsor has 5 years sober but has been in AA for 25 years. I have to admit this bothers me. She has "gone out" after sponsoring people. I have a hard time with some of her directions even under the assumption that "it worked" for her. hmmmmm seems curious, why after taking all the steps numerous times did she drink? I have been thinking lately that I would be better off without a sponsor. I think sponsorship can get very confusing for alot of people. Just my thoughts! Hope everyone is having a great morning!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
bugsworth for me a sponsor is key, but not just anybody and length of sobriety has nothing to do with it. Quality of sobriety does, a slip/relapse may or may not mean anything either for me, now if they are just back into the program after a relapse that is a horse of a different color or if they relapse every 2 years, that would say something to me.
I have switched sponsors since I got sober, my first sponsor was great, but he traveled way to much to be able to spend the time needed to work the steps with me so I got another sponsor that had what I wanted and that I trusted.
bugsworth is there someone else in the rooms who you might feel more confidence in as a sponsor? Why not ask them? You are, and always will run your own program, why not at a minimum have some one to call upon that you feel more trust in.
BTW I would feel the same way you do about your sponsor from what you have said.
I have switched sponsors since I got sober, my first sponsor was great, but he traveled way to much to be able to spend the time needed to work the steps with me so I got another sponsor that had what I wanted and that I trusted.
bugsworth is there someone else in the rooms who you might feel more confidence in as a sponsor? Why not ask them? You are, and always will run your own program, why not at a minimum have some one to call upon that you feel more trust in.
BTW I would feel the same way you do about your sponsor from what you have said.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
Morning Taz, Thanks for responding. For me it is very hard to judge anothers sobriety. What constitutes "quality" sobriety?
Unfortunately I have not met any women whom I feel I would like as a sponsor. Most of the women with time rarely put out a hand to a newcomer, I as a newcomer (4 months) always give my number to a newcomer and try to get theirs so I can give them a ring to let them know they are not alone. I find many women use meetings as a social club. For example...about a month ago a woman from my home group, who has never said a word to me previously, came up to me during a meeting and handed me a flyer for a candle party she was having. I mean wtf? This woman doesn't even know my name! A majority of the women already haved formed cliques, making newcomers feeling on the outskirts...kwim? I understand one cannot factor out the human condition, but this type of sobriety is not what I want. There is also an oldtimer in my home group who intimidates every newcomer with his arrogant demeanor. He spoke last week stating..."if you are a newcomer and don't raise your hand then you are sucking all the good oxygen out of the room, please leave and give your seat up to someone who really wants to be here." I mean really? Is this another example of good sobriety? Man I sure don't want what he has! I guess you put this many sick people in a room your bound to see some ugly things. I went to a meeting on Sat. morning which ended with a very loud verbal fight between the speaker who is a "non-stepper" who has 13 years of continuous sobriety, and a hard core stepper who has 3 years. The guy with 3 years was screaming that the speaker was going to kill people by telling them that the fellowship of AA saved him not the steps. Sometimes it gets to crazy for me. I have cut down my meetings because of this nonsence. I came to AA to get healthy, not to listen to people ranting that there way is the only way! Grrrrrrrrrr
Unfortunately I have not met any women whom I feel I would like as a sponsor. Most of the women with time rarely put out a hand to a newcomer, I as a newcomer (4 months) always give my number to a newcomer and try to get theirs so I can give them a ring to let them know they are not alone. I find many women use meetings as a social club. For example...about a month ago a woman from my home group, who has never said a word to me previously, came up to me during a meeting and handed me a flyer for a candle party she was having. I mean wtf? This woman doesn't even know my name! A majority of the women already haved formed cliques, making newcomers feeling on the outskirts...kwim? I understand one cannot factor out the human condition, but this type of sobriety is not what I want. There is also an oldtimer in my home group who intimidates every newcomer with his arrogant demeanor. He spoke last week stating..."if you are a newcomer and don't raise your hand then you are sucking all the good oxygen out of the room, please leave and give your seat up to someone who really wants to be here." I mean really? Is this another example of good sobriety? Man I sure don't want what he has! I guess you put this many sick people in a room your bound to see some ugly things. I went to a meeting on Sat. morning which ended with a very loud verbal fight between the speaker who is a "non-stepper" who has 13 years of continuous sobriety, and a hard core stepper who has 3 years. The guy with 3 years was screaming that the speaker was going to kill people by telling them that the fellowship of AA saved him not the steps. Sometimes it gets to crazy for me. I have cut down my meetings because of this nonsence. I came to AA to get healthy, not to listen to people ranting that there way is the only way! Grrrrrrrrrr
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