1014

Hi there.

Simply put: I don't know if I could be an alcoholic.

I've never intensely craved it or experienced physical withdrawal.

But, I'm 35 and since my early 20's have gone through occasional periods of a week or two where I would drink every night after work (I have a full-time job which I'm very good at -- have never had problems holding a job, etc.) Up until my mid 30's, these periods were few and far between -- about twice a year. Other than that, I would drink normally, meaning not alone and less than once a week.

These past few years, though, there has been a lot more nightime drinking alone. And it's to the point where I can get home at 7pm and drink a whole bottle of wine by 10, and actually want more.

Now comes the reason I'm questioning whether I should ever drink again. This past Saturday night, I got behind the wheel after a night out in which I had 4 martinis and a shot and I, who before this had a flawless driving record and no sort of trouble ever with the law, spent the night in jail for DWI.

Haven't had a drink since. And obviously, this shakes me up enough to think I might be an alcoholic and should stop entirely.

It's in my family, big time. I've just always been the "clean-living" sister.

There is SOMETHING wrong if I chose to drive drunk. I've never made such a choice before. And as I said -- I've been drinking MORE over the past couple years.

The only thing is, I don't CRAVE it. It's not like I have to run out and get it or else. Can you be an alcoholic even if you don't HAVE to have it? I obviously have a problem, I just don't know whether or not I am an alcoholic.

I really need some feedback - thanks.

Pinkcuda

I don't know. I don't see it by the way you describe your patterns but I may just be reading it wrong or judging your alcoholism by my standards. Sorry to hear you got a DUI. Hope all goes well. With a DUI usually comes an evaluation and some classes. Hopefully that can answer some of your questions.

Justme57

Hi 1014

only you can make that decision, really.
BUT I will share with you what happened to me

I , too, have a very responsible job, never was unemployed, no DUI's !

I started like you , a drink here and there , which then progressed to weekends, then to every night, I had a rule that i would never drive after I drank, and this held true for many years. I drank alone at night in the end . There came a night, when , again like you , I drove drunk, caused an accident, ( no one hurt , thank God) ! For me it was the wake up call I needed .

All this progressed over many years, I drank for 37 years all up.

It is not how MUCH you drink, or even how often, it is what it does to your mind, when you do!

It wasn't until I had some sobriety under my belt, that i could truly be honest with myself, and see just how out of control I was .


I wish you well, whatever road you choose to follow, just remeber that Alcoholism is a progressive disease , and it WILL get worse

HUGX
Leigh

findingout

Hey and welcome 1014.

Yes, it's entirely possible to be an alcoholic and not CRAVE it --- yet. There was a time in my life where I was where you are and I was already an alcoholic but not drinking in morning yet, not putting alcohol entirely ahead of everything else yet, and not even close to questioning my drinking yet but I had just gotten a DUI and spent a night in jail. It's my family big time too. I ignored all the signs and continued to drink for another eight years and my disease continued to get worse and I crossed many more yets off the list before I finally found myself in rehab and found recovery. Today, it's my belief that I was an alcoholic when I got the DUI and I was an alcoholic in the years before I got the DUI. I just wasn't that bad -- yet.

Alcoholism is progressive and it only progresses in one direction. It would seem from your post that things are progressing in that direction. But the question about whether or not you are an alcoholic is one only you can answer. There's lots of good information on this site and other places on the net to help you in your decision.

I can you tell that there is definitely life after drinking and that recovery is also progressive - it gets better.

Jfanagle

I am most certainly an alcoholic. Drank 25+ years mostly in bars, really high end bars, and many times I was drinking in the company Lear jet. Never lost any of the "stuff”, not the house, the cars, memberships to the clubs and my business was always profitable. NEVER HAD A DWI! For some reason I equated alcoholics with losers, derelicts, and down and outs. I watched Eric Clapton on Larry King discuss his 20 years of sobriety just last week.

I never lost anything except my self and my self respect, and a couple of wives. Everyone finds a different yardstick, mine changed as my drinking changed, and it kept getting smaller so I always "measured up."

I got sober 8 years ago because I couldn't look myself in the eye when shaving. It was very progressive. I just didn't notice the progression.

I have no idea if you are an alcoholic. Mr. Webster says this: Main Entry: al•co•hol•ism
Pronunciation: \ˈal-kə-ˌhȯ-ˌli-zəm, -kə-hə-\
Function: noun
Date: 1860
1: continued excessive or compulsive use of alcoholic drinks
2 a: poisoning by alcohol b: a chronic disorder marked by excessive and usually compulsive drinking of alcohol leading to psychological and physical dependence or addiction

IF ALCOHOL IS CAUSING YOU PROBLEMS THEN YOU MAY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ALCOHOL! People who don't have problems with alcohol DON'T try and CONTROL their drinking.

Best of luck with your self searching. We are here and in AA as well as many other places where ALCOHOLICS are getting and staying sober.

Jon

BP44

You describe drinking a bottle of wine and still wanting more. That for me is the phenomenon of craving. Once I took the first drink, all bets were off. It was unpredictable how much I would drink, or what I would do. For instance, I would tell myself I wasn't going to drive before I started, but more than likely, I would get behind the wheel to go somewhere. As my alcoholism progressed, so did the consequences. Multiple DUIs, multiple single car accidents, multiple lost jobs. Just because some of those things haven't happened yet, doesn't mean that they won't happen. Only you can make the self diagnosis of alcoholism. When I was able to honestly look at my drinking history, it was clear that I had lost control over my drinking, I had lost choice. In other words, once I took the first drink, I had no choice but to take the second, and third etc. And thirdly, I would never be able to drink like a normal person no matter what I tried. These are the questions you have to ask yourself. Is alcohol becoming a problem in your life? There is a difference between moderate / heavy drinkers and alcoholics like myself. Moderate and heavy drinkers may have potential to become alcoholic, but have the ability to turn back. The alcoholic continues to progress into alcoholism.

snowgoose

Hi, 1014:

Glad you're here and asking questions. I am called a "high-bottom" drunk because I came into AA before I had lost material possessions or had any trouble with the law. In my case, I was working in the social services where I became knowledgable about alcoholism and AA. In addition I was lucky enough to get to Alanon because of a relationship with a recovering alcoholic. So I saw myself headed down the slippery slope of alcoholism with my closet drinking that had been going on for maybe twenty years. What I had lost at that point was myself.... I no longer had my former zest for life, and was "medicating" depression that I hadn't yet recognized.

Others have mentioned the common misconception of alcoholics as skid row bums, etc. But more and more folks are choosing a sober life today - whether through AA or another route - earlier, sparing themselves years of agony. I chalk a lot of that up to education; information about the disease of alcoholism is soooo much more available today than 25 or 50 years ago. We've actually managed to defuse some of the stigma.

There's a lot more to say... generally a person has to be pretty scared before accepting that alcohol has got them beat. I guess I can only wish you luck on that point.

leeside

Hi 1014, (suspicious person)

You really don't want to go 1055 (DWI). You could get into a 1050 (accident). Better just not to drink at all.

Over and out

CarolD

Welcome to SR!

You may have missed this article

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/ar...640436,00.html

and perhaps it will interest you.

I knew I was an alcoholic for years before I quit.
I never had a DUI...still had my external successful things

Soooo...why quit? Eventually alcohol took my self esteem
and joy. My soul had drown ... my brain was saturated.

AA recovery has restored me
to the woman I was before I slid into addiction.

Glad to see you here asking questions
Keep in touch ..we love to share!

SaTiT

I never had a DWI. Therefore I never had court cards.
I'm not a criminal therefore no treament center.
I walked off of my job therefore no insurance and no getting
medical advice about taking pills and detoxing with great care.

I detoxed on a park bench and went to AA. You gatta do what,
you gatta do.

I heard the phrased "sick and tired of being sick and tired" for the first
time in my life in an AA meeting. Finally,... some people that can half ass
understand me.

1014

Thanks to all of you for your replies. Carol, I will read that Time article later. I'll also explore this site more -- there seems to be a LOT of information.

I will tell you guys about a choice I'm going to make today. We have a monthly gathering at my company at which beer and wine are available. I am known as one of the ones who typically stays late, hangs out and drinks at this event. I actually cannot stay late tonight, as I have an appointment with someone to discuss some side work -- but, typically I'd have a couple beers anyway at the event even if I had to leave. Today, I'm going to choose not to drink at all and see what happens.

I've been sort of worried about this event all week, because I'm a little afraid someone at work would see me drinking soda and asking why. Since I have the appointment, I have an "out" this time -- but, since I am single/no kids and all, there will be SOMETHING next week -- like a Halloween party or whatever, that I'll have to make the choice at again. At some point in the next couple weeks, someone is going to notice I'm not imbibing and ask why. This sort of worries me because I really don't want to get into it with people I work with, you know?

Anyway, I'll be back, to keep you all posted and read more here. Thanks again...

P.S. I just wanted to also add that I'm in NYC, so when I talk about after-work events they're in Manhattan - so driving is not an issue. I thought it was important to add that.

1014

P.P.S. to Lee. I actually chose the user id because if I'm counting days, it'd be my first (I left the bar and was picked up the wee hours of 10-13) but Christ, that is one helluva "sobering" coincidence.

Tazman53

Welcome to SR 1014 first I will answer the question below for me, for the first 20 years of my drinking I did not crave alcohol, I loved alcohol!!! I did not drink and drive though, during the last 20 years of my drinking I went from just drinking 2 on the drive home to easily killing a 6 pack driving home and spending the rest of the evening by myself drinking, if I needed to go any where I did, and yes I drove!

My experience backs up what research has found out about alcoholism, it is a progressive disease, it gets worse with every single drink and NEVER gets better! One could stop drinking for 10 years, start drinking again and be right back where they left off in less then a week, some of us far worse then when we had quit.

Are you an alcoholic? That is for you to decide, here is a test that may help you decide http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/....cfm?PageID=71 For me by the time I was in my early 20's I easily would have answered 5-6 of thos questions with a yes and as the years went by there were more and more of them I could answer yes to. Like I said alcoholism is a progressive disease, if one is an alcoholic and telling them selfs "I am not an alcoholic, I have not (Name it)" keep on drinking and you will.

I found out that the only people who cared if I drank or not we fellow alkies that liked my drinking more then them because then they did not stand out as bad as I did when I was drinking. Normal people I have found could care less if I am drinking or not and the only time they ever noticed if I was drinking was when I would get loud, stupid, or both.

GrouchoTheCat

This sounds eerily like what we in AA refer to as a "signpost".

One of those events that in retrospect should have been a clear warning sign of things to come.

Drinking alone, wanting more after a bottle of wine, being known as one who stays late at the party, it’s in your family...

Your higher power may be sending you a message. Something to ponder.

I highly recommend the book "Under the Influence", it is a very well written and researched tome on alcoholism and more importantly the chemical and cellular changes that take place within the body.

Simply put, our bodies 'learn' to possess alcohol very efficiently and alcohol actually works well for us and makes us feel good. For a time. Then, eventually we become dependant on it and all bets are off.

Some seem born with a body already adapted and dependant, and others seem to get that way eventually after drinking enough for long enough. Trouble is that these changes are permanent! Once an invisible line is crossed there is no returning. I would dare to say that most in AA didn’t even see the line until it was long past.

This could be a real blessing in disguise for you.

Best,

Ted

pointmagnet

I worry about that issue from time to time also, but most people that know me don't say anything when I don't ask for a beer or wine.... My hunch is that your friends will do the same...

If anyone does ask, I'll just respond that I am trying to lose weight (which is true) and don't need the empty calories in alcohol...

jimhere

Very simple-DWI's, jails, going to treatment don't make an alcoholic. Even withdrawal symptoms do not necessarily indicate alcoholism. A heavy drinker who drinks heavily over a period of time can suffer withdrawal. Cirohsis of the liver is not a sign of alcoholism, it is a result of drinking too much too long. Many who get a DWI or go to treatment drink a lot, but aren't alcoholic. They can take or leave it.

The questions I would ask myself is: When drinking, do you have little or no control over the amount you take once you start? And do you have trouble staying away from it when you honestly want to? You may be an alcoholic if you answer yes to both.
Jim

SaTiT

I never had a drinking problem. I can leave six packs in the frigg for
weeks to months. I can even stop drinking on my own for a couple
of months..well, get my act together per say. Managaing it or a
functioning alki per say. I looked like a typical social drinker for
most of my drinking career. For the most part , most of my friends
actaully thought i had my shiet together. Only the last couple of months things
started to get bad, bad. I guess I cross the threashold and a combination
of me just tired of living like that.

I seldom drink along...so that would be a major sign for me if I started
drinking alone. I bascailly hang out in nightclub or bars then take some
high power seditives so I can go to work, if i don't pass out.

I never even consider it a problem nor that I was an alcoholic,
becuase my perception at that time of an alki was a whino or a hobo.

I had a lot of emotion baggage and I lacked coping skills.
I became a workalholic, party until i drop...anything, anything
so I wouldn't have to feel what I felt inside. I never talked to
anyone about my problems or seldom let any know what the hell
i felt. i thought it was piontless nor anyone could actaully care.
For the most part most people didn't. Just as long as i had money
to buy a round or did whatever i did, there was plenty of of bodies
around.

Anyway, what I'm saying is.... I have a living problem not a drinking problem.
The first time i heard that it hurt my brain too.lol

In other words,
I traded my misery for soberiety....you gatta do what you gatta do.

chip

Welcome to SR, 1014

It's my understanding that it's possible to be an alcoholic without CRAVING it.

Only you can decide if you are an Alcoholic. Many real alcoholics don't think that they are alcoholics. Other alcoholics accept the facts, and live in a solution. Have you tried one of those 20 question's "am I an alcoholic?" tests? According to your post, you might do well on the quiz......

Even if you are not an alcoholic, you are best off to abstain from alcohol. "Normal" drinkers don't engage in the behaviour you've shared with us. Anybody is better off to abstain. Look at the problems alcohol causes individuals and society? In my adult life, everything that I'm ashamed of...I did when I was drinking.

It sounds to me like this is a wake up call for you. This is your opportunity to deal with this problem before it ruins your life.

Alcoholism is progressive. There may be many things that havn't happened...yet. You might want to heed the warnings, and stay away from drinking.
chip

Tazman53

Ted I have to agree with you on that brother, I had no idea I had crossed that line, then I crossed the second line where I had to drink every day just to feel normal!

GlassPrisoner

Ditto. I don't know when I crossed. I just know I looked back one day and said to myself...."Oh oh..., we have a BIG problem here"