Den13

I figured I would share my past. I have been drinking since I was 17. It was more of just a party thing then. I am shy but when I am drunk, everyone is my friend. In my younger years I didn't see a problem with drinking other than finding someone old enough to buy it for me. I was content sitting with a bottle at my computer playing games while my parents were at work. I got a job at a food place and became the shift manager. I got to close the place every night and we sold beer. I'm sure the boss wondered where the beer profits went. I would fill up a 64oz cup for the ride home. Sometimes I would return in the middle of the night for a refill. I married and divorced. Ex said I drank too much but being the one accused, it was all her fault. I married a second time and have been for 14 years. I am in this forum right now because I hope to make it 15 years. 13 years ago I got a DUI and the wife said "no more". I agreed since I never wished to be in the condition I was in. How hard could it be? Well it lasted for about 1 month. Then, since I didn't want to hurt her, I figured I would just mix a drink in a coke bottle and drink it on the way home that way she would be happy and I would be happy. After getting caught hiding (the 1st time) I swore "no more". (familiar huh?) Since that time of 13 years ago I have swore "no more" at least 50 times. Every time I get caught I am adamant about this being the last time. I try real hard for about a month and then it slacks off. I think I have got it now and can quit this meeting stuff. If I did manage to get phone numbers, I always have something else to do and don't have time to chat. If my wife asks me about an AA meeting I tell her that I am tired but will go tomorrow. I used to use going to the meetings as a chance to go park and drink in my car. I would then come home and tell her how much I learned about myself. After so many years of BS, I was caught yet again about a month ago. I went to my first meeting in a long time yesterday and signed up for this forum. The last drink I had was 3 weeks ago. The longest I have gone without drinking is 3 months. I don't have another chance. If I don't stop I will have no family. She is all but packed up. I reflect over the last 13 years and think about where I will be in another 13. I don't want to be on my death bed looking back at my life and see nothing but drunkeness. I am trying to be too proud and not ask for help. I mentioned that I am shy. The forum helps with that. Thank you for letting me tell the condensed version of the last 14 years of my life. I plant to make the rest of it without having to lie to the person I married.

best

Well if I can I would help you anyway but untill a person gets humble and asks for help... they may not find all that is available to them.
If you are serious about wanting to find answers... meetings, a sponsor, and "working" the steps is what has worked for so many over the years. When you want it, it is available. You can do it and AA meetings can help you make it last.

serenityqueen

I discovered the escape from life at age 11 so I can relate. I used for 32 years and was in and out of the Rooms of AA & NA for 25 of those years. I also thought that I had this thing under control and stopped going to meetings. Each time I picked back up the fall was that much harder. This is one fight that you will not be able to win without the help of others. You know what you need to do so get back to the meetings, get a Sponsor, at least a temporary until you find someone who you can open up with comfortably and count your Blessings. It sounds like you still have alot going for you, namely your wife. I'm sure many other on these threads can share stories of losing everyone and everything before asking for honestly seeking help.
H onesty
O pen mindedness
W illingness

It's that simple.
God Bless and keep us posted.

CarolD

Glad to see you here with us in our Alcoholism Forum.

This is the Forum where you can find the
link I gave you.
It's the top sticky post.

Forward we go...side by side

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

hi Den

And welcome. Keep posting..it really really helps.

Karen

Sara9009

Welcome and Congrats on your three weeks! Asking for help is not a matter of losing pride it is a matter of gaining it. The strongest and most well rounded people I know are aware of when they need help and how to ask for it.

Max.J.Milton

well done for taking the first steps and and not drinking in 3 weeks, thats a huge acheivement and i hope you're proud of yourself! =)

dave47

Well done on the three weeks Den.This is the right place for help and support so best wishes.