Can any of you guarantee you won't drink again?
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Originally Posted by queenteree 
Good questions Miss C - thing is my husband actually treats me very well 99% of the time, even when drinking. When he's drunk, 99% of the time he wants to sit with me, talk w/me, hug me, kinda like a lonely soul. He doesn't drink at bars at all, he drinks at home or on his way home. I don't think he cheats or has cheated at all. And to tell you the truth, I think this time he seems more disappointed in himself than I was. I know I have problems - I grew up in an alcoholic home with more than my fair share of them, trust me, both parents, aunts, uncles, everything was one big party and one big drunkfest. I was mortified and embarrased when friends came over and my father was drunk and then would drive that way while picking us up from the movies. My mother used to sit and watch TV while my sister and I had to keep my father company when he was drunk and he would never go to bed!!!. Kids used to see my drunk grandfather passed out on the ground outside of the bar. My husband isn't like that at all, just an alcoholic who at times is undependable and like a child (won't leave me alone). I think I'm going to go to a couple of ACOA meetings too, Alanon brought all this other stuff out in me, so now I'm beginning to realize my problem.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
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QT, I know it sounds awfully program-ish but I truly have today only as a sober member of AA. I'm just as close as everyone else to taking my next drink, it's an arms length away. My intention is never to drink again, but that's between me and God.
Recovering Nicely
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
Miss C - I don't feel that my husband is so good to me or that I'm in good hands, but I do honestly feel he loves me, always has. He is, at times, good to me and I'm not in too good a hands if he's not dependable. But I think I am off to a good start w/self discovery.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Relapse is part of the disease...I think you knew the answer bef you asked your question. My son is my addict. I too wish that he would stay sober. Two rehabs were only a temp. stoppage. There is nothing I can say or do to make him want to really work at being sober. he may get it but it will be on his terms.
Being fired from every job and losing his gf have got his attention to slow him down but that may be just cause he is without $$. I keep the faith that he may seek a different way to live one day but I have come to understand that it will have nothing to do with me.
Being fired from every job and losing his gf have got his attention to slow him down but that may be just cause he is without $$. I keep the faith that he may seek a different way to live one day but I have come to understand that it will have nothing to do with me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: green hills of Vermont, USA
Posts: 251
I, too, feel that in sobriety I have only the 24hours I'm in. No, I can't and wouldn't promise to never drink again. For me, what works in AA is the knowledge that I just have to keep away from a drink for these 24hours... if I had thought, early on, about never having another alcoholic drink in my lifetime, it would have been overwhelming. Plus I know darn well there is no guarantee that I'll never pick up again although HP saw fit to remove the compulsion (it was something I asked HP for) - at least now - and I've strung together many 24hours at this time. You see, I know that....
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: green hills of Vermont, USA
Posts: 251
QT, you do seem to be really on the right path and I congratulate you and hope you keep the process going. That is a dynamite post where you are talking about your family background. I went through the process of realizing I'd found a home in ACOA some years back. What a revelation!
Blessings from the Snowgoose.
Blessings from the Snowgoose.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 91
Im honest so i do drink a couple of beers or glasses of wine
but NOT will get drunk
Im very proud of my self i have been drinkin a few and not get drunk for 1 week now
Before i did not drink for weeks or 1 week and get drunk
now a drink almost every day but dont get drunk with only a few
,
but NOT will get drunk
Im very proud of my self i have been drinkin a few and not get drunk for 1 week now
Before i did not drink for weeks or 1 week and get drunk
now a drink almost every day but dont get drunk with only a few
,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Originally Posted by Mar13
Im honest so i do drink a couple of beers or glasses of wine
but NOT will get drunk
Im very proud of my self i have been drinkin a few and not get drunk for 1 week now
Before i did not drink for weeks or 1 week and get drunk
now a drink almost every day but dont get drunk with only a few
,
but NOT will get drunk
Im very proud of my self i have been drinkin a few and not get drunk for 1 week now
Before i did not drink for weeks or 1 week and get drunk
now a drink almost every day but dont get drunk with only a few
,
?
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
I guarantee that as long as I am thinking the way I am thinking now I will not drink today or maybe even tomorrow.
Can I guarantee that I will never drink again for the rest of my life?
No.
However I do know that as long as I follow the rules that I have made for myself I know I stand a very good chance of never drinking again.
1) Never forget my past and what alcohol did to me
2) Never intentionally put alcohol into my body regardless of how minute the dose.
3)Always monitor my moods and emotions especially anger. fear, loneliness, jealousy and resentments.
4) Attend AA/NA meetings regularly.
5) Do not linger in bars or parties where alcohol is the main source of entertainment.
I have more but as long as I remain true to even some of them I know I can avoid the temptation or thought of ever touching alcohol again.
Can I guarantee that I will never drink again for the rest of my life?
No.
However I do know that as long as I follow the rules that I have made for myself I know I stand a very good chance of never drinking again.
1) Never forget my past and what alcohol did to me
2) Never intentionally put alcohol into my body regardless of how minute the dose.
3)Always monitor my moods and emotions especially anger. fear, loneliness, jealousy and resentments.
4) Attend AA/NA meetings regularly.
5) Do not linger in bars or parties where alcohol is the main source of entertainment.
I have more but as long as I remain true to even some of them I know I can avoid the temptation or thought of ever touching alcohol again.
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
"We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition." Big Book, Chapter 6.
I read somewhere besides the Big Book that "I will never drink again" are words an alcoholic should not say because it is a kind of denial. I believe that I can go the rest of my life without drinking if I continue to do what it takes stay sober each day. I can promise to do what it takes to stay sober because I can do that one day at a time. I can't guarantee that I'll never drink again because I'm an alcoholic, but the fact that I am an alcoholic is an explanation not an excuse. So if I should relapse, I can say "of course I drank, I'm an alcoholic who didn't do what it takes for an alcoholic to stay sober", I cannot say "of course I drank, I'm an alcoholic." People can and do recover.
Queenteree, I do not envy your situation at all. It's got to be difficult if not impossible to know whether or not your husband is sincere and how do you know if it's worth the days of your life waiting to find out? I do wish you well.
I read somewhere besides the Big Book that "I will never drink again" are words an alcoholic should not say because it is a kind of denial. I believe that I can go the rest of my life without drinking if I continue to do what it takes stay sober each day. I can promise to do what it takes to stay sober because I can do that one day at a time. I can't guarantee that I'll never drink again because I'm an alcoholic, but the fact that I am an alcoholic is an explanation not an excuse. So if I should relapse, I can say "of course I drank, I'm an alcoholic who didn't do what it takes for an alcoholic to stay sober", I cannot say "of course I drank, I'm an alcoholic." People can and do recover.
Queenteree, I do not envy your situation at all. It's got to be difficult if not impossible to know whether or not your husband is sincere and how do you know if it's worth the days of your life waiting to find out? I do wish you well.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Fluttering About
Posts: 3,760
there are no guarantees and gratefully all I can be sure of is today
I may have another out in me...Knowing where I came from I don't have another come back..So for me it is important to focus on growing spiritually and remian in the care and protection of my HP and to remain in the precious precious present moment with an attitude of gratitude
I may have another out in me...Knowing where I came from I don't have another come back..So for me it is important to focus on growing spiritually and remian in the care and protection of my HP and to remain in the precious precious present moment with an attitude of gratitude
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: S.E. Mich.
Posts: 1,433
Boy there sure are alot of variables in the future, as well as the fact that I have no clue what lies ahead.
In the last two weeks, I've had 4 days that I've gotten out of bed with a plan for the day, only to have that plan thrown away, and then spending those days doing things, going places, and meeting people that I would have never considered doing, or imagined myself doing. (these were all good things BTW). My point is, you just never know whats coming.
And for me, it's quite a daunting task to say or even think, "I won't drink or drug again ever". It's overwhelming to me, almost scary in a way.
I do know, and I can say, that today I'll do all I can, work my recovery, and stay focused on it, so I don't drink/drug today. This worked for me yesterday, and for several days before that. And tomorrow when I get up, I'll do the same things.
As an example of "not knowing"- yesterday I had a real bad day, and I wanted to use in a bad way. I started doing my recovery thinking-reading books, trying to remain calm, quieting down, and finally calling people.
I called 5 people and none of them were home. That rarely happens.
So yesterday morning I got up with no intention of useing, but came close, and reached out for help, and got none.
I never would have expected a day like that.
Point being, none of know what's coming tomorrow, or if we'll even have a tomorrow.
We do the best we can today, and then repeat the next day.
And no I didn't drink or drug yesterday. But I sure did smoke alot of cigarettes. LOL! And then people started calling me back so it all ended ok.
In the last two weeks, I've had 4 days that I've gotten out of bed with a plan for the day, only to have that plan thrown away, and then spending those days doing things, going places, and meeting people that I would have never considered doing, or imagined myself doing. (these were all good things BTW). My point is, you just never know whats coming.
And for me, it's quite a daunting task to say or even think, "I won't drink or drug again ever". It's overwhelming to me, almost scary in a way.
I do know, and I can say, that today I'll do all I can, work my recovery, and stay focused on it, so I don't drink/drug today. This worked for me yesterday, and for several days before that. And tomorrow when I get up, I'll do the same things.
As an example of "not knowing"- yesterday I had a real bad day, and I wanted to use in a bad way. I started doing my recovery thinking-reading books, trying to remain calm, quieting down, and finally calling people.
I called 5 people and none of them were home. That rarely happens.
So yesterday morning I got up with no intention of useing, but came close, and reached out for help, and got none.
I never would have expected a day like that.
Point being, none of know what's coming tomorrow, or if we'll even have a tomorrow.
We do the best we can today, and then repeat the next day.
And no I didn't drink or drug yesterday. But I sure did smoke alot of cigarettes. LOL! And then people started calling me back so it all ended ok.
Recovering Nicely
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
Originally Posted by findingout
"I can promise to do what it takes to stay sober because I can do that one day at a time. I can't guarantee that I'll never drink again because I'm an alcoholic, but the fact that I am an alcoholic is an explanation not an excuse.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
One day at a time is not a cop out.
There is no way I could swallow the pill that "Martin will NEVER drink again"!!!!
I can handle today, but forever I can not even comprehend, today is all I have control over.
Think about it, is there a single person alcoholic or not in the world that could say I will never (Insert something that one naturally wants to do) ever again and be sure of that?
For an alcoholic drinking is naturally an answer to many issues, but as long as we are spiritually fit we use the tools we have learned as the answer to issues instead of drinking. I know for a fact that today I will not drink, I can honestly say that as long as I stay spiritually fit I will not drink, but I can not say (honestly) that 10 years from now I will still be spiritually fit enough to not have a major problem crop up and use the tools I have, I might just drink over it.
We can all say "I will never", but does that make it so?
There is no way I could swallow the pill that "Martin will NEVER drink again"!!!!
I can handle today, but forever I can not even comprehend, today is all I have control over.
Think about it, is there a single person alcoholic or not in the world that could say I will never (Insert something that one naturally wants to do) ever again and be sure of that?
For an alcoholic drinking is naturally an answer to many issues, but as long as we are spiritually fit we use the tools we have learned as the answer to issues instead of drinking. I know for a fact that today I will not drink, I can honestly say that as long as I stay spiritually fit I will not drink, but I can not say (honestly) that 10 years from now I will still be spiritually fit enough to not have a major problem crop up and use the tools I have, I might just drink over it.
We can all say "I will never", but does that make it so?
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
If I had been asked in 1995 some of the things that I would guarantee I would NEVER do, I am sure I would have said "BECOME A MEMBER OF AA" was right up there near the top of the list.
The saying goes something like this “NEVER SAY NEVER." I am sure that I won't drink today, but I have always reserved the right to drink tomorrow, however since I was so good at procrastinating when I was going to QUIT TOMORROW, I suspect my odds are good about staying sober a few more years, if I work a good and sound program and keep being grateful for what these last few years of sober living have given me.
There are no guarantees in life, just well laid and executed plans and some luck thrown in.
Jon
The saying goes something like this “NEVER SAY NEVER." I am sure that I won't drink today, but I have always reserved the right to drink tomorrow, however since I was so good at procrastinating when I was going to QUIT TOMORROW, I suspect my odds are good about staying sober a few more years, if I work a good and sound program and keep being grateful for what these last few years of sober living have given me.
There are no guarantees in life, just well laid and executed plans and some luck thrown in.
Jon
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: brooklyn, new york
Posts: 1,639
"Can any of you guarantee you won't drink again? ................"
well, you know that's a pretty self explanatory question
as no one can tell the future
i'm a bit taken aback
from my side of the fence
we all want guarantees
but
in reality, how many do we get / or honor ourselve
i mean, this is about a life change
how many of us can guarantee we won't do this or that
simple thing
can you guarantee you will never be late for work?
or never overdraw a check
or never eat pizza again
so
it really gets to be an issue of contol / power
and
right now, you got it
i on the other hand feel the issue should be
"well, he did stop for 14 years
he's got a good chance of doing it again
let me support him"
if you look in your heart
where did those 14 years go
i'm sure after a while it was just taken for granted
and
where were you / him when the slip started
not when he actually drank
but
as his attitude changed,
maybe not as many meeting as before
maybe he started to call old friends he drank wioth, etc
so
i don't know you
it's not my business
but
hey, think about it
how many guarantees are there in life?
why does the alcholic always got to make good on his?
best
fraankie
well, you know that's a pretty self explanatory question
as no one can tell the future
i'm a bit taken aback
from my side of the fence
we all want guarantees
but
in reality, how many do we get / or honor ourselve
i mean, this is about a life change
how many of us can guarantee we won't do this or that
simple thing
can you guarantee you will never be late for work?
or never overdraw a check
or never eat pizza again
so
it really gets to be an issue of contol / power
and
right now, you got it
i on the other hand feel the issue should be
"well, he did stop for 14 years
he's got a good chance of doing it again
let me support him"
if you look in your heart
where did those 14 years go
i'm sure after a while it was just taken for granted
and
where were you / him when the slip started
not when he actually drank
but
as his attitude changed,
maybe not as many meeting as before
maybe he started to call old friends he drank wioth, etc
so
i don't know you
it's not my business
but
hey, think about it
how many guarantees are there in life?
why does the alcholic always got to make good on his?
best
fraankie
Recovering Nicely
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
I really want to thank you all for your enlightening posts. You all make such good points and really make me take a look at myself and my inventory. I guess I read/hear so much about how alcoholics will make false promises, lie and manipulate to get their own way, that I thought if he was serious he would guarantee me this and if I didn't get a guarantee, he wasn't serious. Actually I guess, he was very honest and he must be learning something in the program despite the relapses (he still goes to meetings and reads his daily reflections, BB, etc.). Fraanke, his attitude started changing when after 14 years of sobriety, the kids were all grown and moved out of the house and he didn't go to many meetings and thought to himself, that he raised 3 kids while sober, they are all fine and out into the world and then it was "his time" and he was going to have beer once in a while (against my better judgment). Felt he could handle it and told me that if he ever got out of control to let him know and he would stop. I did let him know, problem is he didn't stop for 5 years. Again, all of you are great and I thank you so much for your input.
Terri
Terri
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