Lying about sobriety date-Please help
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
This was an awesome post! I was sharing on this last night on the newcomers forum. I started out with a sobriety date of 7/6/04, lasted 4 days then drank so changed it to 7/10/04. For the next 28 days I went to meetings, started to bond with members and wanted so desperately what they had to offer. Then I would go home and drink. I felt guilty as all get out and when they read in How It Works about being "consitutionally incapable of being honest" I would squirm. I just knew that was me they were talking about. I also knew that AA was my last hope and that I desperately wanted to be free. This continued for 28 days. It started getting close to the one month mark and people were congratulating me on almost having a month. I was terrified and I was sick inside. I knew there was no way I could pick up a bogus chip but I was terrified of revealing the truth.
On August 8 we had a day of fellowship out by the river. I had drank the night before and as we sat outside playing cards, listening to music and having fun I went through my daily shakes and misery. It hit me like a bolt of lightning. If I was going to do this thing, really do it, then I had to do it NOW. I went to a meeting that night, fessed up, picked up another desire chip and started fresh.
You are not the first nor the last to lie about this. I know for me once I got past the fear of fessing up and actually walked through it, it was nothing like I had thought. People did not shun me or walk away from me. I suspect anyone who truly cares about you wouldn't either, especially if they are in recovery. 6 months sober is nothing to sneeze at, it's not easy to do.
Only you can decide if you want to be honest and clear the slate and gain peace or perpetuate the lie and risk drinking again. For me there is nothing worth risking picking up another drink over. For me, to drink truly is to die. If I have to do uncomfortable things and take risks in order to live then so be it.
If you are a praying person, search your heart and pray for the next right action. Maybe talk to your sponsor first and see what feedback they can offer regarding how (not if, but how) you share this with your BF.
Keep posting here, draw strength and support from us and do what you know to be right.
Hugs,
Kellye C.
On August 8 we had a day of fellowship out by the river. I had drank the night before and as we sat outside playing cards, listening to music and having fun I went through my daily shakes and misery. It hit me like a bolt of lightning. If I was going to do this thing, really do it, then I had to do it NOW. I went to a meeting that night, fessed up, picked up another desire chip and started fresh.
You are not the first nor the last to lie about this. I know for me once I got past the fear of fessing up and actually walked through it, it was nothing like I had thought. People did not shun me or walk away from me. I suspect anyone who truly cares about you wouldn't either, especially if they are in recovery. 6 months sober is nothing to sneeze at, it's not easy to do.
Only you can decide if you want to be honest and clear the slate and gain peace or perpetuate the lie and risk drinking again. For me there is nothing worth risking picking up another drink over. For me, to drink truly is to die. If I have to do uncomfortable things and take risks in order to live then so be it.
If you are a praying person, search your heart and pray for the next right action. Maybe talk to your sponsor first and see what feedback they can offer regarding how (not if, but how) you share this with your BF.
Keep posting here, draw strength and support from us and do what you know to be right.
Hugs,
Kellye C.
Keeper of the Stars
Join Date: May 2006
Location: A little left of center
Posts: 170
You cannot heal what you won't reveal!
(H)onesty
(O)peness
(W)illingness
I think deep down inside you really know the answer to your dilemma.
Just do the next, right thing.
Good luck with your continued sobriety!
(H)onesty
(O)peness
(W)illingness
I think deep down inside you really know the answer to your dilemma.
Just do the next, right thing.
Good luck with your continued sobriety!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Plantation FL.
Posts: 6
First of all you only need to worry about what you think.Your boyfriend starting seeing you when you had 3 months.If he doesnt understand and doesnt want to see you that would be no great loss.He doesnt impress me.Starting a relationship with you didnt help you at all.I would confide in my sponsor.You arent the first one who has faced this.Do what you know is right.Good luck
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
in my experience -
honesty ... is only scary ... when you'er NOT doing it.
But that's why we drink.
I tell it this way -
remember when you were a little kid playing in the pool?
And you'd try to hold a ball under water?
remember how that took paying attention to keep it under water and the effort it took?
that's a lie.
holding a ball (truth) underwater.
So we tell a lie.
(one ball)
now we have to tell another, either smaller or bigger -
to hide the first one.
(now there's TWO balls)
so now somebody says - hey, what you got there?
now you got to tell another one to distract from the other two
(three balls)
Now - fighting all those balls -
we just got to have a drink to let things 'go' for a while.
Get our minds off the stress of hiding all those balls under water.
that's exactly where it comes from.
the need to drink.
just gotta let the balls go for a while.
I don't WANT to go through that again.
So I am willing to do whatever it takes to try not to.
When I came back into the rooms of AA - I wanted to be real.
Lying isn't real.
no matter what anyone says to justify it.
Nothing religious about it.
It's just .. not real.
Best thing to do is let the balls go ...
and go find a good game of corner tag.
JMO
And SoberDad is absolutely right - you're not the first one to face this.
you can do it.
It's obviously bothering you, and you obviously want to do the right thing.
The 'right thing' only looks hard ... when you're NOT doing it.
honesty ... is only scary ... when you'er NOT doing it.
But that's why we drink.
I tell it this way -
remember when you were a little kid playing in the pool?
And you'd try to hold a ball under water?
remember how that took paying attention to keep it under water and the effort it took?
that's a lie.
holding a ball (truth) underwater.
So we tell a lie.
(one ball)
now we have to tell another, either smaller or bigger -
to hide the first one.
(now there's TWO balls)
so now somebody says - hey, what you got there?
now you got to tell another one to distract from the other two
(three balls)
Now - fighting all those balls -
we just got to have a drink to let things 'go' for a while.
Get our minds off the stress of hiding all those balls under water.
that's exactly where it comes from.
the need to drink.
just gotta let the balls go for a while.
I don't WANT to go through that again.
So I am willing to do whatever it takes to try not to.
When I came back into the rooms of AA - I wanted to be real.
Lying isn't real.
no matter what anyone says to justify it.
Nothing religious about it.
It's just .. not real.
Best thing to do is let the balls go ...
and go find a good game of corner tag.
JMO
And SoberDad is absolutely right - you're not the first one to face this.
you can do it.
It's obviously bothering you, and you obviously want to do the right thing.
The 'right thing' only looks hard ... when you're NOT doing it.
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