Mama~D

I was doing so good I thought but the stress of being laid off from my job and my downside of my relationship got the best of me. Well at least I let it get the best of me and turned to drinking again to try and forget about it!! GRRRRR! I just wanna be normal and healthy again!! What's wrong with me, why do I feel so week!!!!

nandm

You have the disease of alcoholism that is what is wrong with you. It is a disease that is extremely difficult to fight alone. I have never met anyone that could do it by themselves but there may be some out there.

One of the paradoxes of A.A. is that accepting our weakness (inability to fix the disease) brings us the beginning of the strength to fight the disease.
"Weakness" = "strength"

There is hope as long as you keep getting back up and starting over. Today is a new day, what happened yesterday can not be changed, what will happen tomorrow is too unpredictable to worry about. All you have is right now, today.

Try starting with that. Just don't drink right now. Don't worry about the rest as it will come as long as you don't drink right now. Remember "if you don't drink you don't get drunk". Sounds kind of silly but it is very true.

If you have not started one of the many recovery programs out there I would suggest starting one today. It is to easy to put if off and then wind up drunk again.

Keep posting, I look forward to your update.

Remember we are all weak in some respects, weakness is only a deficit when we fail to accept it and ask for the help we need.

nandm

A couple of quotes that help me when I feel weak.

Hope you find some strength in them too.

Paulos

Mama~D, don't fear, I'm only 22 and I am only 36 hours off alcohol/nicotine. It's very difficult, you should be proud how FAR you got, alcoholism isn't exactly a disease that we can't control, I've seen a lot of people go without alcohol after being huge boozers when they realize how it screwed up their lives. A little alcohol is okay sometimes or moderate, all depends on how you conduct yourself as well. Point is I'm not trying to start a flame, just saying don't feel weak Mama~D, just remember I'm only on 36 hours without drinking after trying for like 3 years to stop.

fanger

Did 1 year and then; about three weeks ago, drunk.
Still don't know why.
Still think I can drink like normal people.
Still listening to my own crap.
Still think I'm cleverer than everyone else.

God, I am stupid.
I'll pray for you. You pray for me.
One day this will all be over; all this pain will have passed and we'll be free.
I'm going to give it another try tommorrow.
I'm going to try not to take a drink...just for one day.
Just for a single day.

Paulos

Yeez fanger don't kill your self esteem yeez I'm sure "god" or some god would be proud if you did it alone or if you kept trying without saying "I'M STUPID!"...

fanger

True. True. I can't believe how it has slipped way from me.
Just gently and completely slipped way. The steps, the fellowship, the picking up the phone instead of the drink, the everything. I've got to start again.

Paulos

Sure, start again and all but *even though I hate saying this it makes me look like a piece of crap* I can't even stay away from a drink for 48 hours, and I've been trying for THREE years even though I have all the logic, all the wanting to stop drinking yet I keep sinking into it, so uh... consider yourself lucky that you have willpower to keep going and the logic to realize it's bad for you.

Paulos

How long were you off booze anyway? to me being off it a month would be a blessing.

RufusACanal

Maybe you are not done drinking yet. If this is the case, go try some more controlled drinking. I wish you well.

fanger

Read the post man.

Paulos

Yea yea ok fanger christ excuuuuse me for not reading right, ahem :gets back to his civil self: You did very well to last so long... three weeks ago however you drank and like... has it been that long since you drank?

CarolD

Many of us had false starts before we finally quit.

I certainly did...
not until I read "Under The Influence"
(top sticky post here has excerpts)
was I able to stay sober.

Keep trying...Recovery Rocks!

fanger

Put it this way...drunk now. Going to bed...will post tommorrow.
Sorry.
Love.

Paulos

Oh.... ouch. ook.

BP44

I stayed sober for 7 years most of it a dry drunk. I didn't go to many meetings, didn't have a sponsor, and didn't have a home group. I was a "hang around". You know the the type, folks who come to meetings on occasion, don't connect, and don't get real sober. We tend to hang sround the back of a meeting. As a result, after 7 years I was in front of the first drink and had no spiritual program to speak of, and therefore no defense. I spent 4 years drinking until it took me down to my knees. That's when I became willing to go to any lengths to get sober. That means starting over, getting IN AA, working the steps WITH a sponsor. So, my suggestion is to put down the drink, get your butt to a meeting and pick up a white chip and surrender to alcohol and the program of Alcoholic's Anonymous. That is exactly how I found a power greater than myself.

leeside

I know what you feel like Mama-D! Hopefully you are catching yourself early on and are going to do something about it. If we keep working on it, perhaps we wont let ourselves down anymore when trouble comes in our lives and we choose to just makes things worse by turning to alcohol. Instead face our troubles and try to resolve them (which can be tough) or at least get it behind us and carry on.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Hey Mama,

I know that you must feel like crap right now, but at least you came here..keep trying.

I lost my job within three months of getting sober. I sure wanted to drink that day. I was lucky that I had a meeting to go to, and folks who could help me use some tools to get me over that urge.

Maybe try a meeting?

big Hugs,

Karen

Tazman53

Mama I am not sure what you were doing to stay sober before you relapsed but start out first by simply not drinking today.

Then sit down and determine what you were doing that kept you sober and what you did or did not do that led to you drinking again.

I am an alcoholic and until I got into AA and changed I drank for the following reasons"

I was happy.
I was sad.
Something good had happened.
Something bad had happened.
I was mad.
It was dark.
It was light.
I got a new job.
I lost my job.
I got a raise.
I did not get a raise.

You name any situation and for me it was an excuse to drink.

I could not stop by myself and stay stopped, it was not until I was willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober that I was able to stay sober.

Find a program that gives you the support you need, I needed face to face support, work the program, I do not care what program it is, it will not work if you do not work it.

Drop all your prejudices and keep looking for what works for you.

The only thing that worked for me was AA, besides the fellowship of AA what allowed me to stay sober was me changing!

When I was drinking I was a drunk! I was a drunk then whether I drank or not. I stopped drinking many times and never changed a thing about myself, as a result I was a drunk who was not drinking, this meant that all I did was not drink and sat around wanting a drink...... being a drunk I always drank again.

Once I got into AA and started working the steps I started to change myself, as I changed myself the urge/need to drink lessened, the more I changed the less the urge/need to drink was until finally the miracle happened, I was no longer a drunk and did not want or need a drink!!!!

Look AA is not the only way to change, there are other programs, try any or all of them, but as long as you keep trying eventually one of them will work.

Mama~D

Thanks you guys! I'm trying to stay positive. I know by at least me reaching out and admitting my problem is a start. (small but a start) I've been keeping busy and trying to keep my stress levels low.