someone please help me...
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Share what is going on and if we are able to we will help. The worst thing that can happen if you share is you will find support from people who care and have probably been in similar situations. That is not a bad thing. Hope to hear from you soon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: london
Posts: 67
i suffer from depression, i havent slept in so long and i just cant stop drinking. i hate it. my lovely, fantastic boyfriend slept with his ex girlfriend last week on my birthday and broke up with me. this thursday i'm moving back to uni.. i physically have no more strength. i havent eaten in ages and im so weak now i can barely move.. unless i have a drink.... earlier (its after midnight in uk), i curled up in my mums arms and just cried.. it's ALL my fault and im just a mess.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Hi Maya, I dont really see how any of it is your fault.
You know my advice is going to be try to quit drinking, that will help the depression too. I sympathise with not sleeping I know its hard.
Focus on quitting?
You know my advice is going to be try to quit drinking, that will help the depression too. I sympathise with not sleeping I know its hard.
Focus on quitting?
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Originally Posted by maya23 
i suffer from depression, i havent slept in so long and i just cant stop drinking.
Not sleeping goes hand in hand with depression for many people.
Drinking to ease the depression is common. Unfortunately there comes a point in life where even drinking does not ease the depression any longer.
You are not alone with the depression, insomnia, or drinking too much.
I can not say whether you are an alcoholic or not that is something you have to decide for yourself.
i hate it. my lovely, fantastic boyfriend slept with his ex girlfriend last week on my birthday and broke up with me. this thursday i'm moving back to uni.. i physically have no more strength. i havent eaten in ages and im so weak now i can barely move.. unless i have a drink.... earlier (its after midnight in uk), i curled up in my mums arms and just cried.. it's ALL my fault and im just a mess.
For most normal folks, drinking means convivilality, companionship, and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom, and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends, and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistend yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt---and one more failure.
The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did--then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horseman---Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!
The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did--then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horseman---Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!
There is hope though! Life can change! All we have to do is put one foot in front of the other and it will happen. Unfortunately, for the true alcholic, life does not get better until the drink is put aside. If you have a desire to stop drinking there are many resources to help you do just that. Personally, A.A. works for me.
I would suggest looking in the phone book for alcoholics anonymous and calling their hotline. They will be able to start you on a path.
Keep posting and we will keep being here. Take care. Do remember you are not alone and do not have to do this alone. We are here and glad to walk with you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
We all deserve happiness Maya, including you. I think it's safe to say all alkies have felt like you do right now.
Will you consider talking to your doctor about your depression and asking him about how to quit drinking safely too?
I know its hard Maya, I have been there. There is hope, you just need to commit yourself to recovery.
Will you consider talking to your doctor about your depression and asking him about how to quit drinking safely too?
I know its hard Maya, I have been there. There is hope, you just need to commit yourself to recovery.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
There is a difference between the "happiness" that is felt when drinking and the complete and full feeling of happiness that can be felt for no other reason than simply being alive.
I for one thought that drinking made me "happy", what it did in fact was help me block out the world around me. I finally was able to see it for what it was though and decided that I could no longer live like that. It is a scary place to be, to have drank for so long that we don't know how to live life without drinking but realize that we can no longer live life drinking. I am thankful that I took a chance and reached out to people who walked me through the early part of my sobriety until I was strong enough to walk on my own.
There is hope and we are all worth it, no matter what we did while drinking. I have known people who have stopped drinking that are from all walks of life, from Senators to hobo's. The one thing each of us has in common is the desire to stop drinking and not go insane. That is what A.A provided for me.
I for one thought that drinking made me "happy", what it did in fact was help me block out the world around me. I finally was able to see it for what it was though and decided that I could no longer live like that. It is a scary place to be, to have drank for so long that we don't know how to live life without drinking but realize that we can no longer live life drinking. I am thankful that I took a chance and reached out to people who walked me through the early part of my sobriety until I was strong enough to walk on my own.
There is hope and we are all worth it, no matter what we did while drinking. I have known people who have stopped drinking that are from all walks of life, from Senators to hobo's. The one thing each of us has in common is the desire to stop drinking and not go insane. That is what A.A provided for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: london
Posts: 67
im an alcoholic... evry1 will be so disapointed in me....but it cant be normal for a 20 yr old girl to have a kitchen knife lying in her bed to cut herself when she needs it and deserves it...
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
One way to look at it is like a disease, diabetes for instance. The person who has the disease can ward off some of the bad things that can happen such as losing a leg due to infection and help themselves to feel better or they can choose to continue to not eat right, not take their medicine and wonder why things keep getting worse and they still feel bad.
If you are an alcoholic you have a disease. Without treatment it continues to progress. Nothing changes if nothing changes. It will not get better with time unless the drink is put down. There are ways to find a happy, healthy life without alcohol. It has been done by tens of thousands of people.
We may be responsible for the unmanagebility in our lives because we are drinking but it is the disease that is the ultimate culprit. We have to be willing to stop the disease so we can gain our lives back.
The life I have gained through sobriety I would not trade for anything. I have been able to treat my depression, anxiety, insomnia, PTSD, and some of my character flaws. I have been able to develop a romantic long term relationship where I have trust and faith in the person I am with. My picker was so broke when I drank that all I wound up with were untrustworthy, abusive people.
Glad you are here.
If you are an alcoholic you have a disease. Without treatment it continues to progress. Nothing changes if nothing changes. It will not get better with time unless the drink is put down. There are ways to find a happy, healthy life without alcohol. It has been done by tens of thousands of people.
We may be responsible for the unmanagebility in our lives because we are drinking but it is the disease that is the ultimate culprit. We have to be willing to stop the disease so we can gain our lives back.
The life I have gained through sobriety I would not trade for anything. I have been able to treat my depression, anxiety, insomnia, PTSD, and some of my character flaws. I have been able to develop a romantic long term relationship where I have trust and faith in the person I am with. My picker was so broke when I drank that all I wound up with were untrustworthy, abusive people.
Glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
You neednt tell everyone, but you would be wise to talk to a doctor as soon as possible Maya.
It isnt that unusual for a 20 year old girl to be an alcoholic and cut herself. You can help stop the pain but you have to talk to someone about it.
It isnt that unusual for a 20 year old girl to be an alcoholic and cut herself. You can help stop the pain but you have to talk to someone about it.
Been there and done.
Join Date: May 2005
Location: West Coast North America
Posts: 269
Maya, I know it sounds odd, but many of us (myself included) have been caught in the cycle you are in.
One key that helped me was the realization that both my thoughts and my feelings were not to be trusted -- they were nofor the moment at least part of the problem. Well, gee... if you can't determine how to get out by thinking it through (we can't) and you can't tell what "feels" right anymore, then how do we get out of the trap? Answer: my changing the one thing in our control -- our behaviors. Even though at times it seems that that too is out of our control, behavioral change is all we have left. When we stop reaching for the drink the pieces begin falling into place.
Good luck and thanks for sharing!
One key that helped me was the realization that both my thoughts and my feelings were not to be trusted -- they were nofor the moment at least part of the problem. Well, gee... if you can't determine how to get out by thinking it through (we can't) and you can't tell what "feels" right anymore, then how do we get out of the trap? Answer: my changing the one thing in our control -- our behaviors. Even though at times it seems that that too is out of our control, behavioral change is all we have left. When we stop reaching for the drink the pieces begin falling into place.
Good luck and thanks for sharing!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
If you need to admit that you're an Alcoholic, do it. Admit it to yourself and God first. He'll understand. I've heard stories of people feeling that the world was lifted off their shoulders as soon as this happened. Others that didn't feel relief were people like me. I knew it and freeley admited it. My attitude was "So What!" But for those that can't bring themselves to admit it, there is tremendous relief when it happens. Find someone you can confide in if it helps. Clergy is good at this if you don't want to open up to friends and/or family. Nobody will pass judgement when you admit it. They almost never do.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Maya, I can feel so much pain in your posts. I want to reach out and hug you. I am sorry you feel so bad, but please know that you are not alone tonight, or ever. There are lots of people here who want to help you and talk with you. I don't know if you've talked to your dr about your problems with depression or if you've tried medication, but you really should do that, if you haven't. There is hope. I've been in that dark hole where you are, and I know you can find your way out. If you need help right now, I believe you can call the Samaritans in the UK and they will speak with you and offer assistance. Reach out for the help if you need it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: U.K.
Posts: 65
It can be a dark dark world when you suffer from depression. I suffer from depression also and my psychiatrist is also looking at possible bi-polar disorder.
I cannot pretend to "know" how you feel or be as stupid to say "I know how you feel" but what I can say I have felt what you are describing. I have the scars to show for my attempts on my life. I too have had that knife and I have actually used it before.
For me it provided a relief but only temporary as after I had my wrist sown up and had a few "good" days I deeply regretted it.
You are entitled to feel the way you do, and it can be hard for others to understand.
You mention your Mum in your post, can you turn to her for support? Sometimes just talking through your feelings can sooth the way you feel. I would also recommend the Samaritans, I have been on both sides of that phone-line (ex-volunteer) and can honestly say that it can help.
I say can as sometimes some situations do not resolve themselves or people do take their own life if things become too much and that is YOUR choice and any Samaritan you talk with will respect that.
It can seem very daunting to speak to anyone about what you feel and I understand that. If you feel more comfortable you can email the Samaritans and they should respond within 24 hours. The WILL NOT give direct advice such as you must do this or that but they will give you the time and space to talk about how you feel and why you feel that way.
Dave
I cannot pretend to "know" how you feel or be as stupid to say "I know how you feel" but what I can say I have felt what you are describing. I have the scars to show for my attempts on my life. I too have had that knife and I have actually used it before.
For me it provided a relief but only temporary as after I had my wrist sown up and had a few "good" days I deeply regretted it.
You are entitled to feel the way you do, and it can be hard for others to understand.
You mention your Mum in your post, can you turn to her for support? Sometimes just talking through your feelings can sooth the way you feel. I would also recommend the Samaritans, I have been on both sides of that phone-line (ex-volunteer) and can honestly say that it can help.
I say can as sometimes some situations do not resolve themselves or people do take their own life if things become too much and that is YOUR choice and any Samaritan you talk with will respect that.
It can seem very daunting to speak to anyone about what you feel and I understand that. If you feel more comfortable you can email the Samaritans and they should respond within 24 hours. The WILL NOT give direct advice such as you must do this or that but they will give you the time and space to talk about how you feel and why you feel that way.
Dave
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
