YaDude

I'm wondering how you guys handle going out on the weekends. I'm trying to stay sober but it gets boring just staying home and not having fun with my friends.
For example, tomorrow is my friends birthday and everyone is going to a nice club in Hollywood and i want to go. I wont get pressure from my friends to drink because they are totally cool. But its hard to go out and socialize when others are drinking.
What do you guys do in these situations. I was thinking of just ordering virgin drinks. I want to go cause its my friends birthday.

CarolD

How about taking a non drinking friend along?
I have made many sober friends in AA.

Be sure and smell the virgin drinks
cause a busy club may get the glasses mixed up.

Take care...

Buffalo66

volunteer to drive, then take it really seriously. Know that you cant drink since you will have all their lives in your hands. Also, Just remember, there are alot of creative, powerful, hilarious, and talented people in this world who decided to stop drinking.They have jobs, travel, make music, film...They really found another way to express that energy. You can enjoy music, and people watch without messing up your brain.

Do you have anyone inyour life who is sooo cool, and just someone you look up to who doesnt drink?

DoingWell

That's what I do. I never had a problem going out, I did all my drinking mostly alone. I've always been the Designated driver, LOL

I also like the idea of taking a non-drinking friend with you, if you attend meetings maybe ask one of them to go with you if they are comfortable?

Peter

Believe it or not it really is possible to socialize and enjoy yourself without alcohol....but I would follow Carol's suggestion and invite another non drinker to go along.

YaDude

thanks for the advice. i was thinking the same thing and i am going to be a designated driver. so that will really help me to not drink. a bunch of friends are taking a limo and i passed on that because the whole reason to take a limo is to drink. i said i would meet them there and am going to take a couple people in my car. not all of my friends drink and still socialize. but those people are not addicted like i am. its just harder for me but i'm sure you understand.
i just dont want to always stay home and do nothing. i think i will go to a meeting before i go out too. that should help.

WLDKATZ

Sound like a very smart person whoms head is on his shoulders...hold tight worse comes to worse, test message us from the phone or call someone your only a phone call away......

BP44

The Big Book is clear on this. We can go anywhere if we are spiritually fit. However, if you are on shaky ground, it's best to work with another alcoholic. There are just some places and situations I had no business getting myself into in early sobriety. So, I didn't. And clubbing is one of them. If you are unsure, go to a meeting instead. Believe me, they will have a good time without you. And waking up instead of coming to will make for a good morning. There is a guy in my home group who at 3 months decided to go hang out with his "friends" at the bar. He came in and bragged about how he was able to resist drinks sitting at the bar with his buddies. This was a month ago. He recently picked up another white chip.

barb dwyer

great answer, BP ...

YaDude -

I'm no help to ya whatever - I still won't go to a bar. Just not time for me yet.

But I hope you have fun, and Ill remember you in my prayers!

Tazman53

Lots of good advise:

Designated driver CHECK!

Sober freinds CHECK!

Meeting before CHECK!

Smelling drinks CHECK!

Making sure you have an out. CHECK!

Spiritually fit CHECK! If not a check you may want to think about what your #1 priority is.

I have absolutely no issue with folks drinking around me, but I always check my motives. Am I trying to gain joy from others drinking or am I there for the football game? Am I trying to gain joy from others drinking or am I there for dinner? Am I trying to gain joy from others drinking or am I there for the party.

I will say this, and this is strictly for me, if the soul purpose is for a group of people to get drunk under the guise of celebrating someones birthday then I will skip that just like I would skip a "Happy hour", IMHO there is only one reason to go to a happy hour and that is to drink.

DoingWell

Although I never really was one for going out and getting hammered (I was a lone drinker) I have to do the same thing.. check my motives. As crazy as this might sound, there were times I would go out with a friend for that one drink to just get in gear for my own "at home binge" It was a vicious cycle. Now I have to ask myself why am I going out, do I really want to go out with this person or people for their company or to give best wishes for a wedding, etc. If my motives are true I'm usually good to go, however if I have the slightest doubt I might make my apologies and skip going out.
Last night my xhb wanted to go bowling and called to ask if I wanted to go, even though I live within walking distance, I was in a very odd mood last night and did not think it wise to be around booze. He is a recovering addict but was never really a drinker so he's around it all the time and just doesn't drink. I just pulled the ol "I have a horrible headache right now" excuse out of the hat.

I also have to remember that I have friends who can go out and get trashed now and again and just because I can't I have to sometimes watch the resentful or judgemental thoughts <g>
My xhb quit smoking about 6 years ago and he is awful around smokers, nag nag nag.. !

Octoman

I have been out twice socially (where alcohol is involved) since I stopped drinking 7 weeks ago. On both occasions I made sure I was prepared mentally. The first involved work so I was unable to admit I had a drink problem. I made up an excuse (helpefully provided by Barb on this forum ) for my not drinking. Went fine. The second time was with some really good friends. I explained up front why I wasnt drinking and made sure they fully appreciated the seriousness of my situation. As good friends they understood entirely and I actually had a great time. In fact, it was just as much fun as if I had drunk. Plus I felt fine the next morning.
Social life does go on without booze and really can be just as much fun.

WLDKATZ

I am about to have my end of summer bash, I throw one at the beginning of summer, there was over 300 ppl there this year, and an end of summer bash this will be my first one where ABSOLUTELY NO ALCOHOL OR DRUGS WILL BE PROVIDED, I have a few friends that are police and they said they would help me out, I LOVE that about them and my cousin and uncle are going to be there.....It isn't that I cannot control MYSELF I just don't want it around me....Besides I care enough about my friends and loved ones to throw this party every year I want to see that they come back for my next one ( probally a baby shower this time)!!

Slowbriety

This is only for me, but I wated a year before doing ANYTHING. Music is a huge part of my life and bands play in arena's along with bars. So, when I was in my first year of sobriety I told myself to wait atleast a year then I would have the rest of my life to see as many shows as I want. I waited that year and actually it wasent until almost my second year that I finally saw a show. I went to see Bob Dylan last night and had a great time. The big book talkes about this, if I am spiritually fit and HAVE A REASON to be there, then I can go any where. Do I go to bars? Yes, do I socialize with people who drink, Yes. And the only reason that I am able to is because God has changed me and I am no longer obsessed about that drink, because what God has givin' me is far better than any drug or drink could ever do. I didnt get well over night, it takes time. You have the rest of your life, just take it slow.

Tazman53

Slowbriety as you have shared, I agree, change is the path to solid sobriety, once one has changed enough and maintain thier spirituality they are bullet proof for that day, we have ceased fighting, we are at peace with the world and even with alcohol.

YaDude

thanks everyone, you are so awesome. i'm going to go to a meeting before i go. that should help a lot. going to meetings for me is similar to going to the gym. after i go to the gym i wouldn't want to eat fast food. and after going to meetings i dont want to drink. (if that makes sence)
i'm actually looking foreward to going tonight and talking to chicks normally. usually i get so hammered that i know i look stupid.

Mar13

i know is har to go somewhere i cant drink
i could not go out with friend what drink and i couldent !
i prefer staying home
but when i was pregnant i did not drink a drop and it did not bother me at all
so i think i could maybe trie and do it
it want harm to try
also why you dont ask for something with just a little alcohol maybe 1 or 2 thats it?

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

I respectfully say Mar13 that if any of us could have "one or two" then we wouldn't be here.

Dude, you seem to be in a good place to go out with your friends. Let us know how it goes!

Karen

Mar13

hi i just sugested this
i know its hard but may have 1 or 2 be a bit tipsy and go home?
Maria

nolonger

well put BP44!