2much

I want to give up...again...I never really got there in the first place...

I went to councelling for a few months and that was helping...but I got work on Thursdays so I cancelled because the councellor I had couldnt work on the days Im not working and I didnt want to go through it all again with someone new.

Noone knows how much I drink. Its embarrasing. I have so much to loose - If I go to rehab I will loose my son. His dad will take him. But I'm scared that I cant do it without it. Ive tried will power but I only last one day. Ive been drinking 2 bottles of wine on average 6 nights a week.

I'm not trash. But I am, if you know what I mean. - Im not a bad person at all but I always have an excuse to drink... which is always ********.

I want help but I know I'll refuse it.

Im stuck...and other times I'll tell myself to stop being dramatic - its not that bad...

Pilgrim

Hi 2much

Welcome back to SR!!!!! It's good to see you again.

I am sorry to hear you are having a rough time.

When I was ready to stop, I was ready to go to any lengths. Are you there yet?

There is a solution. I have lost the need to drink in the last 6 months. I am no longer chained to it and controlled. It's a much better life.

Counselling didn't help me either. If you drink like I did, I didn't have the power to stop without help.. and controlled drinking doesn't work either for me.

You are not alone.

Tazman53

2much I was only able to quit when I reached the point where I was willing to do what ever it took to quit and stay quit.

I admitted to myself that I was powerless over alcohol and my life was rapidly becoming unmanagable.

Are you ready to do what ever it takes to stop drinking and stay stopped?

Are you ready to admit that if you have one drink you have no control over what happens next and that your life becomes more unmanagable when you drink?

I have walked in your shoes, I know the self hate, the feeling of being ashamed that I was to weak to quit....... I found a solution as hundreds of thousands of others have and all of us are willing to share how we did it with you.

You are not alone, reach out your hand for help, help is there if you ask for it.

Pilgrim

Taz is right 2much. Help is right here for you if you want it.

Jhana

2much,

everything changes when we are not drinking. Getting there though, is a difficult journey, but so worth it.

Hang in there,
Jhana

DoingWell

You are not trash, this is not a disease of a moral one, however it can be a deadly one.
It's really good that you are being honest, that in itself says something, now apply action to the desire.
You said you had a counselor and it was helping, why not call that counselor back she might be able to get you into another counselor or even group therapy (Group therapy is really great, I still go after 7 months sober and I think I will continue to go just for the interaction and support)
Also there are Outpatient rehabs you might want to check into and you can do so discreetly.
Give you and your son a fighting chance at happiness and get off the roller coaster it is worth it like everyone else says.
Also look into AA, they have meetings everywhere and at all times of day/night.

Viki

People are different and they may quit drinking/using in different ways but........the end result is the same if they stay with it. Everyone lives and is happier. Life still may not be a bed of roses but it sure beats the alternative. I can't imagine going back to the way I was. If I do think about it or get a craving for the "good life". I just take some pictures out of me at parties. In some I was stupid drunk. In others I was passed out. There are even some with me hugging the toilet. Who in there right mind woul put their head down in something that holds the excrement of others. Only an addict.................Viki

DoingWell

Viki that is so true. I quit drinking over 7 months ago, I was I guess you would call a functioning alcoholic and my life was NOT unmanageable. I won't go into the details of why I decided to stop drinking, but I thought once I quit, things would be wonderful. LOL What I learned was that it takes time and patience like anything in life, no one's life is perfect as we are all just works in progress. I do know that there are many things more available to me today in life without drinking and I focus on that rather than what I am missing (not much) by drinking.
I think of it this way.. it took a few years to get to where I was when I stopped, it's only normal to know it's going to take time to really get to where I want to be.

CarolD

Glad to see you again!

This might help you understand addiction

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/ar...640436,00.html

The solution for me? God and AA

Blessings to you and your family

Tazman53

2much admitting ones life has become unmanagable is a very tough pill for some of us to swallow, I was 2-3 months sober before I finally was able to see just how unmanagable my life had become.

One thing that made it easy for me is to answer this question:

What is the opposite of managable?

Unmanageable!

1. I finally saw that I could not manage to quit drinking on my own.

2. I could not manage for years to convince myself I really needed to quit drinking.

3. I could not manage for years to let any one (including myself) know how much I was drinking.

4. For years I could not manage to ask for help in stopping drinking.

Ones life becoming unmanagable does not mean that one can not manage a single portion of thier life.

Let me put it this way, if every part of a car is managing to work except the brakes, is the car managable?

When I quit drinking the vast majority of my life was still working..... except my drinking brakes, they had become unmanagable.

An alcoholics pride is huge even when thier self esteem sucks and the 2 things they have the hardest time admitting is not being able to have the power to contol thier drinking after that first drink and to admit that they are unable to manage their whole lifes while drinking.

If one is unable to manage to stay sober without one or some of the following then that would lead one to have to admit if they are brutally honest with thier selfs that not all of their life is manageable:

1. AA
2. Therapy or rehab
3. Anti-depressants
4. Any support group

2much

(I'm crying as I type this) I feel stuck....I cant do this on my own, Ive tried for frikkin years.

I cant do it with family help - I'm scared that I will fight them and I dont want to do that. I am a nice person (I think) I tend to do what I can to help others

- But....I am a single mother. I need to be there for more for my son. I've noticed my shortcomings as a mother. Dont get me wrong my son is a good boy and I have been commended for being a good mum but you all know that hungover life is not fair for any outsider to deal with, let alone an innocent child, despite any honest good intentions.

Many of you will know the coverup.

I'm at the stage now, that I think going to rehab is my best option, but I will loose my son if I do that. And I KNOW that hes better off with me than his father.

2much

Yes, I feel like trash, but im not, I'm sure I'm not, I really am not a bad person. Well damn maybe I am.. Ive been trying to kick this for years...I'm so sure one day something will happen and it will be fixed. but no, thats not going to happen. It feels strange and weird to go to sleep sober, it's scary even. I love that night once a week when I'm too hungover to drink - thats the day that I have hope. I really believe I can do it. But I havnt managed 2 sober day in - i dont remember how long.

GrouchoTheCat

Hi 2much,

Remember, you are not a bad person that wants to get good, you are a sick person that needs to become well.

I needed to go to detox to stop and I stay stopped with the help of AA.

Have you been able to discuss this with your doctor?

Tazman53

2much the sooner you realize you are not a bad person, you are a person with a disease that is sick the sooner you will be able to get better.

Do you have any other family in your area? Have you thought about asking one of them to watch out for your son while you are in rehab?

How do you know you will lose your son by doing the right thing?

Keep in mind that as long as an alcoholic drinks their disease will never get better, it will always get worse.

Okay now you say you are worried about losing your son, ask you self this question:

Am I more likely to lose my son because of my drinking contimually getting worse or by going to rehab?

When I was drinking I had tremendous fears, I was always looking at the worst possible scenario as a result I would be scared to ask someone who may very well be able to actually help me for help.

Have you spoke to a lawyer about whether your sons father could take him if you went into rehab?

I can tell you this your sons dad has a better chance of taking him from you if you continue to drink then he does if you go into rehab.

If you were a judge and a father came before you saying I want custody of my son because his mother is a drunk and I can prove it and he does what would you do?

Now if you were a judge and a father came before you saying I want custody of my son because his mother is in rehab what would you do?

Fluttering

2much

you say "I know I'll refuse"...When I stopped fighting and totally surrendered the journey became easier.

I hope you will stick around...this is an awesome jouney!!!

leeside

Welcome back 2much!

It's like you are like 2 different people. If you get rid of the one (and you know which one I am talking about) you will stand a much better chance of getting off the booze. IMO

Cathy31

Go to AA. it worked for me and milions of others what you got to lose?

mike_mass

Welcome back!

Pilgrim

Hi 2much. How are you today.

I have three children and I started going to AA meetings and now I don't have to drink any more. I don't want to and I don't need to. If I hadn't stopped drinking, I don't think they would be with me now. It got so bad so fast (quite common in women).

You can do this. I know you can.

We are here for you and we will love you until you learn to love yourself ok??