larssonc

My bio: I am currently in Mexico. I have lost one wife and three jobs through my drinking. I don't want to lose another couple of those. I am an alcoholic and therefore become very resistent. I can drink a bottle of tequila in the evening, another half in the morning, sleeping at best four hours, and smile and "perform" my work. I think I can fool everyone, which of course I don't. Every night I tell myself DON'T have that next drink. But I don't know how to do that. I am sitting here with my tall one, devastated by being without my wife (I used to be able not not drink, or drink with "moderation", as well as not smoking, while being with her). BTW she does not know that I have relapsed.

Every morning is hell. I try to get so much alcohol in my body so that I can work. In the evenings I am trying at least to drink some water and eat something. I get another "correction" during lunch. The rest is just charade. I have been going on a week without eating (not now, earlier).

This is A) going to kill me, B) deprive me of everything I need in life, or C) put me on the street like a homeless.

Any suggestions out there? Please?

CarolD

Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum!

I strongly suggest you have a medically supervised de tox.
As you might know....quitting abruptly is a dangerous thing
to do especially alone.

Have you considered a rehab or a formal recovery program?
AA is what I use with positive results.

We do understand....please keep posting
There is healing and hope for you...

nandm

I think you may need to try something different. As the saying goes nothing changes if nothing changes. By the same token the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same results. I was reading your reply to a post on whether someone needs to believe in God/Higher Power to stop drinking and your response was "I my humble opinion it is not about believing in God, but believeling in yourself. YOU are the who will have to do the work, no-one else, not even God will do it for you." One idea that you might consider is if an alcoholic could quit drinking on their own then they would not need help. There would not be any need for treatment and recovery programs. I don't know whether a person has to believe in God but what I do know is that believing in myself did not change my drinking.

I do believe that I am the one who has to do the work but I also have found that I have to have an idea of what work needs to be done. There are also many times in life when I need help. For me, I have learned that during those times (as well as daily life) I have to know that I can depend on a power greater than myself. I know that I have a lot of self control and will power as I have been able to successfully apply that in many areas of my life. Unfortunately, alcohol was something I was not able to control on my own. I needed help.

If I were to make a suggestion it would be to consider the idea that you may not be able to quit on your own and be willing to go to whatever lengths it takes to stop drinking. There are many programs that can help. The only one I personally have any experience with is AA. Which, if one is to follow the suggestions, means that a person has to accept that there is a power greater than themselves. For me that was a start to sobriety. My life has improved and I am learning how to deal with things differently in my life so change can happen. I am no longer stagnet in the mire too afraid to move.

Please keep an open mind, seek help from a program, see your doctor (as Carol suggested), and keep posting. You are welcome here and I wish you success with your problem. Glad you are here.

Yardbird

Nothing to add to the wise posts above except one more welcome and one more voice of support.

Oh, and what the heck, I'll also stress something--Carol's point about medical supervision seems particularly important given that it sounds like you're drinking a lot of hard liquor. A call to a doctor is probably the first step.

There are many, many people to help you here and wherever you go.

larssonc

Ok, maybe I over-generalized about saying "believeing in yourself". That is, however MY problem and the result of self-reflection. But what I do believe and is scientifically proven is that drinking/alcoholism often is a cause of other (external) factors. These are contibuting greatly to the "suffering" (I don't what to use the term alcoholic here), such as family, jobs, financial reason and health. (But I do believe that overcoming these kind of difficulies is tied to strong belief that you can overcome them).

KR/c

larssonc

Thank you, but that is not an option. (BTW the Wikipedia article on alcoholism is execellent). I know what I am. But I need to (re-)find my place in life. That is what it is all about. I have to find a way to find "happiness" elsewhere.

KR/c

CarolD

When I was drinking my quart of scotch a day...
my mind was saturated and my thinking affected.

Once I finally quit....and stayed sober awhile...I did do
a 180 in personal perception.

Here is the deal...IMO
you have to want to quit
more than you want to drink.

Think that is you?

nandm

You have a good point. I think though that for many of us we are so beat up by the time that we come to a place where we are willing to do what ever it takes to overcome the problem that believing that one can overcome anything is sometimes difficult. For me, that was the case. Ironically, I was successful in many other areas of my life but the drinking was even starting to negatively affect them also. Only you know how tired and beat up you are at this point. I hope you are still able to believe that you can overcome. I had lost hope by the end of my drinking. I was finally able to feel hope again when I went to my first AA meeting. I don't even remeber one word of what was said, only that feeling that maybe things could get better. There is hope as long as we are still breathing. You seem to still be hopeful. I am glad you have not lost that. Glad you are here and I hope you are able to find some answers.

WantsOut

So you're drinking because you're unhappy - is that what you're trying to tell yourself? Cause that's a classic alcoholic fallacy.

BP44

So, how's all that "thinking" and "believing" working out? See, when I finally got to the rooms, I would hear them say things like, " All you know how to do is get drunk, and we already know all about that, but we have a solution for YOU" I didn't like hearing that. Then I would hear them say, " we don't care what you think, feel or believe because it really doesn't matter." Well, what a shock. And then they said, " If you don't like what we have and don't want what we have, you can stay out there and keep what you have, we'll be here if and when you are READY to come back" Well, I just had some more drinking to do. That's the bottom line of it. It's when I ran out of answers and self deluding solutions that I crawled back into AA. Then I was willing to shut my mouth and listen. Then I was willing to do what I was told without question. I was desperate for a better life, and I crawled into the lifeboat like only the dying do. I'm not sure if you are ready to go to any lengths to get sober. If you still have contingencies on sboriety, then you may have some drinking yet to do. You may just hope you will be able to find the answer to normal drinking. God knows I have tried. So, if you hope you can drink, then I hope it for you. Either way, best of luck.

snowgoose

Not an option? Dying is an option. There are several options there - that is several specific medical conditions resulting from alcoholism that can cause death. We'd rather have you here with us. For your own sake, please listen to the good advice given above. Recovery, quite possibly via a medical detox, needs to come first. Then there's a chance of "refinding your place in life".

GlassPrisoner

I thought I knew who and what I was. I thought that circumstance contributed to my drinking, and if only things would work out just once I could quit. I thought that if I could just quit, everything would be better. I thought I knew everything, and that the whole world was at my mercy, all I had to do was "put my mind to it" .

I was delusional.

I know better now ! You could too, if your willing to go to any length.

Tazman53

Hmmmm it took science to figure out what AA knew in 1939, here is a quote from Chapter 5 of the book Alcoholics Anonymous:

Check out the 12 steps of AA, the only one that mentions alcohol is step one which is:

I had reached the point where I knew I was powerless over alcohol, I knew that if I had one drink I had no idea what was going to happen after that and I still know that.

GrouchoTheCat

I drank because I am an alcoholic. It's that simple. It's what I do.

As long as my brain was saturated with alcohol, I could not think properly.

Please read the excerpts he from "under the influence"

I hope you can become well.