wpgwoman

Hello to all,

I am a new member of the Friends and Family of Alcoholics Forum.
I was wondering if I could ask questions on this forum to better understand the other side of the coin, so to speak?

My A, is a very high functioning A. Many who know him would not believe he has a problem. Is it possible for an A to recover without the help of a program??

Is it a red flag, to watch them replace the amount of beers consumed with cans of Coke. I know that may sound silly, but over the past year or so, I've watched him open can after can of Coke in a very short period of time and become anxious when there was none left. Are they just replacing one addiction with another. Should something so silly, actually be something to be concerned about.

Thank you for any insight you're willing to give,
Angie

nandm

Hi Angie,

When I came into AA I was still considered high functioning, on the outside I still had the "look good". Many people had no idea that I had a serious problem. I have heard people that say it is possible to recover without the help of a program. My experience though has been that I needed the program of AA to teach me how to live without drinking. Before AA I had periods of sodriety. I was still as insane as when I was drinking only worse because I was white knuckling it through life. I had no clue how to deal with everyday stressors without picking up a drink. Not a fun place to be, it was very scary. AA taught me how to deal with those stressors.

As far as the coke goes, it isn't necessarily a sign of relapse. But it does show that he has not learned yet how to deal with every day stresssors yet. In early sobriety I did experience drinking like that, it did not matter if it was coke or water. I drank it alcoholically, one after another, and to some quite quickly. Over the years as I have learned how to deal with life that habit has reduced significantly. There are still times when I do things quite alcoholically. For example, friends know that if we are doing anything that food is a part of, I am the one who goes overboard and brings enough for an army. I have toned that down some but still do it to a degree. Some of that comes from other issues though, when I was growing up.

I hope I was able to give you some insight into your questions. Keep taking care of yourself and good luck.

Tazman53

Yes for some it is, it was not for me.

I have replaced my beer with coffee, but there is no way I can drink coffee like I could beer! My wife and I both concur that me drinking a lot of coffee & no booze is a huge improvement! LOL Is it a red flag? If he was doing the "Marijuana Maintenance" program I would call it a red flag, but Coke in my opinion is not an issue as long as it is Coca Cola! LOL

parentrecovers

my daughter was addicted to chap stick and hard candy in rehab...

Fluttering

welcome

Happy you are posing the questions

In early recovcery many of us did replace one addiction for another..
I did...for me it was candy and ice cream...It takes what it takes...

What I was told was, a quote from the Big Book that states.."We alcoholics are an undiciplined lot" .... I had to learn disipline in all areas of my life..It was a process.

Still is a process...we each grow at a different pace..Give it time... it may change


Hugs to you

GrouchoTheCat

I drink one heck of a lot of coffee, but at least I'm sober!

Ask all you want and welcome,

Ted

wpgwoman

I guess what I am really asking, Is while you are all replacing it with another beverage, do you think of your old drink of choice while you are drinking it?
For some unknown reason, if that's what he is doing it kinda makes my nervous. Don't ask my why because I honestly don't know.
Angie

snowgoose

wpgwoman, I understand your concerns and think you are both smart and welcome to ask the questions. Some little red flag goes up in my mind about control issues, though.

When I was newly sober, I was single and had been for some time, so thank goodness there was nobody monitoring my recovery except those in AA who cared. Common sense told me that I needed to replace that habit of having a "glass" always at hand with something else, at least until I got used to not drinking alcoholic substances. I noticed that my food cravings changed immediately upon withdrawal of alcohol. While drinking, I had craved onions and potato chips. Suddenly when sober, I wanted sweets. This does make some sense. I turned to ice cream. Others here have advised reading a post called PAWS, which you might want to do. There is a warning about some of the substitutions, including my recommended ice cream.

Another thing that I still do - and it has been many 24hours now - is to mix fruit juice and seltzer water. The resulting fizz replaces one of the aspects I loved about beer, and both of those bevereges are healthy. Incidently, I always rinse my mouth with fresh water after drinking anything acid like Pepsi, Coca Cola or my fruit juice mix. It would be better to brush but I know from experience I won't take the time. Cavities can form quickly if the mouth is an acid environment. Who needs cavities? But staying sober is our real mission, if the non-alcoholic drinks help.

Best from the Snowgoose.

caraway

[QUOTE=snowgoose;1474587
It would be better to brush but I know from experience I won't take the time. Cavities can form quickly if the mouth is an acid environment. Who needs cavities?
Best from the Snowgoose.[/QUOTE]

Don't mean to sound pedantic but I just read the other day that brushing after sugary foods can be bad for your teeth as the enamel is softened and more liable to wearing away, apparantly its better to wait a bit before brushing - rinsing out with water might be the best idea.

wpgwoman

Do you mean control issues on my part?? I personally don't care if he drinks a 24 in coke, I'm just stating it makes me feel that his true addiction has never been addressed and by replacing it with something else it must be on his mind all the time. Since I don't have the same vulnerability, I can not say for sure. I am just uneasy watching the same movements and actions, it's like you are sitting on pins and needles waiting for the coke to somehow turn into a beer. If that makes any sense.

snowgoose

Caraway, interesting. 'Course it's possible to read all sorts of conflicting information, especially on the Internet. But if you're right..... ya mean my laziness has led to me doing the right thing?????? Fantastic!

Meanwhile, we hijacked this thread a little bit. Back to wpgwoman's query.....

GrouchoTheCat

No, I don't think about booze when I am drinking massive amounts of coffee.

I also have a glass of water with me at all times. Doesn't remind me of booze either.

Freinds are actually amused by the fact that I always seem to have a coffee in one hand and a water in the other.

I drank massive amounts of vodka/tonics when drinking and as a result, I don't drink tonic water anymore, it's uncomfortable because it reminds me of booze. But thats just me.

You didn't cause it,
you can't control him,
you can't cure him.

Would you be 'worried' if he was drinking glass after glass of something healthier like orange juice?

Let it go, at least, no thank God he's not drunk!

BigSis

I overdo everything I've ever liked...

I smoked too much.
Drank too much.
Eat too much.
Exercised too much.
Gambled too much.
Drank too many Diet Pepsis in a day.
Obsessed about my addicted relatives too much.

It might be easier to name the things I DON'T over do. And that, for me, describes this condition of addiction... TOO MUCH!

I quit drinking 23 years ago... without a program. And my life got some better. But it didn't get REALLY, REALLY good until I got into a program.

But I didn't know how much better it COULD get, until it did...grin.

The program I got into was Alanon (because of the obsessing with my addicted children).

This comment -
Sounds a lot like how I used to be. My thoughts and actions were focused .... a LOT.. on my addicts actions. I was constantly monitoring, mothering, manipulating and martyring.

I somehow got it into my brain that by 'catching them', I could someway "head them off at the pass"...get them into treatment... save them from themselves.

The truth is, my obsessing took me down further... and faster... than any obsession to date - including my own drinking.

You might give 5 or 6 Alanon meetings at try. They have lots of folks there who think like you and like me. It was a good place for me to learn about MY part in the dance of addiction, and to get a handle on the things I COULD change... instead of being frustrated by all the things I could not change.

I wish you the best.

CarolD

Well...
I have been AA sober for 18+ years
and always have a cold beverage going.
It does not remind me of anything.
I just like to drink!!

Yes..alcoholics do quit without a formal program.
However...
I think they miss out on many
positive benefits when they do.

I do hope you are attending Al anon for yourself.

Blessings to both of you

BP44

Well, I drink a lot of coffee. I roast it, grind it and brew it by several different methods. My wife gets a little humor out of my little obsession with coffee. And quite frankly it is an improvement over my obsession for alcohol. Here are some questions you might ask......Is your husband's Coke habit going to threaten your financial security, land him in jail or cause him to lose his job? Will it kill him? If the answer is no, then I would say the quality of your problems are improving. The bigger and more important question is this....why are you analyzing his behavior? My wife goes to Alanon, and has found great support in working HER program of recovery and leaving mine alone. What has happened is she has started focusing on herself and quit focusing on me. Hope this helps.

snowgoose

Um, yup.....recommend Alanon.

CarolD

Yes...it is. Please do...
However...duplicate post between Forums
are not allowed.

Thanks!

chantistar

wow that is crazy to think about. i'm new, too, and don't even know where the post new thread button is. oh well. i think your friend might have something other than an addiction. sounds like anxiety or ocd???

chantistar

that's awesome. i need to talk to someone. i keep forgetting to go to alanon so maybe posting here will help me. how do i start a new thread so ya'll can read what i have to say?

CarolD

To begin your own thread...
go to the top of the page
Look on the left for New Thread

Welcome!