what was your bottom?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: chicago, IL
Posts: 93
I have stated this before so sorry if it is redundant to some. I had a friend die from cirrhosis and it shocked me sober. It was a terrible, terrible event and I decided then that with God's help I would do my best not to end up there. 41 weeks this week! And I feel good, da, da, da,...they way that I should
Wow!!! Seeing this post reminded me of something I used to do when I drank. I would put down about a case of beer on an empty stomach after getting home from work, and call a suicide hot line not because I wanted to actually kill myself, but just for someone to talk to. I would be depressed, and tell the person on the other line why I was depressed. I would tell them all my sorrows, usually bawling. The only thing I wouldn't tell them was that I thought I had a drinking problem. (I'm sure they knew I was pretty trashed when I called them, so I'm sure they were guessing that I may of had a drinking problem).
When I called the hot line I wasn't at my bottom yet, but from what I remember, I was close.
I thank God that I finally had the courage to finally admit to another person, (my fiancee) that I needed help with my drinking. (It wasn't a surprise to her). She got some numbers to locations of AA meetings and the rest is history. 464 days of history ago to be exact. And those days will increase as long as I take them one by one.
Tom
When I called the hot line I wasn't at my bottom yet, but from what I remember, I was close.
I thank God that I finally had the courage to finally admit to another person, (my fiancee) that I needed help with my drinking. (It wasn't a surprise to her). She got some numbers to locations of AA meetings and the rest is history. 464 days of history ago to be exact. And those days will increase as long as I take them one by one.
Tom
... It actually felt good to just drink... to hell with the consequences! ...
Its been said, (thanks Barb!), that we all start out with God. Then we replace God with ego. Later, we replace ego with alcohol. I know it was true for me.
Getting rid of the alcohol and putting ego back into place gets us back to being a dry drunk. Replacing ego with God, and putting God back into His rightful place, gets us sober, happy, joyous and free, (as well as being the right and proper thing to do).
When I collected my one-year chip, the gist of my "speech" was this...
...One year... Wow! ... Its quite an accomplishment... But its not MY accomplishment... Its God's accomplishment...
My bottom was hell... I don't want to go back... THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pushed into it every time - go to AA or lose your job usually. The last time was, go to AA or you won't be able to see your daughters. My lawyer, of all people, wrote me a letter! For me the thing that was different this time was I hooked up with a sponsor who had firm, specific ideas about step work (one of which was there was a lot of work involved), and i stayed scared long enough to follow his suggestions. Felt at the end of my rope a lot of times. Usually I wound up waiting the feeling out. Right action produces right thinking, not the other way around.
But its not MY accomplishment... Its God's
I admitted I was powerless over alcohol & could not manage my life.
I came to beleive that a Power greater then myself could restore my sanity.
When I turned my will and life over to the care of God as I understood Him was when the blessings started to roll in.
As I have continued to take actions that are in line with my HP the blessings have continued to roll in.
After that conversation I understood that I did have a part in it, but once I went past step 3 my part in it was taking the blessing I have been given from my HP and passing it on.
Do I take full credit for my sobriety? Absolutely not, but I did play a part in it by becoming willing to humble myself enough to not only find my HP, but to do as he would have me do and not do what the old drunk Martin would do.
God did not strike me sober for no reason, just like folks who relapse are not struck drunk, in both cases the person got what thier actions and thoughts earned them in one case blessing and in the other drunk!
Thanks Taz!
In MY case though, I can not take any credit for it whatsoever. Much like the story of Lazarus, I was a rotten, stinking, dead-inside, wet drunk. There was nothing, absolutely nothing, I could have done or did of my own accord to pull me out of that hell.
If it were up to me, all the "problems" would simply have disappeared -poof- as if they never happened, and I would have been able to drink to my heart's content forever. I could not humble myself, so God did it for me.
You could say that I've just been "along for the ride". It was God (my HP) who forced me to seek help, who set the goals along the way, who initiated and carried out the process, who put the right people in front of me at the right time, who sustained me, carrying me just like in the prose "Footprints In The Sand", who lifted the obsession, who provided opportunities for things like service work, who provided the ability and capacity for me to participate in things like service work, who kept me going to meetings, who led me to this wonderful place called SR which has been a great supplement for me, who showed me the Steps, who moved in my heart, healing it, pointing me in the right direction and telling my legs to move... I can't even list all the ways... My HP continues to do all this to this very day, and hopefully He won't stop.
If I try to take even the veriest iota of credit for any of it, then I'm taking something which is rightfully God's and am trying to give it to my own ego. I might as well spit in His face and go buy a twelve-pack.
In my case, the story of Lazarus applies. In MY case...
I'm not trying to say anything at all about you, Taz, so please don't take this wrong. I guess I'm just witnessing, is all.
I can't take any credit whatsoever for my recovery. I am accountable for it, true, and I am its steward, true... but its God's accomplishment, not mine. And He gave it to me as a gift, freely and undeserved.
Thank You!!!!!!!
In MY case though, I can not take any credit for it whatsoever. Much like the story of Lazarus, I was a rotten, stinking, dead-inside, wet drunk. There was nothing, absolutely nothing, I could have done or did of my own accord to pull me out of that hell.
If it were up to me, all the "problems" would simply have disappeared -poof- as if they never happened, and I would have been able to drink to my heart's content forever. I could not humble myself, so God did it for me.
You could say that I've just been "along for the ride". It was God (my HP) who forced me to seek help, who set the goals along the way, who initiated and carried out the process, who put the right people in front of me at the right time, who sustained me, carrying me just like in the prose "Footprints In The Sand", who lifted the obsession, who provided opportunities for things like service work, who provided the ability and capacity for me to participate in things like service work, who kept me going to meetings, who led me to this wonderful place called SR which has been a great supplement for me, who showed me the Steps, who moved in my heart, healing it, pointing me in the right direction and telling my legs to move... I can't even list all the ways... My HP continues to do all this to this very day, and hopefully He won't stop.
If I try to take even the veriest iota of credit for any of it, then I'm taking something which is rightfully God's and am trying to give it to my own ego. I might as well spit in His face and go buy a twelve-pack.
In my case, the story of Lazarus applies. In MY case...
I'm not trying to say anything at all about you, Taz, so please don't take this wrong. I guess I'm just witnessing, is all.
I can't take any credit whatsoever for my recovery. I am accountable for it, true, and I am its steward, true... but its God's accomplishment, not mine. And He gave it to me as a gift, freely and undeserved.
Thank You!!!!!!!
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