bostonluv

I haven't been going to the AA meetings this week. Last night my Mom brought over a bottle of wine. We split it. About three glasses a peice. No biggie, I thought. Spent the rest of the night feeling terrified, panicky, cold and was physically ill (throwing up). This fear / terror gripped me and wouldn't let go. I was surprised to feel so out of control and in such despair after consuming a "normal" amount of alcohol. It felt like I was going crazy. Any insight? Obviously, stop drinking......

mpr

normally when i would drink alot i would pass out and feel fine but once i drank a little and had terrible nightmares and felt literally sick... i have read a couple of your previous posts that also involved drinking with mom so i would recommend to stop doing that, good luck with everything!

PaperDolls

It sounds to me like you may have had a panic attack.

Stop drinking. It's worth a shot, right?

GrouchoTheCat

Just curious, does your mom know you have a problem?

My mom would be mortified if she even suspected I was drinking.

The problem I always had with drinking a "normal" amount of booze is that it would make me think that maybe I didn't have a problem.

It never took long for me to lose control again...

Ted

bostonluv

My Mom's an alcoholic also and we are NOT helping each other. She's been doing AA also. But one of us always throws the other off. She cried this morning when I told her about my night last night. I'm moving away so I can get away from my Mom, my drinking buddy. Although I love her (we are incredibly close). Still I think things will better if we recover from this in seperate areas.

Astro

My parents were my drinking buddies too. Mom died 8 years ago, Dad and I continued the tradition for another 6 years. He's still active, I've learned to set boundaries to guard my sobriety.

Right, stop drinking.

Putting the mental obsession of this disease aside, I understand something very simple: I can never safely take another drink, to drink is to die.

Jfanagle

AA has "ruined" drinking for me.

In meetings I think we talk about help in sobriety, or even the quest for sobriety, coming from A POWER GREATER THAN OURSELVES.

You might have been getting HELP, and just didn't know it. We are a hard headed bunch and sometimes we seem to miss the "obvious." I really believe that it isn't if we fall, but whether we GET BACK UP! Isn’t it great that we can always go back to AA without anyone telling us we blew our chance.

Best of luck and keep coming back no matter what!!

Jon

workinonit

Bostonluv, I'm not sure but it sounds similar to the panic attacks I used to get. What helped me was cutting out caffeine...then when they came on, a shower, fresh air and slow breathing always helped. If it happens again you may wanna try the shower

I see panic attacks mentioned here allot, don't know if anyone else has tried it but pet-therapy also helped me a good deal!

Introvrtd1

You said it Boston,

Drinking does the same to me. I get terrible panic/anxiety.

You would think that because of this I would stop drinking.

Ha, if it were as simple as that, I wouldnt be here or going to rehab/therapy.

Intro

CarolD

This is the reading from
AA Thoughts For Today

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

August 29, 2007

Back to Basics

Although alcohol is not part of my life
and I no longer have the compulsion to drink,
it can still occur to me what a good drink tastes like and what it can do for me,
from my stand-at-attention alcoholic taste buds
to my stretched out tingling toes. . .
Such thoughts are like red flags, telling me that something is not right,
that I am stretched beyond my sober limit.
It's time to get back to basic AA and see what needs changing.
That special relationship with alcohol will always be there,
waiting to seduce me again.


Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 396-397, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

Music

A positive experience I'd say! You know what they say. "Keep doing what you always did, and you'll keep getting what you always got."

Tazman53

Geographical relocations do not work, no matter where you move to the only person that can stop you from taking a drink is still there.

Let us say that you move 500 miles away..... you are moving in and one of your new neighbors comes over with a bottle of your favorite wine to welcome you to the neighborhood, what are you going to do?

The decision you will have to make then is the exact same decision you will make when your mom comes over with a bottle of wine.

If you would like to see your mother get sober then the next time she comes over with a bottle of wine set the example and say no thanks, I am going to a meeting.

If your mom and you are as close as you say then it will sure be easier for you to tell her that you are going to a meeting then it will be telling that good looking new neighbor with your favorite wine welcoming you to the neighborhood you are going to a meeting.

In regards to the terror...... you already know the answer, go back to meetings, get phone numbers and call them when ever you feel the urge to drink or your mom shows up with a bottle of wine. I bet if you called someone in front of your mother the next time she brings some wine over she will never do it again! If she loves you she will understand. Who knows, your example may be the very thing she needs to get and stay sober.

Jhana

When I quit so mqny years ago and told my Mom, her reply was, "I don't want to hear about it." We, too, were best drinking buddies, the difference being she was a maintenance drinker where as I went for those martinis.

We had a lot of good conversations and fun with it, and I am not sure that after I quit things were ever the same. For one thing I realized we went over and over the same conversations. Did we do that when I was drinking? Probably.

She died at 89 still having her anaesthetizing drinks from 4 PM on; I always wonder if her life wouldn't have been better and more fulfilling without the drink...

Jhana

GlassPrisoner

Sounds like withdraw to me. Possibly exascerbated by a panic attack ? I'm no Doctor though.

Taz is right, geographicals don't work. Stick with your program, that's your best defense against the first drink.

And, consider yourself lucky you're not off on a bender.

BP44

I remember terror. It was when I couldn't drink and couldn't not drink. A head full of AA and a belly full of booze tends to speed up the process. What you describe was a dreadful place for me. When I put down the booze and finally got back into AA, a lot of my anxiety cleared up. One of the characteristics of this disease is insanity. I watched a lady pick up a 30 day chip the other night, and then pick up a white chip the very next night. It turns out she had been drinking when she picked up the 30 day chip. My sponsor's wife was sitting a few seats down from her and said to a couple of us after the meeting that someone in the meeting had been drinking. It's examples of insanity like this, and this thread that remind me that but for the grace of God I am sober for this day, and this day alone. When you are ready, we will be in the rooms to help show you the way out.

Peter

I felt that way the night I relapsed after 9 months of sobriety.

I too was able to stop myself after 3 drinks but the same night a terrible fear and anxiety overwhelmed me.

My head and chest hurt. I could not breathe. I wanted to throw up but had this horrible fear that i was going to choke to death on my own vomit.

I attribute this attack to the idea that after more than 250 AA meetings and after convincing myself and others that I was never to drink again the best solution I could come up with when faced with a developing problem was to drink.

I realized then beyond any shadow of a doubt that I was an alcoholic and that I was never going to be able to safely touch alcohol again and somehow the though terrified me.

I was out of options. My drinking permit had finally expired. I was done and I knew it.

I understood the true meaning of a dilemma. I could not live with alcohol and at the same time I felt I could not be without it.

I knew I was on the eve of the battle for my very soul. No longer was I going to be able to just pay lip service to AA. I was going to have to do the work and get serious about staying sober.

It was only after picking up the phone and calling the man who later was to become my new sponsor that the fear beaan to leave me.

bostonluv

Thank you all for your thoughts. I know I have to quit drinking and I do know that a change in location isn't going to magically fix that. I'm 31 years old with a broken relationship and a job offer in San Rafael that I don't particularly want. San Diego looks like a way to change things for the better on many different levels. I am glad to know that I can take you along with me on my trip. I really don't know why I'm going on and off the booze, a few days off a couple days on. It's like every time I drink now, I think, why isn't this working anymore??? I want that numb but I get crazy or panicky instead. The meetings, the book I'm reading, this forum have taken the fun out of it for me but I'm still dragging my feet. I may be a slow learner on this but I appreciate that you all keep talking to me, keep encouraging me.

barb dwyer

I like what jfangle said.

It's more the body's reaction to being poisoned ...
with some guilt blame and shame thrown in.

you can get back on the wagon ... you can do it!

Tazman53

Hon it sounds to me like you are starting to deal with the 4 Horsemen mentioned in chapter 11 of the BB:

Do you have a sponsor? Talk to her, unless you are living with an alcoholic, major changes like moving or changing jobs (Unless of course you are a bartender) are not good ideas.

Moving & or changing jobs create a whole new group of unknowns that create fear, worry, & possible despair. All I am offering is suggestions that have been found to be solid through the experiences of thousands of alcoholics in recovery for years.

Boston do what you wish, but keep in mind that no matter where you live or work you will still be there, and in order to stay stopped you have to change, I had to change in order to stay sober, I found it far easier to change while dealing with situations I was familiar with such as where I had been living for years, who I lived with, & the job I was working.

Changing myself and staying sober was far easier for me because I dealt with problems I was very familiar with, if I had moved I would be dealing with a whole new set of people & places that I had no experience with, if I had changed jobs it would have been the same thing. I & thousands of sober alcoholics before me have found that major life changes in early sobriety make staying sober harder rather then easier, we spent years running away from our problems in the bottle, running away from them in real life just creates new problems and solves none of the old problems.

bostonluv

Tazman,

I appreciate your response but change is coming either way, whether I move 15 miles away or 500. A new job, new apartment and a new city. The job I've been working is temporary and my current apartment is up for rent on October 1st. If I could cocoon myself and just get sober I would but it's not an option at this time. And I agree, it's probably contributing to my anxiety. But change is coming either way! When I get to my new city I'm going to look up AA meetings and make friends there. Maybe I'll even get a sponsor. Change is happening in my life and there's nothing I can do to stop it and frankly, I've decided to look forward to it.