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So i have this friend...

Old 08-23-2007, 09:20 PM
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So i have this friend...

..Actually, it would be very easy to consider him my best friend; like a brother. we have know each othr for over 8 years, worked together, hang out ride our bikes etc...He drinks but is not a huge drinker but quite the weed smoker although he manages his life, both professionally and emotionally, far better than i.

I drink alot.
At this point know if it is not already a serious problem it will be very soon if i do not cut back/abstain.

I think it is pretty clear that i have an issue but it seems like he does not get it; or refuses too. He acts like you should be able to go out and have few drinks and chill. that would be great but a few drinks for me alwayts ends up with drinking till i sleep. He knows this about me.

I got to admit at times he makes me feel like i should be able to this and acts likes it is wrong that i cannot..So he keeps pushing beers and stuff on me almost like to show that i "can" do it.

Years back i would chill at his house with froiends and have a couple beers..i would go home have a couple more...he left for some school and i kept drinking at home and at the bar. i have been progressing all these years and here we are now and although i think he knows something is up, he will not admit it or act like there is.

The weirdest part is his father is a late stage alcholic (some what estrnegd, they do not speak or see each other too often) and has been his whole lfe . I would expect more understanding or insight into this manner.

I need to cut back but do not want to lose a close and great friend.
Any thoughts?
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Old 08-23-2007, 09:45 PM
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same planet...different world
 
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hi skolc -

Ultimately, it comes down to what YOU are going to HAVE to do - because it's clear from your post you 'see' what's coming down the road. For YOU. It's tough to get this serious with a friend, being afraid of losing them and all ....
but when blade meets bone -
your friend isn't gong to go to jail for you.
Your friend isn't going to live in a dumpster with you.
See what I'm saying?
YOU ... know you have a problem.
That's the most important thing in this post, to me.

Your friend - if a real friend - will do whatever needs to be done to help you.
Not hurt you.

Maybe if you put it this way ... he'll get a clue.
read the excerpts from "Under the influence" in the stickys here,
maybe it'll give you something more to tell him.

It's nobody's 'fault' that you can't drink like he does.
Not his - not yours.

But it IS something that has to be looked at.
You're smart to be doing this before it's too late.

Please keep posting - and let me know how it goes!
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Old 08-23-2007, 10:15 PM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
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Good to see you here again!

Yes you are in a difficult situation
Hugs

I too tried to hang out with old friends
all used alcohol and drugs. It did not work.

I found new AA friends and a great way to live.
We share the same goals and lifestyles.

25 of my former buddies have died
from unchecked alcoholism since I quit.
None ever became successful in life or lived long.

So...not all friendships are good nor lasting.

Blessings
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Old 08-24-2007, 06:17 AM
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just know you are not alone in the feelings that you are having! i too
was afraid to lose my friends when i got sober the first time around. the sad thing was, i lost people who i thought were my friends. once i could no longer offer them a place to party or shots at the bar or a drinking buddy to hang out with, the phone calls stopped. it was very hard on me at first but my true friends were the ones who stuck by me and those are the friendships i want out of life today, friendships with substance not just about getting f'd up together! just because you want to get sober does not mean you have to give up your friends you just have to find new things to do with them, movies, coffee, dinner, game nights....i know it doesnt sound like a ton o fun but you would be surprised. the people who dont stick by you were never your true friends and who wants friends like that any way!

also, its very hard to make a non-alcoholic understand alcoholism, my mom to this day does not get it and her dad and my dad are both alcoholics. so i have just given up trying to explain things to her and do what is best for me and let her see the difference in my life when i dont drink!!

good luck
L
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Old 08-24-2007, 07:32 AM
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Originally Posted by skolc View Post
I drink alot.
At this point know if it is not already a serious problem it will be very soon if i do not cut back/abstain.
All I know is that some people develop alcoholism and some do not. I am an alcoholic. I don't know why, and it doesnt really matter as long as I do something about it.

My sister is not an alcoholic and she can't understand why I drank the way I did and she never will. That's just the way it is.

The only place that I ever found people who understood me is in AA.

If you can recognise that you have a problem, you are more than halfway there to becoming better.

I wish you well,

Ted
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Old 08-24-2007, 07:36 AM
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I need to cut back but do not want to lose a close and great friend.
Any thoughts?
If you have been open and honest with him about you having a drinking problem then I would be looking at how great a friend he really is. To me this is equal to a "Good Friend" giving peanuts in a cookie to a friend who is severely allergic to them.

I had drinking friends for years and years and the only thing I could ever count on them for was to help me drink.

Since I quit I have started to find Real friends inside and out side of AA that care about me.
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Old 08-24-2007, 08:04 AM
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Another Day in Paradise
 
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I have a large group of friends in my industry with whom I drank and drank hard for years. They are all aware that I am a recovering alcoholic and I believe respect me for MY decision.

Recently at a gathering I was seated at a table with several of them when a waiter asked me "what I would like to drink?" I responded, "A double Canadian Club on the rocks." It was dead silent until one buddy who is a prodigious drinker said, "What the hell are you doing?" I said, "He asked what I WANTED, I am going to HAVE a club soda with a lime." Everyone relaxed and one fellow chimed in with "You scared the hell out of us!"

THESE ARE STILL MY VERY GOOD FRIENDS.

I think those who have known us in and out of our disease are happier when we are healthy. There are friends who just wish us well and hope that WE will see our way out of the darkness.

Jon
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