bleau2

After 13 years of being sober I drank and am having a really hard time getting back. I feel hopeless.

Astro

We don't shoot our wounded, you're always welcome back with open arms. Keep reading and posting here, I hope you'll see that none of us are hopeless.

snowgoose

Hello, Bleau2: Heard that before from folks who had sobriety then went out and experimented some more. Miserable, isn't it? Alcohol is a powerful opponent as it makes you think it is your friend, then KO's you because it is truly a depressant. No wonder you feel hopeless. But you're not. Read other posts here. You might or might not need medical help to detox. But first, you have to be completely convinced that you are powerless over alcohol. Are you convinced yet?

Blessings from the Snowgoose.

BP44

Welcome Bleau2, I too drank after a period of sobriety. I had 7 years when I picked up the first drink again. Then I stayed back out there for 4 years. Off and on drinking then leave it alone for a while, then sneaking a couple here and there until I just gave in and decided to drink the way I wanted to drink for about a year and a half. By then I was ready to stop, but I wasn't sure I would be able to. So, I white knuckled it, but there was no way I was going to go back to AA. Not no way, not no how. Well, after 2 years of that misery I was finally broken, and I crawled back into AA because I wanted to stay sober, and I was out of answers on how to live sober. I've been back in AA for almost 5 months now. I've got a sponsor that I call daily, sometimes multiple times a day, and a cell phone full of numbers of alcoholics that I talk to each day. I've got a home group for the first time and I hit meetings there daily. Slowly but surely, my thinking and behavior is changing because for once I finally surrendered and started taking suggestions and not asking "why". Just doing what I'm told. Working the steps with a sponsor under his direction and guidance. This disease beat me into a state of reasonableness and hopefully it has done the same for you. You can get back right now while you are still alive and you will be welcome. When I stumbled back into AA they said, " Welcome Home ". And they were so right. Funny, I've never been lied to in AA. So come on, don't drink, and get your butt to a meeting and get in the middle of the herd one day at a time.

bostonluv

Please don't feel hopeless. 13 yrs of sobriety is amazing. The people here are wonderful listeners and givers of hope. I love how Astro says, "we don't shoot our wounded here". He said that to me after a couple mistakes I made also. I am sending up a prayer of peace for you. You sound so weary and sad. Remember, it's not permanent.

-Kathleen

nandm

You have a lot going for you. You have 13 years of experience with AA, the knowledge that it still doesn't work out there, and the willingness to try again. I see a lot of hope there. One way to look at it is you now have more experience, strength, and hope to share with the group. I am glad you have made the decision to come back and wish you the very best. Hang in there and do not beat yourself up about it, just get back up and keep trying.

CarolD

Hi and Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum

If you did not use a recovery program
for your earlier recovery..it is something to consider now.

If you did....a fresh start is always an option.

Blessings to you and your family

.

CarolD

nandm.....Welcome to you too!

It's great to see new members here with us.

Forward we go...side by side

barb dwyer

hi bleau ... how's it going today?

Tazman53

bleau I am going on the assumption that you were in AA, we have an old timer who chips at a large speakers meeting and part of his routine is the following:

"The doors of AA swing both ways. You can go out and stay as long as you can, you can come back and stay as long as you want. When you come back you will not hear "I told you so!" you will hear "Welcome, we're glad to have you!""

Keep in mind the Big Book in 1939 said:
None of us are hopeless unless we are incapable of being honest with our selfs and others.

GrouchoTheCat

I was sober a little over 5 years and went back out.

I stayed out there for another 15 years. It was a miserable hell.

You know what to do...

Welcome back,

Ted

RufusACanal

bleau2,

I have had to drink every drop of booze I ever drank. Like many here and just like you have stated now, I was hopeless. I had no capacity for hope, it had gone down a river of booze, misery, shame and guilt. What I believed were my only options; slow death via the drink and quick death via the gun, the car. For 25 years, I rambled around the country from one institution to another, one meeting to another, and one failed attempt to another. Nothing changed until I met a man in Ft Wayne, IN outside of a Detox center after a meeting. Alcoholics are always attempting to out do one another with their tales of woe, yet this man saw me as I was. A drunk at the bottom, in pajamas at 930PM with nothing left but life and the breathe to sustain that life. His name is Ron and Ron asked me two simple questions. Now in my own mind, I was an AA Founder, lol. After 25 years of meetings, 30 treatment centers, 18 halfway houses, one short prison term and several jail stints; I had all of the answers. Did I mention, I could not stay sober for more than 3-4 months at a stretch, when I did make the effort? Ron asked me if I was full; full of booze. Had I drank all I wanted? If not, I better get to it. Next, he asked me if I knew God and if I did not to simply find a quiet place and get on my knees and talk to God until he answered. I was not full yet, though I believe I found God. It took several more binges over several more years to get full. Today I am full. I am 50; I have not had a drink since 4/28/2003. My life is different; I have hope again. I am in service to a being much greater than I and God. (Wife) I went 45 years without owning a car. If I wanted to drive, I started a relationship, borrowed, conning or stealing the money to rent a car. I married in 2002 at 45 years of age and life is a miracle. Not perfect, but far from anything I could have every imagined. My Mother died a month ago and the thought of returning to the kind of drinking I used to use as the fix-all was gone. God held me in the palm of his hand as he does each day.

Hope is available. I will give you mine. PM and I will give you my number. Life is worth living if you are full and ready to meet God again.

In closing, let me add this. You have a story to tell to others now that has more power to offer than ever before, not just to the newcomer, but to the old comer like me. I am here if you want to talk, anytime.

Ruf

JeffC

bleau2,

You are definately not alone, there are lots of people here that went back out - the fact you are here shows desire - you can do it!

escape2day

astro says "we don't shoot our wounded" and that is so well put. the ppl here have such open arms and stories galore of battles won and lost. i've got a ton of 'em myself. i add another saying "fall down seven times, get up eight" you can put your own numbers in there..... mine are much higher. im on single digit number of days sober but going on from day to day just seeing how it goes. the hope is in the getting up one more time...and as many times as it takes from my point of view. you aren't hopeless, just well traveled.
sending you a pat on the back -- glad you're here.

psd4237

After 13 years . . . that's really a bummer. I can certainly imagine how you must be feeling, but as everyone else has said, the fact that you are here posting means that you are taking a positive step and aren't hopeless. As I hear at meetings all the time, this is the only disease that tells its sufferers that they don't have it, and that they are fine. And that's why we go to meetings and say " My name is --- and I am an alcoholic" to remind ourselves that we do have the disease and need to be ever vigilant of bumps in the road. Keep posting; it really does help to talk to people who understand.

Peggy