PaperDolls

My dad, who has been sober for 40ish years stopped going to AA for a long time. He then went back, as well as to alanon, when my mom's drinking was bad. He says he goes to remind hear stories from the newcomers to remind him what it was like.

I hope you figure it out. Like K says, take what you want, leave the rest. Do what works for you.

Rowan

I'm grateful for the longtimers who were there to welcome me when I sobered up. I feel that I owe it to future generations of alcoholics to be there for them when they show up. I'm glad these same longtimers didn't figure that since they had 'recovered' they didn't need meetings anymore. They sure gave me hope.

GlassPrisoner

+ 1

I know a couple of people in the program who didn't used to count their days. It's because they weren't sober.

problemchild

jfangle amen very well put

laurenlanai25

our primary pursose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety!

we have to give it away to keep it!!

Zencat

So true, Glass. It works the other way around too. I know a guy that picks up yearly chips and still drinks.

BP44

We pick up the chips not for ourselves, but for the people in the room. It's just that simple. It really isn't all about us. We always seem to forget that. You don't have to pick up chips, you don't even have to count days or months or years. These are all merely suggestions. But I'm wondering....hmmm.....just maybe these people got the amount of time they have by following the suggestions. And maybe the old timer got that old time by putting his ass in the chair one day at a time for one hour at a time. Just a thought. By the way I missed the part in the Big Book that mentions a graduation date. You know that mystical time in sobriety when an old timer doesn't have to go to meetings. Oh that's right, last time I heard of an old timer graduating, they never made it back. Really, the only chip we have to worry about is the one on our shoulders. Once we let go of that one we quit looking for that chapter in the Big Book titled " Into Feelings " and if we are really getting a grasp that chapter " Into Thinking" eludes us too. Keep Coming.

tiburon88

The dark side of the tradition of "celebrating" sobriety time is that it can hurt people if they pick up a drink again. You mean to tell me that someone w/ 20 years of sobriety time and drinks ONE night, they're a beginner? That does not make any sense to me. They say that AA is "suggestions" but that is not always true. I would rather die a drunk in an alley than have to attend AA meetings every day for the rest of my life.

laurenlanai25

hello!!

i am very sorry that u feel that way! i guess the great thing is i have a choice and if i never want to go to another meeting again i dont have to!! aa is but suggestions, no one is saying you have to attend aa until you die! what we or at least i am saying is, from what i have been taught about alcoholism is that it is a progressive, cunning, baffling, powerful disease! and for myself and many others we need the program to live that "happy, joyous, and free life" and no its not always a bed of roses but my sober life is much better then my drunk life!

there are many people that stay sober without aa too, im not saying aa is the only way to go, for me it is what i DESIRE for my life today....and hell no i cant look at going to aa for the rest of my life, i just look at today and today i chose to go to a meeting. tomorrow who know!

good luck in your journey!!

TINLIZZY

I picked up a 90 day chip the other day. I'm happy not to have to count days anymore . . I'll just be counting months . . . until I can count years . .

TinLizzy

Tazman53

Excellent idea.
Well my sponsor has 18 years and I thank God he did not decide he was cured or had graduted because he saved my ass by helping me establish a firm relationship with my HP!

We were BSing one time and told me that years ago he had asked his first sponsor "Why me, why have I been able to gain sobriety while so many others have not?" He said his sponsor told him the reason he had been able to was because God needed him to help some one else get and stay sober! He told me this was one of the main reasons he kept going to meetings and sponsoring people.

In other words my sponsor was told the same thing that Bill W. told a newcomer one time when asked how can I pay you and AA back and Bill W. simply replied "Pass it on"

To me newcomers are the life blood of AA......... the old timers are the heart of AA because without a heart to pump the blood the blood, the blood would simply clot and AA would die.

I have encouraged my sponsee to make sure he picks up chips at newcomer meetings to give the newcomers hope, he told me last night that he was picking up his 4 month chip at the Tuesday night newcomers meeting because he remembers how much hope it gave him every time he saw someone pick up a chip, his actual 4 month anniversary is Friday where he will pick up another 4 month chip because a lot of newcomers go to that meeting as well.

Good answer/reason Mike, the only cure I have ever heard of for alcoholism is death as a result for this alcoholic I will continue to go to meetings and giving it away to where I can keep it until I am cured and move on to that big meeting in the sky.

Only thing to add to that is Amen!

Tazman53

Nope, but if they pick up a white chip they are honest!

They still have that 20 years, but by picking up that white chip they are helping others stay sober whether they have 2 days or 10 years. They are demonstrating that honesty is the key to long term sobriety and that there is no cure for alcoholism.

How would you feel about some one saying they had 20 years of sobriety if you knew for a fact they had a drink the night before?

Would you trust them?

Tib I hate saying this, but if I felt that way I would go buy a 12 pack because obviously I have not had enough to drink yet! As of right now I have had enough to drink and if I die of a heart attack in a chair in the rooms of AA it would be with a smile on my face!

I was blessed to visit a 93 year old old timer in the hospital the day before he died, he was serene and happy, he had attended a meeting the day before he went into the hospital, this man passed on in a manner I hope I can, at peace with the world and sober.

Tib keep in mind that there are no rules in AA, there is nothing that says one has to attend a single meeting, little lone one that says you have Attend meetings for the rest of your life.

My father went to his grave sober for 19 years, to my knowledge he never went to an AA meeting, nor did my little brother who has been sober for years.

So is going to meetings the only way to stay sober? Not for everyone, fo rthis old drunk I know I would not be sober today if not for meetings and working the steps, but that is me.

If AA meetings annoyed me as bad as they annoy you I would have to make a decision as to which is more annoying for me, going to meetings and staying sober or drinking? Right now I am enjoying life way to much sober to want to get drunk so I will keep going to meetings (Of course I love meetings).

Barto

Hey Tib. I have an idea. Why don’t you go to an AA meeting every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Then on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, lie in an alley and drink. Take Sundays off to think about which you’d prefer. Then you can make an intelligent choice.

A slip does mean you lose your experience, but it might be wise to start the steps over. Then again, I think it’s wise to start them over every couple of years – meanwhile, working 9-12 on a daily basis. That’s what I do. What’s so hard about that? And who says you have to go to a meeting everyday? My sponsor goes to a couple of meetings per week and is as happy as a lark. Wait a minute. Is a lark really happy? How do we know? It’s a freakin’ bird for goodness sake.

On the serious side, the most valuable person at the meeting is probably the newcomer doing clean up. There is no hierarchy in AA, period, end of story. Anybody who says there is, hasn’t read the book. And I am going to guess you haven’t read the book either.

Cathy31

Great points, Music and from Tazman too...try and think outside of yourself for a bit...think of the newcomers who find sober time inspiring - an inspiration that there IS a solution...also, although it's up to you to share your time or not - because you have not shared your time I don't know how new you are to recovery ... and therefore it's hard to connect/relate or not...if you know what I mean. If you were longer in recovery, you should know better, if you are still new, this is natural to look to everyone else and everything else to deal with feeling restless, irritable discontent...PERHAPS!? but i don't know - for myself i'm only almost 18 months, so I too have a long way to go! But i'm glad you're here and I'm glad that you are sober.

cathy31
x

Barto

It should have included the word NOT. Freakin' spell checker doesn't make sure my thoughts are conveyed acurately.

Tazman53

Cathy I have found that sharing ones amount of sobriety is very easy when it is done in total honesty and very difficult when one knows in thier heart they are not being honest with them selfs or the person they are sharing it with. I can honestly say I only have 338 days today, but in reality I only have today.

I do not want to think how bad I would feel if lied to someone about how much time I have sober.

If I slipped and did not share that fact and readjust my sobriety date I would be doing harm to those here at SR and those folks in AA.

By sharing a slip I would be helping others know how really cunning, baffleing, & powerful alcohol is and let them know the reason I slipped to where maybe they would not repeat my mistake.

Cathy31

Absolutely - I had some real hard thinking recently about what constitutes a 'slip' if one is alcoholic - i.e. would weed count for example...I got some great insights here as well as at my homegroup...I'm back from my hols just today and I'm so grateful that I didn't slip - using any substance be it alcohol or drugs or meds - but as with anyone else, if I did the importance is a) adjusting your sobriety date (not losing your experience, but starting your clean time over) and b)sharing with homegroup or online group if you belong to such, for exactly the reasons outlined above...on Sept 22nd I think is the precise date I pick up my 18 month chip...and I never used to be able to go even 3 days...and I HAVE lied ( or evaded the truth at least) about my clean time before I committed totally to recovery. I don't even think at the time I acknowledged to myself it was lying...thanks God those days are over!

Jfanagle

I never let others tell me what, when or even where I could drink. I was FREE to let alcohol enhance my life or destroy it. I chose the later, and as a result my FREEDOM seemed greatly diminished as time went by.

I chose AA because I was out of other "choice" that WORKED FOR ME! No one has ever FORCED me to attend AA with any directions as to where, when, or even how often. I choose those things and I am just as free to "die drunk in an alley."

How in the world does someone else stating or even misstating the amount of time it has been since their last drink infringing on any of the above listed choices that I can make?

AS AN ALCOHOLIC I HAVE MUCH BIGGER LIFE CHOICES AND CONCERNS THAN WHAT SOMEONE ELSE SAYS ABOUT THEIR DRINKING FREQUENCY.

HEY GUYS!!!! IF WHAT SOMEONE SAID ABOUT DRINKING HAD THAT MUCH INFLUENCE ON MY DRINKING, all they would have had to do to get me sober was:

TALK VERY VERY STERNLY TO ME!!!!!

Tazman53

Well said and done cathy, honesty is so crucial to real sobriety, recovery really can not begin until total honesty is achieved, telling a lie leads to another lie to cover the first lie, which leads to guilt and shame, which leads to resentments against those who are in your eyes causing you to lie when in reality you are ltelling a lie to cover a previous lie, for an alcoholic unless they come clean on the lies will eventually lead back to a drink.

Barto

I think it is wise to be careful about suggesting someone isn’t sober because they have taken meds and or “substances.” Many AA’s need meds, and AA provides guidelines for taking them in the World Services approved pamphlet entitled “The AA Member, Medications and Other Drugs” – and caffeine and nicotine are substances, to name a few.

I struggled with this one personally for way too long. My sponsor heard about it for over a year. I even got stopped by an old timer and friend on my way to a meeting to change my sobriety date. He talked me out of it. Finally, I did another thorough inventory a let my sponsor make the call. He gave me my medallion reflecting my original sobriety date.

Additionally, the issue as to whether or not I had broken my sobriety over taking meds lead me to this website and even further into AA literature, but it could just as easily have lead me out the door. It was close at times. But I am still here and doing relatively well.

No offense intended, just my experience.