NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Hey all,

So haven't been around much but doing pretty well. I have a question about my sponsor and let me first say that I'm not trying to drag up a debate. I would like your opinions though.

Last week I sat down for the first time with my sponsor. We went over the worksheet that she gave me, which was fine, and we talked about the premise of the program etc. However, she hasn't asked me anything about my story. She asked bout if I had any kids, if I'm working etc., but nothing about what brought me HERE. Is that weird? I realize that she isn't there to be my personal therapist, but I guess I'm floundering here. Is is cause I'm somewhat uneasy about sharing? Is she following my lead? Will we go into that more as time goes on? Maybe on Step 4? Am I expecting too much, too soon?

I guess that I just want to get all this out!

Thanks and everyone have a great day..I'm off soon to a Pigroast that I've been looking forward to all summer!!

Karen

CarolD

Hmm...

Please read the AA Guideline on Sponsors.
"Questions and Answers on Sponsorship"
is usually on the free literature rack in meetings.

You could write out your story for future conversations

Glad to see you are moving forward

RufusACanal

Why not simply ask her? Best to you.

Hooner

I think every sponsor is different. I don't know if I was ever asked to "tell my story" except in a brief convo. "I drink, been drinking for years, it's ruining my life, I need help."

Your story will probaby come out in step 4 & 5. But don't be surprised if she isn't "shocked" because us alchies are all pretty much the same just with a different face and name -- SAME STORY.

Sugah

Karen, if you had asked me to tell my story at the start of my recovery and then again as I approached the 12th step, I believe I would have told two very different stories. No, I know I did tell two very different stories. I had to discover the truth in my story, and that happened through the process of taking the steps. Perhaps your sponsor realizes this?

Besides, your story up to this point will come out with your sponsor, yes, as you work the steps, and not only the 4th. And at some point, you'll be ready to gather it all together in a cohesive whole and give a lead. In our area, folks who reach a year and have worked with a sponsor are often asked to share it at a speaker/lead meeting. By that time, you'll not only have the problem (your story and how you got here), but also the solution (the steps) in order that you can relate that to other people who are sitting right where you are today.

It's a beautiful process. If you'd like someone to hear all of your story to this point, why not begin a journal about it? It'll come in handy, too, while you're taking all those steps.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Tazman53

Karen I am on step 12 now with my sponsor (I think I have completed it and he is just messing with me now LOL) and he has not heard my full story yet. He knew some of it, basically enough to qualify me as an alcoholic who had his ass kicked bad enough to begin recovery by being willing to follow directions.

A sponsor sponsee relationship is a 2 way street, there are things a sponsor expects from a sponsee and things a sponsee needs from a sponsor, these things need to be worked out between them. There are no hard and fast rules or guidelines.

Karen if you you feel a need to share your story let your sponsor know that, I have a strong feeling she will be more then happy to just listen. As Sugah has said, our stories change with every step and with every year of sobriety and will continue to change until we go to that big meeting in the sky.

My sponsor & I have worked together on my recovery, my recovery is not dependent in any way on my story before I came into the rooms, parts of my story before AA came out in steps 4 & 8 mainly, with a sprinkling of some other parts through out the rest of the steps.

When I first came into AA my story was my drunkalog & what happened to bring me into AA.... that was it.

Today my story is my drunkalog, what happened to bring me into AA, and my recovery!

Last night my sponsor dropped a bombshell on me, I was to be one of 2 speakers at the meeting I was at!!!!

I am glad to say that I was able to share briefly about my drunkalog (Qualify myself), share about what finally brought me into AA, and to share for the most part my recovery...... in other words what it is like now for me.

I made every effort to share my story with the group in a manner that would give HOPE & STRENGTH to those new to AA. I know when I first came into the rooms hearing that there was HOPE for a sad old drunk like me made a huge difference.

miss communicat

Good points. My first sponsor pointed out that, in early sobriety, we are the fish in the water. All of our story is about the water. We can't see anything but our water, and we are identified by it.

In other words, we become very very attached to our story. Our roles and our dramas have defined who we think we are. In time in recovery and living the sober life, our perspective changes and we stop having a story. We just are.

At least, this has been my experience. I am learning not to take my story so seriously. It is very liberating! Glad to see you thinking about this from all angles. Isnt SR great?? I love it that we can dialog about our curiosities and learn more here from one another.

BP44

My sponsor got me straight into step 1. We sat down during two sessions and went over my drinking history. I'm a chronic relapser, and while I needed to get reimmersed in AA, I think he felt there was no need for a warming up period. My problem has been in the past not doing step work, and not being willing to work with a sponsor. We went from the drinking history straight into an unmanageability list. My sponsor also at this time started a weekly meeting with all of his sponsees,and we have gone through the first 3 steps in the Big Book and the 12&12 together. We will work individually on 4& 5 and then back together when we are at 6. The point is that it takes time to develop an ease and comfort with a sponsor, and trust develops over time. I'm going to be taking my 3rd step prayer with him soon, and I have this sense that because what we have done up to this point, I will be completely ready for 4&5. Let time do the talking. All you have to do is be honest open minded, and willing. If your sponsor has a sponsor, and they have worked the steps, then you should be in good company and with someone who can guide you through the steps.

mikel60

People are different... I'm sure glad there are no rules. When I first came around I just wanted some people to talk to. Some guys near where I live came to me with the "Are you done yet?... Take the cotton out of years... What are you prepared to do?" I ran from them as fast as I could. If they came at me with a worksheet I would have never come back. That is just me.

I somehow decided to try a meeting in South Boston. The Early Bird. I ran into an old friend there who introduced me to a bunch of guys who treated me like a person. They asked me my name, how work was going, did I see the Bruins game last night..stuff like that. It was what I needed then. I wanted to be a real person and for the first time in years I felt like I was. I haven't had a drink since. 11 years now.
It takes all kinds...
Mike

Barto

but that’s never stopped me before.


1. No, not weird
2. As has been suggested, you can ask.
3. No offense, but I hope she is not following your lead; maybe taking cues from you.
4. If you do your 5th with her, you will go into enough to move on to 6, 7, and 8. This enough for recovery from alcoholism.
5. Maybe, but if you need to share, why wait?
6. In general, I think we are all impatient, and I know I was.
7. You should be able to let go with her and / or someone else you trust enough.

I hope this helpful. Good luck.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

thanks everyone! Certainly has given me some insight.. :-)

Karen

snowgoose

Good topic, merlotmamma. The answers are bringing up things I've never even thought about. You'd think AA is the same everywhere - but of course I've known all along that it is not. I've heard that in some places, folks race through the steps, like speed-walking, ha ha. Here AA is practiced gently and if tough nuts come in from other towns and start hardlining, they are carefully discouraged from that in our rooms. I think we mostly realize that there is a time and place for "tough-love" AA and it may work best for some, though. But sponsors handing out lists? That's great; I just never heard of it. Thanks for the info, everyone. MM, I agree that your story is not of prime importance to your sponsor and the good advice of writing it out for yourself. You'll share it soon enough when you chair a meeting (if that's how chairpersons qualify where you are). Or when you get tapped to be a speaker...

Signal30

Someone actually brought up this subject at a meeting last night. The opinion one had in the meeting said that some of the members with many years of sobriety and sponsoring have had certain experiences with their sponsees. Some of those who have sponsored early in their own sobriety, have given there sponsees everything they could possibly offer, just to have it all blow up in their face. After having that happen, some of those who continue to sponsor, develop a "serious business" relationship with there sponsees. That means that there are those who keep the interaction serious and strictly along the methods of AA. I have been told that you tend to see this more of "oldtimers", when they sponsors others.

Or so I was told. Remember this was an opinion of a few.

I don't give personal advice to my sponsee. I can't tell him if he should leave his wife, or anything else of that nature. What I can tell him is to look up 417 in the Big Book about acceptance, and really try to understand what the Serenity Prayer really means.

Also, to give them the tools AA has given me to be able to live life on lifes terms.



Tom

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

After reading all the posts and thinking bout this on my own (even had a telling dream about it) I think I'm going to like how this goes..you guys are right, my need to tell my drunkalog is not what this work is about. Thank you for pointing that out. I need to see the whole picture..that's where I was, not where I am now, and not where I'll be in a few months.
xo

Karen

Tazman53

Karen I have been told by old timers that as long as they are learning and remain teachable the happier thier sobriety is and the more solid it is, they also share that when they start feeling they know it all that thier sobriety is on thin ice.

My sponsor shared with me that he was taught that the time to share ones story is when they have Experience, Strength, & hope. Do not get me wrong, there is no way I could have done any of the steps with my sponsor without sharing parts of my story.

He also pointed out that the time to share in a meeting is when you have a solution that worked for you.

Barto

Yes, Merlo, but if you need to talk, find someone and pull them aside. It's okay to get that kind of temporary relief in AA, too. My AA friends and I share problems as needed (one on one).

Caveat: But focusing on the problem can make it grow. That’s probably why there is no “we put the plug in the jug and fought re-opening the bottle step.” The focus of the program is on the solution.