The pain of early sobriety
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: No. VA
Posts: 167
The pain of early sobriety
Some backround on me first. I just graduated university and now that I am away from a school where the entire social life revolves bars and drinking, I have decided to quit. But I don't know if I am ready to quit for good. I am going to give this sobriety thing a year. I think this will give me time to get my life started and figure out who I am. I realize that I really don't have a good sense of self and that is a hell of a scary thing!! I drank a lot over the past 7 years. No, I didn't go to college for 7 years, I drank in high school as well. I also did a lot of pot smoking but don't do that anymore.
I hate how heavy drinking has made me feel and how it has slowly changed me into a person I don't recognize. So I need a year to sort things out. I have no plans into getting drunk right after a year!!!
Well, this is what I am feeling. BTW, I have 4 days without a drink and I have gone about 2 months before.
1. Mood Swings!!! One minute I will be so optimistic about life and the next I see nothing but despair, depression, and suicide. It is like one extreme to the next. I hate it.
2. Anxiety in public. I hate it, I get all gittery like when I am talking to someone and I will slur words or think to myself "geez that was stupid to say I sound like an idiot"
3. Brain fog!!! Seriously not being able to think clear is absolutely terrible. I wouldn't have been able to graduate if I hadn't had help from others because I can not concentrate or think very well. Had this for quite some time. It is strange because it seems to be very heavy between the hours of 6-10 and I don't notice it so much in the morning or before bed.
Also, I can like literaly feel my brian ache and feel it hurting. What the heck could this be? I had an MRI but that showed that everything was normal so the only thing I can think of is that it is because of alcohol.
I think when the fog clears things will be much better. When does it clear??
4. I am tired all day and then at night I can not fall asleep. For some reason I am wide awake and at my best around 2am. Thank god I don't have a job yet!
5. Very irritable. Quick to snap at people and often feel like punching.
What can you tell me about these symptoms? Thanks in advance.
BTW, I have been to a few AA meetings but the ones I was at the mood was very low and depressing. The people (some) looked like they are or were very close to death. I was the youngest by about 20 years. I need to be around people in their 20's. I didn't see anyone (who wasn't ordered) there I could relate to.
I hate how heavy drinking has made me feel and how it has slowly changed me into a person I don't recognize. So I need a year to sort things out. I have no plans into getting drunk right after a year!!!
Well, this is what I am feeling. BTW, I have 4 days without a drink and I have gone about 2 months before.
1. Mood Swings!!! One minute I will be so optimistic about life and the next I see nothing but despair, depression, and suicide. It is like one extreme to the next. I hate it.
2. Anxiety in public. I hate it, I get all gittery like when I am talking to someone and I will slur words or think to myself "geez that was stupid to say I sound like an idiot"
3. Brain fog!!! Seriously not being able to think clear is absolutely terrible. I wouldn't have been able to graduate if I hadn't had help from others because I can not concentrate or think very well. Had this for quite some time. It is strange because it seems to be very heavy between the hours of 6-10 and I don't notice it so much in the morning or before bed.
Also, I can like literaly feel my brian ache and feel it hurting. What the heck could this be? I had an MRI but that showed that everything was normal so the only thing I can think of is that it is because of alcohol.
I think when the fog clears things will be much better. When does it clear??
4. I am tired all day and then at night I can not fall asleep. For some reason I am wide awake and at my best around 2am. Thank god I don't have a job yet!
5. Very irritable. Quick to snap at people and often feel like punching.
What can you tell me about these symptoms? Thanks in advance.
BTW, I have been to a few AA meetings but the ones I was at the mood was very low and depressing. The people (some) looked like they are or were very close to death. I was the youngest by about 20 years. I need to be around people in their 20's. I didn't see anyone (who wasn't ordered) there I could relate to.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
What can you tell me about these symptoms
I didn't see anyone (who wasn't ordered) there I could relate to.
I don't remember exactly how long it took me to feel somewhat human again. Heck, after 10 months, I still get brain farts
IIRC, it was around 60 days in. I was doing step work too, and that more than anything really helped me feel better. Even though physically I still felt OKish, the step work gave me hope.Like I said, hang in there. It gets better.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: green hills of Vermont, USA
Posts: 251
Hi, tryingtolive:
It's true there are a lot of older folks at AA meetings - lots of us drank for many years before realizing what we were doing to ourselves. But I've seen a lot of very young people come into the rooms, even as young as 16. Some of us who had to be miserable until we were older, have been quite envious of such folks who turned around their lives early on.
It would make sense for you to attend a lot of different meetings in your area, looking for younger people to whom you can easily relate. But please know that just as the doctor may learn good sobriety (or at least get important "pieces" of sobriety) from the construction worker, you may profit from the wisdom of folks whose age is quite different than yours.
Blessings and best wishes from the Snowgoose.
It's true there are a lot of older folks at AA meetings - lots of us drank for many years before realizing what we were doing to ourselves. But I've seen a lot of very young people come into the rooms, even as young as 16. Some of us who had to be miserable until we were older, have been quite envious of such folks who turned around their lives early on.
It would make sense for you to attend a lot of different meetings in your area, looking for younger people to whom you can easily relate. But please know that just as the doctor may learn good sobriety (or at least get important "pieces" of sobriety) from the construction worker, you may profit from the wisdom of folks whose age is quite different than yours.
Blessings and best wishes from the Snowgoose.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi! Glad to see you again
There is a link for you to explore
http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
About meetings...I think of them as classrooms for living sober.
The more you attend the quicker you learn.
Contact your local AA and see if there are meetings with
younger members. If you now liive newr a uiversity....sart there.
However...
As you move into work and adult life you will be
dealing with people of different ages. Start learning
how to do this with AA...
You are making a wise decision...Sobriety Rocks!
There is a link for you to explore
http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
About meetings...I think of them as classrooms for living sober.
The more you attend the quicker you learn.
Contact your local AA and see if there are meetings with
younger members. If you now liive newr a uiversity....sart there.
However...
As you move into work and adult life you will be
dealing with people of different ages. Start learning
how to do this with AA...
You are making a wise decision...Sobriety Rocks!
Last edited by CarolD; 08-15-2007 at 08:16 PM. Reason: Link Addition
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 183
I could put a check right next to every symptom you said. I was intensely frustrated about those things at first too. The first thing that comes to mind is PAWS, which is the link that Carol posted. So I would suggest going there and reading up on it. It took quite a while for the brain fog to dissipate, everything else seemed to work itself out quicker. I honestly can't remember when the fog started to lift, maybe a couple months? I remember it being pretty bad for me. Just know that it does get better and is much easier to deal with than the evils of drinking.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: No. VA
Posts: 167
Today was the 1 week mark and my head felt very heavy all day, like I could fall asleep at anytime. For some reason I am wide awake at 2am now. No clue why I am tired all day and wide awake at night. Maybe my body needs lots of time to get back to a normal schedule.
I was very depressed and lethargic today. I had some sucidal thoughts which scared me. I also feel real dumb! Strange how alcohol seemed to make me smarter or at least think faster.
I know you are not actually smarter drunk but it sure seemed like it for me.
I had a hangover for 1 day and that was it for the physical withdrawls. Its all cognitive/emotional stuff that has me down. I hate brain fog..
I am 23 and I feel like I am still a kid in a way. Kinda feels like I missed out on growing up a bit.....(sigh) Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow.
Congrats to others who have made it through to sobriety. I haven't been since I was about 16. I have not used for about 60 days but never been SOBER. I wonder what thats like.
I was very depressed and lethargic today. I had some sucidal thoughts which scared me. I also feel real dumb! Strange how alcohol seemed to make me smarter or at least think faster.
I know you are not actually smarter drunk but it sure seemed like it for me.
I had a hangover for 1 day and that was it for the physical withdrawls. Its all cognitive/emotional stuff that has me down. I hate brain fog..
I am 23 and I feel like I am still a kid in a way. Kinda feels like I missed out on growing up a bit.....(sigh) Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow.
Congrats to others who have made it through to sobriety. I haven't been since I was about 16. I have not used for about 60 days but never been SOBER. I wonder what thats like.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: green hills of Vermont, USA
Posts: 251
Hi, TTL: Saturday after the 7am meeting, I had breakfast with a bunch of young AA members. They were talking about the zany things they've been doing - stuff you might have done while drinking but they're doing crazy drives to NYC for lunch and the like without alcohol or other substances. I hope you can hook up with similar folks cuz you would feel less like you missed out on growing up, which of course you did with all that drinking - I've heard people say they completely lost those years they were drinking. And that feeling was one of the big things that made me want to stop the booze and pick up where I left off in learning, always learning new things.
Another thing I hear is people talking about being dry because they put down the drink but not being SOBER 'til they worked the AA program.
May you find that sobriety.
Snowgoose.
Another thing I hear is people talking about being dry because they put down the drink but not being SOBER 'til they worked the AA program.
May you find that sobriety.
Snowgoose.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 183
Originally Posted by tryingtolive 
I am 23 and I feel like I am still a kid in a way. Kinda feels like I missed out on growing up a bit.....(sigh) Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 51
Two of my good friends in AA got sober when they were quite young - one was still in college - and they did in in a Young Peoples group. I wonder if you could call your local AA office you might be able to find something like that??
What you are doing is great. I KNEW while I was still in college that I was an alcoholic, but the thought scared me so much that I just kept drinking for thirteen more years. Now I am in my 30s, I am completely grateful that I am sober and finally learning to LIVE. I don't dwell on it, but I do wonder how my life would have been different if I could have learned the lessons I am learning now years ago, and not wasted another 13 years drinking.
The people in the rooms of AA, no matter what their age, have been where you are. They understand what you are going through. Why not take it one day at a time, try out different meetings, and see where it takes you? Early sobriety is no fun...but it is something every single one of us has to go through.
Hang in there tryingtolive! Keep reading and keep posting
What you are doing is great. I KNEW while I was still in college that I was an alcoholic, but the thought scared me so much that I just kept drinking for thirteen more years. Now I am in my 30s, I am completely grateful that I am sober and finally learning to LIVE. I don't dwell on it, but I do wonder how my life would have been different if I could have learned the lessons I am learning now years ago, and not wasted another 13 years drinking.
The people in the rooms of AA, no matter what their age, have been where you are. They understand what you are going through. Why not take it one day at a time, try out different meetings, and see where it takes you? Early sobriety is no fun...but it is something every single one of us has to go through.
Hang in there tryingtolive! Keep reading and keep posting
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
tryingtolive I have been where you are at, everyone is different, I drank for 40 years and the fog for me started to lift after about a month, but every week I was amazed at how much better and clearer I was thinking. I asked some old timers about it and they told me that I may continue to see improvement for over a year!
Well I picked up my 11 month chip Yesterday and after the meeting I was talking to some folks and it suddenly dawned on me that for the first time in over 40 years being sober felt normal for me!!! My wife (Non-alcoholic) looked at me with a puzzled look and said "Really?", I told her yes, I had never noticed before that being sober was kind of normal now, I said "Hon I was never really 100% sober for 40 years, so being half lit was normal for many years.
I noticed you are from "Redskin Country", if you are in northern Va. there are an awful lot of younger people in the rooms, check out some meetings near colleges and new comers meetings.
What helped me achieve real sobriety was working and living the steps with a sponsor and of course................ not drinking!
Hang in there, every week sober take a look back at the week before..... if you are like me you will see that you are getting better.
BTW listen to the old timers and as suggested try to relate, a lot of the old timers were your age when they quit, I am sure they can help you get through these times because they may have been your age when they quit. Trust me if you are in the DC area there are plenty of younger AA members, heck we even have a 15 year old in the rooms of Fredericksburg and a lot of folks in their late teens and 20s.
Well I picked up my 11 month chip Yesterday and after the meeting I was talking to some folks and it suddenly dawned on me that for the first time in over 40 years being sober felt normal for me!!! My wife (Non-alcoholic) looked at me with a puzzled look and said "Really?", I told her yes, I had never noticed before that being sober was kind of normal now, I said "Hon I was never really 100% sober for 40 years, so being half lit was normal for many years.
I noticed you are from "Redskin Country", if you are in northern Va. there are an awful lot of younger people in the rooms, check out some meetings near colleges and new comers meetings.
What helped me achieve real sobriety was working and living the steps with a sponsor and of course................ not drinking!
Hang in there, every week sober take a look back at the week before..... if you are like me you will see that you are getting better.
BTW listen to the old timers and as suggested try to relate, a lot of the old timers were your age when they quit, I am sure they can help you get through these times because they may have been your age when they quit. Trust me if you are in the DC area there are plenty of younger AA members, heck we even have a 15 year old in the rooms of Fredericksburg and a lot of folks in their late teens and 20s.
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
Originally Posted by tryingtolive
Strange how alcohol seemed to make me smarter or at least think faster.
I never understood this process until I read "Under the Influence". (the updated version is "Beyond the influence".)
Yes alcohol is terribly distructive in so many ways.
I am glad that you are recognising what alcohol was doing to you and that you are taking action.
For many years I could stop for a time, but I have found that I can't stay sober without going to AA.
I wish you the best,
Ted
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Mary alice, KY
Posts: 122
hi..Trying to live, I wish that I had a nickel for every time I said that I was just trying to live. This will be the longest and hardest year of your life. On the other hand it will be the most rewarding. You will meet new people that are not drinking and falling down. New people that are nice every day not just when they have a hlf of a fifth in them. These people want to be your friend to save your life...Do you have friends like that right now? Everythi
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
These people want to be your friend to save your life...Do you have friends like that right now?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Hi Tryingtolive,
Early sobriety was very hard for me...You are not alone with your struggle to stay sober...It does get easier...This happened for me after the three week mark...
Today, I feel energized with hopes of a better life without alcohol...I can smile today, laugh, and truly live in the MOMENT, for whatever life has in store for me...
Keep posting, we are happy you are here...
JUST believe it gets better!!!! It does...
Early sobriety was very hard for me...You are not alone with your struggle to stay sober...It does get easier...This happened for me after the three week mark...
Today, I feel energized with hopes of a better life without alcohol...I can smile today, laugh, and truly live in the MOMENT, for whatever life has in store for me...
Keep posting, we are happy you are here...
JUST believe it gets better!!!! It does...
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