omg could i sink any lower..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: london
Posts: 67
omg could i sink any lower..
i was workin last night and my mum, my brothers gf and 2 friends were there, so when i finished my shift i joined them 4 drinks, then we went back for more. i didnt secretly drink or 'steal' any but... i did something ive never been so ashamed of i cant even write it and i dont know why. im just drinking away the shame.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Cumming, Ga
Posts: 665
There just was never enough to take away how bad I felt inside. The question is how is that working for you. When it stops working, there is a solution. When you are ready to quit drinking, and start working for AA, AA will work for you too. Don't drink and go to a meeting. Start doing that daily. Do it for 90 days. You may be saying, I'm just not ready to quit yet. I know I can figure a way to drink without all of these bad and shameful things happening. And who knows, maybe you can, but only you can decide the answer to that question. You may be saying, I can't imagine living life without alcohol. The reality is, if you're an alcoholic like me and you continue, soon you won't be able to imagine life with or without alcohol. I needed an absolute state of hopelessness to be able to admit complete defeat and surrender to the disease and the program of Alcoholic's Anonymous. Then I was able to embrace a program of recovery.
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Hi Maya
Trust me - there is always a new low when alcohol is involved...BP's given you some great advice. Try it - I know how you feel. Just for Today I don't have to feel shame and regret.
Cathy31
x
Trust me - there is always a new low when alcohol is involved...BP's given you some great advice. Try it - I know how you feel. Just for Today I don't have to feel shame and regret.
Cathy31
x
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Hi maya,
Don't know what you did but maybe you just crossed the line. What line? The imaginary line that we all have where we say "Boy, if I ever did something like that, well I'd really have to do something about my drinking."
Since you can't undo what you did, the question becomes "Are you going to do something about your drinking or are you going to move the line?"
I moved the line for a lot of years and it was pretty amazing just how much lower I could sink.
Don't know what you did but maybe you just crossed the line. What line? The imaginary line that we all have where we say "Boy, if I ever did something like that, well I'd really have to do something about my drinking."
Since you can't undo what you did, the question becomes "Are you going to do something about your drinking or are you going to move the line?"
I moved the line for a lot of years and it was pretty amazing just how much lower I could sink.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
Maya,
Read some of the stories on here so at least you know you aren't alone in whatever it is you did last night. Believe me someone here will have a story to top yours. If they can keep going, you can. I recently wrote a list of all the horrible, disgusting things I've done and said that I can remember and it's really helping me not drink. Release yourself from the shame by doing something about it.
Read some of the stories on here so at least you know you aren't alone in whatever it is you did last night. Believe me someone here will have a story to top yours. If they can keep going, you can. I recently wrote a list of all the horrible, disgusting things I've done and said that I can remember and it's really helping me not drink. Release yourself from the shame by doing something about it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Colorado Springs CO
Posts: 889
I think, despite your past experience, consciously or subconsciously, drinking is still an attractive idea to you. You haven't been able to tap into a defense yet. That's how the BB says alcoholism works.
After 4 months dry I was in a bar with an old friend, or maybe just at his house watching him drink. A few days earlier I was in a bar, stopped there on the way back east because my car engine was overheating. Had a few cokes and shot a few games of pool while it cooled down. No problems there, I thought, guess it is OK to go into a bar. This time though that beer sure looked so good, and I wanted one REAL BAD. Mentioned this to my friend (who also knew I was trying to quit drinking), and he was kind enough to relate a particularly horrifying drinking experience of mine that I had blacked out. That was enough to dissuade me from drinking for a little while, at least till I got out of that situation.
Some months later (maybe a year), after a lot of step work, and after coming to a realization that doing step work and going to meetings will help me get better (not an intellectual realization but something I found I could feel "deep down in my belly"), I found I could go into bars and easily resist the temptation to drink. The big book talks about this (at the end of the part where the instructions for the steps are given).
The BB also says I can't run away from alcohol, that I have to become able to tap into a defense. That's one of the things doing the steps is about. Without that defense, I can know drinking is bad for me, but when I want one bad enough, unconsciously I'll convince myself that it's a good idea to have a drink.
So, if you're like me, maybe it's time to put away the shame game and start working steps. Or not. It's hard for people like us to get convinced. Sometimes John Barleycorn has to do the heavy lifting.
After 4 months dry I was in a bar with an old friend, or maybe just at his house watching him drink. A few days earlier I was in a bar, stopped there on the way back east because my car engine was overheating. Had a few cokes and shot a few games of pool while it cooled down. No problems there, I thought, guess it is OK to go into a bar. This time though that beer sure looked so good, and I wanted one REAL BAD. Mentioned this to my friend (who also knew I was trying to quit drinking), and he was kind enough to relate a particularly horrifying drinking experience of mine that I had blacked out. That was enough to dissuade me from drinking for a little while, at least till I got out of that situation.
Some months later (maybe a year), after a lot of step work, and after coming to a realization that doing step work and going to meetings will help me get better (not an intellectual realization but something I found I could feel "deep down in my belly"), I found I could go into bars and easily resist the temptation to drink. The big book talks about this (at the end of the part where the instructions for the steps are given).
The BB also says I can't run away from alcohol, that I have to become able to tap into a defense. That's one of the things doing the steps is about. Without that defense, I can know drinking is bad for me, but when I want one bad enough, unconsciously I'll convince myself that it's a good idea to have a drink.
So, if you're like me, maybe it's time to put away the shame game and start working steps. Or not. It's hard for people like us to get convinced. Sometimes John Barleycorn has to do the heavy lifting.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Colorado Springs CO
Posts: 889
If you do decide to do those steps, it would be a good idea to stay out of pubs, away from places where people are drinking, or situations where you're more prone to suggestion. The program has to have a chance to work. You might think you're ready before you are. That same unconscious thing that convinces you it's OK to have a drink can make you think you're ready to be in a bar when you're not. It happened to me. Hey, it might be a good idea to get a friend in the program you can bounce that idea off of, and show you how to work those steps.
I'm not in bars often or around people that are drinking often. Just don't have a reason. Funny how that works. Never thought it would be possible for me to have fun away from those places. Now, there just aren't enough hours in the day.....
I'm not in bars often or around people that are drinking often. Just don't have a reason. Funny how that works. Never thought it would be possible for me to have fun away from those places. Now, there just aren't enough hours in the day.....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Probably nothing any of us haven't done or tried.
A guy shared in a meeting last night that he missed his own sons birth cuz he was on a bender. We've all done some really off the wall stuff.
So here I was, telling my story, after I paused, the newcomer asked "So, that was your bottom ?" And I replied, "No, that's when things started to get really bad...."
A guy shared in a meeting last night that he missed his own sons birth cuz he was on a bender. We've all done some really off the wall stuff.
So here I was, telling my story, after I paused, the newcomer asked "So, that was your bottom ?" And I replied, "No, that's when things started to get really bad...."
Last edited by GlassPrisoner; 08-11-2007 at 04:37 PM. Reason: can't type
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
