hjwlfamily

Hi. I joined a while back, my sober date is Dec. 7, 2006 and I still struggle every day. BUT seem to make it out okay so far. Have almost caved more times than I can count. I do have a question though. About my husband. Okay, when I got drunk, I got mean. My husband NEVER gets mean. Just drunk. He's a "fun drunk". I used to love this about him. NOW it drives me crazy that he drinks as much as he does. Question is this: Can a person be an alcoholic even if they aren't mean? I even asked my doctor about this, my husband has AT LEAST 3 beers every night, gets very upset with me if I tell him to hold off on the drinking so we can be intimate. (It SO turns me off to kiss etc. a man with beer/cig breath.) On the weekend he usually has 6-10 beers a night. On week days it is at least 3. My doctor seemed worried. It is hard for me to talk to my husband about this b/c he thinks I'm forcing my disease on him. I try not to be pushy but I am very worried. I am so lucky that his drinking does not cause him to be mean or aggressive but I still feel there is a problem that he can't even say no to a drink if it means he can have sex with his wife? He'd rather drink? THAT worries me. Any suggestions would really help. Am I worrying for nothing? Thanks.

Peter

He gets upset when you ask him not to drink.

His doctor is worried about his drinking.

He would rather drink than have sex.

Hmmmmm. Sounds to me you have good reason to be worried.

GlassPrisoner

Work on your recovery. Keep your side of the street clean. Perhaps if he sees you with a year or so, and enjoying your new found peace and serenity, and helping others, he'll wonder what this sobriety thing is all about.....If not, YOU'RE still sober.

Stobert

I'm an alcoholic, and I wasn't a mean drunk. Pathetic and sad, mind you, but not mean.

parentrecovers

take care of yourself and lead by example. blessings, k

Astro

I've been sober for 2 1/2 years, and never thought I could date or be intimate with anyone who drinks alcohol, until I met a beautiful, very intelligent woman who's a normal drinker and works great recovery programs in Al-Anon and CoDA.

By what I understand, 1 or 2 beers every night for a normal drinker is OK, but beyond that drinking becomes a potential problem. I thought I was a fun drunk too, and at times I probably was, but I could turn into a mean drunk like the flick of a switch. It's that Jekyll & Hyde persona, it was very real for this alcoholic.

My current thinking is that boundaries need to be set and respected. If his beer and cig breath turns you off, then intimacy should be off limits until that's respected. It's hard to learn, but NO is a word. You've got some sobriety under your belt, I'm sure you understand that you can't make him stop drinking or say no to a drink. Are you attending AA meetings? Al-Anon could help you in this situation too.