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I felt different

Old 08-01-2007, 11:43 AM
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No more merlot, more mamma
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I felt different

last night at my home group meeting. Really good speaker, not enough time to share at the end.

Whine alert:

Ok. So my partner A is extremely outgoing. She's friendly and vivacious and cute. I found myself feeling sorta pissed off about how many men came up to her and said hey and hugged her etc. I don't know if it was jealousy or that I just felt left out. I'm a quiet person. When I was actively drinking, hell I had men all over me. For the wrong reasons, yes. Now I honestly don't know how to behave around em. And I'm pretty much ok with that, I don't want to be flirting or anything.

I know that I had a bad day yesterday, but I thought I was handling it pretty well.

I did make a commitment to be the coffee person this month, so A said that I should get to know folks better that way. I don't think that anyone cept two people know my name there!

Ugg..I know it's my own doing. I'm having a problem lately with social situations..not being comfy..not really sure how to act?

Thanks for letting me vent.

Karen
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Old 08-01-2007, 11:55 AM
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I felt uncomfortable at my home meeting two weeks ago. My HOME MEETING for crying out loud ! After 9 months..I felt like it was my first day at school or something.

Guess what ? You're an alcoholic. You're human, too. It's just our nature.

That coffee commitment will help, a lot. Just give it time, you'll feel comfortable eventually. I do. (most of the time)
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Old 08-01-2007, 12:07 PM
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CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
 
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Actually it is human nature even with us "codies". I know when I went to my first Al-Anon meeting-I sat in the car and watched people walk in!I was-petrified to walk in there-and I'm NOT SHY by any means! Ha Ha I was that day!

Hope it get's better for you!
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Old 08-01-2007, 12:10 PM
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let it grow!
 
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hey karen, i just wanted to tell you that i always admire you from your posts and comments here on sr. you have a lot to offer at your meetings and to all the folks around you.

blessings, k
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Old 08-01-2007, 12:11 PM
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No more merlot, more mamma
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It's really weird. I told A that I felt like I was in 6th grade all over again. Not knowing where I fit in...
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Old 08-01-2007, 12:13 PM
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Ha Ha Yup I can relate to that Merlot! Maybe even 4th or 5th grade!
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Old 08-01-2007, 12:21 PM
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No more merlot, more mamma
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No kidding Rella..my beautiful daughter is there now, and its just horrible. Doesn't think she's worthy or something..it kills me..she has soo much to offer. She's a great kid.

And K..thank you for saying that..right back atcha.
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Old 08-01-2007, 12:28 PM
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Another Day in Paradise
 
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Hey guys, for what it may be worth, I have to say that even after a few years of sobriety, the idea of "FEELING" with all its various shades, moods, and quirks is indicative of being sober, alert and having a mind that perceives the subtlety of life.

Enjoy every minute of confusion, panic, and accomplishment. You are reaping the rewards that they talk about.

Enjoy!-- Jon
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Old 08-01-2007, 01:08 PM
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Follow Directions!
 
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Karen it happens sometimes, even us Alcoholics in recovery develop a sense of when someone is not in a real good mood and tend to be a little stand offish. This could have been what was going on, of course I wasn't there so who knows, maybe the moon was not in your phase! LOL The service position will help though.
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Old 08-01-2007, 01:14 PM
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Om, Aum, Ohm...
 
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Karen, my husband is also in the rooms, and though I'm typically very proud to be on his arm (or him on mine), there are sometimes that I get the green eyed dragon breathing down my neck, and it drives me nuts. He's very intelligent, well-spoken and funny...and MINE!

Then I realize that at those times, I'm usually not feeling good about myself. There's a reading in either the Daily Reflections or As Bill Sees it that talks about the character defect of thinking poorly of oneself. I'll try to remember to look it up (or someone here will no doubt chime in with it!). Basically, it says that your HP made you and loves you as you are, so who are you to his/her/its creation?

You are a good person. I can feel it in your posts. Keep telling yourself that, and those resentful feelings will shrink. I can almost guarantee it.

Peace & Love,
Sugah
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Old 08-01-2007, 01:34 PM
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Sounds perfectly normal to me Karen, at least from what I've experienced myself. Seems like every few months I go to a meeting and for some reason I feel disconnected from the Fellowship, like I don't fit in or don't belong. And like Sugah shared, that's usually the result of not feeling good about myself, but at the moment I'm not seeing it.

Then there are nights like last night when I walked out of my CoDA meeting and sat down on a bench, and as my AA homegroup was leaving the room across the hall I was greeted and surrounded by friends in recovery. That was the warmest feeling I've had in a long time, so many of my friends stopped by to talk.

This too shall pass (((karen)))
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Old 08-01-2007, 03:06 PM
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I deal with these same issues. From one day to the next I can be completely comfortable in my own skin then feel out of sorts the next. In my addiction I was always outgoing but in recovery my behavior (as should) has changed drastically. It's part of the package that comes with sobriety but know that we all suffer and many people are in the same boat. I sometimes find it hard to be social and worry that I'm not a part of but it's usually a thing that passes. It could be your off day. Stay strong your on the right path and I'm right there with you...
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Old 08-01-2007, 04:19 PM
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I have few women friends in the program and I always hug them but if it is some woman I just kinda know I dont just nod most of th time I was always afraid they would think I was up to no good.Sometimes I dont want a hug just dont touch me.I certainly dont think I'm making anyone jealous.My wife had few problems with women calling in the begining but after she saw action on my part I think she would have sent me off with anyone long as I stayed sober.
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Old 08-01-2007, 11:02 PM
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No more merlot, more mamma
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Yeah. I'm doing it to myself. These guys are decent men and A's been around for quite awhile (6 years today happy birthday angel!)

I'm still finding my way..

I was gonna say that why can't the SR family be there in real life? (but, then I wouldn't open up to you lol).
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Old 08-02-2007, 02:46 AM
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Understandable feelings Karen, I get like that too. I think of it as 'being too much in my own brain' sort of withdrawn and people respond to that and give you more space so its a vicious circle.

I prefer it when I can forget myself and my thinking and just BE wherever I am.

I always like your threads BTW, I relate to them a lot.
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