coming out of my cocoon....
 

good morning all.....hope you are all well today.I am doing well,as far as maintaiing my sobriety.
My,"project" these days is rebuilding my life...I had always lived my life around alchohol....it controlled all aspects of my life...but the worst part was the isolation it brought me.I forgot how to relate to people sober....i had no real personality...I felt like a fraud all the time,always pretending,and not being honest(especially with myself).....I had my,"normal,going to work everyday" face...then,at night,when noone was around(by choice),i would let the alchohol take over....and the depression and self pity would set in....
Now that i have a few months of sobriety,I am discovering who the real person is inside my body....rediscovering myself...what i like and don't like,what makes me happy,and just trying to be honest with myself and others,which feels so good.No more lies...no more deceptions...I am trying to be more open with people,and I am trying very hard NOT to isolate myself...and i find that now i am getting invited to lunches,out for coffee,candle parties,etc.Small steps for,"normal"people......BIG steps for me.....and it feels good! thanks to all....be well!

Being able to compare my life today with what it was during those days of drunkenness and hangovers remains one of the biggest motivators for keeping me sober.

I Still don't know who I am at 9 months. I know who I [i]was[i], whi I son't want to be, and I see all the masks I used to wear, but that onion is still getting peeled......

Been in recovery a while, and still discovering new things about myself.

Just started relapse prevention group therapy and it's full of triggers for me, but it's time to start helping that onion along, and do some peeling myself. It's painful!

thanks for sharing, karrottop! you sound great.

Thanks for a great post Karrotop. I'm only beginning to learn, 9 months sober, just how much I was covering up with booze. Some days it feels awful, like I have to learn the basics of how to talk to people, deal with people, cope with my own emotions from scratch. Other days it's easier. One way or another though, it beats the hell out of the life I was living as a drunk.

Thanks for a good share Karrotop. I sometimes think that the older I get, the more like me I get. I think.

thanks guys....i guess we are all,"works in progress"....

Once I heard,

I'm not the man I could be,
I'm not the man I should be,
Thank GOD I'm not the man I was...

Ted, don't ever wanna go back

Finding yourself
 

I worry I don't have a real self, interests, personality. Does sobriety make you a different person? I've never achieved sobriety in 15 years and feel 2-D and numb. What if no one's in here?
I so admire what you've done. I am so proud of you. I hope I find my way too. I think you sound amazing. I wish you continued happiness and good health. All my best.

Congrats on the sober time karrottop, like GP and others, even with over 10 months sober, working step 12, I am still finding out who I really am. After drinking for 40 years I have a feeling it is going to take quite a while to figure out who Martin really is!

The steps have helped me to learn about who I was, the good, the bad, & the ugly of it all. The steps have also allowed me to work on all of the ugly and bad I was and to amplify the good. I love the road I am on now, it is broad and wide, it is bright and joyful, I never want to turn around and jump back into the whole that AA helped me crawl out of.

Thanks for the great topic karrottop.

Interesting question with a spinning answer, being sober did not make me a different person, I found that if all I did was not drink I was still the same old miserable damn drunk I had always been and as a result I always drank again.

I finally found out that in order to stay sober I had to change! The steps have helped me to change, today I am a much different person then I was before, I am happy, confident..... all around a much better person who no longer has the urge/need to drink.