hotwingeatter

I have been sober a long time now and my family has excepted me back. But I still have a hard time coming back into the family as a normal member. I don't ever remember being a member of the family like everyone else. I also have a problem building relationships outside of my family with friends and coworkers. I feel like I am gonna get screwed with and treated bad in every way possible.
At work I find it hard not to snap back, especially when I don't feel what I did was wrong. It is weird cause I used to be a person that can take the blame for anyone or anything; I didn't care. But now, If I wasn't told or I didn't do it and I feel any tension coming from that person I want to give it back to them just the same as they did me.
Do I need a shrink, I used to just go get drunk it was an easy fix just forget about it and get me a beer. Now it is almost like "Everyone's out to get you muth ucker!" Sometimes I don't care but others it really gets to me and I think people can tell that my mind is going loopy.

Sugah

The steps helped me to sort out my stuff from that of others. Sometimes, relationships improved because of it, and sometimes, I found I was dealing with a toxic person and I severed the ties. We can't change other people and make them treat us the way that we want to be treated, but we can teach by example. Some respond to that and some don't.

I have no idea how long you've been sober, but for me, at shy of two years, lots and lots of people in my life still had trust issues (just as I had trust issues with some of them -- see "toxic people" comment above). Some still do today, which is to be expected. 4 3/4 years isn't much time when they remember five times that many years of my Tasmanian devil behavior storming through their lives.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

GlassPrisoner

Yup, step work.

I had 5 years of "drybriety" and I felt pretty much like what you describe. Especially the "everyone’s out to get me" comment.

I couldn't handle it, so went back out there for 10 years. The last 3 were a living Hell, and by the Grace of God I ended up in the rooms of AA.

Today I've only got 9 months, but I feel nothing like what you describe, or how I did during those 5 dry years.

Tazman53

hotwingeater for years every time I quit drinking I was just like you, it was everyones fault but my own, I was miserable, I snapped at people & family. I felt like everyone was against me even though I was not drinking, in reality what I was was a miserable dry drunk! I always went back to drinking because I was happier drinking, it was my way of coping. I did this until about 2-3 years ago when I had reached the point where I had to drink, there was no choice!

Well eventually I found myself standing on the edge of a cliff, one step forward, one more drink and I was over the edge into what was for me a bottomless pit ending in my slow death from alcoholism.

In a nutshell I put myself into detox, detox told me if I wanted a chance to stay sober I needed to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.

Unlike times in the past where the only change I made in my self was not drinking, in AA I started to work the steps of AA with a sponsor. As I worked the steps all of my issues with anger, frustration, hate, paranioa, & living life on lifes terms slowly dissappeared.

Working the steps of AA I changed, not only was I not drinking, I became a better happier person, my family, friends and co-workers saw a huge change in me. Why? Because I had changed more about me then simply not drinking! A great side effect of all of this is I no longer have the urge/need to drink, I could care less if I ever had another drink.

hotwingeatter

actually I have no problem taking fault for what I did. I never have wanted to blame someone for my problems. And I never will blame someone for what I have done. Also, I don't blame the alcoholism for what I have done.
Sorry shouldn't have posted this thread.

Jfanagle

The most difficult year of sobriety for me was the 2nd year. It seemed to be when all the emotional issues really kicked in. The first year I was just so damn happy to be sober and actually living life again that no matter what happened I was always able to say "this sure beats being drunk!"

When year 2 rolled around I wanted to feel as good as I had felt that 1st year, but some of the newness had worn off and now I was just "one of the crowd" of sober go-to-work people with no real expectation for a better day everyday. This was when attending meetings that gave me the answers and asked ME the right questions became important. I used to joke that "maybe I should go out and drink again so that I could get that elated sober feeling all over again!"

I didn't do it, but I did start trying to be of service to newcomers in AA and more importantly trying to help co-workers and family outside the rooms. I tried to think more about others and not quite so much about myself. Sometimes I actually was able to do that, and when I did, the treatment that I got from other people didn't matter quite as much.

One day I had a huge awakening. I was not what the rest of the world woke up to every morning. No one was planning how to stick it to me when they woke up, or even on their drive to work. As sad as it made me I realized that most everyone else in the world was more concerned with themselves than me!! It staggered me to think that GOOD or BAD I WAS NOT THE CENTER OF EVERYONES UNIVERSE.

All kidding aside, sobriety makes us confront our feelings EVERYDAY, the challenge for me is trying to stay JUST THE RIGHT SIZE for the world I live in. Not TOO BIG and important, and not TOO SMALL and become everyone's whipping post.

Tough job sometimes, but AIN'T IT GRAND TO BE SOBER ENOUGH TO KNOW WE HAVE THIS PROBLEM!!

Hang in there and keep coming back NO MATTER WHAT.

Jon

GlassPrisoner

LoL......I hated when that happened !

Almost as bad as the fact that my problem wasn't my boss,my wife, the lack of money etc. The problem was ME.....