RedFox

These past probably 4 or 5 days I haven't been sleeping which makes everything else fall apart. Just the other night I posted on here about how bad I wanted a drink, it was intense. I went to bed and woke up ok the next day. I'm still feeling a little out of it though. I can't really explain it and it's driving me crazy that I can't. I couldn't sleep last night so I got really frustrated. I dug through my backpack and found my bottle of xanax and downed the rest of what was in there.

The thing that is worrying is that I'm not only reaching for alcohol anymore. I did this before in the past when I OD'd on sleeping pills because I was so angry about not getting sleep.

I guess my question is. Has anybody developed an addiction to pills while trying to give up alcohol? I've been sober for almost 4 months now and it's getting pretty intense again.

BP44

Jenn, easy does it. Some nights I only get about 4 hours particularly on the weekends. I'm up at 4:30 on the weekends, but that's progress, when I first came back in it was 3:30. I'm at 4 months too and sometimes a little edgy. In the past, this is when I get well, and decide I can go on my merry way. Not this time, I've been going to enough meetings to reveal the severity of my disease regardless of what my brain may say. Which is to say, I'm hitting meetings daily. And I'm on the phone with my sponsor each day, and I'm talking to other alcoholics. It keeps me grounded in reality. As for the xanax or any other benzodiazepine, I consider them freeze dried alcohol. I can't take them, nor any other mood altering chemical. I've known plenty of people who have tried the marijuana maintenance program who said that didn't work for them either. So, the question is, what do I do when it's 3:30am and I get the crazies and I'm bouncing off the walls? Well, my grand sponsor said I can call my sponsor at 3:00am. (that was kind of a joke) But in honesty, I could pick up the phone if I absolutely had to. What I usually do is put myself in that morning meditation. I use the 24 hour Hazeldon book. I then do my morning prayers and basically get the 24hours started. Maybe I read from the BB or the 12 &12. I have a number of options, but drinking and drugging isn't one of them. I have a few tools in the tool box, and I'm learning to reach for them and use them the best that I can. If I keep doing what I'm doing, I will get more tools along the way. I would suggest putting down the xanax, don't drink, and go to a meeting TODAY.

BP44

And yes, you can get addicted to xanax. No question about it. And the detox is worse than alcohol if you get strung out.

Tazman53

BP44 covered the xanax well, go see your doctor, also try what BP44 suggested, I am over 10 months and still on occasion have a sleepless night, but I am totally clean now and have been for over 10 months, working and living the steps of AA, I talk to my sponsor often, go to meetings, talk to other alcoholics & have a sponsee, that and spend a lot of time with my family...... I do not have time to think about drinking! LOL

Loreena

Redfox, please get some help, pills are just a replacement. I would go see my doctor, I did when I was newly sober and told him I was a recovering alcoholic and he doesn't prescribe me stuff that is addictive. I have issues with sleep too but so early in sobriety, it might be that you are "budding" for a drink too...go to as many meetings as you can and keep coming here as well and sharing. Good luck, please take care of yourself. Don't pick up any substance, clean and sober is just that, xanax is bad stuff hon.

l

RedFox

I was strung out last night. I barely even remember writing that post. These sleeping pills that I'm on really screw with my head, I think it might be time to switch again. They make me feel drunk, it's exactly the same. I'm seeing the sleep specialist next week again, so I'll get that crap taken care of.

Well I don't have anything to reach for anymore, in terms of drugs/alcohol. So even if I'm going insane at 4am I can't take any mind altering substance. I'm going to have to come up with something I can do in that situation. I just find it interesting how powerful that feeling is. It amazes me every time.

Thanks for reading my freak out moment.

Tazman53

Jenn have you let the sleep specialist know you are a recovering alcoholic? The reason I ask is 2 fold, one he/she needs to know that to where they will not prescribe you something that may effect your sobriety, and 2 for a recovering alcoholic there may be some alternate course needed.

RedFox

She asked me tons of questions and some of them were about drinking. I told her I had a "problem" and had stopped but I didn't flat out say I was a recovering alcoholic. I should probably do that next time I go in.