nightminds

i'm finding it hard to quit drinking. at first i never thought i had a problem, but then i started to realise i did, but just ignored it, and now i don't seem able to stop. i've always drank on my own, no one else knowing, and have hidden or thrown away the bottles.

i've been drinking for about 5 years, started when i was about 14 or 15, to pretty much escape reality. i don't even like the taste of most alcoholic drinks, but i just like the effect it has.

i'm really stuck not knowing what to do. i've read a lot of other people's stories about alcoholism, but for me, i don't drink to the extreme, or at least i don't think i do!

recently, i was trying to quit on my own and stop for 6 months, but i just had this urge and need for a drink, so for now i've just tried to limit myself.

sometimes i don't know why exactly i drink. it's really frustrating.

anyway, i'm welcome to any advice at all.

RedFox

It isn't how much you drink (to an extent I guess) or how often. It's how your body handles it. I used to tell myself all the time that I shouldn't worry about possibly having a problem because I only drank on weekends. "I out drink every guy I know, but I only drink on weekends so that doesn't matter." "I black out and end up puking every time I drink, but I only drink on weekends so it isn't a big deal." "I get this horrible pain in my stomach after I drink, but it's only on weekends so it's nothing to worry about." The list could go on and on. It doesn't matter, I AM an alcoholic. Once I finally came to that conclusion I figured out what to do. I had already been seeing a counselor on campus at my university so I brought it up and then started seeing a counselor who specifically concentrated on drug abuse. Talking to both of them every week has been enough to help me out. I tried going to an AA meeting and ended up getting into a car accident on my way there (no I wasn't drunk). I haven't tried since but I've told myself that if things get difficult again I'll have to go no matter how scared I am.

I know exactly why I drink. But even knowing that doesn't matter as much as I thought it would. I just need to stay away from alcohol, period.

My suggestion is to get into some sort of support group, whether that be AA, Smart (I think it's called), or any other group out there. I can't remember the names of the others at the moment. You NEED support, it's impossible to do something this difficult completely on your own.

One last suggestion is that if you're worried about withdrawals to go see a doctor that can help you with that so you can do it safely.

I hope at least some of my long post ends up being helpful.

BP44

Welcome!!! I had to identify with other's stories instead of compare. What I have found is a common thread that we all have had....and that is the loss of control over alcohol. it's not necesarily how much or how often...it's what happens when I drink the first drink. And as far as quitting for 6 months...never happen for me. I can only quit for 24 hours at a time. I have made a commitment today that I will not drink until after midnight.....by then another 24 hours is behind me, and we're starting another. I have found AA invaluable. It's where I get the medicine bottle filled and the toolbox filled. I just have to be honest, open minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober.

GlassPrisoner

My sponsor had me write down examples of powerlessness for my 1st step. After we went through them, he said to me "Write this down.......I can't drink, and I can't NOT drink"

That's why they call it Cunning, Baffling and Powerful.

Also, to quote the Big Book

December15

I think the fact that there are so many extremes of drinking means you get tricked up. You think, well, geez, that person gets up in the morning and starts on the vodka - I never do that. Or that wino spends all day on the park bench - nothing like me. That man has lost everything - his wife, kids, home, job; nothing like me. It's nothing like me so I can keep drinking as I want to. Yet deep down you know there is this craving for alcohol which is pulling you in.

Signal30

Alcoholism effects everyone differently. Hence the term high bottom and low bottom. We as alcoholics have all kinds of similarities, but how and what alcohol did to us may differ.

The only thing that is certain is that alcohol effected us badly.



Tom

nightminds

sometimes i feel like i really want help, actually most of the times, like to go to a doctor, see a counselor, or just anything, but i was caught up in a situation that is so hard and frustrating and can't mention it to anyone for legal reasons i guess.
sometimes i just want my family or people to know what is up and that i cant stop drinking and why i do it - how it just feels really good not to have to care about anything and be fine with everything just for a couple of hours or however long. i dont think they'd understand though. my family consists of people whose lives are awesome - doctors, lawyers. and it's so hard since this kind of thing shouldnt happen.
it's such a struggle and i should just get a grip and figure it out, but somehow i jst cant.

parentrecovers

nice to see your posts, nightmind.

when my daughter was in rehab, there were 16 residents there also. 3 were medical doctors, one was a lawyer, another owned and managed a very successful advertising firm. one was a policeman. one was a social worker for the state. one had 2 published books on horticulture. those are just the ones i can think of off the top of my head. all very successful people, all with the same disease. it happens to lots of families, nothing to be ashamed of.

blessings, k