Meeting a partner in AA
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Still testing the waters. No first hand experience (yet).
That's one of the reasons. I also don't want recovery to take a back seat. There is a certain someone in the rooms, we talk but nothing concrete yet. Even so, I find myself getting distracted sometimes when she's around.
The main reason though is I still have very little self esteem, and I'm afraid of rejection. The old ego is afraid of looking bad. How's that for honesty ?
BUT, there is hope. Although I've seen at least one relation start and fizzle, with both now going to different meetings, I know a lot of married or committed couples in the rooms. Also, there's a lot of successful alkie/codie (AA/Alanon) relationships, my sponsor being one of them.
SaTiT 
The fact of the matter is that two sick people do not make one whole person. And me wanting to satisfy my "wants" at the potential risk of another is just selfish and self centered.
The main reason though is I still have very little self esteem, and I'm afraid of rejection. The old ego is afraid of looking bad. How's that for honesty ?
BUT, there is hope. Although I've seen at least one relation start and fizzle, with both now going to different meetings, I know a lot of married or committed couples in the rooms. Also, there's a lot of successful alkie/codie (AA/Alanon) relationships, my sponsor being one of them.
Ain't nothing like a relationship that'll get you to pray and
call your sponsor.lol
call your sponsor.lol
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
I will be getting married in about 6 weeks to a man who I met in my home group. I got there first and his mom befriended me. He came in about 6 months later. We were acquaintenances at first and then friends. Nothing past that. I was in a relationship (he actually thought I was married LOL!) and never even thought of him in those terms. Last year we started talking more and going to AA dances. He finally figured out I wasn't married (so now he's taking care of that LOL!)
Bottom line we were friends for about 2 years and nothing else. This thing just sort of crept up on us and at times I can still hardly believe it.
We have quite a few married couples in our homegroup and most are successful. So yes it can happen. Having said that, a relationship should be on a backburner for anyone new in recovery. You have your work cut out for you just trying to get sober, deal with newly awakened feelings and emotions and doing stepwork. Priorities for those young in sobriety should (IMHO) focus on a relationship with a Higher Power, work with a sponsor and service work to feel a part of your group. There are plenty of activities that a group of sober adults can do that do not require pairing up and they are great ways to get into the swing of a sober social life.
It was suggested to me when I was newly sober to wait 1 year before a new relationship. I was 13th stepped at 12 days sober and ended up in an 18month relationship that ended very badly. I began to see that I was expending lots of energy dealing with the drama that I would have been better off focusing on my recovery and my relationship with my Higher Power. I also came to realize that the times I wanted to drink the most were after problems with this person. I also learned that years without a drink doesn't always mean that person is working a good program. I found out people can be sober for years and just as sick (if not sicker) than the newcomer.
It is nice having someone from my homegroup in that we share the same circle of friends but there are drawbacks as well. I don't always share in the same manner that I would if he weren't sitting right there. I've had several people suggest other meetings and I think I'm going to do that.
Anyway, sorry to write a book but wanted to give my E, S and H on this topic.
Hugs,
Kellye
Bottom line we were friends for about 2 years and nothing else. This thing just sort of crept up on us and at times I can still hardly believe it.
We have quite a few married couples in our homegroup and most are successful. So yes it can happen. Having said that, a relationship should be on a backburner for anyone new in recovery. You have your work cut out for you just trying to get sober, deal with newly awakened feelings and emotions and doing stepwork. Priorities for those young in sobriety should (IMHO) focus on a relationship with a Higher Power, work with a sponsor and service work to feel a part of your group. There are plenty of activities that a group of sober adults can do that do not require pairing up and they are great ways to get into the swing of a sober social life.
It was suggested to me when I was newly sober to wait 1 year before a new relationship. I was 13th stepped at 12 days sober and ended up in an 18month relationship that ended very badly. I began to see that I was expending lots of energy dealing with the drama that I would have been better off focusing on my recovery and my relationship with my Higher Power. I also came to realize that the times I wanted to drink the most were after problems with this person. I also learned that years without a drink doesn't always mean that person is working a good program. I found out people can be sober for years and just as sick (if not sicker) than the newcomer.
It is nice having someone from my homegroup in that we share the same circle of friends but there are drawbacks as well. I don't always share in the same manner that I would if he weren't sitting right there. I've had several people suggest other meetings and I think I'm going to do that.
Anyway, sorry to write a book but wanted to give my E, S and H on this topic.
Hugs,
Kellye
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