Fishman35

I would say the worst thing an alcoholic can go through is emotional and spiritual bankruptsy. There is a place where almost all alcoholics get. This is sometimes called the "jumping off point". I remember that I did not want to live anymore, but was too scared to die. After that went on for awhile, I remember throwing up pints of blood in the shower while crying for God to please kill me. How is this compared to the Bowery, or DUI, jail, institutions? I really don't know. I was lucky enough to never have to go there.

But really what is the difference? All alcoholics have "drunkard logs". There is one universal truth that Bill Wilson nailed right on the head. "No one knows lonliness like an alcoholic". It does not matter if you lost everything or if you were a "functioning", whatever that means, alcoholic. We all reach that point where booze and dope won't do the trick. And when your only means of living day to day stop working, THAT is the very definition of hell.

A very wise preacher once told me in treatment center when I ask him his definition of hell. He said "the abcense of God in your life". At the time, I did not understand. But when you think about it, isn't that where we were all at in our addiction? Whatever your higher power, we cannot do this alone. If so, there would be no sponsors, treatment centers, detox wards, AA meetings, Big Book, or any other recovery programs.

"Remeber that we deal with alcohol. Cunning, baffling, powerful." I consider myself pretty lucky that my liver is still working and that I never killed anyone in my car. I am lucky to be alive and living sober.

Good luck and God speed.