overcomer32

Hi,

I dont go to AA and dont intend to though Ive gone to meetings before. I am trying to understand how going to these meetings helps people stay sober...?

I am not social and am a loner, have been most of my life. When I did to to meetings I was OK and all, chatted with others but then went home alone. Never made friends to hang with outside the meetings and didnt care to do so (cuz I like to be alone, etc). So how does AA help one to stay sober?

If someone gave me a phone #, im not so sure I'd use it. Ive given mine out in the past but noone ever called cuz I was so new. Now its 2 years later and Im still not sober..... but I mean, I always, always hear "Go to AA and get a sponsor!" and that is like the ONE thing I absolutely refuse to do. I could just get a 6-pack on the way home from a meeting or whatever. I dont see or understand the "magic" of these meetings that so many alkies swear by.

I have no plans of visiting any meetings again and I am the kind of person who cannot -- cannot -- commit to anything, let alone meetings for drunks such as myself. I used to attend church pretty regularly and that helped (I am a devout Christian). What is it about AA?
I am unable to get close to others... I am sure that is not exactly unusual.
But if u cant get close to others, why bother with meetings? I can chat with people wherever I go, of course I understand not everyone, everywhere you go, is an alkie.

I do have a Big Book and read it sometimes, but I prefer the Bible.
The Big Book is good reading though.

Thanks for any replies, in advance, and I mean no disrespect to any die-hard AA'ers on here.
Im just not nor ever will be, one of them

baggervance

I am not a social person. I would just as soon be by myself but I am my own worst enemy.I go because it is only thing that ever worked for me. When almost anyone shares I can relate it to parts of my life.

CarolD

As you are determined to not attend
meetings...have you considered on line
support?

Here is a list for you to check

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

In early sobriety I thought of AA meetings
as classrooms for sober living.
The more I attended...the quicker I learned.


The meetings were vital to me then
Now years later...I still learn and can
share my experiences.

Today at a noon meeting I heard

"Look back and feel helpless
Move forward into hope"

I often use "move forward" n here
so will now add another demention sometimes!

Blessings as you move forward with hope

overcomer32

Yes, I would for sure consider online support!!

There was time when I was able to feel for others and be online and miss people I didnt see in some time.....

I suffered thru a great tragedy 2 years or so ago and since, have found it impossible to feel close to anyone, in real life or online. But I would prefer online.... since i had success with this arena in the past (feeling close, calling others, caring, etc).

Thanks for not judging me, Carol!

:thumb

BP44

AA offers a way out for me. I finally ran out of answers. And I ran out of "nevers". That being said, I had to do the first thing first, and that was to put down the drink and stay sober long enough to be able to get sober. The question I would ask is how many suggestions did you follow? I followed very few the first couple of times around including attending meetings, and I would get drunk again. So, when I finally was out of answers and solutions for my condition, I came back to AA clinging on for dear life like only the dying do to find hope that I could recover as others have from a hopeless state of mind, body, and soul. That is when I became willing to do whatever it took to get and stay sober. If you still have things you will "NEVER" do to get sober, then you may still have more drinking to do. I know this because as long as I had conditions on what I was willing to do to get sober, I continued to get drunk. Now, the bonus is that I have found a fellowship that has given me friends. There are people besides my sponsor that I call everyday, some that I call every so often. All of them I see at meetings. I go to dinner after meetings with some of these people. I had to get involved. Before when I was trying to get sober I just hung around AA. Came late and left as soon as possible. Now, I come early and stay late. I found that by getting involved, I didn't have to be alone. I can still choose to be alone, but I don't have to be alone. Before I came back, I was alone. So, if you're ready it is available to you, you just have to go get it. Nobody will bring it to you.

Shaneo20

For me AA has been wonderful. Like you overcomer, I became a loner. My only social interactions were with people at pubs, the very occasional party or a blinder with drunks I'd known for years. If I went to a night club I might meet up with someone coincidentally but I'd never actually go from a social outing perspective. I essentially drank by myself except when the loneliness got a bit repetitive and I'd go to a pub or visit another person who shared the same hobby (getting stupidly drunk).

Every time I quit drinking I would start again because I had no life outside of alcohol. No real friends. Family lives away. Got sick of eating out or going to movies alone (felt uncomfortable and reinforced my lack of friends). The only thing I had that I could connect with people was alcohol. From this perspective I came to the realization that I was faced with either living sober, depressed, lonely, stressed and isolated OR being drunk, temporarily happy (better than nothing), socially interactive, unfortunately hungover but otherwise got to escape from reality and didn't have to be a complete recluse. The choice always ended up being the latter lifestyle. I wised up to this and knew why I kept relapsing. The only way I was going to beat this addictive flammable substance was to become part of a different social circle.

Church is a good idea so I joined. But I knew there is no way that it was going to be enough. Also there personalities (non alcoholic) are so different than mine. There was only one place left to explore. A place where I didn't feel different. Somewhere others were suffering. A social environment that understood this disease instead of suggesting the all too common but completely misguided "why don't you cut down" or "just drink on weekends" advise.

Since joining AA I have never felt better. I have new friends. I feel appreciated. People enjoy my company. I am not looked down upon. I have shared experiences which others would judge me by. Just the simple act of having a conversation and a cup of tea with someone is gold. There are many many reasons I've found AA accommodating and necessary for my quit. I have a long way to go (I'm on day 17) but this is the longest I have been without a drink since early 2001. I know AA is not for everyone but it is definitely for this someone.

Cheers,
Shane.

Signal30

What does AA do for me?

Heightened my relationship with my higher power.

Made me a better father, son, friend, and fiancee.

Given me self esteem, patience, hope.

The list can do on.

But I can definitely tell you what AA DID NOT do for me.

It didn't keep me drinking. And for that I am grateful.


Tom

f911

Absolutely nothing.

jane

miss communicat

this question reminds me of when JFK said, "ask not what your country can do for you, but rather, what can you do for your country".

AA is a giving and a gettting program of living, built on spiritual universal principals. it is also a fellowship of loving support for sobriety.

sometimes it gives me gifts of support and strength, other times i am there for others

Jfanagle

The worst part about getting sober for me was the fact that I had to stop listening to my own "really good ideas and advice." Even today, I still wake up every morning excited to hear what I have to say today.

Unfortunately I "advised and guided" myself into some really bad places when I was drinking. I went to AA out of desperation, not as a choice between AA or going to a movie that day! I hated AA, didn't like the people because I am by nature not a joiner of anything. I suffered through those insipid meetings and listened to all the losers whine about their pathetic lives and talk about all the things that had happened to them and hadn't happened to me, YET.

I only stayed at those AA meetings because one thing struck me: There were far more people trying to get and or stay sober in AA meetings than anywhere else I was going in the course of a day. I was killing myself with booze and ruining my life and those lives of the people who loved and cared about me. I had taken a really good existence and turned it into a living hell. In a few words, I had no choice but to put down the bottle and try and stay alive and I didn't know how to do it by myself. MY OWN BEST ADVICE AND THOUGHTS GOT ME WHERE I WAS!! I was forced to quit listening to my wants and desires and sit down in those miserable rooms with all those miserable little people and suffer through their silly AA platitudes and stories.

That was 8 years ago and because I still hit a meeting or two a week and give of myself when asked, and offer a hand and a number to a newcomer my life is pretty good today. The meetings haven't changed, I have.

I can't tell anyone else what will work for them, and if your own methods are making you happy and the advice you are giving yourself is solving your problems then by all means stay the course that you are on. It isn't an easy road, but it does LEAD SOMWHERE, and the one I was on lead nowhere except to death, insanity, or incarceration. It wasn't as difficult a choice when I looked at it that way.

The problem with this disease is that it requires some solutions that we would just rather not face.

GlassPrisoner

You have to be willing to do anything. Desperate is actually the best place to be.

To answer your question. One of the things that's so great about AA is I'm no longer a loner. I actually enjoy being around people, and I no longer isolate.

I realize you went through some sort of tragedy, but I'm also sure it's no greater or lesser than things many of us AAs have experienced. You see, we like to think that we're different, unique. That for some reason or another, this form of recovery just doesn't apply to us. AA will give you the ability to get close to people again.

PaperDolls

AA is not the only way but your refusal to commit or make any changes will keep you from getting sober. Do you want to be sober? Do you want to stay drunk? If church worked for you, then why did you stop going?

I understand it's hard. To decide to get sober is a life changing thing. It's a tough road but trust me, it smooths out over time. I've gone to some AA meetings but it didn't ever really click with me. Other's have had their lives saved by AA. Whether you get sober with the help of AA or without, you're going to have to work hard to get there. Are you willing?

baggervance

f911


I got nothing out of AA my first time becuse I put nothing into it.Second time I got everything out of it becuse ......I quit going and it quit working. We get out of AA what we put into it.I heard this many times but didnt listen.

Zanthos

Hi overcomer. Everything you said in your post (except for the part about reading the Bible) was characteristic of and symptomatic of the disease of alcoholism as it applies to me.

Going it alone, being a loner, not wanting to reach out to others, thinking I could do it on my own, being unable to commit -- these were all the things that kept me locked away in my own mind and own heart, kept me unconnected to anything other than my ego, and sooner or later always made life intolerable to the point I resumed drinking.

"What AA does for me?" is almost the wrong way of looking at it. To me, it's much more "how can I and do I use AA?" AA is a set of tools. Like any tool, it doesn't do ANYTHING for me unless I pick it up and use it.

findingout

Gosh, I've been thinking about this question all day and then tonight at my Wednesday group the topic was the promises, in particular "We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness."

What A.A. does for me is give me a path which will lead to the realization of the promises in my life. The steps, the reading, the service work and the fellowship all work together to bring about a very real change in my life. Sometimes I can forget just how much different my interior life is today compared to what it was when I was still using. It's weird but I have actually grown accustomed to not feeling miserable.

Is A.A. the only path? I wouldn't say that because I haven't tried any others. I can say it worked for me. I can also say that it has worked for a fair number of other people because they told me it did and I don't believe they have any reason to lie to me about it.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

So many of us are loners. Because this disease makes us that way..your best friend (alcohol) wants to be your only one.

I'm going to AA. I have almost five months sober. I am still isolating myself, however, not reaching out which as far as I can tell is a very common problem. I'm really really trying to work on this. I often wonder if it will work for me, but I haven't given it a fair shot. Cause I haven't asked for any help.

But, that said, each time someone shares in a meeting, there is something, however small, that I can relate to and that I leave with and that I think about afterwards.

So, I think, what the heck do you/I have to lose?

Karen

needtobefree

I've started going this last couple of weeks and I'm finding the meetings invaluable. I didn't think AA would be for me but thought, oh well, nothing to lose in being open minded. If it's not for me I can walk away and not lose anything. As it's working out I've met some really cool people and I'm also an isolator, I have social anxiety disorder. If I can get to meetings anyone can. I can honestly say that since my first meeting I've felt accepted for who I am, that's huge for me. If you give it a go you might find it's helpful. Mixing with people that have been sober for a long time 15+ years helps me realise it's possible and as was mentioned in tonights meeting they need us too, to remind them of what it's like at the beginning. It's a win win from what I can see.

Good luck whatever method you choose and congrats on your decision :0)

NoMoBeer

I don't hang out here much any more, but saw your post and wanted to drop in...

Not much more to say than already has been said....

I am not as die hard of an AAer as I should be, meaning I don't go to as many meetings as I should...

I started out in AA and the Program led me back to God, who I invited back to my life. It might be tough the other way around -- knowing God FIRST, then looking to a program and fellowship whose primary purpose is to help an alcoholic have a Spiritual Awakening strong enough to effect recovery from alcoholism...

Reading the Bible and my Big Book, I see plenty of similarities now... and much of what Bill W. wrote came from fundamental Christianity, but I believe he made it more widely acceptable, especially to us drunks who don't accept much of ANYTHING!

SO, my advice would be -- read through the Big Book -- FIND YOURSELF IN THERE. AA meetings will help you identify with other alcoholics who have been down the path and can help you get there. You must go through the 12 steps as instructed in the Big Book -- that is OUR part, God will do His part, but we MUST do our part first. You don't have to speak at meetings, that is optional. You can come late and leave early -- but I would find a meeting that you feel comfortable with and listen. You WILL at some point here your story or something similar, and perhaps find someone who can be a sponsor or just a friend, and work with you through the steps....

Look, a Spiritual Awakening sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism is simply a change in personality -- but because we are alcoholics, it is not enough to just be "saved" -- I believe we have physical, mental and spiritual dimensions of sobriety, and we can't just not drink (physical) -- we must straighten out spiritually if we are to straighten out mentally and physically. AA gives me the tools I need to do that as an alcoholic.

Just my 2 cents. Look at it this way -- with the Bible in one hand and the Big Book in the other -- you can't pick up a drink!

God Bless You...

Ken

TINLIZZY

Great question and one that I have been sruggling with, slightly.

I love AA but am not religious. AA is purported to be a spiritual program, but it is significantly populated (in my area) by religious people who feel free to share, quite regularly, about their beliefs.

That said, I have gained so much from AA and will continue to attend. I have gained help, advice, and insight. I have a sponsor who is there for me to answer questions, give me insight, and share her experience. That alone is worth the price of admission!! She has 23 years sober; I have 60+ days. I know that there are experiences she has which I do not, as do many of the other participants.

It's insight, it's hope, it's help and advice, it's a group of people that are struggling with the same disease as I that have more experience than I.

It's invaluable. It's also not the only way -

TinLizzy