GettinSober

Hi everyone.

It's been a little while since I last posted and I thought (seeing as I read up here from time to time) that I would log in and lend my support to you all and this excellent forum.

It's great to see that some of the names I recognise are still going strong and being an example to those that are still fighting alcoholism on a daily basis. I'm sorry that I can't be more of a regular contributor myself but work commitments plus a desire to not think about drinking all the time keeps me away.

On a personal progress front I had a little relapse a while ago. I thought about making a miserable 'how much I hated myself' post - even if it was just to help those in recovery stay sober but I went to bed instead to avoid myself for a bit.

Back on the wagon now (day 7 just completed) and I feel like I learned something from my mini relapse. I actually learned that I hate the effects of drinking more than anything else now (and I do mean anything else). This doesn't mean I'm anti drinking or anti alcohol for anyone else - just that I hate it for me. It reminds me of when I gave up smoking and how I hated that habit and its effects too (I gave that up over 5 years ago). Lets hope for my sake that a similar hatred of what this drug does to me leads to a similar recovery.

Anyway I'm rambling now. I just wanted to say 'Hi from the UK' and tell everyone who might be interested that I'm still drawing oxygen and fighting the good fight.

GlassPrisoner

Welcome back !!!!!

Quick question. What are you going to do different this time ?

needtobefree

HI from the other side of the world. Good to hear you've moved on from your mini relapse and not got hooked into the obsession again :0)

stone

Hi GS mate! How long had you been sober before the mini-relapse if you dont mind me asking?

GettinSober

Thanks Glass.

Well I understand the old adage that 'doing the same thing and expecting to get a different result is the definition of madness' but I intend to do exactly that - the same thing. My relapse lasted a day and I'm straight back on the wagon. I'm not belligerent or truculent or think I have it sussed either - I just want to try and heal as naturally as I can without joining any groups or support teams.

During my sobriety I did a 10k run for charity as well which would have been hard for me in my continious drinking days - so I think that I made fantastic progress all in all. I slipped and I'm mad with myself for it but I think I'm getting there (in my head) and that this shouldn't happen again.

GettinSober

Hi Stone - I was sober for over 3 months. This was the longest I had ever been sober for in my adult life. How are you doing mate?

GettinSober

PS - I honestly had to look up how long it had been then as I try not to count the days after a while. It seems kind of arbitrary once you have made the decision not to do something anymore. I wonder how many people count the days after a while? I know I rarely think about my giving up smoking date although I know it was the 8th April 2002.

collinsmi

Glad to see you back. No point in guilt or remorse unless it helps correct.

CarolD

Good to see you back GS...

Well Done on your sober time.

gypsytears

Hi GettinSober . Glad to see you posting again. So you were sober for 3 months with a one day slip? I think that's great progress... 3 months is nothing to sneeze at. Good job on that and for getting back on track again.

GrouchoTheCat

Well, you now have three months of experience, so that time was not wasted at all.

Sending thoughts of encouragement your way,

GettinSober

Thanks for the most recent replies.

I just had a read through this thread again (Sunday morning over here) and wanted to state something important for those newer to recovery - or for those visiting here for a read in the hope of some ideas / help with their drinking.

When I first started trying to rid myself of the addiction to alcohol I thought I could moderate. I hung on to any story that seemed to suggest that moderation was possible for a true alcoholic (which I have no doubt that I am). I also came on here and suggested moderation was possible. I now believe (having tried and failed many times) that moderation was impossible for me and for the vast majority of those with a serious drink problem.

So just to be clear. Anyone reading this thread who thinks that because I went 3 months without a drink - picked up one night and got drunk - then went straight back on the wagon - and now thinks that moderation is probable - then I just wanted to be clear that for most picking up (even once) it would spell disaster. It nearly spelt disaster for me - luckily / unluckily (however you want to view it) I tried and failed so many, many times before that this time I had enough resolve and experience not to fall into that trap - although it was close - so very close let me tell you!

In essence, the last thing I want is for this thread to encourage anyone that total abstinence isn't a good thing and probably the only way to truly move forward.

barb dwyer

Thanks for adding that, Gettin' ... good to see ya again!

Pilgrim

Hi again and thanks for this last post. I remember asking you about that moderation theory and trying it myself. My organs agree with you that abstinence is best for this alchie.

BP44

Yep, the first drink gets me drunk...and for a long time it turns out. I too tried this and that. Two treatments in the 90s, and a head full of AA. No work in the program mind you. I had a temp sponsor in treatment, and then briefly a sponsor and a home group which I dismissed after getting my little feelings hurt. Well, I stayed sober on steps 1,2,3 for a time (7 years) and then came the first drink. You all told me that the same man would drink again, and I found this to be true. So, I toyed with controlled drinking for a couple of years. Controlled in the sense of buying two beers on the way home from work. Well, this was a frustrating experience and not very rewarding except...wow, I was able to have two......maybe that treatment worked....maybe I went from a pickle to a cucumber. I did this off and on....this sneaking. You know I felt guilty each time. So I would drink the two, feel frustrated and unsatisfied and leave it alone for months at a time, until one Friday in 2003 on the way home two wasn't enough, and I bought a bottle of Jack Daniels and I was OFF!!!! And I jumped into relapse with both feet until I was done. My last drink was 2/6/05 but I didn't get back to AA until 3/07. By that time I had been beaten up both by a the wet drunk, and sometimes I think even more by the dry drunk. So, what's different? I surrendered. I was out of answers. I got a sponsor, a home group, and I'm working the steps with him in order. I'm calling alcoholics everyday. And I have my butt in a chair at least once every day, multiple times on weekend days. I was an absolute emotional wreck when I got back to AA, and I hadn't had a drink in 2 years. Doing it on my own nearly killed me. When we did my first step my sponsor said that my last drink was a legitimate date, but he suggested I pick a new date between then and the time I came back to AA and pick up chips.For a couple of reasons.....the dry drunkeness was killing me because I wasn't changing and we pick up the chips for the others in the room. I picked up a 90 day chip a couple of weeks ago and have my sights set on the 6 month chip. Life is getting better, and most times I even feel better.

DKS

I also tried moderation and even joined a website where the members would post their goals and then log how many drinks they had each day to log progress towards meeting the moderation goal. I failed miserably at that and then came here instead. Total abstinence has been the only thing that would work for me. I also had 10 months without a drink from August '04 through May '05 and then talked myself into thinking that I could enjoy margaritas on my anniversary in May and then stop drinking again. I did that and then decided that I could just drink on weekends, and then within a couple of weeks I was back to drinking a 12 pack or so of beer every single night and I didn't stop drinking again until more than a year later.

Nuudawn

Even the Big Book itself states that if one thinks they can control or moderate their drinking they should go ahead and try. An addictions counsellor pointed that out to me after my own "slip" after almost 7 months of sobriety. I figured I could have "one" glass of very, very expensive champagne in celebration of a certain victory. Wrong. After the very first glass, my obsessive mind headed straight for the same old groove and intention.

I look back now and see exactly how my little episode came about....it was building up over a course of a couple of days.

GS..do you see how yours happened as well? It snuck up on me in a cool, cunning and calculated fashion. Hindsight is 20-20... it should have been much more obvious. It was textbook. The danger for me was when things were FINALLY started to look like progress.

BP44

It slipped up on me too. The same story you will hear time and time again...."I QUIT GOING TO MEETINGS". The next thing I knew I was sitting in a steakhouse by myself ordering a Jack and coke to go with my steak dinner. That went so well, I ordered a second. My sponsor asked when I told him my drinking history if I ordered some milk with it. LOL!!! That is one of the favorite parts of my story now, although it runs close with me showing up to treatment with my golf clubs when I was first trying to do this thing. I was amazed, they confiscated my golf clubs along with some medical textbooks I had brought with me to study.....and then they locked the doors behind me. Alcoholic thinking at it's finest.

collinsmi

The milk drinker is an interesting story. So easy to point out the different areas he's screwing up - stopping work on the steps, the resentment with the boss, trying to sell a car in a bar, etc.. I know from past experiences, past relapses, that after I stop doing this, I'll slip into that kind of thinking and not even know it

degadar

Hi G.S good to see you're still kicking mate. The lessons we learn along the way are the key to success so it's only a matter of time before the right time comes along. In the two years before I quit I thought about virtually nothing else.

All the best ,

Deg.