One month, plus 2 day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
One month, plus 2 day
hi,
well, i had my last drink on May 31st, and today is July 3rd,
and things are going good.
i think about my behaivor each day. and i get
ideas from different people here.
i went on a 3 day holiday with my wife & in-laws
this weekend.
it was pretty fun. we had a 13 hour car ride.
when we got to the hotel, my brother-in-law hands my
wife a scotch & water, and hands me
a scotch& water with a & beer chaser, cuz 'it was a long ride'.
he & i have shared these over many years. and i haven't told him i quit drinking.
anyway, he handed it to me, and then left back for his
room. i really didn't feel much urge to drink it.
i had stopped at starbucks 10 minutes before, and i had a full
coffee. I just put it down without thinking about it.
i took a long drink off my coffee, and joined the kids
downstairs in the pool.
i really did have a good time in the pool, clear-headed,
not goofy.
And a few things occured to me.
1st, i do feel a sense of inner power not having to
worship that addiction.
but second, i've noticed i'm much more psychologically
addicted to caffeine.
i still need a reward at the end of a 12 hour drive.
and i still need something to focus on for later in the day.
but i've replaced the chemical that acts as that reward.
basically, i'm psychologically conditioned to expect
my reward, just like Pavlov's dogs.
this is important, because it shows me how vital it is
so replace some form of reward to take the place of the
previous addiction.
of course, ideally, we all want to be free of any addiction.
but, practically, i'm just handling the problem of removing
this specific addition of alcohol from my life right now.
and i'm OK with the fact that i'm swapping addictions.
second, what was interesting was knowing that
if i drank that 1st scotch, the entire time i was
in the pool, i'd be completely focused on having
a 2nd scotch (or beer, or wine, whatever).
the 1st one would suck me in with "just one",
but the 1st one creates a stronger craving to have
a 2nd, than not having any creates on having the 1st.
the 2nd would create a pull for the 3rd, and by that time
the alcohol would have me not caring about tomorrow morning
or any resolutions i had made to myself.
so 1 turns into a ton.
I've figured out it's impossible at this point in my recovery
to have no cravings. and for me, at this time, the craving
is least before i start drinking at all.
which leads me to a third realization.
drinking for me was obsessive compulsive.
i would find one thing to concentrate on, my shine,
and i would spend very little time concentrating on
anything else. That OD behaivor enabled me
to crawl into a shell, and focus completely on one thing.
even the hangovers forced me to concentrate on just
getting rid of the pain.
i actually realized this during a letter written to
a friend a year ago, who started cutting herself. as we
discussed the why's, and i shared with her my
addiction, i related how her cuts gave her an intensity
similar to the shine i get from alcohol. and running
her finger across her cuts the next day as it hurt
is similar to the hangover. and both of them enable
us to keep within a tiny world.
hope you all have a wonderful day of independence.
i feel much more independent this year than last.
well, i had my last drink on May 31st, and today is July 3rd,
and things are going good.
i think about my behaivor each day. and i get
ideas from different people here.
i went on a 3 day holiday with my wife & in-laws
this weekend.
it was pretty fun. we had a 13 hour car ride.
when we got to the hotel, my brother-in-law hands my
wife a scotch & water, and hands me
a scotch& water with a & beer chaser, cuz 'it was a long ride'.
he & i have shared these over many years. and i haven't told him i quit drinking.
anyway, he handed it to me, and then left back for his
room. i really didn't feel much urge to drink it.
i had stopped at starbucks 10 minutes before, and i had a full
coffee. I just put it down without thinking about it.
i took a long drink off my coffee, and joined the kids
downstairs in the pool.
i really did have a good time in the pool, clear-headed,
not goofy.
And a few things occured to me.
1st, i do feel a sense of inner power not having to
worship that addiction.
but second, i've noticed i'm much more psychologically
addicted to caffeine.
i still need a reward at the end of a 12 hour drive.
and i still need something to focus on for later in the day.
but i've replaced the chemical that acts as that reward.
basically, i'm psychologically conditioned to expect
my reward, just like Pavlov's dogs.
this is important, because it shows me how vital it is
so replace some form of reward to take the place of the
previous addiction.
of course, ideally, we all want to be free of any addiction.
but, practically, i'm just handling the problem of removing
this specific addition of alcohol from my life right now.
and i'm OK with the fact that i'm swapping addictions.
second, what was interesting was knowing that
if i drank that 1st scotch, the entire time i was
in the pool, i'd be completely focused on having
a 2nd scotch (or beer, or wine, whatever).
the 1st one would suck me in with "just one",
but the 1st one creates a stronger craving to have
a 2nd, than not having any creates on having the 1st.
the 2nd would create a pull for the 3rd, and by that time
the alcohol would have me not caring about tomorrow morning
or any resolutions i had made to myself.
so 1 turns into a ton.
I've figured out it's impossible at this point in my recovery
to have no cravings. and for me, at this time, the craving
is least before i start drinking at all.
which leads me to a third realization.
drinking for me was obsessive compulsive.
i would find one thing to concentrate on, my shine,
and i would spend very little time concentrating on
anything else. That OD behaivor enabled me
to crawl into a shell, and focus completely on one thing.
even the hangovers forced me to concentrate on just
getting rid of the pain.
i actually realized this during a letter written to
a friend a year ago, who started cutting herself. as we
discussed the why's, and i shared with her my
addiction, i related how her cuts gave her an intensity
similar to the shine i get from alcohol. and running
her finger across her cuts the next day as it hurt
is similar to the hangover. and both of them enable
us to keep within a tiny world.
hope you all have a wonderful day of independence.
i feel much more independent this year than last.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
i drank that 1st scotch, the entire time i was
in the pool, i'd be completely focused on having
a 2nd scotch (or beer, or wine, whatever).
the 1st one would suck me in with "just one",
but the 1st one creates a stronger craving to have
a 2nd, than not having any creates on having the 1st.
the 2nd would create a pull for the 3rd, and by that time
the alcohol would have me not caring about tomorrow morning
or any resolutions i had made to myself.
in the pool, i'd be completely focused on having
a 2nd scotch (or beer, or wine, whatever).
the 1st one would suck me in with "just one",
but the 1st one creates a stronger craving to have
a 2nd, than not having any creates on having the 1st.
the 2nd would create a pull for the 3rd, and by that time
the alcohol would have me not caring about tomorrow morning
or any resolutions i had made to myself.
Congrats on your sober time BTW. It sure is better, isn't t ?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
you asked "It sure is better, isn't it?"
It is better. It's not perfect, but it's better.
I have focused on mornings, instead of evenings.
I'm waking up early, and i enjoy that time. I am a bit quiet by nature,
so that is a good time for me, very peaceful.
and i feel more capable, more mature, more grown up,
instead of feeling like a baby sucking on his baby bottle for comfort,
while the real adults handle the problems of life.
It is better. It's not perfect, but it's better.
I have focused on mornings, instead of evenings.
I'm waking up early, and i enjoy that time. I am a bit quiet by nature,
so that is a good time for me, very peaceful.
and i feel more capable, more mature, more grown up,
instead of feeling like a baby sucking on his baby bottle for comfort,
while the real adults handle the problems of life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: CA
Posts: 75
Congrats! You are doing GREAT! I too am a caffeine junkie....I haven't had a drink though since Dec 2005 so I think it's ok 
I find caffeine hasn't caused me to do anything to cause harm to myself or anyone else
WAY TO GO!!!! Keep up the great work..it's so worth it!
I find caffeine hasn't caused me to do anything to cause harm to myself or anyone else WAY TO GO!!!! Keep up the great work..it's so worth it!
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