BP44

I drank because I am an alcoholic and my eyelids were open. I didn't need a reason. Coming to was reason enough. The Doctor's Opinion describes exactly why I drank the way I drank. It is the description of the alcoholic. I have found that chasing the reason "why" is somewhat futile. Now, maybe doing step work with my sponsor will enlighten me to "why". But for now my job is to "do".

Signal30

My alcoholism activated when my wife left me and I became depressed. I self medicated myself with alcohol.

Then my life got better, I met a fantastic woman, and then made a beautiful boy with her. I pulled myself out of debt, and my life was perfect.

A perfect disaster.

Even when all the events I was depressed over were ancient history, and my life was changed, my drinking did not. I would of lost it all if it wasn't for my moment of clarity, and my surrendering to alcohol. I went to AA, got a sponsor, and made my peace with my higher power. I am now 13 months sober, and every day of every month was taken one at a time.

God truly did for me what I couldn't do for myself. All I had to do was open my eyes.

Grizzled

I drank because I am an alcoholic.

Tom

I began drinking in my latter high school days to compensate for shyness. This continued through college. It was alot easier to talk to people with a few drinks in me. I always craved the buzz, and in more recent years I believe I used it to mask a lot of depression and low self-esteem. Little did I know that it was actually fueling these things.

in_a_pickle

The story of my drinking is that I've only ever drank to get drunk, at the beginning, at the middle and at the end.

Over the years there have been occasional triggers, but every time I had that first beer it started a chain reaction that would always end with me passed out, waking up with my clothes still on, empty cans and wine bottles strewn all over my apartment.

karrotop

hi.....interesting question...My folks never drank....I married an alchoholic who came from a long line of alchoholics.I divorced him,and raised my two kids alone.I always loved drinking wine,but i don't think i started drinking in excess every night until both kids left the house,and went out on their own.I had no identity of my own..i was always the daughter,the wife,or the mother....never found out who I was.Empty nest syndrome....definitely....OCD...definitely..can't do alittle of anything...but mostly I think I used alchohol to escape feeling emotions...I didn't know how to handle being afraid,depressed,lonely,hopeless,anxious,or even being happy....i grew up in an,"emotional-less"household.....guess i never learned to,or was never allowed to just experience any emotions.and,if alittle alchohol made things easier....ALOT of alchohol made it all go away...for a little while,anyway.Being sober for 3 months now,i am learning how to recognize how i am feeling,and i am learning new ways of dealing with those feelings....Thanks for the question.KT

barb dwyer

what grizzled said.

Tasma

Cheers for the posts everyone. Think our views are quite similar. I recognize the fact that I'm alcoholic by nature. I want to consume more and more alcohol once I start drinking. I also understand the fact that for me the drinking may have started as a coping mechanism of some sort. The psychological/spiritual problems I may have had did not make me an alcoholic, the problems merely triggered the alcoholism.

From my understanding of most of the points I have read it seems it should be possible to be a happy nonpracticing alcoholic. It seems it should be possible to be alcoholic by nature and have never taken a drink in your life. Am I correct on this point? If that is true then stopping drinking would seem to be only the first step to recovery, without major spiritual or psychological changes the former practicing alcoholic will only be an unhappy teetotaller. Are this views right?

Tazman53

You know Tasma that is an interesting thought..... until they develop some sort of DNA test or something that could prove with a certainity that one had the genes that could lead some one to becoming an alcoholic that is one question I doubt we will see an answer to in my life time, but I will say for this alcoholic that examining my life (12 years) before I started drinking I definantly had alcoholic traits before I ever had my first drink.

Well thanks to AA I am a very happy nonpraticing alcoholic.

That has been this alcoholics experience.

ladylacewing

Why I drank:

To escape myself.
To escape my past.
To 'postpone' the future.
To hide from my feelings.
To forget my problems.
To feel 'confident'.

and eventually...because I felt I *had* to.....

Its a new day...and I am so grateful.

Kris

parentrecovers

just wanted to welcome you, tasma. blessings, k

Debaucher

I drank to take the edge off... to relax... and 1 or 2 never turned out to be 1 or 2 it always turned into as many as I could drink before I went to sleep...

tedseeker

This non-alcoholic believes that there is a psychological 'need' to drink, but it could be any of the things people have stated here--they 'liked' it, to escape, to 'fit in', to 'get up and function in the morning', etc... The 'needs' typically become more pressing and less 'fun' over time as the body and brain actually change in order to accomodate alcohol, and the effect is that you actually are physically become dependant on it. At this point some of the prior needs may still be there, but there are new ones associated with the physical addiction.

Some have suggested that the WHY doesn't matter to them, and that it is far more important to focus on WHY to not drink. From my perspective you are right in saying that understanding why may help you not backslide, but 'understanding' by itself doesn't change your psychological needs that easily. Working the steps in AA, or doing things that have been found to be the most effective, such as are described in the book 7 Tools to Beat Addiction, may be more important than passive self-understanding, because they actually help create a new you over time because they challenge old mindsets and habits and help create anti-drinking values.

From my perspective, the more one prefers the effect of ANY behavior, the more likely it will lead to addiction over time. How do you change what you prefer? First, get sober so your body doesn't scream out so loudly. Second, change yourself. That doesn't happen overnight, and few have the resources--external or internal--to do it on your own. Use what has been shown to work, and what people here are suggesting.

All the best,

ted

AcceptingChange

this is kind of a chicken&egg question.

the main reason i drank from a logical/mental viewpoint
was for a reward. I'm a binge drinker. and i just loved getting
high by drinking.

but as i read up on the disease, i learned that my biochemistry was being changed by the alcohol chemicals. and my biochemicals began to create a desire for me to drink, just like it does to eat or exercise.

when i'd get this bodily urge, i'd translate that urge into a mental thought.
the mental urge would be "It's Friday. and i've worked hard all week. so, i'm going to get drunk tonite. and i can be hungover tomorrow. "
I'd get urges starting Wed, and definately strong on Thursday.

But, i now believe the mental thoughts were just reactions to the physical urges.

I could have created any mental "reason".
But these reasons were the result of physical urges.

Joi

Why did I drink? You want the entire list, or just the top ten? After about reason # 2,043, losing my home, my job and custody of my only child, it wasn't a question of why drink? It was a question of why not drink? Now ask me why I don't drink. My new job, my new home, spending lots of time with my only child.

Paulos

I drank just because it made things better to an extent, but eventually I drank because I was sort of so used to it, was a habit practically... sounds pitiful but that's why I'm trying to stop.

needtobefree

It started out because I was sad and felt abandoned, I felt guilty about being rebellious in that way but I carried on. I started binge drinking from the night I first tasted it at 14. I have social anxiety disorder, it stopped me feeling paranoid and uncomfortable in company. It made me happy, I could forget everything. I could relax. It turned into an obsession, the pub culture in the UK makes it too easy.

As I got older I needed it, but didn't realise I did until I tried to limit it. I beat the other drugs though, now to the alcohol, the legal high that could kill me as quickly as the old drugs could.

Shaneo20

I drank because it made me feel good. I loved the rush of the alcohol into my system. However I can't stop once I start and I'm sure this is biological. This gives me a hangover, which drinking fixes, again I'm sure is biological. It would just go round and round in a circle until some unpleasant event made me want to stop. Then at some time later I'd convince myself that whatever happened to cause me to stop "wasn't that bad" and away the cycle would go again. Eventually the dry periods decreased in duration while the drunk periods increased until I ended up wasting my life. I really identified with "Under the Influence". I have had ups, downs, stress, nervousness, anxiety etc. where I'd justify my drinking but essentially it all started with a predisposition for heavy alcohol intake with increasing severity. I also think many of the conditions just mentioned were a result of alcohol or at least exacerbated by it.

BP44

For me there is a vast difference between "why" I drank and the "reasons" or think of it this way....the lies I would tell myself to justify drinking. "why" I drank is very simple...because I'm an alcoholic. The lies are too numerous to put down....but here's a start...to unwind, to feel at ease, to fit in, to numb out.....you know the drill. The lies and excuses are not "why" I drank, they are what justified continuing to drink in the face of consequences.

catch-22

yes, but peanuts don't get you high... or do they? ;-)