Newbie
crazinclean
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 3
Newbie
Hello everyone,
This is my first time posting and I just wanted to introduce myself and ask a few questions. I went to my first AA meeting last week just to see what it was like and I have to admit I was very nervous. It turned out fine and everyone was really friendly. I think I'll go again tomorrow.
I've decided this morning that last night will be the last night drinking for me. I've tried to stop many times before but always come up with a good reason by the end of the day why it's not a problem. I hate how my mind can be so convinced in the morning that quiting would be a good idea and by the evening I decide I'm fine. I think part of the reason it's difficult for me to stop is that I drink 2 or 3 glasses of wine per night, which I see a lot of people do, and I think maybe it's normal. Or it's okay. But then I realize that it's interferring with my life and I should not be doing it at all. My father, step-father, grandmother and grandfather are and were all alcoholics. Their lives were and are a mess. I don't want to end up spending my entire life numb.
My questions are:
I'm going on vacation in a few weeks to the Carribean and drinking is such a huge part of these trips. Any advise? Other than don't drink.
Also, do you think it's possible to get to a point where you can have fun at a party without drinking? It seems as though the entire world needs to add drinking to a party in order for everyone to enjoy it. Sort of sad when you think about it.
Thanks
Leah
This is my first time posting and I just wanted to introduce myself and ask a few questions. I went to my first AA meeting last week just to see what it was like and I have to admit I was very nervous. It turned out fine and everyone was really friendly. I think I'll go again tomorrow.
I've decided this morning that last night will be the last night drinking for me. I've tried to stop many times before but always come up with a good reason by the end of the day why it's not a problem. I hate how my mind can be so convinced in the morning that quiting would be a good idea and by the evening I decide I'm fine. I think part of the reason it's difficult for me to stop is that I drink 2 or 3 glasses of wine per night, which I see a lot of people do, and I think maybe it's normal. Or it's okay. But then I realize that it's interferring with my life and I should not be doing it at all. My father, step-father, grandmother and grandfather are and were all alcoholics. Their lives were and are a mess. I don't want to end up spending my entire life numb.
My questions are:
I'm going on vacation in a few weeks to the Carribean and drinking is such a huge part of these trips. Any advise? Other than don't drink.
Also, do you think it's possible to get to a point where you can have fun at a party without drinking? It seems as though the entire world needs to add drinking to a party in order for everyone to enjoy it. Sort of sad when you think about it.
Thanks
Leah
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to SR!
It's not about what you drink or when
or how much
if your drinking is causing you problems
any problems in your life
then it is a problem.
One does not have to be an alcoholic
to desire sobriety.
If you want to stop drinking
AA meeings are like classrooms for livng sober.
Here is a link full of info on alcoholism
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Cetainly I go to parties and take trips.
And I do it without drinking alcohol.
At first it was difficult....but with olid
recovery..it's not .
Glad to see a new member reaching ut.
Do let us know how you are doing..
It's not about what you drink or when
or how much
if your drinking is causing you problems
any problems in your life
then it is a problem.
One does not have to be an alcoholic
to desire sobriety.
If you want to stop drinking
AA meeings are like classrooms for livng sober.
Here is a link full of info on alcoholism
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Cetainly I go to parties and take trips.
And I do it without drinking alcohol.
At first it was difficult....but with olid
recovery..it's not .
Glad to see a new member reaching ut.
Do let us know how you are doing..
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi Leah,
Welcome and I'm glad you see that, since alcohol is interfering with your life, you're taking action.
For me, I didn't go to parties for quite awhile after I stopped drinking. I tried it early on and was absolutely miserable. After some time passed, it was easier. I still don't like being in a place where there is a lot of drinking going on and choose to avoid doing that. And, you can enjoy your vacation without drinking. The first vacation will be the hardest, and after that it will get easier. Just try to stay focused on not drinking.
Welcome and I'm glad you see that, since alcohol is interfering with your life, you're taking action.
For me, I didn't go to parties for quite awhile after I stopped drinking. I tried it early on and was absolutely miserable. After some time passed, it was easier. I still don't like being in a place where there is a lot of drinking going on and choose to avoid doing that. And, you can enjoy your vacation without drinking. The first vacation will be the hardest, and after that it will get easier. Just try to stay focused on not drinking.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 20
For me, getting a sponsor is a key ingredient to sobriety that should not be skipped....
At parties and vacations I have to be careful to observe whats going on in my mind. If I start weighing the pros and cons of drinking, I've already lost the battle. I can always talk myself into drinking, so I just have to make sure I don't start that conversation with myself in my mind. I've already decided not to drink and reminded myself of that before the event, so mental discussion is closed. Of course I have to keep re-closing it if it comes up in my mind again. At first it is a struggle that requires a lot of attention, but after awhile it becomes easier. In AA I learned the tools needed for that obsession to be lifted. This was by working the steps by the suggestions in the AA big book. At this stage of starting out in sobriety, I would seriously consider postponing the vacation and temporarily staying away from parties until a more solid footing is gained. That might sound drastic, but a few such events compared to the rest of your life is something to think about.....
Good luck!
At parties and vacations I have to be careful to observe whats going on in my mind. If I start weighing the pros and cons of drinking, I've already lost the battle. I can always talk myself into drinking, so I just have to make sure I don't start that conversation with myself in my mind. I've already decided not to drink and reminded myself of that before the event, so mental discussion is closed. Of course I have to keep re-closing it if it comes up in my mind again. At first it is a struggle that requires a lot of attention, but after awhile it becomes easier. In AA I learned the tools needed for that obsession to be lifted. This was by working the steps by the suggestions in the AA big book. At this stage of starting out in sobriety, I would seriously consider postponing the vacation and temporarily staying away from parties until a more solid footing is gained. That might sound drastic, but a few such events compared to the rest of your life is something to think about.....
Good luck!
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
Welcome Crazi,
'course we're all a little crazy round here.
Carribean trip, well if on a cruise shipr you should find meetings on board. Just look for the "Friends of Bill W." (should be on bullitian board.
There are meetings all over the world so you should be able to find one. You can always call AA central service in New York.
Anyone else help?
'course we're all a little crazy round here.
Carribean trip, well if on a cruise shipr you should find meetings on board. Just look for the "Friends of Bill W." (should be on bullitian board.
There are meetings all over the world so you should be able to find one. You can always call AA central service in New York.
Anyone else help?
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR Leah, I have been sober for over 9 months now and happier then I have been in over 30 years thanks to the AA fellowship and the steps of AA.
For me I have had no problem with people drinking around me in 6 or 7 months, for some people it takes a lot longer, some recovering alcoholics they never get over it.
For me I worked the steps hard with a sponsor, working the steps with a sponsor was key for me, not only in staying sober, but also in learning how to live life on lifes terms.
I can attest that the quote from the BB comes true, for some it comes quickly, for others it comes slowly, but it will come true for those who truly work the steps:
In regards to suggestions to not being tempted to drink this ealr in sobriety..... well you have received some good advice, make sure you always have an out, if you are going on a cruise you will be pleasantly surprised at how many things you can do on a cruise or vacation that do not involve drinking, make sure you are aware of these and if you feel the urge to drink go do one of these things.
Early in sobriety though I would stay the heck away from drinking situations. If you are serious about staying stopped then you need to make not drinking your #1 priority in life. Early in sobriety going into a bar or to a party where a lot of drinking is going on is the equivanlent of playing with fire, do it long enough you will get burnt!
Keep going to meetings, AA really does work if you work it!
do you think it's possible to get to a point where you can have fun at a party without drinking?
For me I worked the steps hard with a sponsor, working the steps with a sponsor was key for me, not only in staying sober, but also in learning how to live life on lifes terms.
I can attest that the quote from the BB comes true, for some it comes quickly, for others it comes slowly, but it will come true for those who truly work the steps:
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee, Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee, Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.
Early in sobriety though I would stay the heck away from drinking situations. If you are serious about staying stopped then you need to make not drinking your #1 priority in life. Early in sobriety going into a bar or to a party where a lot of drinking is going on is the equivanlent of playing with fire, do it long enough you will get burnt!
Keep going to meetings, AA really does work if you work it!
outtahere
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 519
Hi Leah, nice of you to join us here.
Try to avoid the areas that serve alcohol. Try to sit where people aren't drinking.
I just had a dream last night that I was somewhere where there was beer in the fridge and I unconciously drank one. The dream has made me aware that, if there is beer in the fridge, I need to take note that there is beer in the fridge, that I dont like it being there, that I dont want to drink it, and that I have to take a real dim view of it.
That one beer would be complete disaster
and has to be viewed as such.
Try to avoid the areas that serve alcohol. Try to sit where people aren't drinking.
I just had a dream last night that I was somewhere where there was beer in the fridge and I unconciously drank one. The dream has made me aware that, if there is beer in the fridge, I need to take note that there is beer in the fridge, that I dont like it being there, that I dont want to drink it, and that I have to take a real dim view of it.
That one beer would be complete disaster
and has to be viewed as such.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Welcome Leah,
Congrats on your decision to become sober. I hope you can find the answers and support you need here. I can't offer any advice other than to keep going to AA, don't drink, and get a sponsor. You might be able to find some AA meetings on your vacation as well.
chip
Congrats on your decision to become sober. I hope you can find the answers and support you need here. I can't offer any advice other than to keep going to AA, don't drink, and get a sponsor. You might be able to find some AA meetings on your vacation as well.
chip
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Seriously ? I'd think about postponing or cancelling the vacation. Worse things have happened, being stuck in an alcoholic hell for 10 or 12 years comes to mind.
Sobriety is not a casual decision. "I think I'll change the oil in my car today" and "I think I'll quit drinking" are often heard (by me at least) in the same tone of voice.
Anyway, Chip said it:
Sobriety is not a casual decision. "I think I'll change the oil in my car today" and "I think I'll quit drinking" are often heard (by me at least) in the same tone of voice.
Anyway, Chip said it:
keep going to AA, don't drink, and get a sponsor.
crazinclean
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 3
Thanks for the advice everyone. Today's day three and I'm still not drinking but really would like one today. I heard somewhere that it takes 72 hours for it to leave your system. I think that's why the third day is always so difficult. And it's typically when I start again. I'm heading to the beach for a swim to get my mind off of it. Also, how do you go about getting a sponsor? I'm very shy and don't want to speak at the AA meetings. I find it difficult to introduce myself etc...
Another question I had is how to deal with people you've told you were thinking about stopping before who no longer believe you? They don't think it's an issue and that I'm over reacting. You see my drinking hasn't been a problem for anyone else but me. No one has ever told me they thought I needed to stop. I just know it's interfering with my life. It's held me back at work and probably a lot of other things that I'm not even aware of.
Any more advice?
And one more thing. How do I become a member of this forum? I tried to send someone who had sent me a PM a response and a message said I needed to be a member.
Thanks again for your help.
Leah
Another question I had is how to deal with people you've told you were thinking about stopping before who no longer believe you? They don't think it's an issue and that I'm over reacting. You see my drinking hasn't been a problem for anyone else but me. No one has ever told me they thought I needed to stop. I just know it's interfering with my life. It's held me back at work and probably a lot of other things that I'm not even aware of.
Any more advice?
And one more thing. How do I become a member of this forum? I tried to send someone who had sent me a PM a response and a message said I needed to be a member.
Thanks again for your help.
Leah
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi ..glad to see you checked back in.
You need X post before you can use PM.
I don't remember how many..but will find out.
You are a member already tho.
Who knows your situation better than you?
No one. Listen to your mind & body.
The sooner you quit the easier it is.
People will watch your actions more than words.
Just don't drink....and there is no issue.
AA does not require anything from members
as long as you desire to quit. That's it.
You won't have to talk unless you choose.
Consider meetings as a classroom for a
healthy sober life.
There is a leaflet in most AA meetings
"Questions & Answers on Sponsorship"
That will give you guidelines .
Take care....and enjoy your new future.
AA sands for Awesome Adventures
too!
Ok...here is the PM info...
to send a PM
it's 5 post and/or 24 hours of membership.
You need X post before you can use PM.
I don't remember how many..but will find out.
You are a member already tho.
Who knows your situation better than you?
No one. Listen to your mind & body.
The sooner you quit the easier it is.
People will watch your actions more than words.
Just don't drink....and there is no issue.
AA does not require anything from members
as long as you desire to quit. That's it.
You won't have to talk unless you choose.
Consider meetings as a classroom for a
healthy sober life.
There is a leaflet in most AA meetings
"Questions & Answers on Sponsorship"
That will give you guidelines .
Take care....and enjoy your new future.
AA sands for Awesome Adventures
too!
Ok...here is the PM info...
to send a PM
it's 5 post and/or 24 hours of membership.
Last edited by CarolD; 06-27-2007 at 02:40 AM. Reason: Added Info
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 91
Hey Leah,
I am struggling with the same issue of how to deal with friends who think I might be "over reacting." I also have done most damage to myself...I think I've probably worried my friends at times but no one has ever told me they think I should stop or that I have a problem. When I have said something in the past they say "I don't think you're an alcoholic. Just don't drink so much next time." Well, heck, if I could actually control that I wouldn't HAVE the problem.
I'm having to realize that I'm hurting myself (in terms of work, self respect, etc.) and that alone is enough reason to stop. Things might not go wrong everytime I drink...but lately it just seems I want to keep going and going and going. When I learned that alcoholism is progressive, I understood that while I may not have hurt anyone else yet that it's only a matter of time. And I think hurting myself is enough reason to be DONE.
I spoke up at my first meeting last week...at about the last possible chance...and was surprised by the support I felt. I understand how scarry it is though. Good luck to you. Also, I never heard the 72 hour thing, but it makes sense to me.
I am struggling with the same issue of how to deal with friends who think I might be "over reacting." I also have done most damage to myself...I think I've probably worried my friends at times but no one has ever told me they think I should stop or that I have a problem. When I have said something in the past they say "I don't think you're an alcoholic. Just don't drink so much next time." Well, heck, if I could actually control that I wouldn't HAVE the problem.
I'm having to realize that I'm hurting myself (in terms of work, self respect, etc.) and that alone is enough reason to stop. Things might not go wrong everytime I drink...but lately it just seems I want to keep going and going and going. When I learned that alcoholism is progressive, I understood that while I may not have hurt anyone else yet that it's only a matter of time. And I think hurting myself is enough reason to be DONE.
I spoke up at my first meeting last week...at about the last possible chance...and was surprised by the support I felt. I understand how scarry it is though. Good luck to you. Also, I never heard the 72 hour thing, but it makes sense to me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Southeastern US
Posts: 34
Leah,
I am on Day 3 myself. Havent been to AA yet, but I plan to. Today and yesterday went very well, and fortunately I haven't had the urge to drink. Hope it goes the same with you. I've found in this short time that it helps to have activities planned and also plenty of exercise. Also, I focus on that feeling I am going to have waking up in the morning after NOT drinking. The quality of sleep is so much better. I'm certainly no expert here as you can see by my tenure, but I hope this helps.
I am on Day 3 myself. Havent been to AA yet, but I plan to. Today and yesterday went very well, and fortunately I haven't had the urge to drink. Hope it goes the same with you. I've found in this short time that it helps to have activities planned and also plenty of exercise. Also, I focus on that feeling I am going to have waking up in the morning after NOT drinking. The quality of sleep is so much better. I'm certainly no expert here as you can see by my tenure, but I hope this helps.
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
Originally Posted by crazinclean 
Also, how do you go about getting a sponsor? I'm very shy and don't want to speak at the AA meetings. I find it difficult to introduce myself etc...
Leah
Leah
A piece of advice I was given somewhere down the line.
If you need a sponsor, go a little early and ask the person who is making the coffee / setting up the meeting place to reccommend someone. Alternativly stay a bit late and see who is cleaning up.
You can be pretty darn certain that the person making the coffee has a sponsor, (that's why they're making the coffee)
.This person is usually pretty new to the program and should be easy to approach.
There are exceptions, my sponsor still makes the coffee and sets up the hall for our weekly meeting and he has 23+ years. He does it to help him stay humble by service. Of corse, in that case, also a good person to ask!
Just me 2 cents
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Groucho gave some excellent advice, I am far from an old timer, but a sponsor none the less, I still clean up after my home groups meetings and will continue to do so until there is someone who needs a service position more then I do. Service positions do help keep me sober, sponsoring does as well, actually more.
The only thing I will add to what groucho suggested is to ask for a "Temporary" sponsor. The reason I say this is because it is not uncommon for a new person to get a sponsor right away and then 2-3 months later either decide there is some one else they would rather have as a sponsor or the one they chose is simply not the right one for them.
When I first asked my first sponsor to be my sponsor he said no but he would be my "Temporary" sponsor and explained to me why, after 3 months I found that he due to his job was not able to devote enough time for me to get working the steps, by this time I had found a guy that did and that I liked.
The only thing I will add to what groucho suggested is to ask for a "Temporary" sponsor. The reason I say this is because it is not uncommon for a new person to get a sponsor right away and then 2-3 months later either decide there is some one else they would rather have as a sponsor or the one they chose is simply not the right one for them.
When I first asked my first sponsor to be my sponsor he said no but he would be my "Temporary" sponsor and explained to me why, after 3 months I found that he due to his job was not able to devote enough time for me to get working the steps, by this time I had found a guy that did and that I liked.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 20
crazinclean, I'm so glad you posted back again. I hope you are still staying sober for one more day. In response to your last post....
I think the number of posts to be able to P.M. is 5......
For getting a sponsor, I've seen that many groups have a bulliten board of people who are willing to be temporary sponsors. I was never able to get the courage to call a stranger though. What I did was to check the schedule of AA groups in the area that had "Newcomer Meetings" specifically for those who are starting out. Usually there are a few seasoned veterans of the program who go to those to help out newcomers. That was how I met my sponsor. I ended up getting lucky and finding someone good, and six years later he's still my sponsor, (although I haven't' been continuously sober that whole time).
Don't worry about speaking at meetings. I didn't for a while, then It gradually became necessary for me as I felt I had something I needed to say. I still don't talk much though....
People's opinions on the state of my alcoholism can be like annoying insects buzzing around me at times. I have to remind myself that I can't control what they think and try not to get offended if they are just not understanding me, or being suspicious of me or whatever.
You're doing great, keep it up!
I think the number of posts to be able to P.M. is 5......
For getting a sponsor, I've seen that many groups have a bulliten board of people who are willing to be temporary sponsors. I was never able to get the courage to call a stranger though. What I did was to check the schedule of AA groups in the area that had "Newcomer Meetings" specifically for those who are starting out. Usually there are a few seasoned veterans of the program who go to those to help out newcomers. That was how I met my sponsor. I ended up getting lucky and finding someone good, and six years later he's still my sponsor, (although I haven't' been continuously sober that whole time).
Don't worry about speaking at meetings. I didn't for a while, then It gradually became necessary for me as I felt I had something I needed to say. I still don't talk much though....
People's opinions on the state of my alcoholism can be like annoying insects buzzing around me at times. I have to remind myself that I can't control what they think and try not to get offended if they are just not understanding me, or being suspicious of me or whatever.
You're doing great, keep it up!
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