My Steps
Been there and done.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: West Coast North America
Posts: 269
My Steps
One of the comments I have made in the past about my own road to recovery is that I have gotten much value from a variety of sources: 12-step, rational, individual therapy. I have taken the advice of many who told me "take the best, leave the rest" and it feels right.
Understanding and meditating on the 12-steps has been a cornerstone of strength for me. Like others however, I had some problems with the wording of some of them. Not that I didn't accept the model as a whole, but that some of the expressions where inconsistent with other spiritual beliefs I have -- specifically around my conception of God (and I do have one), the ability to achieve redemption through petitioning and absolution. This created a problem for me.
It seems like there are a couple of patterns I have noticed when folks have a philosphical difference with the wording of a step or two. Some work hard to eventually change their spiritual orientation to fit the steps. Others reject steps entirely saying "Doesn't work for me!"
Neither of these paths seemed right for me. So, I followed the advice I was given and took the wisdom in the steps (and I do feel it is a source of great wisdom) and worked with them in a way that I hope will continue to keep me in recovery.
I changed some of the wording steps to make it work for me, and I thought I would share it. For the record, I do think the steps are a great structure for recovery and just want them to work as well as they can for me.
I am doing this for two reasons. First (and most important), I am putting it out there for others who may be working as I am to get their head around the steps and may find it useful. Second, I am interested in hearing from old timers about which aspects of the value of the program I may be losing through this rewording.
=================================
STEPS
1: We have realized that alcohol has the ability to destroy us and that it would destroy us if we continue the choices and behaviors we have made in the past.
2: Came to believe that it was possible for us to find the clarity and strength to restore our lives.
3: We made a decision to devote ourselves to achieving that clarity and strength.
4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5: Admitted to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6: Were entirely ready to eliminate all these defects of character.
7: Made a decision to work vigilantly to overcome our shortcomings
8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11: We sought through meditation and service to improve our strength and clarity.
12: We sought to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Understanding and meditating on the 12-steps has been a cornerstone of strength for me. Like others however, I had some problems with the wording of some of them. Not that I didn't accept the model as a whole, but that some of the expressions where inconsistent with other spiritual beliefs I have -- specifically around my conception of God (and I do have one), the ability to achieve redemption through petitioning and absolution. This created a problem for me.
It seems like there are a couple of patterns I have noticed when folks have a philosphical difference with the wording of a step or two. Some work hard to eventually change their spiritual orientation to fit the steps. Others reject steps entirely saying "Doesn't work for me!"
Neither of these paths seemed right for me. So, I followed the advice I was given and took the wisdom in the steps (and I do feel it is a source of great wisdom) and worked with them in a way that I hope will continue to keep me in recovery.
I changed some of the wording steps to make it work for me, and I thought I would share it. For the record, I do think the steps are a great structure for recovery and just want them to work as well as they can for me.
I am doing this for two reasons. First (and most important), I am putting it out there for others who may be working as I am to get their head around the steps and may find it useful. Second, I am interested in hearing from old timers about which aspects of the value of the program I may be losing through this rewording.
=================================
STEPS
1: We have realized that alcohol has the ability to destroy us and that it would destroy us if we continue the choices and behaviors we have made in the past.
2: Came to believe that it was possible for us to find the clarity and strength to restore our lives.
3: We made a decision to devote ourselves to achieving that clarity and strength.
4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5: Admitted to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6: Were entirely ready to eliminate all these defects of character.
7: Made a decision to work vigilantly to overcome our shortcomings
8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11: We sought through meditation and service to improve our strength and clarity.
12: We sought to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Though the steps are my primary guide for recovery, I, too, have found inspiration in other sources: poetry, the sacred texts of various religions, fairy tales, and the product of my 11th step work. I even take what I can use from the experts from time to time!
In my opinion (notice emphasis), one of the reasons we don't change the first 164 pages, even though it might be more accessible to some were the wording to be altered, is that in an attempt to make anything more broad than it is, more general, more palatable, we end up wrenching the heart and soul out of it. The poetry I read that inspires me is not of milquetoast, Hallmark card variety, and neither is my program. Sometimes, it raises my hackles. There have been certain times I've had to passionately wrestle through parts of the program with another alcoholic in order to find that seed of hope that, regardless of whether I liked that all the pronouns were masculine (one of my objections), I could still make it work for me.
I'm not saying, Andrew, that your rewording of the steps is a bad thing. Not at all! Do with them what you need to so that you can receive what they have to offer. For the longest time, I had to substitute the word "addict" and "addiction" in my head when I read the big book, until I reconciled that for me, those words were interchangeable with "alcoholic" and "alcoholism."
In the end, I came back around the peace with the steps and the book as they were written. You do what you need to do....just do it sober!
Peace & Love,
Sugah
In my opinion (notice emphasis), one of the reasons we don't change the first 164 pages, even though it might be more accessible to some were the wording to be altered, is that in an attempt to make anything more broad than it is, more general, more palatable, we end up wrenching the heart and soul out of it. The poetry I read that inspires me is not of milquetoast, Hallmark card variety, and neither is my program. Sometimes, it raises my hackles. There have been certain times I've had to passionately wrestle through parts of the program with another alcoholic in order to find that seed of hope that, regardless of whether I liked that all the pronouns were masculine (one of my objections), I could still make it work for me.
I'm not saying, Andrew, that your rewording of the steps is a bad thing. Not at all! Do with them what you need to so that you can receive what they have to offer. For the longest time, I had to substitute the word "addict" and "addiction" in my head when I read the big book, until I reconciled that for me, those words were interchangeable with "alcoholic" and "alcoholism."
In the end, I came back around the peace with the steps and the book as they were written. You do what you need to do....just do it sober!
Peace & Love,
Sugah
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
I like the way the steps work for you. A lot of newcomers to them have GOD as a stumbling block and that is the easy excuse that it is not for them. But really it doesn't matter who or what we surrender to, just that we do and then work the program. Please keep sharing your wisdom.
New things have come to light
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Downtown Nashville , TN
Posts: 306
the steps have worked for, how many years? bout 70. yeah, its about time that everyone re-write the steps to their own likeing. ****, while we are at it, might as well re write the whole book, its out dated and could use some up-to-date language. i mean, it works so well, it needs to be changed.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
So, bascially, you're not powerless and, and using self reliance to work as your HP ?
Without admitting complete defeat(that is , powerlessness) and turning my will and my life over to the care of God, the program doesn't work for me. That's the way I used to do things,it didn't work. At all. Pride is a funny thing.
Individual results may vary.
Without admitting complete defeat(that is , powerlessness) and turning my will and my life over to the care of God, the program doesn't work for me. That's the way I used to do things,it didn't work. At all. Pride is a funny thing.
Individual results may vary.
Just a fool, swimming in love
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 164
Where did the God go?
Hi, I am so glad that what you are doing is working for you and that you are posting here with us. My dilemma was a lack of power. Where do you get your power? I found a resource deep inside myself (BB page 55) that I had not previously been aware of. I had to admit complete defeat as far as my limited resources (mind and ego) were concerned. self-knowledge did not work for me. Self-knowledge (Thanks, Dr. Jung) has been transformational. JMnotsoHO. Please keep posting.
P.S. I had a mystical experience (meditating with music) where I was kneeling in the presence of infinite power and love. I thought I had met God. The power had a strange familiar, masculine quality to it. When I asked him who he was, he said, I am you. FWIW
P.S. I had a mystical experience (meditating with music) where I was kneeling in the presence of infinite power and love. I thought I had met God. The power had a strange familiar, masculine quality to it. When I asked him who he was, he said, I am you. FWIW
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Admittedly, when I first read Andrew's post I thought...oh geez, someone's feel the need to re-write the tried and true..argh! How egotistical! In pretty short order, I dropped my emotional knee jerk. In my mind, what it comes down to..the beauty of the BB wisdom is it's intention to be inclusive..purposely ambiguous to some degree to allow for individual interpretations. Andrew is only providing an interpretation that he has experienced success with in hopes of maybe helping some others. I believe his intention is in precisely the right spirit...he is seeking to include naysayers that fear the term of "God" (and we all know they are out there). Personally, I have no problem with that...God, HP....whatever...I'm open enough to allow my own personal interpretation...and I'm good with it. I don't need others to validate my faith by their own belief in it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Righthere, Rightnow
Posts: 1,424
I think you know exactly what aspect you lost / left out.
Originally Posted by AndrewBeen 
I am doing this for two reasons. First (and most important), I am putting it out there for others who may be working as I am to get their head around the steps and may find it useful. Second, I am interested in hearing from old timers about which aspects of the value of the program I may be losing through this rewording.
PS. I was never able to get my head around the steps until I took them, several times. They are about action rather than understanding. However, I have found that the more I take the steps, the more I understand.
To go just a bit further, there is a result sought to be brought about through the taking of the 12 steps, a specific purpose to them. Your version completely (and I suspect purposefully) excludes that result, and misses the point.
You asked.
Been there and done.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: West Coast North America
Posts: 269
Thank you all for all the honest intelligent feedback, I genuinely appreciate it. It certainly gives me food for thought.
My intent was not to write God out of the equation, but to try to embrace a broader interpretation of God. Perhaps, to Barto's point, I lost the gyst in the process of trying to make it more relevant for me. Perhaps, to Nuudawn's comment, I did not.
And Slowbriety, I had meant this as an honest request for feedback, so your convoluted sarcasm took me by surprise. But to take your comment at face value: yes, the steps have brought millions to sobriety over the last 70 years, but does that mean that other variants can't help millions more to sobriety?
My intent was not to write God out of the equation, but to try to embrace a broader interpretation of God. Perhaps, to Barto's point, I lost the gyst in the process of trying to make it more relevant for me. Perhaps, to Nuudawn's comment, I did not.
And Slowbriety, I had meant this as an honest request for feedback, so your convoluted sarcasm took me by surprise. But to take your comment at face value: yes, the steps have brought millions to sobriety over the last 70 years, but does that mean that other variants can't help millions more to sobriety?
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
When I first saw the Steps I wanted to change holy heck out of 'em......I had problems with the words from top to bottom......
I loved AA. I loved the people and the comaraderie. I liked listening to the funny stories from the old timers. I loved the coffee....... I loved having a place to go at nights when the burning desire for a drink wrenched my guts.......
...the steps I hated......
.... I resolved to be the first AA'er to achieve long and glorious sobriety, WITHOUT WORKING THE STEPS........until I relapsed 9 months later.......
There is a basic Spiritual element involved in working the Steps.....the element of HUMILITY which was always so lacking in my life.
There is a "sobering" aspect to admitting my Powerlessness over alcohol and my Unmanagability over my emotions....it was a humbling experience to finally admit that I did not have all the answers and that my ego had run amok for years...
Despite my desires to "do away ' with the 12 Steps, I had to grudgingly admit that perhaps the oldtimers were right after, all and that I needed to take a longer, harder look at The Steps.....
The Steps could not be more inclusive than they already are....."God as we understood him..." could not be made any more encompassing...... it gave me the validation I needed to "step out from the shadows of Spiritual ignorance in which I stood for so many years."....it was the lever that rolled back the stone of prejudice that stood against my understanding of God for decades....
There is power in admission of my powerlessness over alcohol it is one of the wonderful paradoxes of recovery that is a shame to miss.....
...when I work the Second Step and I define "Insanity" I begin to understand the futility of trying to control the "people places and things" in my llife over which I have no control......it was an "enlightening experience" for me to go on to work all 12Steps in the manner in which they were all laid out.
The 12 Steps of recovery is a pathway to understanding and utilizing the power in the simple words contained in the serenity prayer......grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.....
....well needless to say , I have no desire to change the Steps today...but at the same time I would not discourage anyone from doing so if they think it will keep them sober....I just feel from my own experience that we miss out on some wonderful stuff when we water it down too much.....
I loved AA. I loved the people and the comaraderie. I liked listening to the funny stories from the old timers. I loved the coffee....... I loved having a place to go at nights when the burning desire for a drink wrenched my guts.......
...the steps I hated......
.... I resolved to be the first AA'er to achieve long and glorious sobriety, WITHOUT WORKING THE STEPS........until I relapsed 9 months later.......
There is a basic Spiritual element involved in working the Steps.....the element of HUMILITY which was always so lacking in my life.
There is a "sobering" aspect to admitting my Powerlessness over alcohol and my Unmanagability over my emotions....it was a humbling experience to finally admit that I did not have all the answers and that my ego had run amok for years...
Despite my desires to "do away ' with the 12 Steps, I had to grudgingly admit that perhaps the oldtimers were right after, all and that I needed to take a longer, harder look at The Steps.....
The Steps could not be more inclusive than they already are....."God as we understood him..." could not be made any more encompassing...... it gave me the validation I needed to "step out from the shadows of Spiritual ignorance in which I stood for so many years."....it was the lever that rolled back the stone of prejudice that stood against my understanding of God for decades....
There is power in admission of my powerlessness over alcohol it is one of the wonderful paradoxes of recovery that is a shame to miss.....
...when I work the Second Step and I define "Insanity" I begin to understand the futility of trying to control the "people places and things" in my llife over which I have no control......it was an "enlightening experience" for me to go on to work all 12Steps in the manner in which they were all laid out.
The 12 Steps of recovery is a pathway to understanding and utilizing the power in the simple words contained in the serenity prayer......grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.....
....well needless to say , I have no desire to change the Steps today...but at the same time I would not discourage anyone from doing so if they think it will keep them sober....I just feel from my own experience that we miss out on some wonderful stuff when we water it down too much.....
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Originally Posted by Peter
The Steps could not be more inclusive than they already are....."God as we understood him..." could not be made any more encompassing.
New things have come to light
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Downtown Nashville , TN
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by AndrewBeen
And Slowbriety, I had meant this as an honest request for feedback, so your convoluted sarcasm took me by surprise. But to take your comment at face value: yes, the steps have brought millions to sobriety over the last 70 years, but does that mean that other variants can't help millions more to sobriety?
Well, since you have cut out anything regarding the God idea, why even be in recovery? If you dont need God to keep you sober or manage your life for you, why even bother to re-write them?
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Slowbriety , I think you've made your point.
Andrew has posted what I see as a sincere attempt to understand the Steps in his own way and has even requested feedback from some of the oldtimers, if you are not happy with how he is working his programme and will not provide feedback based on your own experiences then I suggest you move on to the next thread.
Andrew has posted what I see as a sincere attempt to understand the Steps in his own way and has even requested feedback from some of the oldtimers, if you are not happy with how he is working his programme and will not provide feedback based on your own experiences then I suggest you move on to the next thread.
Been there and done.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: West Coast North America
Posts: 269
Originally Posted by Slowbriety
Well, since you have cut out anything regarding the God idea, why even be in recovery? If you dont need God to keep you sober or manage your life for you, why even bother to re-write them?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Not so Andrew. At least not from me.
One of the things that I dislike about organized religion is dogma. If I repeat some cliche, it's not because I've heard it a million times and I'm regurgitiating it, it's because I find that it's actually pertinent.
Case in point. "AA is a simple program for complicated people". Being the intelligent, well rounded intellect that I am (*smirk*) , I at first tried to analyze AA. Yup, I was gonna figure this one out. My sponsor advised against it, and I simply went to meetings and listened, worked the steps, etc. And you know what ? After working the steps and some sober time, all of the answers I tried to analyze in the beginning came to me. Just out of the blue. These were no doubt (in my mind) given to me by my Higher Po.....ah screw it, God.
"More will be revealed".
One of the things that I dislike about organized religion is dogma. If I repeat some cliche, it's not because I've heard it a million times and I'm regurgitiating it, it's because I find that it's actually pertinent.
Case in point. "AA is a simple program for complicated people". Being the intelligent, well rounded intellect that I am (*smirk*) , I at first tried to analyze AA. Yup, I was gonna figure this one out. My sponsor advised against it, and I simply went to meetings and listened, worked the steps, etc. And you know what ? After working the steps and some sober time, all of the answers I tried to analyze in the beginning came to me. Just out of the blue. These were no doubt (in my mind) given to me by my Higher Po.....ah screw it, God.
"More will be revealed".
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,415
Hi Andrew, I think it's very healthy to try to articulate how the steps work for you. I just wanted to add my two pennyowrth here, since you're writing here about "other people"
There's a third way, which is suspension of disbelief.
It seems like there are a couple of patterns I have noticed when folks have a philosphical difference with the wording of a step or two. Some work hard to eventually change their spiritual orientation to fit the steps. Others reject steps entirely saying "Doesn't work for me!"
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
You know Andrew, if that works for you, more power to you....... but then again is that not what our delima was? A lack of power! Andrew I am not knocking what you have said at all, but simply expressing my opinion in regards to what has worked for me.
Andrew for my own recovery and that of 100s of thousands of others we had to first admit that we were powerless over alcohol.
For my own recovery and that of 100s of thousands of others we had a big dilemma and as said in the BB it was a lack of power!
When humility and a Higher Power is taken out of the equation it brings me right back to the dilemma I was in before I came into AA, a lack of power IMHO.
Andrew if that works for you... great, but this old drunk had a dilemma which needed a Higher Power to resolve and in the 12 steps you have laid out I only see myself as the Power which failed me miserably for the last 10 years of my 40 year drinking career.
I need to admit to myself on a daily basis and more often if needed that I am powerless over alcohol!
When I was drinking I knew that alcohol had the ability to destroy me and that it would destroy me if I continued the choices and behaviors I was making, but I kept right on drinking because I felt I still had the power.
Andrew do you see where I am coming from, the 12 steps you have laid out would never have worked for me, because it leaves the door wide open for my pride (I remain powerful) & it also leaves the door open that I can be my own power.
Pocket.... swallow our pride.
Upon hearing this, our friend was somewhat relieved, for he reflected that, after all, he was a good church member. This hope, however, was destroyed by the doctor's telling him that while his religious convictions were very good, in his case they did not spell the necessary vital spiritual experience.
Here was the terrible dilemma in which our friend found himself when he had the extraordinary experience, which as we have already told you, made him a free man.
Here was the terrible dilemma in which our friend found himself when he had the extraordinary experience, which as we have already told you, made him a free man.
Lack of power, that was our dilemma. we had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power?
Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.
For my own recovery and that of 100s of thousands of others we had a big dilemma and as said in the BB it was a lack of power!
When humility and a Higher Power is taken out of the equation it brings me right back to the dilemma I was in before I came into AA, a lack of power IMHO.
Andrew if that works for you... great, but this old drunk had a dilemma which needed a Higher Power to resolve and in the 12 steps you have laid out I only see myself as the Power which failed me miserably for the last 10 years of my 40 year drinking career.
I need to admit to myself on a daily basis and more often if needed that I am powerless over alcohol!
When I was drinking I knew that alcohol had the ability to destroy me and that it would destroy me if I continued the choices and behaviors I was making, but I kept right on drinking because I felt I still had the power.
Andrew do you see where I am coming from, the 12 steps you have laid out would never have worked for me, because it leaves the door wide open for my pride (I remain powerful) & it also leaves the door open that I can be my own power.
We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
1. I can't
2. He can
3. I'll let Him
The elegant beauty here is in the simplicity of being free to define "HIM" any way you wish.
Some texts are so important and meangful that they remain as they were written for centuries. Only time will tell if "Alcoholics Anomymous" will stand the test of the ages but it's saved millions of lives, and will continue to do so IMHO.
In my opinion, this is as it should be.
Would you, in your pride, have the unmitigated gall to re-write the Tao Teh Ching?
"Self will run riot" comes to mind.
Yes, I am being harsh, but there are some things that should not be altered.
2. He can
3. I'll let Him
The elegant beauty here is in the simplicity of being free to define "HIM" any way you wish.
Some texts are so important and meangful that they remain as they were written for centuries. Only time will tell if "Alcoholics Anomymous" will stand the test of the ages but it's saved millions of lives, and will continue to do so IMHO.
In my opinion, this is as it should be.
Would you, in your pride, have the unmitigated gall to re-write the Tao Teh Ching?
"Self will run riot" comes to mind.
Yes, I am being harsh, but there are some things that should not be altered.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
