Alcoholism and Therapy
Just a fool, swimming in love
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 164
Alcoholism and Therapy
Can therapy help or heal addictions?
I can't answer that. All I can say is that this one works really well with a 12 step program.
Alcoholism and Healing
Jeffrey showed up at one of my 5-Day Inner Bonding Intensives to deal with his alcoholism and resulting relationship problems. His past two marriages had ended in messy divorces. His business was falling apart. Yet in the face of all of this, Jeffrey could not or would not stop drinking.
Two things were immediately apparent in my first session with Jeffrey. First, he had completely abandoned himself, making others responsible for his self-worth. Due to his unwillingness to take responsibility for his own feelings, he was constantly pulling on others for approval with his "niceness." His inauthentic saccharine niceness felt like sticky glue trying to ooze its way into having control over getting others' approval. Needless to say, it was not working for him.
Second, he had no spiritual connection, no Source to turn to for love, comfort and guidance. As anyone who has attended AA knows, being able to turn to a spiritual Source is essential for healing. The support of the people within the program can help sustain abstinence, but true healing comes from the inner spiritual connection.
No one had ever confronted Jeffrey with how much they were put off by his controlling niceness. They would just go away, leaving him to wonder what he had done wrong. At first, when the Intensive participants told Jeffrey about feeling pulled at for approval, he felt hurt. But within the loving energy of the Intensive, he was soon able to open to learning about the gift they were offering him. He was able to see that, because he was abandoning himself by ignoring his feelings and judging himself, he was handing others responsibility for his feelings of worth.
Once Jeffrey opened to how alone he felt inside when he abandoned himself, he was able to move into compassion rather than judgment for his feelings. As his heart opened to compassion for himself, he began to feel the love that is always within and around us - the love that is our Source.
As a result of learning and practicing the 6-Step Inner Bonding process and connecting with himself and his spiritual Guidance, Jeffrey no longer wanted to drink. The alcohol was filling up the inner emptiness caused by his self-abandonment and disconnection from his Source. He left the Intensive with no desire to drink. Jeffrey has been alcohol-free for many years now.
Rachael had been struggling with her alcoholism for 19 years before attending an Inner Bonding Intensive. While she had a strong belief in God, she had never felt a deep and personal connection with God. Like Jeffrey, she had used alcohol to fill the emptiness and avoid the pain that came from her own self-abandonment and disconnection from her Source. Rachael was constantly judging herself as inadequate. Until the Intensive, she had believed that her pain was being caused by others' behavior towards her - others' judgments of her. At the Intensive, she discovered that she was not a victim - that her pain was being caused by ignoring her feelings and judging herself, as well as by not speaking up for herself with her husband and family.
As Rachael learned and practiced the Inner Bonding process, she started to attend to her own feelings and make the connection between her pain and her self-judgments. She also started speaking up for herself. As she opened her heart to her Source, to her feelings, and to the beautiful essence within her, she discovered a joy that she had never felt in her life. The inner emptiness and anxiety that had been her constant companions were gone. Gone too was her desire to drink.
Addictions are caused by self-abandonment - by ignoring your feelings, by judging yourself, and by closing your heart to your Source. They can be healed.
Dr. Margret Paul
I can't answer that. All I can say is that this one works really well with a 12 step program.
Alcoholism and Healing
Jeffrey showed up at one of my 5-Day Inner Bonding Intensives to deal with his alcoholism and resulting relationship problems. His past two marriages had ended in messy divorces. His business was falling apart. Yet in the face of all of this, Jeffrey could not or would not stop drinking.
Two things were immediately apparent in my first session with Jeffrey. First, he had completely abandoned himself, making others responsible for his self-worth. Due to his unwillingness to take responsibility for his own feelings, he was constantly pulling on others for approval with his "niceness." His inauthentic saccharine niceness felt like sticky glue trying to ooze its way into having control over getting others' approval. Needless to say, it was not working for him.
Second, he had no spiritual connection, no Source to turn to for love, comfort and guidance. As anyone who has attended AA knows, being able to turn to a spiritual Source is essential for healing. The support of the people within the program can help sustain abstinence, but true healing comes from the inner spiritual connection.
No one had ever confronted Jeffrey with how much they were put off by his controlling niceness. They would just go away, leaving him to wonder what he had done wrong. At first, when the Intensive participants told Jeffrey about feeling pulled at for approval, he felt hurt. But within the loving energy of the Intensive, he was soon able to open to learning about the gift they were offering him. He was able to see that, because he was abandoning himself by ignoring his feelings and judging himself, he was handing others responsibility for his feelings of worth.
Once Jeffrey opened to how alone he felt inside when he abandoned himself, he was able to move into compassion rather than judgment for his feelings. As his heart opened to compassion for himself, he began to feel the love that is always within and around us - the love that is our Source.
As a result of learning and practicing the 6-Step Inner Bonding process and connecting with himself and his spiritual Guidance, Jeffrey no longer wanted to drink. The alcohol was filling up the inner emptiness caused by his self-abandonment and disconnection from his Source. He left the Intensive with no desire to drink. Jeffrey has been alcohol-free for many years now.
Rachael had been struggling with her alcoholism for 19 years before attending an Inner Bonding Intensive. While she had a strong belief in God, she had never felt a deep and personal connection with God. Like Jeffrey, she had used alcohol to fill the emptiness and avoid the pain that came from her own self-abandonment and disconnection from her Source. Rachael was constantly judging herself as inadequate. Until the Intensive, she had believed that her pain was being caused by others' behavior towards her - others' judgments of her. At the Intensive, she discovered that she was not a victim - that her pain was being caused by ignoring her feelings and judging herself, as well as by not speaking up for herself with her husband and family.
As Rachael learned and practiced the Inner Bonding process, she started to attend to her own feelings and make the connection between her pain and her self-judgments. She also started speaking up for herself. As she opened her heart to her Source, to her feelings, and to the beautiful essence within her, she discovered a joy that she had never felt in her life. The inner emptiness and anxiety that had been her constant companions were gone. Gone too was her desire to drink.
Addictions are caused by self-abandonment - by ignoring your feelings, by judging yourself, and by closing your heart to your Source. They can be healed.
Dr. Margret Paul
Last edited by CarolD; 06-20-2007 at 09:27 PM. Reason: Link Removed
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
I know there are people that truely need therapy, but for the most part, I think thereapy does absolutely nothing for a practicing alcoholic. Recovery takes action, and changing your lifestyle and habits. Not talking to someone once a week for an hour.
IIRC, "Under The Influence" says it can actually be detrimental to recovery.
BTW, that's just my opinion.
IIRC, "Under The Influence" says it can actually be detrimental to recovery.
BTW, that's just my opinion.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
oh, i think you'll get a lot of different ideas on this one.
for me - alanon/12 steps are not enough. i have to go to private counseling at least every other week to get along. and when i started in recovery, i had to go to counseling at the least - once a week. i feel there's absolutly no reason NOT to go. i mean, it's never to going to hurt my recovery in any way. and then my daughter - she struggles in her recovery. she's had over 100 days now of inpatient treatment, 40 plus of outpatient, and over 3 months of sober/halfway houses. one might say - she doesn't want to get better. but what if there's something missing - one piece that a counselor can help her fill in?
i'll take the chance on counseling everyday - for her and me. i have nothing to lose by doing so.
blessings, k
for me - alanon/12 steps are not enough. i have to go to private counseling at least every other week to get along. and when i started in recovery, i had to go to counseling at the least - once a week. i feel there's absolutly no reason NOT to go. i mean, it's never to going to hurt my recovery in any way. and then my daughter - she struggles in her recovery. she's had over 100 days now of inpatient treatment, 40 plus of outpatient, and over 3 months of sober/halfway houses. one might say - she doesn't want to get better. but what if there's something missing - one piece that a counselor can help her fill in?
i'll take the chance on counseling everyday - for her and me. i have nothing to lose by doing so.
blessings, k
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
I have been to therapy, it was good at the time... then I grew to the limit of the group that I was in and I moved on. That is part of life.
I think I am ready and in need of some further therapy to go along with my AA/soberrecovery. As I am sober longer I start to see with real clarity some of my stunted emotional growth... perhaps therapy can help me get up to speed.
Like they say in AA, whatever works.
Levi
I think I am ready and in need of some further therapy to go along with my AA/soberrecovery. As I am sober longer I start to see with real clarity some of my stunted emotional growth... perhaps therapy can help me get up to speed.
Like they say in AA, whatever works.
Levi
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 689
In my opinion it MAY help recovery but when I went to a LCSW about a year ago I got cravings. We were talking about my past. My childhood was unpleaseant. Going back to my early years brought back alot of pain and it made me want to use.
Just thought I would share that.
Liz
Just thought I would share that.
Liz
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Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
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I know a lot of folks in the rooms who have seen or are seeing therapist with fantastic results.
There are a couple of things I have learned from their shares, the ones that were seeing the therapist while they were still practicing said that it was a waste of time until they sobered up, once they got sober and started working the steps and going to the therapist things really started to get better for them.
Most of the folks in the rooms were encouraged by their therapist to go to AA to work on them selfs as a whole person to where the therapist could concentrate one certain other problems and not have to be dealing with a practicing alcoholic.
I took one of my daughters to a therapist yesterday and in speaking with her after my daughters session she told me there was something special about an alcoholic in recovery via AA, she said there was a spiritual side she saw in them that she hardly ever saw in others.
There are a couple of things I have learned from their shares, the ones that were seeing the therapist while they were still practicing said that it was a waste of time until they sobered up, once they got sober and started working the steps and going to the therapist things really started to get better for them.
Most of the folks in the rooms were encouraged by their therapist to go to AA to work on them selfs as a whole person to where the therapist could concentrate one certain other problems and not have to be dealing with a practicing alcoholic.
I took one of my daughters to a therapist yesterday and in speaking with her after my daughters session she told me there was something special about an alcoholic in recovery via AA, she said there was a spiritual side she saw in them that she hardly ever saw in others.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
My therapist has helped me a lot but the real healing can only come when we stop drinking and start feeling. Drinking counters the therapy. We have to feel the pain to heal. Drinking deadens pain so.... yea
However, a therapist that doesn't understand alcoholism can definitely have a detrimental effect. Mine is good but doesn't understand alcoholism. She commented early that she thought AA was too hard on women who already felt bad about themselves and believed it better suited the Jekyll and Hyde male character. Also, she put an idea in my head that my drinking at lunchtime could be related to trying to avoid going back to work and that all we needed to do was find out the reason for that.
Take a guess what I did straight after seeing her that day????? No prizes though. It's too easy. Suddenly I had a professional telling me I could drink normally. I had a free pass. Two weeks later, battered and bruised, I crawled back to AA.
Since then, I do not talk to her about my drinking at all.
However, a therapist that doesn't understand alcoholism can definitely have a detrimental effect. Mine is good but doesn't understand alcoholism. She commented early that she thought AA was too hard on women who already felt bad about themselves and believed it better suited the Jekyll and Hyde male character. Also, she put an idea in my head that my drinking at lunchtime could be related to trying to avoid going back to work and that all we needed to do was find out the reason for that.
Take a guess what I did straight after seeing her that day????? No prizes though. It's too easy. Suddenly I had a professional telling me I could drink normally. I had a free pass. Two weeks later, battered and bruised, I crawled back to AA.
Since then, I do not talk to her about my drinking at all.
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Join Date: Mar 2006
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That pretty much nail it on the head for me.
I had abandontment issue as a child..so it was a bit confusing.
My alcoholism and codependent is nothing short of self-abandontment.
The word adandonment triggers all kind of emotions in me.
so i denial my feeling...so i would re-act, act out, joke around,
get numb, or people pleasing..anything not to feel that..dose that makesense ?
you know..." with complete abandon, not the half measure",
from a sentence in AA.
I process everything all wacked..especailly with the
word selffish is involved..But i had to read it completely,
not just part of it. All of it...those are just the traits or
defects i had that would show itself even in reading something.
through learning to love myself again, after the people love
me long enough or the people stood me up. i had to take
steps or walk or be self supporting. i had to work through
that process of guilt and shame. Just learning to open up
to my therapist was a challenge in itself. Never less it was
an open, even ever so slightly.
I just had one those ahha moments or a piont of clearity.
I ask god..i didn't totally understand god or even beliving
in god. kind of like faking it until i make it. but i was willing
or stay open enough or i was hurting inside.
"take me take all of me"...
then a vioce poped into my head..
" I did already...when in the heck are you going to accept
yourself..all of you"
In other words..i started to accept all of my emotions or
feelings.
I had abandontment issue as a child..so it was a bit confusing.
My alcoholism and codependent is nothing short of self-abandontment.
The word adandonment triggers all kind of emotions in me.
so i denial my feeling...so i would re-act, act out, joke around,
get numb, or people pleasing..anything not to feel that..dose that makesense ?
you know..." with complete abandon, not the half measure",
from a sentence in AA.
I process everything all wacked..especailly with the
word selffish is involved..But i had to read it completely,
not just part of it. All of it...those are just the traits or
defects i had that would show itself even in reading something.
through learning to love myself again, after the people love
me long enough or the people stood me up. i had to take
steps or walk or be self supporting. i had to work through
that process of guilt and shame. Just learning to open up
to my therapist was a challenge in itself. Never less it was
an open, even ever so slightly.
I just had one those ahha moments or a piont of clearity.
I ask god..i didn't totally understand god or even beliving
in god. kind of like faking it until i make it. but i was willing
or stay open enough or i was hurting inside.
"take me take all of me"...
then a vioce poped into my head..
" I did already...when in the heck are you going to accept
yourself..all of you"
In other words..i started to accept all of my emotions or
feelings.
Last edited by SaTiT; 06-19-2007 at 04:19 AM.
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Originally Posted by Sunlight81 
Addictions are caused by self-abandonment
Sorry, but I just don't believe that.
If addiction could be cured just by attending some 5 day program, there would be no alcoholics or addicts.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Also, she put an idea in my head that my drinking at lunchtime could be related to trying to avoid going back to work and that all we needed to do was find out the reason for that.
*rolls eyes at your therapist*
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
hmmmm...i knew this one would get interesting.
i've talked at length with over a dozen alanon friends this week, and been to 3 extra meetings. i've met with my therapist twice, and talked to her on the phone almost daily.
i'm taking ALL the help i can get over here.
i appreciate everyone's posts. this is a great topic.
blessings, k
i've talked at length with over a dozen alanon friends this week, and been to 3 extra meetings. i've met with my therapist twice, and talked to her on the phone almost daily.
i'm taking ALL the help i can get over here.
i appreciate everyone's posts. this is a great topic.
blessings, k
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 84
even AA acknowledges that some people can have a epiphany/spiritual awakening that will remove all desire to drink. It doesn't happen for everyone the same way. I believe it could happen for that man, but I don't believe that it will be that way for everyone.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: long island,ny
Posts: 190
Help comes in many forms.....
hi all.....I see a therapist who works with the DMV....she counsels people who have gotten DUIs and DWIs,and she decides when these people have fulfilled their court ordered classes,meetings,etc.,and when they can get their licenses back.So,she understands alchoholism.I was a closet drinker.....and I am suffering from alot of anxiety issues,i never realized i had,until i got sober...I isolated myself,and self medicated with alchohol....i could not go to a meeting because i suffer from social anxiety...i fear people,especially groups of people,especially people i do not know....So, for me,one on one therapy was my way to go....and i think i am getting better,but i still have along way to go...I say,"do what works for you....whatever way you CAN quit,do it...." just get some help,in any way,shape,or form....KT
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