justjo

I hope someone is reading this! She rang me today and begged for help. She wants to go into rehab again next Monday (as this is the day she can get in) Crying that life is over for her and she cant do this anymore. Only thing she wants me to take her small dog while shes in there. I have a 16 year old dog thats not well and does not take to other dogs. She insists I rearrange my back yard to accommodate her dog which would be ridiculous. Anyhow, she then rang my mum and she said no flat out because she has caused her some grief over the months abusing her and shes the problem shes drinking etc etc. If she was any kind of a mother she would take the dog for at least 3-4 months. I told her other alternatives.
Anyway, how far would you go. Does she have to do this all on her own? Do I look after her house while shes in there, pay her bills? She told me today that it has got that bad that she was selling all her stuff to pay for the booze and she had no money. She couldnt afford food and the dog hadnt eaten either. So much emotional ******** that you want to go and run to her and help but then its like well, do I? Should I? Where do you draw the line when its family?
Ive been told that I only should drive her to rehab if thats where she really wanted to go.

GrouchoTheCat

Hi Jo,

I really don't know what to say, I don't have experience with this as I was the alcoholic, not the family member.

If the dog issue is an impediment to rehab, solve it and get her to rehab.

Maybe offer to board the dog at a kennel for her?

At some point I think the welfare of the animal should be considered, the poor thing really has no idea what is happining. How about a new home...

For your sake I hope she gets it. I can sense your pain from your posts.

Beyond that, I wouldn't help her.

You may want the opinions of the Friends and Family folks.

Tazman53

Well if she is taking care of everything else except her dog, her bills, and her house then as long as it was no money out of my pocket I would do it.

BUT and I do mean a BIG BUT.... she wants you to pay her bills out of your pocket then I would draw the line there. She needs to face all of the ramifications of her drinking, other wise she will put her self into detox every time she needs her bills paid.

I know that sounds cold hearted as hell, but trust me there are plenty of alcoholics that spend years going into detox when the heat in the kitchen gets to hot to where their problems will be taken care of for them and then get out of detox and go right back to drinking because they know the next time they get into trouble the answer is to go into detox get eveything taken care of to where they can drink some more.

She dug the hole, if she provides you the money pay her bills and take care of her dog if you can. Just my opinion, take it for what it is worth.

Peter

I would try and help her out with the dog if I can, but there is a behaviour called "enabling" which I refuse to be a part of.

I know the kind of stories you hear coming from your sister must be breaking your heart but sooner or later alcoholics will have to face the consequences of their drinking.

parentrecovers

don't do for her what she can do for herself - it's about self respect. and boundaries.

blessings, k

justjo

Thanks. I guess its more that this is number 14 rehab and shes going back to one that she has been kicked out of many times. Each time she has gone in, we (me and my mum) have been there for her. Looked after her dogs ,kids , home, garden, bills, taken the kids to doctors , school, friends places and its bloody tiring. Anyway, the kids now have left her some months ago and she had 3 dogs (small chiuahwas, I dont know how to spell) 2 have gone with the kids now and one is with her. My mum has given up on her and wont help now (had enough) and I guess I thought if I took the dog for 3-4 months and looked after her house, she may come home and drink again because she knows someone will be there to do these things. On the other hand I want to support her, she knows I love her but she also knows I wont take her crap anymore. I will listen occasionally, but I think she is more embarrassed now than anything that it has got this far out of control.
I was worried that my old Australian Terrior would attack the small dog while I was at work and it would be outside in the cold during the day.
Hell what a mess, or maybe I am just creating one.

scaryclownguy

My family and friends turned there back on me. They where tired of of suffering thru my pressence, but one friend did make it a point to take care of my dog. Everything else I lost. All that material stuff (houses, cars, etc) didn't mean that much to me anyway, all I cared about was my drinking. I will never be able to properly thank him for taking this dog all I can do is stay clean and sober to show him he did not waste his efforts.

The only way to get and stay clean and/or sober is to surrender.

Surrender does mean that you lose, it simply means that you've joined the winning side.

Chabroso

Chances are the dog is not being properly cared for since she is drinking heavily. I think the best thing would be to put the little one into a kennel. The alternative may be if one of her children will take it. Have you asked them if they would be willing?

As for the rest of the things you mention. No, I would not enable her by doing things for her. Part of getting sober and living sober is taking responsibility for ourselves.
Without having to suffer all the consequences of her drinking it will be difficult for her to stay sober.

marle

First of all, I am the world's biggest dog lover. My AD had a chihuahua which she was too drugged out to take care of properly. That little guy was going through hell and so I took him. Chihuahuas are very sensitive dogs and definitely need to be inside and with someone who can give them a lot of attention. So I would suggest to take the dog to a local shelter if you can't find someone to properly care for him. Then let your sister clean up her own mess. She will never learn until she is forced to do. Hugs, Marle

Sugah

Personally? It may sound a bit willful, but if I was concerned that her behaviors were leaving these animals without food or proper care, I would take the dog while she went to rehab -- and promptly find a no-kill shelter where it might have a chance of finding a good and loving home.

Just my two cents. I have a friend who did that with his daughter's pets, and though she was pissed about it, he says there's nothing he would have done differently.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

justjo

So good to hear you all. I know for some time her 3 dogs were not cared for properly but it seemed she cared more for the dogs than her own children. Sound crazy hey... but when I mentioned taking them away from her she would become violent. I think it is because they dont challenge her or answer her if you know what I mean. Her two teenager children are now living with their dad and have taken 2 of the dogs with them. Their father would only allow 2 not the third - i dont know why but I gather it was too much. It is a very small dog and yes it needs to be inside and it is sensitive. Too sensitive for me I guess. We are all at work during the day and my dog would eat her alive. I would love to take her but I really couldnt bear leaving her inside the house all day on her own or outside for that matter. I spoke to my sister today and she is looking at a half way dog house not far from where she is staying. Would it be ok for me to pay for this? or help out. I love dogs too but I have to be practical and my sister doesnt understand the inconvenience for all, most of all my own dog. He is getting deaf and doesnt tolerate much. I guess she will have to work it out.
Love to you all.

CarolD

The last thing a child or a pet needs
is a drunk parent.

Yes...offer to pay for the kennnel
It may need to be put down due
to neglect.

No paying her bills or anything else.

JMO

Tazman53

Pay only for the dog as Carol suggest IMHO. The dog did nothing to deserve this and has no control over the situation.