chip

Just a quick share from a crazy, but sober, alcoholic..

I have the tendency to "awful-ize" situations that have not happened yet. My natural inclination is to view things in a negative light, and play out the worst case senerio in my head. Often, I get myself really worked up, and things turn out alright. Othertimes, I get "stuck" in past unpleasant experiences, and let it ruin my day.

I really need to live in the present, and live life one day at a time.

Another thing that I do is I get physical anxiety symptoms when something stresses me out. Yesterday, I got an email that made me very angry. I could feel my heart rate increase, and I could feel the blood rush to my face. I let that little email ruin my day, as I "awful-ized" the upcoming confrontation I was planning to have with my boss. My boss did have a valid point, and I think I was mostly angry because she was right.

When I was drinking, at times, I could really fool myself into forgetting about things like this...at least putting them off. The big challenge for me is to deal with things that upset me, as they come up in my life, without running away.

This sobriety thing means there is no where to hide. I'm stuck with me, and I can choose to be un-happy, or try to keep my serenity.

I hope everyone who reads this has a peaceful and serene day.
chip

parentrecovers

from one awful-izer to another - i understand...k

TINLIZZY

I too have to admit to being an awful-i-zer.

My sponsor keeps telling me to "Plan the action, not the outcome." That, and "I have no control over people, places and things; I only control my actions and reactions" have become my new mantras!

Sometimes it works . . .

TinLizzy

Astro

Romance and finance get me every time.

Be gentle, chip.

dystopia

I do that sometimes, although by nature I'm an optimist

It's part of preparing myself for the worst, being a realist

But the funny thing is, even when the worst happens it's never as awful as I've awful-ized

pete

chip

[QUOTE=TINLIZZY;1354581]I too have to admit to being an awful-i-zer.

My sponsor keeps telling me to "Plan the action, not the outcome." That, and "I have no control over people, places and things; I only control my actions and reactions" have become my new mantras!


Your sponsor gives good advice. I think I'll take it today. TinLizzy, my friend, I will borrow these mantras tonight.
peace,
chip

chip

Pete-
Isn't it weird how it doesn't always turn out as bad as we think? For me, I look back and I think "why did I put myself though this mental torture?"
chip

GlassPrisoner

Aw man, do I ever. Or, I did. Not 1/10th as much as I used to.

In really early sobriety, my landlord left a message on my door saying I owed them a few bucks. I went from zero to a homeless drunk (in my mind) in about 30 seconds.

Physical symptoms ? Yeah, gastro intestinal. Really bad abdominal cramps. Again, it hasn't happened for 7 months.

I love sobriety.

Cynay

Guilty as charged.... still work on that one.

and the funny part is I will have an answer worked out for any possible result before Im sure there is even a problem.

parentrecovers

ha! look at all us awful-izers all lined up. to my credit, i've gotten a bit better. it helped so much when i just gave it a name. i am learning to let go of control. that keeps my awful-izing down quite a bit

dystopia

exactly

we create our own reality - we don't control what happens out there and what happens to us, but our reaction to it is ours alone. Whether we decide to stay calm or go down with the screaming horrors - it's our descion

Of course it's not always that easy in practice

Peter

Thanks for your post chip. I can really identify.

I don't do it as often anymore but I still tend to get that way sometimes when I get sick.

I am a very active person and I spend much of my time taking care of my family and the family business so whenever I get laid up I tend to adapt a very negative outlook:

" Why should I be sick. I have no time for this. I took my medication an hour ago, why am I not feeling better. This is going to go on forever"

Then if two whole days pass and I'm not feeling better I start thinking about updating my will .

GrouchoTheCat

awful-izing

What a great way to put it!

I think that is what is ment by "projecting".

Man, can I relate. I don't do it much any more though, thank God.

Ted

Pilgrim

What GP said. I am chronic. I go from a bad email to unemployable in an instant. 12 days though so looking forward to it getting better - unless something awful happens!! Hehe.

PurpleReign

It's funny you should post this Chip...I went to Tenn. over the holiday weekend to visit my pops and think I caught a bug on the plane there or back because I was unloading from both ends for two days. Unfortunately one of those days I happened to be scheduled to ride with my boss, so I was pretty worried about being put on a plan. Well, today I got put on a plan for work, so my drinking mistakes are still haunting me to this day.

Thanks to God, AA, SR, and a good support network of friends this is my seventh day sober and I don't intend to f-it up by drinking the pain of being on a plan away. Oddly enough I had already made plans to stop drinking while visiting my dad over the weekend who, knowing I needed to stop drinking, didin't have a single beer in sight the entire weekend - it actually brought me to tears every night because my dad is an alcoholic (just got off the phone with him and he was slurring his words already) but told me, when I thanked him for not drinking in front of me, "it's not the only sacrifice I've made for you ya know." I said, "Yeah, I know dad...thanks."

So I'm thankful for seven days sober, a father that put away the sauce for two days, my health - having felt like I was going to die a few short days ago from who-knows-what, and the opportunity to save my job.

Thanks for letting me share - I'm off to watch Glenngary Glen Ross and fell better about my job.

Peace,
PR

shemp

thanks for sharing I can totaly relate to what you are saying.

TINLIZZY

Are we all the same??!!??

I've heard in many meetings and outpatient the same character traits over and over again (the good and the bad).

Why?

TinLizzy

KatieMay

It IS the control thing. 'Look at us, all lined up.' I like that. I wrote about the control problem in a note to myself for my own AA notes that I keep logging for myself (I don't have a sponsor yet, but I have the 'little big book' that someone gave me). I'm working on the self-analysis, inventory, and as I think of things, I email myself, to get it all down, whatever comes to mind. The Control Freak thing, I call it. You all are right-- with drinking, I could just 'medicate', as they said in the meeting, when it bothered me, if someone did something I didn't want to deal with or couldn't stand. Now, I can't. I don't deal with lack of control well. I'm sort of hiding out. Not socializing, and realizing I'm going to have to break through this soon. I'm on meds, and may have to get things adjusted. I'll see that doctor soon, though. Definite anger issues that need to be dealt with, and haven't been, seeping in now. And this control thing is bubbling up. Pretty deep stuff, moreso than I thought. Have to go now and relax. Thank you all. You help me so much. Instead of reaching for a bottle, I log in here. All the best, KM.

GlassPrisoner

Because we're alcoholic.

Funny, once you start to listen and pay attention, and the fog lifts with some sobriety, this disease isn't so baffling after all. It all starts to make sense.

Of course, I realize I know only a little.

barb dwyer

"awful-izing" - newest AA catch phrase ... and you saw it happen here !
(I give it a year to see in Grapevine...any takers?)

Love it. Gonna steal that one for sure.
DO it. WEAR it. Can't UNZIP it a lot of the time.