serina

I'm wondering do you tell your co-workers/boss that you are in recovery? I have had 2 jobs since i first got into recovery and on both i have NOT told them about being in recovery. when asked to go out for drinks I just declined and told them i don't drink. i think i must appear to be someone that would be going out for drinks b/c people have always been surprised by this. in my experience that social invitations are 90% of the time to go to happy hour after work. i know i could go and have fruit juice but who wants to sit in a smokey bar and watch others drink when i have given up both?? the result has been that I usually end up befriending the older/and or married crowd that just has lunch together but doesn't go out. I'm single and mid-30's. then there is usually the younger single crowd that hangs out together. it seems almost as soon as i am introduced to someone its "oh great to have you hear, lets get a drink soon". then its like do I say, i don't drink I'm in recovery. i never know how to handle that.

i was just wondering b/c i am interviewing and will hopefully start a new job soon. i'm wonderinng how others have approached this? should I do the same or wait til approached about drinking and casually say, oh no i'm in recovery. or only disclose to those that become friends? i know this is a tricky area since its hard to trust if you want to keep something confidential. i guess i'm just tired of hiding my past and who i am and i've been debating going back to 12 step meetings as well. i know the longer someone gets to know you the harder it is to then tell them about this. that has been my experience. i'm just not sure how it would be received. also i don't know if it makes a difference as to the profession but i will be working for state agencies, non-profit, or a hospital as a human services professional. my degree is social worker.

while being in school I have experienced the same things. invitations to go out to clubs/bars. I think its because I'm single. if I were a married person with kids, id probably get other types of social invitations but because of being single that is what single people do where I live. i've become very lonely and isolated and have the last few months actually tried drinking in moderation with some success when invited to go out (no bingeing, no blackouts, no drinking alone). just 2 drinks then stop. this does feel dangerous to me and I have decided to cut it out. however, with starting a new job i am wondering the best way to approach.

Pick-a-name

Perhaps say something like, "how about a bite to eat" or even "I really don't drink any more but I'd love to do something else....how about a bite to eat (shopping,etc depending on the circumstances) ??? I haven't been in this postition so I'm just guessing.

Good luck at the new job!

serina

also, just wondering do you tell the employer in the interview that you are in recovery? it seems most interviewers ask at the end - is there anything else you would like for us to know about you? i'm wondering if that is something to share before you are hired?

slacker

I don't tell anybody.
The few friends that noticed and asked, I did confirm that "I'm not drinking right now"
I sure as hell wouldn't get onto the subject of substance abuse with a potential employer.

CarolD

I tell everyone because I am proud to be in AA.

serina

Carol - you are so cool. I want the joy and enthusiasm you have!

laurie6781

Like Carol I tell everyone. I am proud to be a sober alcoholic woman and I am very grateful that AA was there to help me learn how to live sober.

My past is my past. Early in recovery, I told potential employers the truth, it explained my lapse in working, lol. Later, I continued to tell them. I wanted everything out in the open and if my being in recovery was going to be a problem for a potential employer, well then I sure didn't want to be working there, lol.

When new co-workers would invite me for 'happy hour' I would thank them, tell them I don't drink and prefer not to spend my time in smokey bars. Somehow, it just didn't seem to matter, made friends anyway, lol.

I guess it boils down to how comfortable one is with one's own sobriety. I personally learned early in sobriety that I was not a bad person trying to be good, I was a sick person trying to get well. That gave me a whole new perspective on my alcoholism and I was able to accept that, thus making it a teeny bit easier to be open about what had happened to me.

I must also tell you that by being open over the years, I have had several come to me asking for help. That just reinforced my feelings of openness.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

serina

Laurie,

I wish I had been like you from the beginning. Then I wouldn't be here today still an emotional mess. I had 5 years without a drink but not much "recovery". just walking around trying to pretend I was all together...didn't need anyone...secretly suffering and lonely....still ashamed of the past and trying to just stuff it. trying to rationalize with myself that I wasn't really an alcoholic but i was just young, immature, lonely, and made bad decisions. now i've been trying to say I'm not really an alcoholic but just depressed. the missing link...a lot of my depression stems from those years of drinking and past mistakes...guilt and shame. was I depressed first and drank too much or vice-versa. i don't know. I always remember feeling restless and like something was missing in my life. in high school even before drinking I felt I HAD to have a boyfriend to fill that space. then in college I found alcohol and used it through my 20's. lately i've still been feeling that finding the right man would fill that void and end my depression. after a couple months of counseling I'm starting to see that doesn't make a lot of sense. not that I don't want a companion still...but I feel I need to be o.k. with who i am and be confident about who I am. I need to be around some women in recovery that I could talk to about my past and work through this.

serina

Laurie and Carol, I wish you two were in my area because you both have a lot of wisdom to share.

GlassPrisoner

I told a few potential employers I was in recovery to explain my gap in empoyment. I didn't get the jobs. It may or may not have been the cause, but everything seemed great up until that point.

If my employer were to flat out ask, I would confess. But it's not something I'm going to bring up ouot of the blue.

fraankie

no
for the first year
do not go to any company socials
don't put yourself in the situation
they don't want to know
it's not their business
and
one may even talk you into "having just one"


best
fraankie

fraankie

no
for the first year
do not go to any company socials
don't put yourself in the situation
they don't want to know
it's not their business
and
one may even talk you into "having just one"


best
fraankie

BP44

I've done it both ways. Because of my profession, after getting out of treatment it was a requirement that my employer know I was in recovery. A number of jobs later, and certainly a different place in recovery, I have found that there are some people that need to know. For instance, if it's asked in an interview or application, I answer honestly. I have found that most co workers don't need to know. My job is just that....a job. I generally do not socialize with co-workers except for organized company social gatherings ie. Christmas Parties etc. No one has ever asked what I was drinking or not drinking. Everyone knows my favorite beverage is coffee. It simply isn't a work related issue. When I first came to AA I went through a phase when I was sort of a poster boy. I wanted everyone to know. Over time I've found that there are some that just don't need to know. If you are still doing some controlled drinking, worrying about what the coworkers think or know is really a moot point. If you're an alcoholic, my experience has been they will find out anyway. The question is will you find out in time? Hope this helps.

Kellye C

Personally I have never mentioned it in an interview and cannot think of any reason why I would. I have been at the same job since I was 3 months sober and 1 month before their Christmas party. I started out in Human Resources and one day a now former employee was pulled behind closed doors for coming to work drunk. I can't really explain what happened but once he walked out to have a drug test I felt like I was being propelled into my manager's office. I went in closed the door and told that I couldn't help but overhear why she had the other person in her office. I then told her that I was a recovering alcoholic and wanted her to know that. I told her that if ever there was someone who she felt would benefit from someone to talk to I would be happy to help any way I could (talk to them, help them find a meeting, possibly go with them to a meeting). I have since moved to another department but there are several people who know (my Sr. Vice President, my boss and my co-workers and a few other people know). The first reaction is shock (they'd never believe I am an alcoholic) followed by lots of support. At first I was pretty ashamed of the fact. As time has gone on it has gotten easier and now it doesn't embarass me at all. It is part of who I am, my past and current experience and is no different than saying I am tall, redheaded, smart, funny etc. Even having said that, I would not say it in a job interview. I would not stand up and make a public pronouncement either. I will share it on a need to know basis (either I think they need to know or I need them to know because I'm traveling with them). I travel quite a bit and as a bit of insurance for myself I always make sure that someone who I'm traveling with knows I am in recovery. Just gives me an extra bit of protection and accountability against the insanity that could come over me.

Anyway, each person has to find their own way but I hope my experience has helped in some small way.

Hugs,
Kellye

BP44

It depends on the profession. Most medical jobs require disclosure. Medical boards and nursing boards monitor those in recovery for a period of time. Most applications in the medical field for employment or staff priveleges will ask " have you been treated for alcoholism or substance abuse in the past ___years?" There are those that will need to know. That doesn't mean that every person you work with in that job needs to know.

barb dwyer

I'm completely open about being in recovery also.

I certainly didn't hide the fact I was a drunk.

laurie - brilliant! That's a great post.

Then again - I have a JOB.
Although I've DONE this work for over 11 years, it's a ... JOB.
Not a 'career' or anything like that.

I told the GM here straight up in my interview what was going on with me, and this place has been amazingly supportive, including letting me sit here all night online with my sober family.
I'd like to think I'm smarter than to ask for more than that.

NASA is not gonna be calling because there's been a problem with the shuttle and I need to 'talk them down', you know? I fairly certain I won't be needed to perform any emergency brain surgeries on anyone's children, either...

But mostly it's because this is the life HP has set for me at this time. And I've committed to this life. I don't want a lot of secret little things skwirming around in my head and heart any more.
That's the stuff that makes me drink.
All that skwirming.

It's like trying to hold a ball underwater in the swimming pool, you know? Ever try to do that? For *me* ... every secret ... every hidden truth ... is another ball. I just can't live that complex any more. I'm too tired. Too old. Too busted up. I say, let 'em float.

Recovery has saved me.
I don't care a thing about everyone knowing it.
Whatever this life turns out to be - it will be because I finally - FINALLY - have let go and let HP do It's work. I'm fairly psyched to see what the Creator has planned for me, in fact....
But I know hiding and avoiding .. isn't a part of what's been planned for me.
Not any more.

Good thread! Thanks!

Lauriejess

Barb Dwyer: This makes a ton of sense to me!!!!!






"It's like trying to hold a ball underwater in the swimming pool, you know? Ever try to do that? For *me* ... every secret ... every hidden truth ... is another ball. I just can't live that complex any more. I'm too tired. Too old. Too busted up. I say, let 'em float."

bye_bye_vodka

Absolutely not! There are some people who you can tell and some you can't. This is a perfect example of who you don't. I told family (because I wanted support), I also told a few close friends.

When I have a few years under my belt I can be more casual about my recovery, but for now it's nobody's business.

Grasshopper

Personally ive never announced that im alcoholic,nor have i kept it a secret.I let go and let God.Whats important is what i bring to the table of my work.Folks who have issues,with either being alcoholic and or living with an alcoholic,at work,have been drawn to me,and i to them.Ive talked with a few about meetings,,sharing es&h.And i dont know if those folks told the management,or not,because ive never been called to the office,or anything.But i dont make announcements.Im neither proud or ashamed im alcoholic,in recovery.What i do know for sure,is that everyone that i meet up with has had issues in their lives,that they have come through.No one has an easy life.So i blend,and let God decide,who needs to know what about me,if at all.

ru4outoo

I have been up front with my employers about my recovery, and I believe they were glad that I was upfront with them.