mrhodes01

Hey everyone.

I'm ashamed to say I'm back and in need of some help. I've gone on another big four-day bender, in Las Vegas, and I'm now back in San Francisco and weighing my options. I've been drinking inconsistently, generally being functional but unable to function properly (I know y'all understand what I'm saying)

Long story short, I've completely lost my fiance, who is now at a wedding on the east coast, and I'm supposed to be there with her. I basically blew it off because I missed a big work meeting in Las Vegas on Thursday because I drank all night and figured the best decision was to continue drinking.

I want help. I really do. But my ex-fiance is leaving for the summer, and she's not coming back in all likelihood. This gives me a great excuse and a great amount of time to drink. I've been "looking forward" to drinking alone all summer, and I have to get that thought out of my mind and get into treatment immediately.

But treatment is a hassle. I want to go to work everyday because I love my job and it pays well. My boss seems OK with what happened because I was honest, if nothing else (she knows I drank and that's why I missed the meeting).

I am stuck in the gloaming. I always want one more bender. One last time to remember how miserable I can make myself. I watch "Intervention" on A&E and see that every junkie gets one last go at it, and that show actually makes me want to drink more, even thought I cry every time I watch it.

Basically, I want this all to end, but I'm not very willing to take the obvious first step. I know a lot of you out there have been here, so I'm looking for some tips to convincing myself to get into a program and get on with my life.

Please help--I'm terribly depressed to be back in this position and looking for the right way out.

Thanks!

barb dwyer

hi mrhodes -

welcome.

ummm ... I don't really know how to address your post. There's a decision to be made here, and I can't make it for you.

Nothing can begin OR end wthout the taking of a first step. That I know of.

It's kind of a long read, but might I recommend a thread of mine from last week called 'There I was in bed'... maybe give an idea of what you can look forward to if you don't make a decision?

Stick around - others will be along shortly, I'm sure.

Dee74

Kinda agree with Barb...

there's all the advice and support anyone could want out there, but you've gotta be committed to taking that first step IMO...There's kinda no 'half measures' if you'll pardon the pun...

but there's nothing wrong with continuing to visit and/or post here while you make up your mind !

D

GlassPrisoner

Makes sense to me. But look where it got me.

Yeah, it could be your last. If you get my drift.

Well, if I could fast forward you ten years, where your waking up reaching for a bottle, getting the dry heaves when you don't drink for 2 hours, losing your home & wife & stuff, you'd be a little more willing. Maybe that's what it will take.

Spiritual Seeker

You say treatment is a hassle...what about the mess you're makin' of your life? You legally have the right to take 3 mos. time off of work with your job guaranteed. You are seeking answers here but it sounds like you know what the answer is. Just take your own advice and do what ya need to do. They say the 1st step should be shut up and get in the car...what are ya waitin for? Good luck

CarolD

Glad to see you once more...

Here is a link full of info from the book that convinced me.
I have not had a drink since I read it.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

I do hope you will also find this true ..